The bed was too soft. The sheets were too stiff. I had never been in a hospital bed before… I can't say that I liked it.
I didn't open my eyes, there was no need, Danzo-sama had taught us to sense our surroundings before giving away anything. They bed I was lying on was the only one in the room, a couple of chairs were placed around. There was a window… possible escape route… except I wasn't alone.
My eyes shot open in surprise, finding the shadow in the corner of the room that as darker than it should be… we were taught better than that. I choked on air, my dry throat finally making itself known as I desperately tried to speak. I was so tired, everything was numb and bland, but I needed… I needed her.
My hand lifted from the bed, shaking and weak, reaching, grasping… hoping… Amaya…
The shadow disappeared when a loud beeping noise started going off. I had no doubt it was due to my movement. My hand fell back to the bed, I no longer had the willpower to lift it.
Only a minute passed when the door opened letting in a med-nin, brown hair tied behind her head in a bun, glasses almost falling off the tip of her nose. She rushed forward prodding me with gentle fingers and a sweep of diagnostic jutsu.
I didn't try to speak, I learned that lesson the first time. The med-nin bustled around, poking and tugging on bandages, pushing up her glasses multiple times. She looked focused, maybe that's why she was so surprised when she met my open eyes for the first time.
"Oh my." Her hand flew to her chest, a motion of shock. I cataloged it for future use, to display shock place a hand over one's chest. "Are you awake?" Maybe she had a lot of unconscious people that kept their eyes open, I gave a small nod, about the only bit of motion I felt up to trying, and then closed my eyes when the room swirled in response. It didn't help. She placed a hand on my head in response. I wasn't sure what she was checking for, but it was so warm and soft, small callouses to indicate working hands, I didn't try to swipe it off not that I would have been able to. "I'll go get someone to help explain, but first…"
She tilted open my mouth and grabbed a cup of ice from nearby to place some on my tongue. My tongue… did it always feel this strange? Something was different about it. I allowed the ice to melt, it was very doubtful that she would try to poison me now before I was questioned again. I allowed the weight of sleep to pull down my eyelids when she exited the room.
The hospital was large, and busy from what I could feel of the moving chakra signatures. Konoha General Hospital must have been where they took me. I couldn't move, there were obviously alarms attached to me somehow. Maybe I could detach them somehow, but then what?
The question pounded through my head, drowning out all others. I could no longer be what I was… Amaya… she didn't need me anymore. She… she must have come to say goodbye and I… I betrayed her. Her and Danzo-sama… I… I should have died… why didn't I just die?
Amaya should have just… she shouldn't have tried to be kind… I didn't deserve it then and I deserve much worse now.
My hand twitched, itching for a blade. I could end it now, make it easy for them… for her… she wouldn't have to see her failure anymore. My hand stilled, stopped. The blackness was calling me back, begging to swallow me whole, but… but…
My eyes opened to find the window. They would never have put a prisoner in a room with a window, even if I couldn't move. I would be watched by ANBU instead of occasionally checked on by an overworked med-nin. It was bright outside, blue sky and white clouds, there were some trees dotting the hospital courtyard that I could see from my position on the bed.
I forced my eyes back to the white tiled ceiling, I didn't merit the sky.
I'm not sure how long I sat there looking at the ceiling, I doubt it was more than thirty minutes before the door opened again. The same med-nin, this time followed by a worn down looking Hokage and another harried med-nin.
"Sir, you really shouldn't come here, someone else can handle this." The harried med-nin had shoulder length black hair with a band that pushed her bangs out of her eyes.
"Thank You, Shizune-san, but I have done the same for all the others, I will not treat her any different. You don't need to worry, she can't do any harm as she is." I wanted to nod, to reassure her somehow, I was already too much of a failure to attempt any more harm, Danzo-sama would have killed me himself if he knew… I hoped he found me soon.
I couldn't tell what it was, but Hokage-sama looked duller than the last time I saw him. His eyes were darker and his hair less bright, like the sun shielded by a dark cloud. I didn't like it.
Shizune took one last look at the Hokage and shook her head. She glared at me once before leaving the room. I fixed my gaze back on the ceiling… the shadows were different now from before. I doubt that his ANBU guard liked the Hokage being here either.
"SD34." The breeze was soft, gentle, coaxing my gaze to him. The Hokage rubbed his hand over his eyes and rested his elbows on his knees, staring me in the eyes. "Danzo is dead."
The world seemed to stop for a second. I couldn't tell you what happened in the few seconds that followed his declaration.
I felt like my anchors had been cut, free and heavy at once. Like I could go anywhere except I couldn't move… what was I supposed to do now?
Useless, completely useless… there was no point to a tool that belonged to no one… to a tool that betrayed its owner. I had dishonored myself and Danzo-sama…
I came back to myself when a warm hand wiped my cheek. I couldn't tell you why they were wet, but I… I didn't want the hand to leave. I closed my eyes and leaned into the hand what little I could. Maybe he would be kind, put me out of my misery.
"Please…" My voice croaked and cracked, unused and sore and dry. I would beg… I would beg if that's what he required… I would do anything as long as he would grant my wish. "Please… kill me…"
The hand on my cheek stilled.
His other hand hand rested on my right cheek turning my head gently to look at Hokage-sama. His eyes were darker than I had ever seen them, a storm on the horizon.
"No." His voice was still, the calm before the storm. "I am your Hokage. You belong to Konoha and I will not allow such a waste of resources from my corps. Do you understand?" No, I didn't understand. I was no resource, I was a virus, a parasite… a tool that couldn't follow orders right… who didn't even die properly. "I don't give you permission to die." An order, simple and concise, easy to follow… yet... the worst I have ever received.
"Yes, Hokage-sama." Maybe… maybe I could do better for him than for Danzo-sama… maybe he would find a use for me... maybe if I were good enough he would grant me my reward. Danzo-sama thought I was good enough to graduate, but I wasn't as good as Amaya, she would be of greater use than me.
"SD34. Do you remember your name?" The breeze was back, and the storm receded from his eyes. His hands left my cheeks, one staying to lay on hand head. When I had been guarding him I had once noticed him doing the same to his son to get him to go to sleep. I had cataloged it as a gesture of comfort… I increased the effectiveness rating I had previously assigned to it.
"I am nobody." The words were a familiar comfort, a mantra I knew well. Hokage-sama didn't seem as comforted by the words as I was.
"I understand. I will call you by your assignation until you get a new one then." I nodded, I was to be assigned a new title, understandable to remove any connection to Danzo-sama, a clean slate for my new station. He was kind to grant me a mask to veil my former failure, but I would not forget. "Danzo was captured in a joint mission between ANBU and the Uchiha corps. We were able to find his remaining outposts with help from Inoichi. Your fellow ROOT agents have all been checked by the hospital and reassigned. You are the last remaining. There were a few complications with your injuries after you gave us that warning." His hand petted my hair and I wanted to fall asleep just like I had seen his son do all those months ago. "Thank you for that by the way. It prevented a great tragedy and a great loss to the village. There are many who owe their lives to you."
I didn't understand, not really. I failed Danzo-sama… there were no rewards for disobedience. Hokage-sama seemed to understand my confusion, he nodded at me. "The seal paralyzed you before we could attempt to wake you, which was very dangerous in combination with the stab you had received earlier that hadn't healed fully. It was decided to place you in a healing coma until it was safe enough to wake you. The seal that was placed on your tongue is gone now it disappeared from all of you once he died." He paused and took a breath. "You have been out for two months." I nodded, I would have to train harder to get back to top shape then.
"Understood, Hokage-sama." He eyes were brighter than they had been at the start of the meeting... maybe it was something I did?
"You will have to stay in bed for the next few days while the medics make sure you aren't going to collapse again. After that you will be assigned a handler, he'll look after you. Make sure you follow his orders like you would my own." I nodded again in understanding, Danzo-sama had given us handlers before for missions. I would never disobey and order again.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. Why did he sit with me, hand still petting my hand? I didn't question him, it wasn't my place.
"SD34, you knew Amaya-chan didn't you?" I tried not react to the name of the one person I trusted. I wouldn't betray her trust, not any more than I already had. I had… I said her name in interrogation that must be why he knew it. I couldn't lie to him… couldn't fail so soon, but I couldn't… she didn't want anything to do with me… of course she didn't, I was a traitor. "She is with her family now, the Uchiha's have accepted her as one of their own. I believe she is living with the head's family, you might know their older son Itachi."
Of course I knew them. There were ROOT agents watching the Uchiha compound at all times, Amaya and I were on the patrol several times. She… she would be fine there. Itachi was one of the strongest in the village, nothing would happen to her there… unless he was the one to cause it, but… no… Hokage-sama said they worked with the village to take down Danzo-sama. She would be fine… she would be with family… far better family than me. I would miss her warmth though, it was always easier to sleep when she was nearby. The rooms were very cold and empty when you were alone. She had a better protector now though… and I didn't deserve her anyway.
I'm not sure when I noticed the wetness reappear on my face, probably when the Hokage's hand wiped them it again. Danzo-sama would have never stood for that weakness, there was no point to being emotional. I focused on the warm hand still rubbing my head and accepted the comforting of darkness of slumber.
I was dozing when the hand finally left my head. There was a soft click of the door opening that caused me to open my eyes slightly. Just wide enough to catch the sight of Inoichi resting a hand on the Hokage's slumped shoulder before the dark claimed me for good.