Disclaimer: I did not come up with any of these characters. They all belong to J.K. Rowling (lucky #&!). I did however think of this story and dialogue.
Author's Notes: This is my favorite chapter! Dumbledore's monologue is what my friend and I made up. This is the short version with the funny stuff. Enjoy!
With Dumbledore threw himself into his chair and put his face in his hands. Snape looked at him with thorough bewilderment. Harry? Potter? He had always been Dumbledore's favorite. Dumbledore's man through and through. What had made Dumbledore change his mind? Seeing the look of astonishment on Snape's face, Dumbledore started to explain himself, but with a tone of agony and desperation in his voice, one that Snape had never heard before.
"You see, he's such a whiner! mocking baby voice 'Aahh! My scar hurts! I had a bad dream! Help me Dumbledore, I had a bad dream that made my scar hurt!' Gawd, get a warm glass of milk and go back to bed! It's not my fault Voldemort tried to kill you as a baby but killed your parents instead. I mean, the first time it was sad, pitiful actually, to see him come to school with horrible clothes, a miserable expression, and no friends. I felt like a good person to help him out and make him feel welcome to the school by letting him come to me whenever he needed to. But I only meant for it to be for the first few weeks, not the rest of his life! Gosh, have you seen the way he clings to me! It's like he's a leech that can't get enough of my blood! The first couple of times he got into trouble but eventually saved the school, it was cute, heroic even. But then it just got old. 'Oh look, there comes Harry out of the maze. What? He saw the Dark Lord? Well, what do you expect? He needed a really dramatic exit from the maze. Seeing the Dark Lord is just so convenientisn't it?' Are you seeing a pattern?
"He just doesn't stop! And he always has to turn to me for help. Why can't he bug you or Lupin or something? Last year I tried to give him the cold shoulder to see if he'd get the hint, but noooo, he thinks that just because his godfather got Avada Kedavra-ed I'm going to become sympathetic and chummy again. You know, I tried to understand him last year and opened up to him the truth to let him know that his life is gonna pretty much suck so he needs to stop ruining mine at the same time. And what does he do when I try to be all understanding and sympathetic? HE TRASHES MY OFFICE! He starts throwing things and yelling in my face and ruining all my possessions. That is not the way to get back on someone's good side. And it didn't help that his breath could use a tic-tac.
"What about that time that he went into my pensieve? Those are private thoughts. You've experienced that too, right Severus? He went into your private thoughts last year too. You had every right to throw him out of your office. See, he just doesn't learn. Well I'm sick of him. Severus, do an old man a favor and just kill me!" After this long monologue of ranting he finally got to the point and looked up at Snape.
Snape just stood there relishing the moment. Dumbledore was asking him to kill him! It was the best day of his life. Oh this was totally going in his diary. Snape took a deep calming breath and said,
"Sir, what you ask of me isn't easy. I'm putting myself in great danger already with the Dark Lord by being a spy. If I killed you then everyone would believe that I am an actual Death Eater, not that you asked me to kill you."
"Severus, I'm begging you!" at this Snape smiled delightedly to himself, "Please put me out of my misery. I promise that I'll make it so that you are not caught. I have this all planned out. I'll go somewhere with Harry that night, I haven't decided where but I'll think of that, and you can put the Dark Mark over the Astronomy Tower. When Harry and I get back we'll see the mark and rush to the Tower. There I will stun Harry, who will be under his invisibility cloak, and then I'll pretend like I can't believe you're about to kill me but you do. Then you can run away while Harry is still numb from the shock that his mentor/obsession is dead. Perfect, eh?" Dumbledore finished reciting his plan. Snape had to admit, with a little more preparation it could truly work. And, oh, the satisfaction of killing the man he despises. Won't the Dark Lord be pleased! He'll be honored beyond his wildest dreams.
"What you're asking of me is horrible, but I know you're pain and am surprised that I haven't thought of this before for myself. I would be honored to be the wizard who relieves you of your misery.Now I must excuse myself because you have left me very stunned and weak at the knees, I admit. I must retire and mull over this new task."
"Of course, Severus. Thank you! Thank you! You have put me at such ease, now, knowing that my miseries shall soon be over. I'll sleep easily now, for I know such joy! But be careful not to reveal this plot to anyone, not anyone." Instructed Dumbledore.
"I wouldn't dream of such a thing. Goodnight, Headmaster," bade Severus as he turned to leave.
"Goodnight Severus"
Severus walked calmly out of Dumbledore's office and continued his pace until he was off the stairway and past the gargoyle. When he turned a corner he quickenedhis step and sprinted down the halls to his office in the dungeon. When he locked the door behind him he threw himself stomach first onto his bed and pulled out a sparkly fluffy pink diary with a matching pen attached to it. Snape frantically pulled off the pen and began scribbling furiously the night's events into its pages.