I don't own Naruto. It would be awesome if I did, but to quote Brilliant Dynamites Neon (from Trigun, which I don't own either), "Life is rarely that Beautiful". Them's the breaks.
'Thinking'
"Kyuubi speaking"
-Sound Effect-
Story now!
--
Tsunade sighed. This was shaping up to be a three aspirin conversation.
"Alright, let me go through it again to make sure I understand. You got hit with the Body Prison jutsu, passed out and woke up in your mindscape, whereupon you met the Kyuubi."
Naruto nodded.
"The Kyuubi, an ancient demon of incalculable power, then offered to fix you up, indeed, improve you, in exchange for a link with your senses."
Another nod.
"During the process of upgrading your body you somehow sneezed (in a mindscape), causing the Kyuubi to accidentally make you some 120 times stronger than normal. You then woke up and, misjudging your strength, ripped the door from its frame. Is that all pretty accurate?"
"Um, yeah, that's about it. You ok Baachan? Your eyebrow's twitching".
"Naruto," said Tsunade in a sweet tone that nonetheless sent chills up his spine, "when the demon that very nearly destroyed Konoha offered you a boon, did you ever stop to wonder about its motives? Like, maybe, ESCAPING FROM THE SEAL AND LAYING WASTE TO THE VILLAGE?"
Smoothing hair that had been blown back by the force of Tsunade's roar, Naruto glared defiantly back at her.
"It sounded like a better option than being a vegetable on a hospital bed for the rest of my life! Besides," he continued more quietly, "Kyuubi gave me its word it wouldn't try to escape, and Ero-Sennin told me that demons have to keep their words".
Tsunade, recognising further argument to be futile, sighed.
"Alright, setting that aside for the moment, we're going to have to run a proper examination to gauge the changes you've undergone, organise some physiotherapy, and-"
-Gurglegrowl-
"-Get you something to eat before you start chewing on the bed sheets. Again. Shizune!"
"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" Tsunade's dark-haired apprentice asked as she swung the door open…to have it fall to the floor with a crash.
Stepping in before the sputtered apologies could progress, Tsunade raised her voice.
"It's alright Shizune, Naruto did that. Could you head down to Ichiraku's and get two 'Naruto Specials'?"
'"Naruto did that"?' "Uh, of course Tsunade-sama. I'll be back shortly."
"Now", Tsunade continued as Shizune left, "I'm going to run a diagnostic jutsu to get an idea of the changes the fox made. I'll have Jiraiya check the seal later as well. Now, hold still". Hands glowing green with medical chakra, Tsunade leaned forward.
Tsunade's expression was an interesting study as her eyes widened and face blanched, before it relaxed into a look Naruto mentally pegged as "it could only happen to Naruto". The light of the jutsu fading, Tsunade gave a long-suffering sigh.
"How do you get into situations like this, Naruto?" Recognising the question as rhetorical Naruto declined to answer, instead raising an eyebrow in enquiry.
"So, what's changed Baachan?"
"Well, you've gained about twenty centimetres in height, your resting heartbeat is thirty beats per minute, your neural transmission speed is insane and it looks like you'll never get ill again, the way your immune and digestive systems are now".
"Sooooo…I'm taller, faster and healthier?"
A sigh. "Yes Naruto, you're taller, faster and healthier".
"And the strength boost?"
Tsunade mentally cringed. This part would potentially be the hardest to deal with.
"Yes. Your muscles are considerably denser and your skeleton, tendons and connective tissue have been strengthened proportionally. Essentially," Tsunade decided to summarise, seeing the glazed look creeping onto Naruto's face, "You are much stronger and much tougher. You'll probably never break a bone or tear a muscle again".
Naruto's expression was rather like the sun coming up. 'Dammit Naruto, I have to tell you the drawbacks now! Stop making me feel guilty!'
"The trouble, Naruto, is that you have muscle control only for your former strength."
"Is that why I accidentally broke the door?" asked Naruto in reply, face creased in a pensive frown.
"Exactly. It's as though an academy student were suddenly given a Kage's chakra reserves. Too much force with too little control." Nodding as the younger blonde's eyes widened in comprehension, Tsunade continued. "I hate to say it Naruto, but at the moment you're a danger to yourself and those around you. You vitally need to get control of your strength, and I'm not able to teach you."
"What?! But you're stronger than anyone, Baachan! Why can't you teach me?"
"Because my super-strength technique is just that, a technique. Since it only activates when I will it, muscle control isn't an issue. No, let me think about this for a moment, Naruto."
Tsunade was spared further badgering and a further slump in Naruto's mood by the return of Shizune with the desired ramen.
"Ramen! Thanks Shizune-neechan! Oh, I can't wai-"
-Crunchsplat-
"AAH! HOT!!"
Startled from her thoughts by Naruto's shriek, Tsunade looked up to behold a frantic Naruto towelling off ramen broth and noodles from his lap, shards of broken crockery festooning the bed, Shizune looking on in worried incomprehension.
"Ah, right. Shizune, Naruto's unable to control his strength at the moment. You'll have to feed him for the time being, at least until he gets some control back."
"The choices, Naruto," she snapped over his indignant exclamations, "are either being fed ramen by Shizune or having nothing but hospital soup through a straw until your therapy is complete".
Mentally comparing the two options suppled, Naruto settled down and prepared to receive the ramen with the respect it deserved.
Shizune, for her part, was blushing furiously but unsure why. 'It's not like I haven't fed patients before, after all. Yes, that's it! Think of Naruto-kun a patient!'
Picking up the second bowl (and noting Tsunade's foresight at specifying TWO bowls), she took up some noodles in the hashi and held it out to the blond. "Here you are, Naruto-kun. Open wide."
Salivating, Naruto took the noodles into his mouth.
-Crunch-
''Crunch'? Ramen doesn't go 'crunch'. What the hell?'
"Were you really that hungry, Naruto?"asked Shizune shakily, staring at the now-shorter chopsticks.
Naruto sheepishly spat the bitten-off ends into his hand. "Ehehehe…sorry".
Shrugging, the dark-haired medic picked up the other pair of hashi and resumed the process of transferring ramen from bowl to belly, its recipient taking care to keep his teeth at a distance.
The feeding progressing apace, Tsunade tined the pair out and began to ponder.
'Ok, training the kid in his strength. I can't do it. Jiraiya's had too much influence over him as it is, and he's a ninjutsu specialist anyway'.
Casting her mind through the ranks of chunin and jounin, the blond Hokage grew more and more frustrated. 'Kurenai? No. Kakashi? No. Asuma? Maybe, but I'd never get him to agree, lazy bum. Ibiki? No. Anko? No. Brrr. Hayate? No. Dammit, curse the ninjutsu focus of this village! I need a taijutsu…specialist…
Oh no.'
Blanching, Tsunade racked her brain, trying desperately to think of someone, anyone, else.
To no avail.
'Please Naruto, forgive me for what I must do.'
A loud and satisfied sigh indicated that the ramen transfer procedure was complete. Clearing her throat, Tsunade gained the attention of her assistant and surrogate brother.
"Shizune, go to training ground seventeen and inform Maito Gai that I wish to speak with him concerning Naruto's training ASAP".
"Hai, Tsunade-sama."
"You want Super Bushy Brows to train me?" asked Naruto as Shizune left, his tone equal parts thoughtful and worried.
"Yes Naruto, though you will call him Gai-sensei, understand?" At his nod, she continued. "As a taijutsu specialist he has an intimate knowledge of muscle control, which makes him your best bet for training in the village."
'But I swear, if I see so much as a hint of green spandex or 'Flames of Youth', there will be a reckoning!'
"Hmm. Yeah. Gai-sensei trained Lee, and Lee's really strong, so he could probably train me really well. Ain't like Kakashi-sensei'll train me, after all…"
The last was almost whispered by the younger blond, but one did not become Hokage without being able to listen, and Tsunade was forced to stifle a growl at the thought of the cyclopic shinobi. 'If he weren't so skilled I'd have fired him for his attitude alone.'
About to step in to break Naruto from his silence, she was pre-empted as the hyper blond bounded from the bed with a cry of "oh yeah, I haven't even looked at the changes yet" as he headed for the attached bathroom in search of a mirror.
"Oi Naruto, be careful of the-"
-Crunch-
"-door. Never mind."
This was a hospital. Surely they had aspirin somewhere.
Naruto sheepishly leaned the stricken door against the wall and slipped into the small room.
"Yatta! I'm taller!"
For all his complaining, for all the inconvenience the fox's changes looked like bringing, he had to admit that when it came to body sculpting the big furball did good work.
As Tsunade had said, he stood a good twenty centimetres taller. Beyond that, he was broader of shoulder, tighter of stomach and longer of limb. The baby fat had left him, replaced with sharply defined (and quite obviously effective!) muscle. His hair, still in spikes that defied both control and gravity, now reached past his shoulders in a yellow mane.
'Huh. Oi, fox!'
"Yeah Brat?"
'Why'd you make my hair longer? It's not like it has anything to do with being stronger or faster or anything'.
"Because long hairis cool and manly" responded the Kyuubi in the slow, clear tones used when addressing idiots and fans of reality television. "A naked ape like you needs all the help you can get. It's only a pity you're too young for a beard…"
Naruto pictured himself with waist-length hair and a blond beard and felt a chill.
'Nope, nope, I don't think I wanna go any further with that line of thought.'
Naruto's rumination was interrupted by the sound of approaching thunder, interspersed with the occasional shout of "Youth!"
'Sounds like Super Fuzzy Brows is here. Better head back out'.
Carefully edging around the door and back into the main room, he had just climbed hack into bed (crushing a railing in the process) when a green spandex-clad typhoon arrived.
"Yosh! As I promised your most youthful apprentice, Hokage-sama, I have arrived!"
"…Aspirin. Lots of aspirin. BIG aspirin. Right, Gai." Tsunade muttered to herself before straightening. "Naruto has suffered a complication from a paralysis jutsu, leading to his muscle density and reaction time exceeding his control. You are to train him until his control is back to scratch".
Tsunade's heart sank at the look of incomprehension on the jounin's face.
"Let me, Baachan. Lee taught me to speak a little Youth". Naruto cleared his throat.
'I'll need a wash after this, I just know it'.
"Gai-Sensei, our Youthful Hokage wishes you to train me. My Flames of Youth have recently flared into a conflagration beyond my ability to control. Your Youthful Training skills are needed to restore my Youthfulness to balance".
'I feel so dirty'.
"There, there kit. It'll be ok".
"Ah! I see!" cried the exuberant jounin as understanding dawned. "Of course I shall train you! Arrive at training ground seventeen after your team meeting and I shall begin your Youthful Training. I shall now go and prepare! By your leave, Hokage-sama?"
Gai bounded from the room at Tsunade's wordless not, passing a stunned-looking Shizune in the corridor.
"You have a gift for languages, huh Naruto?" Tsunade queried in a slightly vacant tone.
"I don't wanna talk about it."
--
Author's Notes
Well, this humble story was recieved pretty well! i realise that this is more a scene than a chapter, but matters will improve from here on in.
and now,
Review Responses!
escudo-blade: indeed you are, good sir.
kd8gun: Thanks! i haven't really thought of pairings, beyond "heh, that might work...". rest assured, there WILL be some, i just haven't decided yet. on a related note, there will NOT be any Harem happenings. i like the harem concept well, enough, but i'm aiming to move away from that in this tale.
enderverse: thank you! yeah, that was my thinking too. the main character shouldn't have things too easy, imho.
Psychick23: thanks!
Red King: what a cool idea! i'd love to be able to write something like that, but a training montage seems to be a bit hard to put in test. it's just not the same without a cheesy musical background, after all. i MIGHT have naruto learn some of those things from Tsunade, but with his own twist. oh, i have such ideas...
Chaos728: No, no harem action here. one, two parings at the most. sorry.
ok, that's all the reviews! stay tuned for the next chapter, gentle readers.
Next on 'Oops!': Gai is serious! Neji is cheery! Logs fall from the sky! And a certain scarecrow gets a very little of what's coming to him!
Smylingsnake out.