Disclaimer; Again if I owned would I write fanfiction?

Warning this story hints forced/non-consent sex and should not be read be anyone under eighteen. Please don't read if it will traumatise or upset you. No Flames!

Rated; M

Pairings; Hermione & Snape suggested (non-consent), Ron & Lavender as a side couple.

This is a continuation of 'What I Did'.

Why I Changed

I sat in the common room, staring at the dwindling embers of the fire. As it got later and later into the evening my classmates had left, laughter and happiness fading in their wake. No one had even looked back to see whether I was still with them, not even Ron or Harry.

At time like this, I wish I had girlfriends I could talk too, or at least try and talk too. Every time I tried to tell anyone, the words died on my lips and memories overwhelmed me. Ron was too much of a guy to ever get what I was talking about without my having to explain it explicitly and Harry… Harry was having enough trouble with holding the world on his shoulders, doing well at school and suppressing his nightmares, he didn't need my troubles as well.

No I knew I never could explain to either of them what had changed, why I had changed. I couldn't even admit it to myself, how in the world would I ever be able to tell anyone?

As a clock chimed off I realised it was now one in the morning. Closing the book I'd been pretending to read, I silently headed up to my bed and closed the curtains. Grasping my wand, I soundlessly renewed my keep out spell and conjured a dreamless sleep potion from sick bay.

Gagging I choked it down with a glass of water and slipped between the sheets, my wand under the pillow. Trying not to cry I turned on my stomach; wrapping my arms around my body and twisted my legs together in an effort to feel safer. After what seemed like hours, the dreamless sleep finally kicked in and my mind fell into a dark heavy abyss.

In the early morning I woke with a start, my heart hammering and body shaky. I had sworn some had been in my bed with me. Desperately I tried to think logically, finally remembering where my wand was, and using it to check the strength of my spell. It was still intact. My shoulders shagged with relief as I heard the other girls in my dorm start to get up. 'I was ok, nothing had happened, it was just a nightmare I had when the potion had worn off. I was ok, I was ok, it was all just a nightmare.' I softly repeated to myself.

Struggling to wipe my face free of emotions and tears before anyone else saw me; I got up and headed towards the showers. Turning the tap on to full blast, I tried to drown out Lavender boasting about what she and Ron had been doing in his room last night. It was no use. Through the water I could clearly hear her sexual recount, and the ten minute giggling session that followed.

Frowning I turned up the water pressure even more, the jet hot water whipping across my back. As I scrubbed harder into my skin, I wished I could feel clean again. But no, instead I felt used and dirty. Before I could control it I started to cry, tears that felt ice cold compared to the scaling hot water. After a few minutes of this I pulled myself together, promising this was the last I'd cry today.

Feeling cold again I quickly got dressed, hoping no one glimpsed the massive bruise on my shoulder and upper back. It hadn't faded yet and with everything I'd been heaped on top of me, I hadn't had time to research how to magically remove it. Sighing almost bitterly I headed down to the great hall and pretended I was fine, managing to happy chat with Harry and tease Ron about Lavender over breakfast. Fixing a fake smile on my face, I headed to my first class, thanking my lucky stars it wasn't potions.

If you've read this far, I don't really expect a review.