Chapter Two: Determination

The first of September arrived much too slowly for James. For weeks, he had been yearning to return to Hogwarts, to stroll the grounds, annoy the Giant Squid, to play Quidditch, and even to attend classes. In a word, James Potter was restless.

Now, he stood before the great scarlet train, watching the steam billow above him as he recalled the first time he had set eyes on the Hogwarts Express. It had seemed so much bigger then: like all the first years, he had been awed by it's size and colour, and the very secret platform upon which it waited.

Hogwarts had been an adventure: now, it felt more like he was returning home. Even though he was a pureblood and he'd grown up surrounded by magic, this had been nothing to his anticipation to learn magic for himself. James had never really satisfied that thirst for knowledge, a secret he kept well hidden from his classmates, and indeed most of his professors as well. After all, it certainly wasn't good for his image. He remembered his first ever Quidditch match, entering the pitch in his Gryffindor colours to the cheers of the crowd, and the pure adrenaline of flying. But most of all, James was looking forward to returning to his old dorm room and staying up late every night, talking with his three best friends, planning their next prank or animagus outing. He particularly enjoyed the night of the Full Moon, which had since evolved into something that Sirius had once termed 'the Marauder's Monthly Rampage.' Becoming an animagus was probably James' greatest achievement to date, so far as he himself was concerned. Although highly illegal, James couldn't help but feel exhilaration every time he transformed into the stag. Things were simpler as an animal: all he knew, and all he needed, was his herd. It just happened that James's herd comprised of two more illegal animagi and an incurable werewolf.

James watched the Hogwarts Express thoughtfully, smiling as wide-eyed first years pooled around him, gazing up at the steam with an awe that he himself recalled experiencing. They were just embarking on their great adventure. James, on the other hand, was contemplating his next great challenge.

That challenge was, of course, to get over Lily Evans. James knew it wasn't going to be easy. He had been sure, so sure, that she had been the girl for him, but obviously fate had decided otherwise. As much as it hurt, James admitted that it was necessary. He had spent the greater part of his summer trying to hammer home the fact that he and Lily would never work out. Even if he could change for her, and make himself a better person for her sake, James had finally accepted that perhaps, on occasion, hard work did go unrewarded, and persistence did not pay off. It wasn't that she was unworthy of his affection. It was simply that James couldn't face another rejection, even if it meant his maturing would go unnoticed.

" Oi! Prongs!" Sirius Black yelled above the noise of the platform, making one nervous first-year jump.

Grinning, Sirius slung an arm around James' shoulders, eyes suddenly drawn to the shiny new addition to James' robes.

"Wow, who did you nick that from?" he demanded, eager to be let in on the joke as he poked the Head Boy badge James had pinned to his chest.

"Didn't nick it, it was given to me," James replied off-handedly as he lifted his trunk into the first carriage of the train.

"And who in the right mind would give James Potter a Head Boy badge?" Sirius pursued the matter, following James onto the train.

James shrugged, peering into the empty Head's compartment. Sirius peered over his shoulder before drawing away, disappointed. It was just like every other compartment, with the notable difference being it was for the Head students only. James stowed his trunk before setting off with Sirius to locate Remus and Peter Pettigrew, his best friend still voicing his disbelief that James had been named Head Boy. James rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

"Padfoot, Dumbledore sent me the letter himself."

Sirius grinned. "Obviously," he conceded, eyes twinkling wickedly. "I just can't believe that he chose you of all people – he must have been high on something, honestly!"

James was trying his best to look insulted when they arrived at what was evidently the Marauder's compartment, although for the moment it only contained one occupant. Remus glanced up as they entered, eyes moving swiftly from Sirius' deeply amused expression to James' failing attempts at appearing affronted. Raising his eyebrows, Remus spotted the badge, and mouthed, 'Oh.'

"Can you believe it, Moony? Prongs here is Head Boy!! Can you believe that? Man, wait 'til Lily hears, she'll have a fit!" Sirius grinned at the prospect, smile fading as he caught James' glare. He hastily changed the subject. "And speaking of girls, I wonder where my lovely Gabrielle is at…I think I'm going to go and find her…"

Hurrying past James on his way out, he failed to notice Peter's trunk still lying across the floor, and stubbed his toe. Swearing, Sirius grimaced. "I bet that will bruise too," he muttered darkly, hobbling away.

Remus reached across and closed the compartment door. James sat beside him, leg jiggling with nerves and excitement.

"Congratulations," Remus offered, grinning as he shook James' hand. "Much better you than me! Any idea who the Head Girl is?"

James frowned. "With my luck, Lily, I'm sure."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "I would have thought you'd take the opportunity to capitalize on that opportunity, Prongs!"

"Well it's just like you said, Moony. I've got to learn how to balance it everything – you know, school, Quidditch, pranks... But not Lily, not this year." James' voice was heavy, and he stared at his hands, unable to be certain for sure about how he felt about his resolution.

"And why would that be?" asked Remus tentatively.

"I can't do it any more," James replied softly, looking out of the window and reminding himself for the thirty-second time that day that forgetting Lily was the best thing to do.

Remus studied James, frowning. He did seem serious, but for some reason, Remus just couldn't picture James without his hopelessly unrequited love of Lily.

"So you're giving up?" he asked, carefully gauging his reaction.

"Yes," he said simply, with a small, sad smile.

"So that would be replaced with the task of getting over Lily," Remus mused, sighing.

James shrugged, "Yeah pretty much." He gave Remus what appeared to be an attempt at a rather large and hopeful smile. "It shouldn't be too hard - I mean, yeah she's great and all, she's not perfect or anything, so… yeah, just like a normal human being, really. All I have to do is avoid her, and stop caring about her, and just focus on her flaws. It'll probably take a while, but it's something that I have to do, before I loose my mind."

Remus returned James' reluctant little smile with one of his own. "Good luck with that Prongs. I'm here if you need to talk, though. Padfoot and Wormy won't be much use though." Remus checked his watch, swiftly changing the subject. "Anyway, we should go, you have to meet the Head Girl, and instruct the Prefects, and I myself need to be instructed by the Heads," Remus smiled, attempting for cheerful and feeling rather like an imposter as he led his friend out of the compartment.

James seemed equally as superficially carefree. "Excellent, hey is there anyway that I can make one of the Slytherin prefects throw some Owl dung on Snivelly's head?"

Remus rolled his eyes, to which James responded by looking rather genuinely ashamed.

"I'll take that as a no, then?"

Remus nodded in confirmation. "I don't think it would be the best of ideas, considering old Snivelly is a prefect himself, last time I checked."

James turned to him, all thoughts of Lily momentarily banished and eyes widened. "No way!"