Zuko ordered the housekeeper to make tea for him and his guests. They situated themselves in the drawing room nearby. He didn't take his hands off his face while Aang and Katara told the story of how they had found Azula in the lower ring of Ba Sing Se. "She has a fever," Katara said. "From the wounds on her hands I think, which is why I wasn't able to heal them easily. I don't think she's eaten a proper meal in a while. Where we found her... She's had a rough time, Zuko. For all your mixed feelings for her, for all she's done to you and to us, she... she needs her brother."
"You have to help her out," Aang said.
Zuko didn't take his hands off his face. "When she ran off, I didn't imagine for a second that she wouldn't be able to take care of herself."
"She's clinically insane," Katara said. "Why didn't you go after her!"
"Because she didn't want anything to do with me, and I didn't want anything to do with her. It was what we both wanted."
"Really, and you thought she was capable of making that decision in that state?" Katara said.
"You asked me for my reason. You didn't say it had to be a good one!"
"Well you should have thought of those things!" Katara said. "She's your sister! Not only is she your sister, but she's also a danger to the public!"
"Well If you think she's such a problem, why didn't you go after her either, Katara!"
"Okay..." Aang was trying to ease the tension. "She's safe now. And she's contained where she can't hurt anyone. The past is the past. And arguing about it now when everyone is tired and in shock is probably not going to help anyone."
The housekeeper arrived with the tea, but didn't stick around. Zuko finally took his hands off his face and tried to pour a cup. Katara took the pot from him when she saw how his hands were shaking.
"We found her in Ba Sing Se," Katara said. "In the lower ring. We thought she was following us, so we chased her down."
"What was she doing there?" Zuko said.
Aang shrugged. "Living there, I guess. Or surviving at least."
"She had been for a while, Zuko. We managed to follow to her... home I suppose. There was a charred stain from the fire pit, and something that kind of looked like a shelter. Whatever survival skills she had before her defeat... her mind isn't capable of making decisions she needs to take care of herself. She's in bad shape."
Zuko took a deep breath. "And I'm guessing you couldn't get her to talk?
"She told us she lived there," Aang said. "She tried fighting us off. But it wasn't much of a fight. She kind of... fainted. When she charged at us she just collapsed. That's when we knew we had to take her home. She was awake a little bit on the trip here, but I don't think she really understood what was happening. I feel so bad for her."
"After she killed you? You feel bad for her?" Zuko said.
"You don't?" Aang said.
Zuko took a shaky sip of tea. "And that's it for her condition? You think she can get over this fever?"
Katara looked down at her knees. "I wish I could tell you I knew for sure. She's really sick. Maybe when we get some food and fluids in her she'll be able to get over this fever. But you should also know... well." Katara winced and rubbed the back of her neck. "She's pregnant."
The teacup broke in Zuko's hand. He cursed as hot liquid spilled over his hand and lap and cursed again when he saw he was bleeding.
Katara rolled her eyes and got up to get some gauze.
"HOW!?"
"You smashed the cup," Aang said. "Toph does that all the time. She only uses wooden cups now. Of course, if you're asking about your sister, I could always explain it the way the monks explained it to me!" Aang made a small smirk. "How when a man loves a woman..."
"That is really not funny, Aang!" Zuko said, grimacing while Katara healed and bandaged his hand. "She's not capable of making good decisions for herself! That isn't the sort of decision she's capable of making for herself! And when you consider that, somehow I don't think 'love' was part of the equation!"
There was a moment of quiet.
"You think someone was taking advantage of her?" Katara said.
"I don't see how it could have happened any other way. And I think whoever it was is probably the same person responsible for her injuries."
"Wait." Aang looked at Katara and Zuko. "What do you mean? If he loved her, why would he..."
It was hard to forget that with all the weight of the world on Aang's shoulders, there were still many ways he was innocent. He was still younger than most of his friends, and on top of that he had grown up sheltered.
"It doesn't always work like that," Katara said. "There are people in this world who..." She looked genuinely heartbroken. "Who don't think about other people besides themselves, or..."
Zuko pointed at his scar. "Who need to prove that they're bigger and more powerful then someone else, and they do that by hurting them. For one reason or another. And sometimes it's because they're selfish, and sometimes it's because they're afraid of something, and sometimes it's for a reason you spend years and years of your life trying to figure out but never can."
"The point is, in all likelihood, somebody hurt her," Katara said. "They saw that she was in a bad place, that she isn't in any condition to take care of herself, and when they should have tried to help, they hurt her instead."
Aang didn't respond immediately. But finally, he shook his head. "If you think anyone is capable of hurting Azula and surviving, I think you're as crazy as she is," Aang said after a moment of quiet. "She's..."
"Strong? When you met my sister she was strong, but she's not anymore, not after her breakdown. Now she's just... You guys didn't see what she was like we won the fight. What it was like realizing she didn't belong in a prison like Ozai, but belonged in a hospital instead. It was gut wrenching. You didn't visit her in the hospital and see how miserable she was. She just kind of sat there crying and screaming, in a corner, begging people who weren't there to leave her alone. I don't know what she was seeing but it must have been terrifying. She cried all the time for the first few days. I couldn't stand visiting her after that, and I stayed away for a whole year. She's not strong."
Katara and Aang watched him as he recalled those painful memories.
Zuko shook his head and his hands returned to his face. "This is my fault. I should have gone after her. I should have known she'd have gotten hurt. I don't know what I could have done, because at the end of the day, I don't think I could have even caught her if I searched. And she wouldn't have even wanted my help anyway, even if she was desperate. She would rather kill both of us than get help, I know that. She's evil, that's why. That's what it is. But she still needed my help."
"You should have," Katara said. "But I can't disagree with you there, she wouldn't have actually wanted your help."
"I don't like the word 'evil,'" Aang said. "It's never that simple."
"I don't know what else you would call her," Zuko said.
"Sick?" Aang suggested. "Sad?"
"She's all three." He curled his hands into a fist. "You know, I actually wondered if I cared about her. I actually spent nights lying awake, going crazy over that very question. All the horrible things she's done, all the people who are close to me she's tried to kill, all the chaos she's caused. I really didn't care about her all. I don't think. But I still wondered if I did, at the back of my mind. I was never really sure." Zuko stood up. He began picking up the pieces of the broken tea cup. "But... But even after everything... Whoever did this to her, I'm going to find him and have burned to crisp and then fed alive to the wolves. I'm Fire Lord. I can do that sort of thing now. I'm going to kill him, right after I thank him for giving her everything she deserves."
He went to dispose of the shards. Katara and Aang watched him leave.
Azula awoke for a few moments from her fever, her entire body shivering and her head pounding. She lay in bed with the blankets tucked in around her, with the frightening darkness pressing in on her. She was six years old again. At that age she had asked asked Father for a lamp to keep in her room at night. He had scolded her for being a coward. She was a warrior and she'd best make sure that whatever was in the dark soon learn to fear her. He was right as usual.
She thought she could still hear him through the thin walls of her bedroom in the drawing nearby. And Mother. They were doing their nightly back and forth. They never thought she could hear them but she could. Their voices grew louder and louder, interrupting each other with greater frequency. They always found something to fight about, or invented something if they couldn't. Often they fought about her.
It took her a moment to remember she wasn't six years old anymore. She was different, the people having the discussion were different. But it was still about her, the same as it had always been. What was to be done with Azula?
She listened carefully.
She needed to know if Zuko intended to keep her as a prisoner or as a guest, but, to her frustration, she couldn't make out enough words to figure it out. It was an important question, but it was also a silly one, because Zuko obviously didn't even know the answer himself. He was so mixed up. With all his guilt and rage and obsession over the past, he would never come to a decision.
There were a couple of clues. He'd had the servants take away her dirty clothes put her in clean silk robes. He'd given her real soup to eat, better than what she'd eaten in a while. But that was probably not because he cared about her but because he didn't want the child to starve.
He'd also remembered the advice the physicians at the institution had given him, and he'd gotten rid of the mirror, but that was most likely to keep her quiet, not keep her happy.
She had gone for months without seeing her mother in the mirror. In those months she had imagined it was all just her mind playing tricks on her. But inevitably her mother had come back, and Azula had known for sure, she would never get away from the image of the lady in red.
Mother didn't come back alone either. Zuko had been with her sometimes, pointing his finger, "You were always trying to take my throne away from me! Always jealous, always out to get me! Everything that's happened to me is your fault. And I WILL find you and I WILL put you back where you belong, if I don't kill you first!"
And her father was there some times as well. "I thought you were the good one. I thought you were my blood! But look at you! You don't deserve to call yourself a fire bender. You can't even keep your own head on straight!"
Mother at least had pretended to be kind.
There were other faces too, some of them crueler than others, some kinder. They were people she had met in the past two years of running of traveling. People she'd known for those few months she didn't see the faces. People she didn't want to see, but the mirror didn't give her a choice.
She thought back to that small window of time she hadn't been plagued by the faces. She remembered what it had been like to wake up in the morning, to go through her day without difficulty, and to go to bed and actually be able to sleep. She remembered that feeling that it was safe to close her eyes.
That feeling would never happen again.
But Zuko had made sure there was no mirror, which meant maybe she'd be able to sleep tonight at least.