A/N: I'm back! And with yet another HP story, which seems to be all I'm writing nowadays… anyway, here I am with another. This was written for the Potions Class for Assignment 10 in the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Challenges and Assignments) Forum.
Task: Dittany:, Because Dittany is used to heal, write about someone moving on in their life. This could be from a relationship, an item, or an obsession... feel free to get creative.
Prompt: (quote) "I can't go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then." Alice, Alice in Wonderland
Please keep in mind this is just a theory kinda story with a part that isn't exactly likely, with Sirius having gone to jail before James and Lily were killed, but it's speculation and since I can't remember if that was a true fact or not, I'm calling it that. This is going to be pretty painful, and hopefully, enjoyable, so here it goes!
He stared out the hole in the rock, watching the rain fall down. It was dreadful, having to sit on this in his mind. Why? Why was life this cruel? Ever since he had been stuck in jail, in Azkaban, he had thought it unfair but also knew it was the price to pay for what had happened, even if it was nowhere near his fault. Now he was out, now he was gone, but now, now, he couldn't be with Harry even if he wanted to. The pain in his heart at not being able to be with Harry was horrible, but now was also the first time he was able to get over James's death, and Lily's. In the prison, emotions had been too risky to feel for fear of the dementors, so when he heard that they were both dead, Sirius Black hadn't been able to grieve.
The smell of the dirty cave was finally getting to him after all these days and he had hardly anything to eat at all. Buckbeak was complaining about it at the moment, but he couldn't do anything for him. All Sirius could feel at the moment was pain, fresh, renewed pain, and finally he could let it out. Maybe even get over the fact that both of them were dead.
Harry had helped ease any of the pain he might have been feeling, but now that the boy wasn't here, he was lonely and depressed most of the time, wandering around towns as a dog just to get people's attention for food, but it didn't help much since he couldn't go into human form or someone would see him. The fact that he was an illegal Animagus was the only thing keeping him alive at the moment. For his partner, the hippogriff, it was just as bad, but Buckbeak couldn't go anywhere and Sirius, luckily could.
Putting his head between his hands, he stared at the dirt floor, and quietly began to sob. There was no way out of this now, he had to go on, for Harry's sake and his own, for the whole of one of his best friend's legacy, he had to. Absolutely had to. But he couldn't, it was too hard, and it was better to just give up and die right there on the ground. He had failed and that had resulted in their deaths. Sirius knew this better than anyone.
The rain outside wasn't improving his mood and as he sat there, he began to wonder why everything turned to rain when one was sad or angry. While the tears fell from his eyes to the floor, which was quite damp by this time, he wondered just how much he could go through before he finally broke, or if this was his breaking point.
Buckbeak seemed to be having a decent time getting through his depression at being nearly killed, but most likely, there had been none. Sirius could tell the hippogriff was pleased with the way things worked now, but he knew he himself wasn't. There wasn't anything to live for anymore.
The instant he thought that was the moment he realized: James would have wanted him to move on. Lupin had almost practically said so himself, and they all had known Harry needed him. Sirius would stay with Harry as long as Harry needed him, even if he was only in touch with the boy through owl communication. Harry was valuable, oh so valuable, to the wizarding world, more than either he or Sirius knew, and having someone to lean on like Sirius was a must.
Looking up and drying his eyes after finally letting go of the grief that had haunted him for 13 years, Sirius Black realized he hadn't caused the Potters to die, it wasn't his fault. It was, of course, Wormtail's, and the little rodent would be killed in time, at least, he was sure he could do it, he wanted to. It was nowhere near his fault, and Sirius couldn't go on blaming himself. Standing up and wiping the dust off his pants, he looked around and said, "I can't go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then. But I can stay in the now and be the person I have become, someone stronger, someone wiser, and someone more willing to avenge James Potter's death, and more wiser in assisting Harry in every way I can."
A/N: As I might have mentioned before, this was largely an experiment, so there it is! I seriously hope this was good, it was a bit of a last minute story, and hopefully, this is good enough and unique enough of an idea that it changed some people's points of view. I hope you enjoyed, and please, review, review, review!