Morning guys :) So when I said this was a shameless self indulgent facing of one of my own fears? I am terrified of brain stuff - dementia, memory loss, strokes you name it, if it's to do with losing who you are then it fucks me up if I think about it too much. Anyway I've decided to face it dead on and write about it and hope you enjoy this :)

Yuri's eyes flutter open to blinding white light. It's so bright it hurts and he has to blink a few times to even begin to get used to it. He has no idea where he is, why it's so bright or why his head aches something fierce. The last thing he remembers... actually he doesn't know what the last thing he remembers is, everything is too hazy. He blinks a few more times trying to work out where he is and eventually realises that he's in some kind of hospital room.

There is a man sitting in the corner, asleep in a chair, that he half recognises. It looks like Viktor – the silver hair should be a giveaway but the hair is too short and the lines around his eyes make him look too old to be Viktor anyway. Who else could it be though? Viktor's dad? Why would Viktor's dad be here though? They've never properly met. This doesn't make any sense... what's going on?

Yuri clears his throat as he pushes himself up into a sitting position. "Viktor?" He must have been in hospital a long time because his voice sounds odd... lower, deeper even. What on earth is going on?

The man looks up suddenly, eyes wide with concern. He stares at Yuri for a second before he runs to the door. "He's awake!" he shouts to whoever is outside before he runs back to Yuri's side and throws his arms around his neck. "Yurio thank god!" Viktor practically sobs. "We've been so worried, the doctor said you might not wake up."

Yurio?

What's he doing? Why is he hugging me?

The closeness is making it difficult to breath and he's about to try and push Viktor away when two people he doesn't recognise enter the room. Both of them have dark hair, one wearing his in an undercut, and Yuri wonders if they're doctors. They don't look that much like doctors but why else would they be here?

The one with the undercut rushes to Yuri's side as soon as he sees that Yuri's eyes are open. He takes Yuri's hand and presses a kiss to the back of it before he presses it against his forehead. "My god Yura, you're okay, I'm so glad."

Now Yuri knows he's not comfortable with this. He has no idea who this man is and he looks much too old to be kissing his hand like that. He pulls his hand out of the man's grasp and shrinks against Viktor for support.

"Who are you?" he asks.

The man's eyes widen, filling with hurt as he stares at Yuri. An awkward silence fills the room – Yuri and the man just staring at each other while Viktor and the other one look on. Finally Viktor breaks the silence, clearing his throat.

"You must have hit your head harder than we thought Yurio," he chuckles nervously. "It's Otabek."

"I... I don't know him," Yuri says still eyeing 'Otabek' suspiciously. He feels a little guilty when Otabek seems to sag in front of his eyes but he pushes it aside and turns to Viktor. "Why do you keep calling me 'Yurio'? It's weird."

Another silence falls and now Viktor is staring down at him looking hurt as well. It's all too confusing and kind of scary. Yuri doesn't know what to do, how to make them stop looking at him like that. The other man suddenly jumps to his rescue.

"Why don't I go and get your doctor?" he suggests. "Then hopefully they can tell us a bit more about what's happening."

He leaves the room and Yuri doesn't know if he wants to beg him to stay or not. This is too strange. Everything is so different and he doesn't know if he can handle the way Otabek is looking at him.

"Where's my Grandpa?" Yuri asks desperately trying to fill the awkward silence.

"He's on his way," Viktor replies. "He should be here tomorrow."

"And Yakov?"

"Also on his way," Viktor says. "He should be here sooner."

"Okay." Yuri's lost for words. His head is pounding and he doesn't know how to make things any less confusing.

A knock at the door breaks the tension filling the room and a woman's voice meets Yuri's ears. "Hello sweetheart it's good to see you awake," she says. "I'm Dr Lenkov, I'll be looking after you while you're here."

"Hi," Yuri mumbles as she comes over to him.

"How are you feeling?" she asks as she pulls up a chair and sits down, Otabek and Viktor making room for her.

"My head hurts," Yuri says.

"Understandable," she says. "You had quite a nasty fall."

"Did I?" Yuri doesn't remember falling. He still doesn't know what he actually does remember, it's all so hazy.

"I just want to ask you a couple of questions, if that's okay?" Dr Lenkov says.

"Um sure..." Yuri replies, still confused.

"Okay good can you tell me your name please?"

"Yuri Plisetsky," he says.

"And when is your birthday?"

"First of March 2001," he says. These are easy. He thought she was going to ask him about his apparent fall.

"And how old are you?" she asks.

"Thirteen," he says. Everyone in the room suddenly stops and stares at him. "What?" he asks, confused.

"Yuri, honey, what year is it?" Dr Lenkov asks, her voice a little more strained than before but still professional.

"2014."

Dr Lenkov nods slowly. "Okay it seems that the knock to your head when you feel may have caused some memory loss."

"Memory loss?"

"Now this is going to be a little difficult for you to understand but it's actually 2019," Dr Lenkov tells him.

"But..." Yuri begins trying to wrap his head around this piece of information. It can't be... "But that would mean I'm eighteen," he says slowly as he works it out.

"Yes, I'm afraid it does," Dr Lenkov says. "Now we want to keep you here for a few more days now that you're awake, just to make sure that there is no other damage sustained."

She keeps talking but Yuri stops listening. He's already too busy thinking about the bomb that's just been dropped. Five years... five years just gone... He can't wrap his head around it. It doesn't seem real – it can't be. This is what happens in films and trashy books. It doesn't happen to real people.

"Is that why I know you but not you?" Yuri asks slowly, looking from Viktor to Otabek, pointing at them respectively.

"That would explain it," Viktor says.

"There is going to be a lot of filling in that will need doing," Dr Lenkov says, "but it's important not to do too much all at once and wear yourself out."

Yuri can't breath. It's all too much and his head still hurts like crazy. He can feels tears at his eyes and his breath is coming out in pants. His chest is tightening, it feels like he's drowning and he doesn't know what to do to stop it.

A gentle hand on his shoulder makes him look up into the face of the man who's name he still doesn't know. He has kind eyes and a warm smile that would make Yuri feel better if he wasn't struggling to breathe.

"Yura," the man says, "my name is Yuuri, I'm Viktor's husband. We have met before."

Yuri stares up at him with wide eyes.

Viktor has a husband?

"I want you to take a deep breath for me," Yuuri says and Yuri does so as best he can. "Now hold it for a second, let it out slowly and then tell me what colour my glasses are."

What?

Yuri has no idea why he's being asked this. They're blue... As he slowly lets out the breath he can feel himself calming slightly and he realises they're actually a bright cyan.

"Blue," is still what comes out but Yuuri smiles.

"Okay good, can we do that again but tell me what colour Viktor's hair is."

Yuri nods taking another deep breath. He looks over at Viktor noticing the way the light catches beautifully on his silver but something keeps him from wanting to say that.

"Grey," he says when he lets the breath out.

"Wow rude," Viktor chuckles. "Good to know you haven't lost you sense of humour."

"I know this is a lot to take in," Dr Lenkov says. "So I'll give you some time to process this and come back to check on you later, okay?"

"Thank you Dr Lenkov," Yuuri says.

"Get some rest," she tell Yuri. "We can discuss all the ins and outs of how to proceed when you've had a bit more time to process everything but it will become easier."

"Okay," Yuri mumbles as she leaves. He doesn't know how much he believes her but it's easier to agree.

It's a lot to take in and knowing that he has half a decade's worth of stuff to catch up on is even more daunting. What have I missed over the last five years? He still feels a little like he's drowning but that consuming panic seems to have gone. Yuuri... the other one, gives off this air of calm that keeps him from losing it completely. He's trying to keep his breathing even, trying to stay calm but he really wishes someone would say something instead.

"Well..." Yuuri says finally after the silence has stretched on a little too long, "that could have been a lot worse. We've still got you Yura and we can catch up slowly over time. It doesn't need to be done all in one go."

"This is true," Viktor says brightly.

He begins chatting animatedly in that annoying Viktor way of his but Yuri finds that he isn't as annoyed about it as he thinks he should be. More than anything he just feels exhausted, like every bit of energy he might have has been drained and all he wants to do is go to sleep.

"'m tired," he mumbles but it's loud enough to cut Viktor off mid sentence.

"Okay well we can leave and let you sleep," Viktor says.

"We'll be just outside the door if you need us, okay?" Yuuri says smiling at him. Yuri nods and leans back against his pillows. "Come on Otabek," Yuuri says, placing a hand on his shoulder and finally breaking the stupor he's in.

"Sure," he says and gets to his feet.

The three of them turn to leave and Yuri suddenly feels this crushing weight of loneliness. "Wait!" he cries. All three of them turn to look and him and he suddenly feels very silly. "I... um... I..."

"You alright Yura?" Yuuri asks.

"I know, I know Viktor," Yuri says looking at Otabek, "and I get him as he's married to Viktor," he continues, gesturing to Yuuri. "How do I know you?"

Otabek seems to think about this for a minute or two before answering. "We're friends."

Yuri mulls this over for a moment. It seems plausible enough that they are friends otherwise why would Otabek be here? It doesn't quite explain the hand kissing but maybe they're just really close... or maybe Otabek is just a very touchy-feely person. Having a friend wouldn't be so bad – he does remember being very lonely and he must have made some friends in the last five years, at the very least one.

He smiles. "I'll try to make sure that I remember you then," he says. "I don't remember really having any friends so it's nice to know that I do."

Otabek doesn't say anything, he just gives Yuri a slightly tight lipped smile. It's a strange look – he almost looks like he's in pain – but Yuri has no idea why. After a pause Yuuri takes Otabek's arm and pulls him away.

"Let's let him get some sleep."

"We'll be right out here," Viktor says.

"Okay," Yuri mumbles. His eyes are already slipping closed as the the tiredness envelops him. He tries to fight it for a moment or two, why he doesn't really know, but eventually he lies back down and lets himself drift off to sleep.