Oh, Hoodenee

Chapter two

It took no hesitation to walk through the kitchen with Kevin, but as soon as I heard Nick walk down the stairs into the living room I tensed up. If Kevin's hand didn't place its self firmly on my shoulder I would have darted out of the house and hide in mom's garden again. I have to stop hiding, but it's really hard not to when I blame everything on myself. My hand grasped the phone I just used to call out for pizza, my heart thumping in my chest.

"Joe, breathe." Kevin's voice came out low as Nick entered the kitchen. Breathe. Yeah I need to breathe. This isn't working.

"Hey Nick-o." Kevin smiled as he leaned on the counter across from Nick who just sat down. "How are you feeling?"

"Great…I just need to go to the store though, for something…" He didn't look at me. Was I that horrible! Oh no, was it my fault he and Miley broke up? I know Kevin said it wasn't but what if it was…what did I do? My chest began to hesitate in its motions and I felt like I was going to fall down.

"Joe…" Kevin said firmly, trying to get my attention. "Joe, breathe…Joey breathe, air, inhale exhale!"

I began to take in fast breaths and shut my eyes, my cheeks reddening in embarrassment and lack of oxygen. Oh god, save my soul I am such a moronic moron!

"What, are you pregnant or something?" Nick's tone was slightly taunting, and it just added to my emotion meltdown. I began to shake and I held the phone so tightly in my grasp that it snapped In my hand. Nick jumped as a piece of the phone flew past him. "Joe?"

"Just stop talking to me!" I cried.

"Joe, it's alright, look at me." Kevin was now in front of me, a hand on each of my shoulders. His firm grip was telling me he wasn't going to let me go until I relaxed, until I calmed myself. I raised my eyes to look at him and then I began to shake harder. "Joe it's okay…"

"No, it's not, it'll never be okay!" I pushed him away and turned around to leave.

"Joe, what's up man?" Nick stepped in front of me with his hand on my chest. God, the touch was enough to make me realize what I'd never have.

"Get away from me Nicholas." I tried to keep a firm hold on my voice, but it only cracked, causing me to sound like a parched parakeet in the middle of a dessert…though I don't know if parakeet's sound like that…let alone what they would be doing in the dessert. That would be stupid thinking in my opinion…but then again I was an idiot, and I had stupid thinking. WHY am I standing here arguing with myself? Oh yeah, cause I'm an idiot…right.

"No, not until you tell me what's going on."

"Why do you even care?" My eyes began to burn. "Everything's my fault anyway…it always is."

"What?" Nick looked a bit taken aback by my words. "Everything isn't your fault Joe…"

"It sure feels like it…" My emotions began to struggle their hold in the small box I held them in. How can I stand here and look at the boy I cared about and not want to tell him how I feel, tell him EVERY thing I feel.

"It's not…Joe."

"I feel like a failure…to you and Kevin…I never do anything right." The tears began to well inside of me.

"Joe, you are a wonderful brother, to both of us, including Frankie." Nick sighed. "I've been the horrible brother…with all of the stress on Miley and my relationship I began taking it out on you, because you were there.

"Well that was shitty." I choked out.

"Y-yeah…it was…" Nick looked up into my hurt eyes and I thought for a second, I saw his heart begin to break. But maybe it was only mine crashing again, like so many times before. "B-but we're over now…so I won't be treating you like shit anymore…"

"You shouldn't have treated me like shit in the first place!" I snapped. "All I ever wanted for you was happiness and in turn I got stomped all over by your selfish attitude…you never had a problem before with me wanting to learn an instrument, and I didn't bother a second try at guitar cause you didn't want me to…because I wanted to make you happy!"

"Joe…"

"I'm tired of it! It's worse then when you sat on my hamster Barney when you were 8." I felt a tear slide down my cheek and Nick's eyes widened in shock. Besides Kevin…no one had seen me cry…No one.

"J-joe…" He began but I shook my head and left the kitchen, hearing Kevin follow me up the stairs into my room where he took my arm, shutting the door behind him.

"Joe, I'm proud of you." Proud of me… "You told him how you felt…even if it was only a small amount of sharing, you did it."

"I wanted to slap him, kick him, punch him, kiss him, hold him…god Kevin, why am I so messed up?" I collapsed into his arms and he kneeled on the floor hugging me.

"You are NOT messed up Joey, you aren't!" Kevin rubbed small circles on my back as I began to cry. The tears hurt just as much as the pain I felt. If I knew I would be accepted for my sins then I wouldn't hide them. However, Kevin tells me they aren't a sin, but it still feels like it.

(Nick's POV)

My heart stopped as he fled the room. The only look I got from Kevin as he walked past me was pity it seemed. What have I done to him? If I weren't so angry all the time with Miley, and my secrets I would never have taken it out on the person who cherished my happiness over his own. Being Bisexual was a sin in the religious eyes of out world, or most of our world anyway, and I never thought anyone would ever accept that. Miley did, but because I couldn't feel anything for her anymore, she told me I needed to tell the person I liked more than her how I felt, or I was going to "get a boot up my ass". Or so she said.

I had to follow my brothers, apologize, maybe even get my brother something to show him how much I was sorry. Although when I came up to my brothers slightly closed door, I heard something I never expected…

"…Joe you can't keep holding your feelings for him in, they are going to explode, you know that they will, what if it's him who catches your emotional break down next time?" I heard the worry in Kevin's voice, and the tone of protectiveness. As the older brother, I supposed Kevin was the one who really felt responsible for everyone else. "Nick won't hate you, if anything he'll accept who you are but need some time to get used to it…"

"Kevin…I'm not gay…I'm just set on him…" Joe sighed.

"Well that's a different sexual orientation, Not Bi, not straight, not gay…but Nick."

"Haha, so very funny." I noted the sarcasm in my brother's voice, but there was still a follow up of mild laughter. I stepped away from the door and headed down the stairs. From the sounds of it, Joe may have feelings for me, more than brotherly feelings. But apart from that, just being my brother has been hard on him. I've treated him horribly, and all he's tried to do it make sure I didn't get hurt, or sad, or cry…

RING!

"Who is it?"

"PIZZA DELIVERY?" I opened the door and the pizza guy handed me two large pizza's just as Frankie walked in. He was over at Miley's with Noah probably, he usually went over there, causing havoc. It makes me laugh.

"Thanks." I handed him the money and set the pizza down as Frankie moved to put the video games in.

"Hey, Tankman, I'll be back okay?"

"Where are you going?"

Curious eyes watched me grab my coat and tuck my wallet back in my pocket.

"For a quick walk, I'll be back, don't tell Kevin or Joe, okay?"

"Why not?"

"Because…if you don't I'll let you stay up an hour longer before bed." I said.

"Okay!" He smiled and clicked the start button on the super Mario game and I smiled slightly before leaving the house.

(Joe's POV)

I heard a knock on my door as I poked my half eaten slice of pizza Kevin had brought up for me, sighing slightly. I didn't want to answer my door; I didn't feel like talking to anyone, or seeing anyone for that matter. The knock came again and I let out another sigh.

"Yeah."

The door opened slowly.

"Hey…"

I looked up. Nick. My eyes focused on his nervous state before traveling to a covered box in his arms.

"What is that?"

"Oh, um…it's for you…" I could have sworn I saw a blush but shrugged it off and stood up as he walked over to my bland side table with only the paper plate and slice of half eaten pizza and uncovered the box as he set it down. As it turns out it wasn't a box, but a cage…with a hamster.