The Appearance of Zaimokuza Yoshiteru

When we entered the room, so did a gust of wind through the window Hikigaya had left open. The wind picked up the pile of papers he had carelessly left next to the window, and we were engulfed in a whirlwind of white.

As I shielded my eyes with my arms from any stray pieces of paper, a deep, pompous voice filled the room.

"Ku ku ku, to think we would meet at a place like this, how surprising. I've been waiting for you, Hikigaya Hachiman."

Strange. The voice sounded similar to Hikigaya's voice, and he was the only male in the room. Ergo he must have been the one who spoke, yet the sentence suggested that it was someone else talking to Hikigaya.

When I opened my eyes, Hikigaya was staring at the open window and stuttering a response in surprise: "W-What did you say?!"

From behind Hikigaya, I followed his gaze towards the window. Then I moved my gaze back to him. Then back to the window again. There was no one in his line of sight.

"Hikigaya-kun, who are you talking to?"

Instead of a response, Hikigaya merely began to laugh. While crossing his arms and shrugging his shoulders, he slowly shook his head. Then the deep voice filled the room again. "To think that you would forget your old partner... how detestable, Hachiman."

I looked around the room again. There were still only three of us here, so this time there was no mistake. The deep voice was definitely coming from Hikigaya himself. Just in case, I briefly checked Yuigahama's reaction to confirm that I wasn't hearing things. Understandably, she too was getting unsettled by this development. She was staring at him while repeating his words "old partner?" with a hint of disgust.

Meanwhile, Hikigaya ignored the two of us and proceeded to talk to himself while alternating between his deep voice and his normal voice. From the rare bits of sense within his conversation, it sounded like he was grumbling about something regarding the school's gym classes.

Suddenly, he turned around and faced us. Then he struck a disgusting pose that I refuse to describe while making a proclamation in his deep voice. "Indeed, I am the master fencer general, Zaimokuza Yoshiteru."

I was at a loss for words. What was going on? My brain immediately offered a dozen possibilities, but none of them seemed likely. Based on the current information, my best guess was that he was performing some sort of skit. But why? What was the purpose behind this incomprehensible act? It seems Yuigahama shared my sentiments, because she glared at him and asked, "Hey... what exactly is that supposed to be?"

In response to her words, Hikigaya stared at her quizzically, as if to ask why she was glaring at him. He glanced towards the open window again, but there was no one there, so of course Yuigahama's glare was directed at him. "This guy is Zaimokuza Yoshiteru... we used to be gym partners."

After giving that nonsensical answer that answered nothing, he proceeded to talk to himself again, this time grumbling about something regarding his lack of friends. His confusing act was starting to make my head hurt, so I put a stop to it. "This topic of friends doesn't matter. What do you want?"

After an awkward pause during which Hikigaya's face assumed a variety of expressions, he returned to using his deep voice. "Mwahaha, I completely forgot about it. By the way, Hachiman. This is the service club, is it not?"

It looked like he was going to continue talking to himself again, so I answered him before he could answer himself. "Yes, this is the service club."

He glanced at me briefly, but then proceeded to talk to the window again. "... I-Is that so? So if the advice Hiratsuka-sensei gave me is true, Hachiman, you have a duty to grant my wishes, do you not? To think that after so many hundreds of years you would return once again as my servant… this must be the work of the Hachiman Great Bodhisattva. "

It seemed like he was about to launch into another session of nonsensical drivel, so I interrupted him. "It's not like the service club is here to grant your wishes... we just help you out a bit."

Unfortunately, my interruption failed to prevent it. After mumbling a short "Hm", the session of nonsensical drivel began in full force. This time he was muttering something about conquering the world.

"Uwahh..." It looked like Yuigahama had hit her limit. I had to put an end to this before she got any mental scars.

"Hikigaya-kun, could I speak with you for just a moment...?" I tugged Hikigaya's sleeve to pull his ear closer to my mouth and whispered to him. "What is going on? What is up with this master fencer general whatever?" This had been dragging on far too long to be just some horribly misguided attempt to hit on Yuigahama.

"It's chuunibyou. Just chuunibyou," he responded, now using his normal voice.

Chuunibyou? An unfamiliar word. I instinctively tilted my head and tried to recall whether I had ever encountered that word before. Meanwhile, it seemed the fact that Hikigaya was now using his normal voice again allowed Yuigahama to recover somewhat, as she joined in the conversation. "That some kind of disease?"

Fortunately, it seemed that Hikigaya had returned to normal. So he managed to give a proper explanation about what chuunibyou meant in his normal voice. Unfortunately, the normal Hikigaya was still extremely creepy. As a result, Yuigahama had been so repulsed that she was now standing near the exit of the club room, beckoning me to join her in running away.

However, running away from your problems never solves anything. Furthermore, what worried me was that the description of chuunibyou didn't quite match up to the behavior Hikigaya was displaying. Initially, I had refused to believe this possibility because of its improbability, but all of the signs so far were pointing towards an undeniable conclusion: he was suffering from some sort of dissociative identity disorder.

But why? Before today, there was no signs of this disorder. Mental illnesses aren't like common colds that simply appear without rhyme or reason. There must have been some sort of trigger that caused it to appear. Or maybe he had always suffered from it, and today was just the first time it manifested in front of us.

I needed more information. Earlier, he had referred to the condition he had as chuunibyou, suggesting he was at least somewhat aware of it. "You're here so we can help you cure this sickness, am I correct?" I probed.

I did not receive a response. Instead, Hikigaya averted his gaze and returned to using his deep voice to start a conversation with himself. That was a bad sign.

It wasn't a field that I had much interest in, but from the small amount of information I had read about it, people with mental illnesses could be unstable. They could suddenly attack others without any warning. I had taken plenty of self-defense classes, so I was confident that I could defeat him even if I was attacked, but that only applied if the attacks were directed towards me. If he decided to go for Yuigahama instead, I wasn't so sure that I could intervene in time. With that in mind, I needed to keep his focus on me.

Thus I stepped in between Hikigaya and Yuigahama, and pulled on his collar to make him face me while trying to shut down his delusional fantasy settings. Once I succeeded, I repeated my question.

However, the question was dodged once again. Hikigaya merely redirected the conversation to the pile of papers that had been scattered throughout the room, stating that it was a novel he had written and asking us to review it.

Instinctively, I placed my hand on my forehead once again. Considering the cowardly personality traits he had displayed in both personalities, I concluded that the probability of a sudden attack was negligible. However, the person in question seemed completely unaware of his illness and was deliberately ignoring any information that might cue him in on it.

I searched my memories once more for information and case studies on treating patients with dissociative identity disorder, but found little information to suggest how I should proceed. My standard method of forcing a person to confront his flaws may not be the best idea in this situation. Perhaps I should take him to the hospital? But how would I convince him that... wait where did he go?

I looked around in a panic, regretting that I took my eyes off him. It seems that while I was lost in thought, Hikigaya had escaped from the room, leaving behind me and a very puzzled-looking Yuigahama. "Yukinon... do you know what that was about?"

"No. But we will find out."

Author's Note: The lack of a Hachiman Ballade has left me in despair. So this chapter was released to spread the suffering ;_;. Or dark humor, depending on your tastes.

8man spent the first 16 years of his life being rejected by everyone outside his immediate family. He was even rejected by other loners and otakus... that's almost on the level of a superpower. So I couldn't believe that anyone actually wanted to be Hachiman's friend without a good reason. And thus this story was born.

At first I thought it would have to diverge greatly from canon. I even had to rewrite this scene quite a few times to make it fit (it still seems a bit forced actually). But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how everything else in the story started to fit eerily well if Zaimokuza was imaginary. Especially since Zaimokuza gets ignored by just about everyone, even the actually disappearing Taishi. I'll do a few more chapters to show what I mean.

P.S. Was so tempted to call this whole story "The Disappearance of Zaimokuza Yoshiteru" to make a Haruhi reference, but that would have given away the surprise.