Chapter Two

I cast my eyes over the contract, You will assist me in any way I need be it sexually or culinary, you will always trim your clout, You will wash and iron all of my clothes, You must never get pregnant, You will entertain all my female friends even though I know you don't like it.

''Oh Christopher'' I cry, ''can I do this?'' my inner goddess is screaming at me ''do it, do it!'' but there's more..

I need you to be a chef in the kitchen, a hooker in the bedroom and not to long in the bathroom. I think for a second carefully caressing my marigolds. Could I do this? Is this what excites him? I twang my glove against my tear stained cheek…that bloody hurt!…oh yes, that's what he likes.

I decided to let him sweat for a while before I sign. Over dinner of fish fingers and chips he very romantically suggests I need new clothes. ''I know the place'' he says, pulling me by the hand to the spiral staircase (nine flights up might I add!) He blindfold's me as a surprise, I've no idea where I'm going then I hear it. ''GET YOUR TOPS TWO FOR A TENNER, SKIRTS ANALL, GET YER TOPS'' oh my! I'm on Doncaster market. I couldn't believe it, there's even a Primark next door. Oh my jeez, just how much money does this guy make at McDonalds? I am a lucky girl, I know he's in charge of the griddle but f**k me!

I hugged him with thanks and stared at this glorious being walk down the high street leaving me to carry my bags. I notice he's deep in conversation on his LG chocolate. 'hmmmm, who could that be?'' my inner goddess snarls.

All this is to much, I needed time to think. I know I've been swept off my feet, treated like a lady by this gorgeous man, short pasty looking and well, a little bit handsome. My inner goddess has taken the day off just when I need her the most. Typical!

''I'd like to spend some time with my friends tonight'' I quipped as he wiped the latte moustache from his lips. ''Without me?'' he answered, ''yes without you'' I replied, I knew I had to stand my ground with this one. He stirred a fourth sugar lump into his coffee. ''I just need time to think Christopher, this is all so sudden, it's been a whirlwind and I love it but I need time.'' He let go of the spoon in the mug and it stood up all on it's own. I honestly thought he had magical powers. ''Ok you go, have fun'' he said, so that's what I did.

My mates and I hung out at flares, we danced all night and got a bit poorly on the pavement outside. My head was spinning from all the cheeky vimto's spiked with vodka and my heels from the market had snapped. ''Oh no! he's going to be so mad, he spent his giro on these ''I cried.

I looked up in my dazed state and he was there with a ticket for the night bus and a big mac. ''Oh my Christopher. I gathered all my belongings off the floor, the tampon had rolled away but that didn't matter I was going to be with my lover.

We got the lift (not doing those stairs again) I flicked the lettuce from my hair and the relish from my lips. I was going to be phenomenal.

He guided me with a shaky smack head hand to the shower. ''I want you here and now'' he said. Pulling down my greasy hair I peeked through my lashes at his wonderful shower room, a cubicle only big enough for your arm and tiles grouted in mould and mildew. ''wow'' I thought, life couldn't get much better than this.

I drank in his wonderous smell, or would that be the floater he'd left in the toilet this afternoon? I let myself go, fall apart beneath him, oh no wrong again!. That would be me stumbling through the holes in his floor boards. ''Shit'' I screamed as the lights dimmed around me and I fell into unconsciousness'.

I awoke the next day with a strange feeling around my ankles. My legs felt heavy and weighted. With the sun blazing down on my face I come around and see I have a ball and chain around my leg and I'm shackled to the kitchen sink. ''What is this?'' I cry..''you cant do this Christopher, I havent signed the contract yet!'' He pursed his lips then smiled, ''Come, we will discuss this over dinner, I want you first though.'' he said.

He took the padlocks off my legs and we went to our favourite place, wetherspooons. I ordered a fish bowl, Christopher ordered a pint of lager. ''So what parts of the contract aren't you happy with?'' he asked, ''well'' I began sternly, ''if you think I'm cleaning that bathroom sink, you can get squashed!''