What the Sith!

Arc 1 Korriban

Chapter 1 I'm a What?

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When Jay first woke up, the first thing that he noticed was his head aching and darkness. The darkness was typical as anything related to sleep had to be attributed to the darkness and Jay could never sleep with the lights on. The pain however, was a bit harder to remember as the pangs of his hangover rolled over his mind, forcing him to cringe in pain.

'Oh balls,' He thought, 'the hell did I do last night?'

When he opened his eyes, Jay watched his blurred vision do nothing but confuse him. A dark red tone filled his view, forcing Jay closed his eyes again to relief himself. Almost immediately memories started to flow. Memories of alcohol consumption and the satisfaction of a violent punch gave him an idea of what had occurred, but they were quickly replaced with the drilling pain of loud noises.

'Ahhh, oh not the sounds. Oh crap oooooh crap.'

As he haziness started to leave Jay's eyes, the raven hair teen felt whatever he was sitting on jolt. With that bump, he felt himself bounce up on his seat and smack face first into the ground.

Jay had fully expected himself to be in his friend's comforting living room surrounded by random beer bottles and fellow nauseous patrons. What he instead first found was the metallic floor. His skin felt the cold touch of metal cool his very form. Jay's brown eyes darted left and right, following the all-encompassing gun metal grey all around the room.

Gone was the soft carpet floor and the beige wall and in its place was a sci-fi environment that appealed to his senses. The floor was metal, the door (was it a door?) was metal, the ceiling was metal, even the furniture was metal.

'What drug induced shit am I in?'

The only light that he could see was an elongated dimmed lamp that covered the room. Dark red emanated from the light source, annoying Jay. He was just about to get up to do something about the light when he heard someone else.

"Acolyte!"

The lights exploded out of the lamp stunning Jay for a second.

"OH GOD, MY EYES."

The light had blinded him for a bit and, in futility, Jay ended up rubbing his eyes. He jerked up and frantically looked in the direction of the voice and eyed an intercom.

"We are approaching the Sith Academy in five minutes," said a professional sounding male. "Please be ready"

Jay scrambled off the ground. 'Wait, da FAQ?!' he thought. 'WHAT THE . . . SITH?!'

"Uh, hello? E-ex-excuse me? YO, DUDE! YOU THERE? HELLOOOOOOOOO" Jay shouted out, failing to realize that the intercom went only one way.

'Did he really say Sith? Like STAR WARS Sith?'

With the room lit up he could finally see the various technological gizmos and gadgets that had been hidden from him in the darkness. His mouth began to water as he eyed the holographic projector as it produced a spinning symbol. Looking down, he finally noticed his clothes had now transformed into a bizarre skin tight suit with mechanical parts all over it. He wasn't pleased.

'A gay skin tight outfit,' He thought as he observed the bizarre clothing. "Lovely," Jay commented sarcastically.

He wasn't home, he had been taken . . . somewhere.

'Somewhere with a lot of star wars crap,' He thought smiling to himself.

All of a sudden, Jay could feel the small indentation of a square object. He was surprised, one for the fact that his uncomfortable skin tight suit even had pockets and two for failing to realize that he even had something on him.

When he pulled the item out of his pocket, Jay recognized the rectangular mass as his smart phone. A little smile formed over his face when he also found his charger sticking out of its side.

'Awww Yeaa, never leaving this thing behind ever.'

The phone, thankfully for Jay, turned on and worked as it normally did (another thing he could thank whatever deity that was watching over him). He flipped through the pictures he had taken the night before, some of them forcing a smile while others giving a more embarrassed reaction.

"Getting rid of that one," he said as he erased a particularly inappropriate photo.

Eventually the long line of pictures ended, leaving only a somewhat happier Jay. Naturally, he moved his attention to his video list. He was somewhat relieved to find the movies, ones that he had downloaded over the internet, intact.

Almost immediately after the went through his pohone, the metal door (or what he thought was a door) resonated with a few powerful knocks.

"Hello?" the voice had a female tone with a hint of British.

Jay paused, remembering where he was. 'Oh yea,' He remembered smacking his head, 'Forgot about the whole Star Wars crap.' Jay scrambled to put his phone in the pocket he had found.

"Acolyte Valus, we have arrived. Have you gotten dressed?"

Jay frowned and looked down at his attire. "Dressed" was a relative term.

"I . . . guess?"

"Good," said the female as the door slid open with a firm *Shhhhhhpttt*. A woman in a black helmet walked into the room. The helmet covered her eyes quite effectively and the rest of her attire fit the color scheme of her dull uniform; grey, black, and dark grey. "Shall we leave then sir?"

Jay scanned her with his eyes. A quick check, even with his slightly dulled senses from his hangover, revealed to him that she was jittery. Clenched fists, Cleared throat, tense muscles- all clear signs of for nervousness.

'But why?'

"Um, is something wrong," Jay questioned with a raised eyebrow.

She snapped to attention startling Jay, "Nothing at all, sir."

"No seriously," Jay said as he crossed his arms, "Was it something I said?"

"Not at all sir. It's just an honor to have someone like you on this ship," she cheerfully squeaked, "To have gotten into the Sith academy so early has been unheard of."

Jay's eyes widened at the last comment. Did he hear right? SITH academy?

'Wait? I'm a Sith?'

"Haj-ima-what-da-faa?"

"Bless you,"

Jay shook his head, "Oh, sorry. Um, can you repeat what you just said?"

She snapped quickly to attention, "It is an honor to have you here, sir."

"No, no. The part after that one."

"You mean the part about you going through the Sith ranks?"

'What the hell, Sith? Really?' Jay thought to himself in confusion.

The term Sith stuck out in his mind at that moment. He had watched the Star Wars movies a number of times. The first trilogy he honored as one of the best sci-fi operas of all time. The second trilogy was a pile of garbage with a penchant for, admittedly, mildly cool action scenes.

Sith was used to describe the "bad guys" in Star Wars, but, because he was a nerd, he knew well enough that the Sith were actually more like dark Jedi or, as he like to refer to them, awesome lightsaber carrying bad asses that shot lightning out of their hands.

Hell, that was why when he played the Star Wars PC game: Knights of the Old Republic, he had made his Darth Revan a total evil baller. Force choke and lightning were perhaps the most awesome things they had in the game.

"So wait," he asked, "We're going to a Sith academy."

"No, not any Sith training ground, sir. This is THE Sith academy. Once you go in there, you'll be on your path to becoming a Sith in no time, sir."

Jay raised his hands "Wait, before I get ahead of myself, do you mean Sith as in force wielding badasses with the lightsabers right?"

The woman looked at the teen in confusion, "Not quite how I would put it but, yes, yes I do sir. Is there any other type of Sith?"

"Don't think too much on that," Jay smiled. "Next question, what's with the 'sir' thing?"

"Ah," she spoke out taking Jay out of his thoughts, "Surprised that us common soldiers would recognize you, sir?"

Jay gave a blank stare but shrugged, "Um, ok?"

She smiled in response, "Well, ever since you caused a stir back in Ziost, almost all the other officers stationed there have been saying how you single handedly saved all those acolytes and imperial soldiers from a dozen Reptavians."

Jay looked at the female soldier, slightly confused, "Um, yeaaaaaa. Totally."

'What the crap is she talking about?' he thought, 'What's a Ziost? Hell, what the balls is a Reptavian. I thought I was dreaming about Star Wars not spitting out random crap.'

"Honestly, sir, most wouldn't lift a finger to help another Sith, yet you put yourself in the line of fire to save, not only Sith but also us imperials. You are truly an Imperial hero."

Jay nodded his head, while rubbing the back of it. Sith were mostly renowned as the biggest backstabbing bitches anywhere. Their entire government revolved around moving up in the world. Any selfless act from a Sith would surprise anyone.

"Thanks . . ." Jay responded nervously. "I was just doing my thing you know."

"No doubt about it, sir. Now then," she pulled herself back out the door. "Shall we get moving on then?"

"In a bit, I just wanna get something."

She nodded and left the room. The door sealed behind her as he paced around the room.

'Ok then,' he thought, 'I'm a Sith Acolyte with a penchant for saving people. I've got the knowledge of a super nerd at my fingertips, an archive of memes, videos, and music to support me, and a universe to play around as a super awesome Sith dude.'

Jay flipped through his song list on his phone and played the Imperial March. The loud roars of epicness boomed in his ears as he grinned confidently.

'Let's get started.'

Sorry for the short chapter

It was really hard to start this fic up mostly because of how I built Jay up. I really want him to be able to reference stuff from other works of fiction and stuff. I hope to make a very light hearted Sith Warrior

Now that I don't have to worry about Jay's acceptance, I can start to write much faster.

Anyways please read and review