Beth was crying on the couch again, huddled in a ball. Maile walked over and sat next to her without a spring creaking beneath her.
"Beth honey," she put a gentle hand on Beth's knee. Beth's face was swollen and red; and she looked as though the pain of losing Josh was still fresh with her.
All it took was a look, Beth cried harder, Maile opened her arms, and Beth crawled into them. Maile sat against the arm of the couch Beth's body cradled against her, side to front. Beth sobbed into Maile's sleeve and Maile's arms encircled her, one hand running through Beth's messy hair. All the while Maile whispered, "shh it's alright sweetie, it's alright."
After a good hour Beth finally sat up, wiping her eyes with the dirty sleeve of her sweatshirt. Maile pulled out a tissue and Beth wiped at her face. Maile waited patiently until Beth could breathe without shuddering or sniffling, then took Beth's hands. "Now are you going to tell me what's really wrong?"
Beth sniffled again. "Maile would you save me if I was dying?" she asked her voice creaking.
"Of course I would sweetie," Maile answered running her thumb over Beth's hands.
"When Josh died Mick was there. Mick tried to save him, I know he did; but Josh was dying from blood loss. When he lost conscious I begged Mick, I begged him," Beth started to cry again, doubling over.
Maile put a hand on Beth's shoulder, "hey stay with me kid." It took a moment for Beth to stop crying.
"I begged Mick to turn Josh so he wouldn't have to die," she said all at once. Maile's vampire senses picked out the meaning, and her face went blank. "I begged Mick; but he wouldn't. He wouldn't save Josh," Beth said with a voice so pitiful even a vampire's senses couldn't pick out the anger.
"Whoa sweets when you asked if I'd save you, you didn't ask if I would turn you," Maile said suspiciously.
"Well wouldn't you?!" Beth said instantly. Maile looked at her for a moment with a blunt expression that said she knew her answer.
"No," she said without breaking eye contact.
"What…why…?" Beth stumbled over the words to express her confusion.
"Sweets don't get me wrong, I'd die to save you, in a heartbeat, without a second thought; but turning someone is an entirely different matter. Especially for Mick," she added the last bit contemplatively.
"How is it different? How is being a vampire so terrible?" Beth started to rant, "how is being immortal, and strong, and powerful, HOW ON EARTH IS THAT BAD?!" she yelled. Beth thought of her experience with the black crystal. It seemed almost selfish to keep it to yourself; to not use it to save a dying man was unforgivable. The fact that Mick wouldn't do that to help her pierced her heart.
Maile eyed Beth with the tiniest bit of fierceness and Beth crumbled. Maile held her expression and didn't look as tough she was trying to comfort. She looked stern and a little bit disgraced.
"Beth, humans look at vampires and they don't even see them." She didn't pause as Beth looked up nor did her expression change. "All a human sees is the strength and the immortality. I dare you," she said slowly, "to experience the first morning after I was turned and not want to curl up and die half way through it." Her chin was stuck out defiantly and her teeth were barred slightly.
"A vampire is not a god, a vampire is a mistake, an accident. We're not supposed to be alive and we are not supposed to be the way we are. We are stuck, in this limbo between death and hell.
"I hope, more than I hope that the sun rises tomorrow and I live to see it, I hope there isn't a god. I need to believe that when I die, I will go out like a light and not have to suffer for the things I've done.
"When I look in a mirror all I can see is a monster staring back at me. Blood used to make me squirm; now I don't bat an eyelash. Horror and repulsion become a part of daily life. In fact what we have doesn't qualify for life. We're getting by or surviving, making it to tomorrow, so we can just try to make it beyond that, we cope, we exist, we stay alive; but we do not live.
"And beyond that all there is this feeling of wrongness that you have to cope with everyday. You see the people around you and it physically hurts. You see a little baby or an innocent child and it physically hurts that that innocence just reminds you of what you are because you can't block out the heartbeats of those miracles. Those little things that used to make life worth living cut at you worse than a knife and burn worse than fire.
"Never mind all the terrible things you do, you feel wrong! You know you're unnatural, and you pray that this is it so you don't have to suffer anymore when it's all over." Maile's face was taut and passionate, her jaw stiff. Beth was speechless.
Maile turned away and a single tear traced down her cheek as her expression broke. She sniffed, sounding more like a heavy breath; and for the first time Beth saw the hopelessness that Maile pushed past.
"I have a friend who is doing a study," Maile said, her voice evening with each word. "So far less than thirty percent of all newborn vampires make it to one year. They kill themselves or are killed, they can't learn fast enough to survive, their bodies can't stand the change, and those are just some of the reasons. Beth, vampirism is not the answer to anything."
Beth waited a minute, "you said Mick especially, why?"
Maile said nothing "…that's a long story; and it's not really my place to say. Beth, my place is right here. I don't want to be anywhere; but right here because you need me right now. I know you're mad at Mick; but trust me it's not fair to blame him after what he went through."
Beth was not done hating Mick for what he'd done yet. How was it that she managed to know all the vampires? She couldn't help wondering about Maile though. "If you don't mind me asking, how were you turned?" Maile stiffened just slightly.
"Well…" she sighed, "you want the short version or the long version?"
Beth smiled, "I'm a reporter I always want the long version."
Maile smirked just slightly. "Well you know I sing. I used to be the house singer for a place called Cabaret. It was this place people hired out for parties and the like. One night after a show I met this guy. I won't pretend I wasn't attracted to him. He bought me a drink, told me I was an amazing singer, we talked.
"I wish I'd have seen something, some look in his eye, some weird way he spoke; but I didn't. He was charming and a complete gentleman. It got late and I had to go. We made plans to get drinks again and he offered to walk me to my car. It was really late, almost two am, so I told him that would be great. It was an underground parking structure, everyone besides him, the person locking up, and I was gone. We got to my car and he grabbed me." Maile's voice got just a touch weaker.
"I'm not exactly a lightweight. When I was younger my brother used to roughhouse and goof off with me. He was a state champion wrestler twice my size. I learned a lot about how to protect myself; but none of it helped. This guy… he was strong. I couldn't do anything. I yelled and tried to jerk away from him; but he was so strong. His movements weren't erratic either like he was struggling to control me. He grabbed my wrists and held me as I tried to get away."
"It was terrifying. At first I was just pissed that I finally thought I'd met a nice guy and he turned out to be some creepy stalker; but when I couldn't get away the anger turned into panic and fear. I couldn't break free of his grip and I got so exhausted I could barely fight him anymore. Suddenly he pulled me back into the shadows without a second's hesitation to my struggling. He grabbed both my wrists in one hand and put a hand over my mouth." Her breathing was ragged and shallow.
"I watched the last person lock the door and leave," she said softly. Beth raised a hand to her open mouth. "I was still struggling and I pushed him backwards. There was a glass window behind him, part of the building. He broke the window and his grip loosened on me. It didn't even faze him. I broke away, grabbed a piece of glass, and ran towards my car. I looked back at him when I got to the door; but he was still standing there, hadn't even moved. He pulled my keys out of his pocket and dangled them in front of me.
"The next part scared the hell out of me. He covered the distance between us in less than a second," Beth knew what a vampire's top speed was like and she didn't blame Maile for the way she started to tremble just slightly.
"I raised the piece of glass and I felt it as it went into his chest. He didn't even stop. He grabbed me again, bit my neck, and drained me entirely. I found out later that when he had finished he pulled the glass out of his chest. It was deep in there from the way he impaled himself on it. When he pulled it out the blood arced onto me… I swallowed some; and that's how I became a vampire." That's how Mick turned me into a vampire, she thought to herself.