What's Eating Oscar the Grouch?
"Sonova…you stupid…why you…ARGH!...you- OWCH!"
Big Bird and Snuffy approached the trash can cautiously, hearing the clanging and yelling coming from within.
"Take THAT!...get- *BANG!*… freakin' hell….*SMASH!*…why can't ANYTHING go RIGHT?!! *CRASH!!*…"
"Er…Oscar?"
There was no response as Oscar continued his muffled ranting, the lid now and then being thrust skywards a couple of centimetres and falling back down with a clang after every occasional explosion.
Big Bird cleared his throat and tried again. "Oscar?" he said loudly. "Are you in there?" Which was a very silly question as he obviously was.
"…*BOOM!*…Yeah, I'm COMI- *CRACK!*…useless piece of….AIYEEE!!...*SCHMACK!*…OW!..."
"Oscar?"
"…*THUD!*…ARGH! Just leave me alone!..Stupid…STUPID… *CLUNK!*…I HATE THIS…"
Big Bird knocked politely on the trash can lid. "Oscar, I need to talk to you," he said, trying not to be alarmed as Oscar let out an ear-piercing scream. "It's very important." He stroked his beak. "I think. I can't exactly remember."
"Look Big Bird," said Snuffy, turning towards his friend, "Perhaps it's not a good time?"
The steel lid suddenly flew open and a dishevelled Grouch appeared before them. "Yeah," he sneered, "it isn't a good time. So why don't you and the bird SCRAM!!"
Big Bird ignored Oscar. "Snuffy," he said firmly, "I'm already here. Now I have to know- it could be very important."
"Listen birdbrain," Oscar said, leaning closer to catch their attention. "Why don't you ask Telly. Or Maria. Or Gordon. Or Niles. Or even Ernie." He carefully left out Bert. "But don't…ask…ME!!" He dropped out of sight and the lid fell down with a clang.
Snuffy sighed. "Oh well Big Bird," he said, trying to console his friend. "You tried. You can't help it if Oscar is a Grouch."
"I know," Big Bird sighed back. "But I thought…well, I thought…"
*KA-BOOOOM!!*
They turned to the trash can, which was trembling involuntarily with the explosion that had occurred inside.
Snuffy shook his head as the thumps and crashes continued.
But Big Bird cocked his head and listened carefully. Somewhere past the bangs and smashes and shattering glass, he thought-very faintly- he could hear someone…crying?