Disclaimer: As much as I'd love to say I own a piece of Edward or any Cullen for that matter, I can only dream. All characters and everything else belong to Stephenie Meyer. May our fan stories inspire her to finish Midnight Sun!
A shout out to sillybella, whose story "Attention, WalMart Shoppers" was the inspiration for this tale. There will be homage paid in a future chapter. (wink wink!)
Premise – we all know how much grief poor Edward gets for being the virgin of the Cullen household. What would happen if Rosalie & Alice gave the same sort of treatment to Bella? Set at the beginning of Breaking Dawn.
Chapter 2 – Role-play
I dragged my feet as they led me upstairs and into Edward's room. Again, the three of us hopped up on his bed, sitting in a small circle facing one another. I pulled my knees to my chest, trying to hide.
"So, let's talk" Alice began. The words were extremely ominous. This was how the whole lingerie discussion had begun, and I couldn't dream of what could possibly be left to talk about.
"Your first night as husband and wife..."Alice began. This time I could taste bile in my mouth. Apparently the extremely candid discussions about my sex life were never going to stop. She continued, "…can be a little awkward. Especially since both of you are virgins." I gagged back the urge to loose my lunch and stared at Alice and Rosalie in horror.
"I mean I'm sure you'll figure everything out." I couldn't tell if Alice was referring to my reaction or not.
"Well Bella might – I'm not so sure about Edward," Rosalie sniffed. Alice elbowed her again, but Rosalie continued. "Between waiting for someone for eighty-some years and listening in to the rest of us go at it for almost as long, he's bound to freak out and quite possibly have performance issues."
I swore the room started spinning. My face continued to burn as my mind raced with the thought of possible roads this discussion was leading down. I actually began to will myself to faint so I wouldn't have to endure anymore of Alice and Rosalie's torture. Unfortunately, it didn't work.
Alice punched Rosalie in the side, giving her a dirty look.
"Alice, quit hitting me!" Rosalie hissed.
"You're not helping!" Alice hissed back, glaring hatefully at her. "Now quit with the snide comments. You're worse then Emmett!"
"Ha, you think so? Why don't I call and have him join us? Then I'll show you what snide really is."
Alice simmered angrily as she stared down Rosalie. "If you even think of calling him, I will tell Edward everything you said!" she threatened loudly.
"And you don't think you'll be in as much trouble as me?" Rosalie retorted, rolling her eyes at Alice. I was thankful their attention was on something other then me for the moment, but my luck ran out as my bickering sisters suddenly turned back towards me.
"We're sorry Bella. Let's get back to the task at hand." Alice leaned over to embrace me in a hug, kissing me on the cheek. "You know how Rose is. Let's make sure you and Edward prove her wrong – sooner then later!" she whispered in my ear.
My jaw dropped in shock again, as Rosalie watched me closely. I'm sure she heard Alice, but thankfully didn't reply with a degrading comeback about my innocence or Edward's lack of experience.
"Okay then, let's do some role-playing. Rose, since you're the tallest, you can be Edward," directed Alice, as she returned to her sitting position across from me.
"That won't be hard," Rosalie muttered. I waited for Alice to hit her again.
"Bella, you be – Bella! I'll coach," Alice said much too seriously.
I groaned as the room started to spin again. "No!" I protested weakly, as my stomach threatened to turn itself inside-out. The world "role-play", used in this conversation, while on Edward's bed was as much as I could handle. Maybe if I suddenly threw myself off the bed, I'd manage to break an arm or another leg or crack my head open well enough to escape any further torture.
"Oh no you don't!" Alice grabbed my arm tightly as I started to shift my weight. Darn – she was too fast and saw my plan. Obviously I would have hurt myself if she was restraining me so roughly. I sighed loudly and tried to pull my arm away. After searching my future for any further escape and injury attempts, she let me go.
"Will you cooperate if I pretend to be you?" Alice asked, her voice saccharin-sweet. "You can just watch and take notes." She giggled quietly.
"Fine," I surrendered. My embarrassment and horror were ebbed slightly by the thought of watching Rosalie and Alice pretending to be me and Edward. Though I was positive I'd still be mortified, if I focused really hard, I was hopeful that I could find something funny in it all. Maybe I could even use it to my advantage once the boys were back.
I climbed off of Edward's bed and slumped onto his couch. Alice began directing Rosalie, instructing her to lay a certain way while she hopped off the bed. Then Alice sprang at an inhuman speed towards Rosalie, landing on top of her and appearing to be biting her neck.
I stifled a laugh. "Alice, first off I can't move as fast as you. Second, I'd chip a tooth if I tried to bite him like that."
"Work with me Bella. I'm simply demonstrating ideas – you get to improvise however you wish," she clucked as she turned to look at me, still straddling Rosalie on the bed. "If you prefer, we could move onto more detailed displays of affection."
"No!" I blurted. Although Alice's suggestion could potentially lead to even funnier acts, I wasn't so sure the humor wouldn't somehow be directed back to me. It was safer to stay on the current path, and I prayed it wouldn't get any more graphic.
"Okay. Now pay attention – no more joking around. This is serious stuff!" Again I had to hold in the urge to laugh at Alice. The whole situation was quickly getting sillier and sillier.
Alice climbed off Rosalie, instructing her so quickly that I couldn't understand what was next. Alice stayed on the bed, sitting back on her heels while Rosalie left the bed to stand by the door.
"Oh Bella, I've been waiting for this moment my entire, dismal life." Rosalie impersonated Edward surprisingly well, but she couldn't mask the humor in her words. This time the giggle escaped my lips, and I swore I saw Rosalie attempting to hide a smile too. "You look so hot in that outfit. Did you borrow it from Rosalie?" I giggled harder, and Rosalie coughed away a laugh.
"Rose! Knock it off!" Apparently Alice wasn't about to let her lesson stray from serious quite yet. "You too Bella! Or I'll make you come up here instead of me!"
I covered my mouth to muffle the laughing and gave Alice my best attempt at an apologetic look. Surprisingly, she bought it.
"Edward, we can finally be together forever," Alice swooned at Rosalie, but watched me out of the corner of her eye. "Why don't you come join me on this nice, big bed."
"So you can finally make a man out of me?" Rosalie laughed at her own joke, and I lost my composure again. I knew I shouldn't be laughing, especially if the boys could see us now. But I couldn't help it.
Rosalie sauntered over to the bed, over-exaggerating every movement. Alice's eyes narrowed in annoyance. She grabbed Rosalie by the shirt and threw her on the bed.
"Not funny Rose! You're supposed to be trying to help Bella, not make her laugh!" Alice still had Rosalie by the shirt as she began shaking her. Rosalie continued to giggle, and I heard the sound of fabric ripping.
"You know Alice, you're giving me some great ideas now. If I was theoretically able to throw Edward with that much grace onto the bed and then rip his shirt off, I won't need your help." I grinned at my sudden boost of self-confidence and lack of embarrassment. The hilarity of the whole situation was quickly spiraling out of control.
"He'd be putty in your hands, especially if you get all rough with him like this," Rosalie choked out between giggles. Alice continued to shake her, but her anger seemed to be dissipating quickly.
"I sure hope the boys don't come back early. If they catch you two like that..." I paused, thinking of what the worst possible thing that could happen would be. A light bulb went off in my head as I continued. "…well, if Jasper and Emmett catch you like that, you might give them some very wild ideas, if you know what I mean. And if Edward catches you, I'm sure he'll tell them, then tease you about it every chance he gets. Either way, the talk of the next few days won't be about boring ole Edward and Bella!"
Alice and Rosalie froze, then quickly pulled away from one another, fleeing to opposite ends of the room, their eyes wild.
"You don't think he's been listening in, do you?" whispered Rosalie.
Alice's eyes went vacant for a split second. Then she smiled. "Nope, we're still safe! As long as Bella can stay quiet," she gave me a long, serious look.
"I'll stay quiet if you stop with the role-playing and the rest of the sex talk." I bargained.
Alice ran over and hugged me again. "It's a deal. How about we watch a movie?"
I'm still looking for betas if anyone's interested! Please be kind enough to leave a review – good or bad! Reviews will help shape future chapters (and trust me, things only go downhill from here...)