Chapter 2: Family ties
Daniel's POV
1974 New York
There is a place I go when the teacher talks about things I've known for years. I go there at recess when the kids play the game where they think I'm invisible, and they look right through me. I go there when Catherine drops me off at school and drives away and I fell my chest get all tight, and I have to fight a breath down into myself. I go there when I wake from a nightmare in which my sleep paralyzed lungs prevented me from waking Catherine, and so I lay in the dark-alone.
This place I go to, it's a good one, one where my parent's never died. Where I still have Catherine, and she still has Ernest, and her own parents. It's a place full of books, a warm Egypt sand, and family, and love.
Sometimes I wish it as real. But my daily life isn't so bad. I hate math class of course. I've always hated math and Mom and Dad never pushed it that much. Plus Catherine made sure I went into the fourth grade instead of the third.
Recess is worse-I'm the weird kid who sometimes has to mutter in Arabic to figure out what they are saying. Also, I've never played spots before. Any sports, and that appears to be a big part of recess, and social bounding in this culture.
But after school Catherine picks me up and takes me to a place almost as good as the one in my head where I go when the bad times come-her office. It's got everything-ancient artifacts, old books, languages. I love language, it's like cracking into the brain of other cultures to read them. If you translate the languages literally it always comes out sounding like poetry. Every language is full of worn out metaphors native speakers have stopped taking literally generations ago. But when you go from one to another, you resuscitate some analogy of a long dead language innovator who no one probably ever knew the name of. It's like magic.
Catherine's late to pick me up. One minute late, I tell myself. She's still coming. But once a panic attach starts you can't make it go away with logic. I'm suddenly sure she's dead, or in some sort of trouble she needs my help with, or someone is keeping her from me. My chest gets all tight and I concentrate on forcing the air into my lungs.
"You are strong, you are smart, you are beautiful, and you are good." I repeat to myself in English, Arabic, Greek (Coptic, and Classical), Latin, and Africanize. By the time I'm done I can breathe again and Catherine is here.
She asks me if I had any panic attacks today. I lie. Because this time no one screamed, or cried, or took me to the school nurse, so I figure I'm doing better.
"I've got a surprise for you," she says. She isn't driving to her office, or home, or the park, or anywhere I recognize.
"What?" I say.
She glances at me and she must of heard worry in my voice because she says, "You'd rather it wasn't as surprise?"
Dr. Livingston says she's not supposed to read my mind anymore. She's supposed to force me to talk for myself. But sometimes, I'm lucky and she forgets.
"Daniel Jackson, the paperwork has come through," her grin is widening, "We are going to see a judge, and today I'm going to adopt you. By the time you go to bed tonight you will be," she makes a fake trumpet sound, "Daniel Langford, my son."
I hug her and I'm happy. Because it's home. And family. And I love you. And forever.
But also not happy. Because I wouldn't be Daniel Jackson ever again. Because if feels like I'm losing something, and erasing something, and it makes my stomach hurt for my parents. And because I'm really not sure I can call her Mom without seeing-my Mom.
But I can't let Catherine know. Because it would hurt her. She'd think I didn't want her. But I do what her, I need her. So I say, "Elnika," It's Greek for mother. The only word I know for Mom that I never used on my own mother. It's the best I can do. She pulls me away and smiles at me.
"You don't have to do that, Daniel. You certainly can. But you can keep calling me Catherine," she smiles at me, "It doesn't hurt," and her eyes are honest, so I think I will. "They were you parents Daniel, there are some parts of you that will always be theirs. I'm ok with that."
Were. They were. She is. "It's ok, Mother."
She nods, "Thank you Daniel Jackson Langford." And if feels better-a little.
But the real surprise of the evening was when we got home. Sitting on our front step was a box so big it took both of us to drag it inside. Catherine was scandalized, because it had "classified" stamped all over it, and it was sitting out in the hall. We drag it inside, and it's filled with notebooks and tapes.
"Huh!" she says, "I guess we found my father's missing research."
My fingers brush against a word written on a tape, "Ernest.
"You want to see them, Ernest and my father?" she asks. I nod. She pops in the tape I was touching, and there he is-the man my mother loved.
I don't know what my mother thought she knew about Ernest's death, but I could tell she'd been misinformed. The screen shows the artifact lighting up and Ernest in a spacesuit walking through the glowing puddle of water. And disappearing.
I look at Catherine and I have no idea what she's thinking.
"Catherine," I say. I wish I knew all the things to say to comfort her.
"No explosion," she says rewinding the tape to watch the horror again.
I'm not quite sure what happened to Ernest, but I've finally thought up a comforting thought, "It would hurt less than an explosion," I say.
"I'm not even sure he's dead, Daniel," she says in a shocked voice. "He could still be alive."
I'm not sure how she is missing this so I tell her carefully, "He disappeared, Catherine."
"It's called a Doorway to Heaven, Daniel. Maybe it take him somewhere, somewhere safe."
She rewinds it and watches it a few more times, and I have an idea. "Mom," every time I call her that she grins, "What do you think would happen if we made the artifact do that again. I mean turned to the same symbols with it plugged in the same way, and all of that?"
She hugs me and gets a piece of paper. We spend the next couple hours watching the man my mother loved disappear again and again as we map out a way to find him.
1974 Heliopolis
Ernest's POV
I heard her voice. But this wasn't a surprise. I'd heard Catherine's voice for 28 years, since I first arrived on this planet. At first I'd been terrified I was going crazy. But I stopped worrying about that a long time ago. If you are going to spend the rest of your life alone crazy might even be preferable to sane.
"Ernest, Ernest, If you are there you have to answer me," her voice sounded really frantic, and that was different.
"Yes, what do you want?" I say walking toward it. Strange, it seemed to becoming from the chamber that contained the artifact. Catherine hated that room.
"Oh, my God, Ernest is alive," the voice sounds surprised, and old. Catherine has remained 21, but this voice sounds older. But things are getting stranger. I turn the corner and the first thing I notice is the artifact is lit up. I've never hallucinated that before. The second thing I notice is the radio.
"Ernest, you sound week." She says, "We're sending supplies through. I'm sorry we haven't found a way to get you home yet. We're still working on it, but we'll send up supplies for now."
"Are you real?" I ask her.
Her voice sounds a little offended, and a lot surprised, "Yes, Ernest, I'm talking to do you through the artifact. We finally found you."
"You found me long ago," I tell her shaking my head. Suddenly a bag flies out of the artifact.
"At least eat the food Ernest," she says sounding concerned.
I open it up, "Your famous cookies, Catherine?" I ask.
"Yes," she says.
I take a bite. They are every bit as amazing as I remember, "I hope you are real Catherine, because hallucinations this real would be scary."
"I'm real Ernest," she says.
"What took so long?" and I'm crying.
"I'm sorry Ernest. I'm so sorry. My dad told me you were dead. I would have been looking for you if I knew the truth. I'm so sorry I can't get you home yet, but we will find away."
"Twenty-eight years Catherine," I says, "cookies and conversation are enough of a miracle for today." If this Catherine is real I'll have to make the apology again, no matter, I've had enough practice. "Catherine, I'm sorry I didn't tell you what I was planning. They wouldn't let me, but I still should have. I should have told you, and you would have said no, and we could have been happy. I'm so sorry."
"Ernest, we're going to get you home," she says. This is a good sign. She doesn't forgive me. When I hallucinate Catherine she always forgives me right away.
"How did you find me?" I ask.
"It wasn't really me. He noticed my father's notes were missing some parts. I requested them, and they came with video. When we saw the video of what happened he saw the symbols and from there we figured out a way to dial. But it looks like you can only send things through from dialer to dialed. We have to figure out a way for it to work backwards."
Who was he? Not that Catherine didn't have a right to move on. Twenty-eight years. But still, I'd hoped. I mean Odysseus was gone forty and Penelope was still waiting for him. I didn't expect it, just sort of hoped. I'd spent my life in solitude. I was just glad I was the only one.
"Ernest, are there other people there?" she asks.
"I walked five days in every direction, there is no one," I say.
"You've been there all this time alone?" she asks.
"Yes," I don't want to use my voice much anymore. It sounds loud and echoy. It has been a long time since I used it.
"Ernest, I'm going to talk to you for a while, but we think this thing will turn off by itself. But I'm going to call back, you aren't alone anymore. Do you understand? I nod.
"Ernest, tell me about this place you live," she says, and I do.
1974 Colorado Springs
Catherine's POV
Well the military is excited. They moved the artifact to Cheyenne Mountain, a large facility for further research. We followed it. A way to get to a deserted planet isn't exactly what the military hoped the artifact was. They were rooting for weapon. But already they are foaming at the mouth at the possibilities. An off world base, in case humans ever do self disrupt, science exploration, the possibility of going to a lot of other planets. That one only if Ernest theory about it going lots of places is correct.
Me, the only thing I get excited about is my daily 38 minute chats with Ernest, that and the day I can tell him we have a way home.
Right now I'm standing in front of my jewelry box. I'm thinking about how unusual it is. Every piece is made from something my father or I found at a dig. All of them except one. That is the engagement ring Ernest bought me. But even that is Egyptian, just not Egyptian that I found.
I wore that ring for a decade after he disappeared even though it broke my heart every time I looked at it. I run my fingers over it. I wonder if wearing it again would be presumptuous. I haven't stopped loving him. But maybe he has, even alone.
I finally slip it on my finger. Worse comes to worse I'll take it off when he tells me to. When he is safe at home.
Ernest's POV
1974 Heliopolis
"Ernest," her voice is excited this morning, "Describe the drawings on your doorway," I do, 'He was right!" She explains. "Ernest, your doorway has only one symbol ours doesn't. I'm sure we could get you home now, but…"
"What is it Catherine?" I ask.
"You'll need people to help you turn it. It's too big a job for one person. I hope I can get a team to volunteer," She pauses, I can hear stress in her voice, "Ernest, I wouldn't be volunteering."
"I wouldn't want you to take the risk, Catherine," I say.
"I'd do it in a heartbeat, but he depends on me."
My heart aches and I wish I hadn't put the camera back on myself. I wish also I could look at Catherine's face as she tells me.
"I want you to meet someone Ernest," she says.
Was she serious?
"Hello, Ernest," the voice sounds like a kid's.
"Ernest, this is my son, Daniel Jackson." So she has a son. Jackson…I don't remember any Jacksons, but that was twenty-eight years ago.
"Nahuh, I'm Daniel Langford now, remember," he protests.
Langford? But how?
"Ernest," the little kid says, "Take pictures of the walls of that room. I snuck a camera in when Mom put the cookies in. You have to get kind of close. Have you taken pictures for people to translate from before? You have to make sure the pictures overlap so you don't lose you place."
"Daniel," Catherine scolds, "Don't talk about the place. Say something friendly."
"Danny, how old are you?" I ask.
"Eight and a half," he replies, than he adds, "kids call you weird if you get more specific. But you are a grown-up so it's probably ok to tell you I'm actually only eight years and five months old."
"And you were the one who figured out there were missing notes, and to look at the Doorway for the missing symbol?"
"Yep, only I think Mom translated 'doorway' wrong, it's in kind of the hieroglyphics she's worse at. I'm pretty sure it actually says Stargate."
"Catherine," I say, "I was thinking it was your husband that was helping you figure out these things."
I hear a gasp from her, and a laugh from Danny. "How could she be married, she's engaged to you."
There is an awkward silence. "Daniel, go play in my office. I say play mind you, not translate," she calls after him, "I'm sorry Ernest. I know we haven't talked about it, and twenty-eight years is…"
"I thought you had a life, Catherine," I tell her trying to keep at least some of the emotions out of my voice.
"I do, but just my adopted son, and work," I say.
"Didn't want you to be alone."
"But your glad I am?" she asks.
"Yes," I confess, and her breathing catches, and I really wish I could see her face, "But 28 years Catherine, how could you not find anyone better?"
"No one better than you Ernest, listen, we'll send people through to get you," she says.
"No, don't risk anyone. We'll figure this out. Pulleys or something. Send the address, and something to generate the power, I'll start working on this end."
"Ok, Ernest, we'll try it your way first," she says.
"Quite a brain on that kid of yours," I say.
"Yeah, he's a genius. But I worry about him. He doesn't make friends easy. He doesn't know how to have friends, to play, have fun. He's so series. Sometimes I wish I knew if he was always like that or it it's just since his parent's death."
"When did they die?" I ask.
"Four months ago. He saw there, deaths, pretty violent."
"Shit!" I pause, "Catherine? Did it bring back memories of your Mom?" I ask with concern.
"Some," she answers with a sigh, "But that helped." I really want to get back to Catherine, and…was it too call him "our" son?
Catherine's POV
1974 Colorado Springs
It was just one of those days. The alarm shatters a good dream. The coffee maker gets stubborn and leaves grounds in my cup. Daniel is so slow I have to yell at him, three times. I hate myself when I yell at Daniel. Then there is traffic. When we finally get to the school I see some boy shove Daniel as they head in the door. I debate what kind of a mom I'm going to be-for about ten seconds. Then I get out and defend my baby cub.
So by the time I get to work I'm crabby, ashamed, and very late. I walk into my office-and-there-he-is.
"Ernest?" I ask and he's hugging me.
"Are you real? Are you real?" he sobs as he keeps hugging me. I can't imagine-28 years without touching another human being. I rub my hand across his back, touching him, holding him close.
"How did you get here Ernest?" I ask.
"A few days of working with simple machines, and I had it," he replies.
"You saved yourself," I say.
He laughs, "With a little help from you and your genius kid. Now I brought what I could, but they are going to have to go back for the pedestal. I laid out the pictures that Daniel asked for…"
"Ernest, this is your first day back on earth you should not be working."
"What else am I going to do?" he asks puzzled.
"Come home," I say.
He looks at me, genuinely confused, "I don't have a home, Catherine."
"Ernest, when we found out you were alive. Daniel and I set up the guest room for you. But the paperwork through, got you legally declared alive. We got ready for you."
He shakes his head, "We're not married, yet."
"You can't live by yourself Ernest. You've been gone twenty-eight years. A lot has changed. If you want you can stay on base, but you should really come home with me."
"You have a son, Catherine," he says shaking his head even harder.
"Nothing fishy is going to happen. Danny is fine with it. You can adjust and then when we get married you'll just be moving across the hall instead of across town." He shakes his head, "Ok, Ernest, come home with me for now. If you want I'll drive you back at the end of the day."
"Why should we go to your house, there is a whole world to adjust to."
"There will be plenty of things to adjust to just in the house, but we can go out this afternoon if you want."
So I spent the day introducing Ernest to household appliances and fixtures he hadn't used in three decades (or never). Then I showed him the TV which cause such a sensory overload he took a nap. During our lunch he looks over at me, and says, "All the time I was imagining you unchanged and you were changing.
"You were changing to Ernest," I say, but she shakes his head.
That afternoon he's falling in love with rock music when I tell him, "I've got to go pick up Daniel.
"I'll come," he says.
Daniel doesn't smile very often. But when he sees Ernest he grins, and runs. Ernest jumps out of the car and catches Daniel as he flings himself through the air at him.
"Ernest!" he exclaims.
"I got you buddy," Ernest says.
"You came home," Daniel says surprised.
"Yeah, you saved me," he says spinning Daniel around.
"No, I didn't," Daniel says giggling.
"Sure did, genius boy," Ernest says setting his feet on the ground and opening the car door for him.
"Did mom show you your room," he asks bouncing on the seats.
"Yeah, Danny, but I can't live with you." Danny's face fall, and I'm panicking. I see rejection and abandonment, and all the things I've tried to shield Danny from. He doesn't get that this isn't about him.
"But Mom says you would get married," and he looks at me. I know exactly what he's thinking-the time I told him to stand up and demand love if people didn't just give it to him.
"We will Danny," Ernest says intertwining my fingers with his, "but we aren't married yet."
"But we made a room for you. I helped her pick it out. You could tuck me in Ernest. You could eat pancakes for breakfast. Mom makes good pancakes. I could help you with your research."
"We will do all of those things, Danny, but why don't we start with catch," Ernest says calmly.
"Mom," he says in a firm voice, "You going to let him break up this family?"
Ernest is laughing, but I can tell by the look in his eye that he knows it's serious to, "Catherine, can I talk to you out of the car for a moment?" he asks. I oblige.
"I'm legally alive right?" he asks. I nod, "Ok, so I think three decades is a long enough engagement."
"Ernest, we are not getting married to stop Danny's tantrum."
"Ok," he says running a finger down my cheek, "Then let's get married, because I'm in love with you. Because I want to be with you forever. Because I want that kid to know I'll always be with him. Because I don't want to wait any longer to say I do."
"God, Ernest," I mutter, "When I came out here I honestly believed there was no way that you were going to win this argument. But I love you forever to, let's get married," and I give him a kiss.
We get back into the car, and my stomach is doing flips of excitement.
"Danny, Ernest and I are getting married," I tell him.
He rolls his eyes, "I know Mom," he says.
"She means now," Ernest says. Suddenly Danny is crawling over the seat and is in our laps.
1976 Abydos
Ernest's POV
I honestly thought I would never be going through the gate again. I thought I would spend the rest of my life happily translating the "meaning of life stuff" and Daniel insists on calling it. That and coming home to my wife and son every night made me a pretty happy camper.
But I'm the leading expert on the gate. The team that is working with the computers has started "random dialing," which has everyone excited, but looks a lot like what we almost failed at thirty years ago. Except with giant computers generating the guesses at a rate of one per day. No the real reason we got another lock is my son, the genius.
Most people thought the symbols were a combination lock. I'd been telling them they were coordinates. Daniel takes my idea and builds on it. They are coordinates, and they are constellations. That and his transition of the cover stone they found it with, and they have a lock. So they send a camera through to this new place. Brilliant temple, and no people around. Probably just like Heliopolis.
When they first ask me I say no. Then I think saying no without talking to her is probably as bad as saying yes without talking to her. So I talk to her. And. She. Tells. Me. To. Go. (After she checks my work to make sure the return address is correct).
We talk about it, argue it out. And in the end I do go. Because I can read more of the four alien languages than anyone else on the planet (with the possible exception of my wife and son, neither of whom are going through the gate on my watch).
I'm here now, and it is not what I expected. There are people. Friendly people, who keep warning us about some devil from their mythology. Our ancient Egypt expert took months of two day trips to translate what they are saying. After he broke the code, I picked up on it pretty fast-Danny taught my hieroglyphics.
But I don't think much of their demon. But one night we are all sitting around the campfire. A little girl comes up to me, she must be about Daniel's age, and I think she belongs to the leader.
"You don't believe in Ra?" she asks, whispering a word I've figured out is forbidden.
I shake my head.
"He doesn't come often, but when he comes….he took my mother," she says soft eyes focused on mine. I look at her. A little traumatized kid. I can't not believe her. Ra, a demon that steals bodies from souls, must be real.