Why hello there, if you are reading this, then you survived the stupidity overload from the first chapter. That's good; I usually lose like twenty people due to that. Well I want you to see some of the stats of our characters, some of these are real others well you can tell.
McCall:
Physical Conditioning: Above Average; Cardiovascular focus
Magic:
Variable Perusal (See through solid objects)
High Impact (Encase bullet in magical aura capable of penetrating anything)
MP: 200 (No Charge)
Special Ability:
Dead Shot; Give him a ranged weapon and he can shoot off you left nut off from three times the recommended accurate distance.
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Graf Haberkamp:
Physical Conditioning: Above Average
Magic:
Black Lvl. 1 – Lvl. 9
MP: 500 (Charge Based)
Special Ability:
Oblivious; Immune to all status ailments and stat or mentality altering attacks.
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Ero-Mae-Dono:
Physical Conditioning: Very Low
Magic:
Innate, requires only subconscious thought.
MP: Over 9,000
Special Ability:
Dance-Dance Fervor; [NO RESISTANCE Those in range of attack helplessly stop whatever they are doing and begin to dance.
Now on to the never ending adventures of the ADHD Squad.
It's been ten years sense we last saw all of our sugar happy friends…wait for us that would be like thirty minutes and forty two seconds. They, for lack of a better word, were all bored.
Klein had been trying to run around the world in two minutes, and somehow he managed it in a minute and five seconds. If anyone had asked him how he did it he would have replied "Well I was only jogging."
Our slack-jawed Jew of a Rubens was still trying to find a way to scam the world into giving him all of the money in said world. So far all he has gotten is about three hundred thousand dollars in debt. Hey who knew it cost money to own a bank, his best idea so far was to get Bill Gates to put all of his billons of dollars into an account, he managed to finally get Bill's answering machine…once.
Abt had been fired from Burlington Coat Factory for trying to make a new and improved version of his old trench coat, this time it would be unbreakable and could hold even more, if it were physically possible. That's not the reason why he was fired, he got fired because he stole the coat once it was made, even though he made it an could of charged any amount he wanted…like a penny maybe, but no he stole it.
McCall well no one but his employers knew what he was up to. Haberkamp on the other hand was very easy to track down if need be. He was an attraction at the local fair, "The Amazing Mister Oblivious" he was called. You paid twenty bucks to try and get his attention, in return for his services; the fair paid him in AA batteries.
Mae well he was the only one to keep doing the job he did, seeing as the CIA sent him on stake outs of the pedophiles. He got paid and got to see little girls. It was a win win in his mind. The agency didn't care that he was just as bad as the guys and sometimes girls (HEY THERE!!!) as long as they took these fools off the streets, you know what they say to catch a criminal you have to think like one or get one on the pay roll.
The Frank brothers had there game shop closed because they didn't believe that you had make sure only seventeen year olds bought mature games. (We all know it's a stupid policy) they argued that the only let fifteen and up by them, no little kids. The bigger franchises of game shops heard about this and wanted them gone. They were like the mafia of game stores, so it was no problem to take them out…of business.
The misc. member of the squad decided to all go together to Anthro Con during the summer. (And so the author didn't have to write a very big description of what they were doing.) Now you all have to understand that this happened in about thirty minutes, for anyone else this would be impossible, but not for the members of the ADHD Squad!
Now here is something you might not have known, why, because I didn't feel like telling you that's why.
There he sat at his computer screen reading a new chapter that had been updated on to fanficiton. He felt a strange shift in the force, he knew it was time; the ultimate enemy was back and ready to make his move. He had hopped the group would take care of its self after he left, in the hopes that he could go to collage and live a normal life. (Not in my fic hell no!)
(Grandma V's Pancake house)
Abt was sitting in a booth in a Grandma V's, waiting for a ham and cheese omelet, when his iphone went off.
"Hello? Who's this?" he asked as soon as he answered the call.
"Abt" replied the caller.
"Yes this is Abt, who is this?" Abt was wondering who could have called him this early in the morning. A man can't even eat an omelet these days.
"You know who this is." He said. "No, who are you?" Now Abt was really confused, who the hell was it?
There was a sound of a hand slapping a forehead "My god Abt it's me Racicot." He better not ask who I am again…oh who am I kidding its Abt.
"Raci! Hey how you been, what's college like, do you get to go to fun parties and were togas and all that cool stuff…" Abt asked so many questions and they just kept coming.
"SHUT UP!!!!!!" God dam, could he be anymore annoying?
"WWHHHHAAAAAA WHAAAAAAA WHY IS RACI BEING SO MEAN TO ME WHAAAAAA!!!!!" That would be a yes.
"You done now Abt because I called you for a reason." Racicot was starting to wonder if leaving him in charge was really a good idea.
"Yeah yeah so what did you call about?" he he it's so much fun to piss people off.
"I need you to get the group back together, its time." He replied.
"Its time? The hell do you mean its time, and the group, don't get me started on that." Abt said.
"What do you mean?" questioned racicot.
"As soon as you left they kicked my ass out and Haberkamp took over." Abt started "not to long after that there was some weird zombie outbreak."
"Oh yeah I heard about that, nice job." Racicot praised the good work of the squad.
"I didn't do that much, I met up with them a little while after the whole thing started and they still wouldn't let me help." Abt told racicot. "I meet them again at a radio tower where this green light was coming from and well….." Abt trailed off.
"Well what?" asked racicot. "We kind of threw Klein into the light." Replied Abt. "Your joking right?" racicot couldn't believe that they tossed Klein into something like tha… wait a second yes he could. It is Klein after all. He should be able to withstand anything. "So what happened to Klein after that?" Racicot wanted to know what had happened.
"Some big satellite crashed down and he followed not too long after." Abt said. "Then we had to take out the huge zombie hoard the had showed up all around us. We took care of most of them until this big zombie showed up. Eventually we took care of him and we kind of went are separate was after that."
Racicot was furious he's gone for one year and everything falls apart, I guess Abt wasn't the smartest choice to leave in charge. Maybe he at least knows where everyone is. He hopped he did. "Abt tell me you know were everyone is, you do right?" he asked. "No not everyone I only know where happy is and a few of the other guys." Abt answered.
"So you don't know where McCall, Klein, Rubens, and Mae are?" he asked with a hint of anger in his voice. "Only some good guesses, McCall is working as assassin for hire but I can reach him, Klein…hell he doesn't stay in one place for to long, Rubens is running from the government because of tax evasion, and Mae is a CIA undercover pedophile catcher."
"Wait isn't Mae a..."
"Yep"
"So he..."
"You better believe it"
"Oh The other guys went to A.C."
Racicot thought for a second. "Huh no kidding well you find McCall and Rubens and the other guys, but leave Klein and Mae to me." Racicot dictated to his subordinate
"You got it; ah it's good to have you back, just like the good old days." Abt said just as his waitress arrived with his breakfast. "Well gotta go!" and he hung up "Wait abt I didn't tell you were we would meet." Crap he would tell him latter.
Abt put away his phone into one of the millions of pockets in his coat and pulled out a set of silver wear and began to chow down on his omelet. Once he was done with that he paid his bill, only to have the money go right back into his black hole of a trench coat. He then got into his car and pulled out a car phone it had the initials T.M. on it, it dialed instantly, as soon as he was done with this phone call, he was off to the fair.
(On a rooftop somewhere in New York)
No one could tell he was there; this camo was so good it would make Solid Snake say "damn". He looked through the high powered scope to check his target. He closed the bolt after inserting a 50. cal. bullet from the clip. After he took this shoot he would be a very rich man, he didn't know why someone wanted him dead, he thought 2 the ranting gryphon was the best thing since his rant on sliced bread, but the government was going to pay him ten million dollars, that's a hell of a lot of money.
God if you're up there could you do something to stop this. He prayed, even though it was his job to make people 'go away' he didn't really want to kill 2. He exhaled and began to squeeze the trigger, just then his "private" cell phone started to vibrate, he instantly let off the trigger and grabbed it out of his pocket and put it up to his ear.
"Hello." He answered "Yo McCall its time." The voice from the receiver said. "Right" was all he said. He put the phone away and he began to disassemble his sniper rifle. W-wait a minute time for what? After he was done putting his gun away he realized that he didn't have to kill 2, a thought struck him. Maybe there is a… naw it was just a coincidence, right?
With McCall on the way Abt drove to the county fair in hope to find his ex-friend. Last he had heard Haberkamp was making money by doing what he was gifted at, being completely and utterly oblivious. He had realized that only two things to get him to concentrate or do something, one was Klein and the other was the thing holier that god herself: batteries!
(Fair grounds)
Haberkamp's day had been very boring, the only thing he felt like doing now was nothing and listen to his mp3 player. These kids didn't have anything to interest him with. I remember the first day I came here.
He had been tired of walking aimlessly and decided to sit on a tree stump; he then remembers blacking out, then waking up with a fair setup around him. Not only a fair but a games stand with a sign that said "come and see if you can get the attention of 'the amazing mister oblivious' for twenty dollars." And nothing important happened after that, well nothing he felt like remembering.
That was until the fair people came up and gave him new batteries. He didn't care, they gave them to him, so he used them, until they ran out so he stayed to see if it would happen again, it did. So he kept getting free batteries and he didn't have to do anything.
He had to admit he missed the times when him and the rest of the ADHD Squad still hung out. At least he would get to do cool things every now and again. Then his 'batteries senses' began to tingle. He looked up and searched the few people in front of him one of them had one hell of a pair of AA batteries. His eyes landed on a tall man in a black trench coat. Wait I thought his coat was ripped up. "Abt?"
Abt asked if there was anyone around here whose attention was hard to get, he was pointed in the direction he was currently walking, and he reached a stand with a lone man sitting on a stump listing to a music player. That has to be him; I can here the song from here. "Abt?" he responded with a smirk "the one and only." The only problem was Haberkamp didn't here him.
Haberkamp turned his volume down from the 'You shouldn't have ear drums!' level down to twelve. "WHAT?" he yelled. Abt pulled out a pair of SUPER ULTRA AA MEGA BATTERIES. Haberkamp's mouth hung open with a little drool coming out. "You want these?" he nodded his head vigorously. "THEN TAKE OUT THE DAMN HEAD PHONES!!!" Abt yelled and he complied "You didn't have to yell about it." He said. Abt began to twitch madly. I'm near him for two seconds and I can't stand him.
Abt then tossed him the batteries. "Come with me." He said. The fair people started to yell how he was taking away they're money maker. Once they were far enough away from the fair grounds he told him what was going on.
"So Racicot told you to get everyone together?" the oblivious king asked him. "Yep you, McCall, and everyone, but Klein and Mae." He told him. "Why not them?" Haberkamp wondered out loud. "Well my guess is because I have no clue where Klein could be and Mae doesn't listen to anything I ever say."
"Oh, well where to now?" he asked. "Now, now we go get jewbenze, then were gonna go to a videogame store, and finally to Anthro Con." He said as he unlocked the car and motioned for him to get in.
(The to the left side of no where)
A lone man stood in the middle of no where, his black duster swayed in the breeze, as he pulled his hat down to block out the sand from getting into his eyes. A tornado of sand came up to and stopped right in front of him. Out of the tornado came a super hyped up energizer bunny on super duper crack, oh wait that's Klein. He walked up to the man in the long coat, and proceeded to yell "HEY ITS RACICOT!!!!!!" He was about to give him a hug when he felt a sudden pain in his shin.
Klein hopped up and down on one leg holding the injured shin. "OW!! What was that for?" he cried out in pain. "That was for 1. Shouting in my face! and 2. For getting my coat sandblasted." Replied the angry Welshman.
"Well fine but how did you know I would be here." Racicot just stared at him………
"Right so where are we gonna meet everyone?" the oh so hyper one asked. "I don't know yet Abt still has to get everyone and I need to get Mae. So you just keep doing…whatever it is you do, until I call you."
"All right bye!" with that his was gone like a shoot from a gun, only twenty times faster.
"Idiot got my duster messed up." He said to himself as he wiped the sand off of his face.
(Back with the Dynamic duo on rout 44)
"DON'T TOUCH THAT YOU ITDIOT!!!" screamed Abt as he was trying to stop Haberkamp from messing with the volume on the radio and avoid oncoming traffic. "But I can't hear it!" Haberkamp whined as he impersonated a four year old.
"Fine mess with it while I'm gone." Abt said as he pulled into a gas station.
"YAAAYYYYY!!" Haberkamp squealed as Abt began to fill up on gas. I wonder why I don't have any gas in my coat. He wondered as some gas spilled onto the coat. Oh yeah, that's why.
He went inside to pay and see if he couldn't get the stain out of his coat. I knew I forgot something when I designed this thing: stain proof, its bullet proof, tear resistant, fire resistant, but not stain proof.
"Yeah pump one." He told the man at the counter.
"All right your total will be two thousand nine hundred ninety nine dollars and ninety nine cents plus tax." Replied the strange man sitting on a stool reading a news paper, he could have sworn he saw the guys jaw, but he must have been imagining it.
"Alright the-he-hen…WHAT!!!!!!!!" Abt yelled as the man put down the paper, he had glasses, tan skin, and one crocked jaw. "RUBENS!!"
"Holy crap, its Abt!" said the astonished Jew (A/N: just wanted to point something out, we are not racist, we just like to poke fun at Rubens.)
"So here's where you've been hiding out." Pointed out Abt
"Well I needed somewhere to hide and make money. Being in charge of a gas station was my best idea." Replied Rubens with his Jewish logic.
"Whatever you're coming with me." He said as he grabbed the slack-jew's collar and pulled him towards his car.
"What are you doing, let me go, you can't make me, I want my mommy!!!!" Rubens whined.
"Alright then if you come with us I'll…" what could I give a Jew to make him come with me? "I got it!" Abt exclaimed. "I'll give you all the gold in Fort Knox!"
At this point Rubens was very happy at the possibility, but he wanted a down payment. "I want some in advance." He stated.
"Fine." He reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a………penny. Then gave it to the overexcited Jew. "YES MY PRECIOUS HAS RETURENED TO ME!" he shouted as he coveted his lost 'precious'.
"Alright now come on, we don't have all day." Abt said as he started to drag the slack-jew to the car. He saw Haberkamp playing with a phone in side the car.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING I SAID PLAY WITH THE RADIO NOTHING ELSE!!!" Abt furiously yelled at him…there was one problem Haberkamp couldn't hear him.
"AAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was at this point Haberkamp had finished telling McCall to get the Franks. He thought it would be to long of a drive to they're game store and go to A.C. and looked out the window to see Abt dragging Rubens to the car, and then start screaming something.
"GOD DAMNIT GET IN THE CAR RUBENS!!" screamed Abt, he had a feeling this would be a long ride.
As the temperamental trench coat wearer and the crocked-jawed greedy Jew got in the car Abt stared at Haberkamp…
and stared
and stared
and star… "What?" Haberkamp asked after the ten seconds of silence
"Nothing just nothing, now let's get going, we have to go get the Franks I think they..."
"McCall's going to get them." Happy interrupted.
"What?" now it was Abt's turn to question.
"I was looking around the car cause I was bored, and I found a phone, and it started ringing so I answered it and it was McCall so I asked him to get the Franks, he said he knew where they are."
"That was the longest sentence in the history of forever." Rubens decided to enter the conversation now.
"SHUT UP RUBENS!!" both Haberkamp and Abt yelled at the poor defenseless idiot.
"Eh, what ever, then to Anthro con we go!" Rubens said trying to save face.
"Right, hey how did you know that's where we were going?" questioned Abt.
"I got an email from Carlson and he said that I could come if I wanted to." He answered.
"Well that's not exactly why we're going, but lets get rolling." Abt said as he started the car.
The now tri-force of stupidity pulled out of the abandoned gas station and got on the highway. They were driving for about two hours, nothing interesting happened, but Rubens wouldn't stop asking if they were there yet. The answer was always 'NO!', but he would ask again in two minutes.
(CIA Safe house)
A man on a small screen was communicating to a large man behind it.
"Good job on your last mission agent Foxtrot Alpha Tango, the perp. has been detained and placed in federal jail." Said the man on the screen, we will call him agent Phil.
"Yeah yeah as long as I get paid I don't care." Mae told Phil.
"Don't worry your payment will be there shortly." Phil reassured him.
As soon as he said that the door bell rang, Mae went to answer it. At the door stood a little thirteen year old girl and Mae smiled.
"Here's your pizza sir." After handing him the box she left. (What were ya'll thinking I was gonna do :-)
"Thanks!" he gleefully called as he shut the door and went into the kitchen to get a plate and something to drink.
As he sat down in front of the screen he noticed that it wasn't Phil on it. It was a dark silhouette of a short man, the only thing he could make out, was that he had glasses.
"Mae its time." Said the strange man.
"Um racicot I can tell its you." Racicot face faulted as he turned on his desk light.
"Right, he he, meet me out side we have to go meet up with everyone else." He told the large pedophile. "Okay let me go get my iPod." He put the pizza in the fridge in hopes it would stay good until he got back.
(With the tri-force of stupidity)
It was weird the whole time they drove they didn't pass a single other car, not only that, but the scenery seemed to repeat every now and again. Some people would have questioned this, but hey when you have someone who has the attention span of a goldfish and a money obsessed rere in the back, and a driver who didn't feel like questioning anything no one was going to notice.
Then Abt saw a speeding dot on the other side of the road, the dot was getting bigger, and bigger until he could tell it was a large grey van coming in the opposite direction.
As it passed time seemed to slow down as Abt looked at the side of the van it said 'Furries Unite!' Wait a minute that's Carlson's van. He then hit the E-brake in an attempt to do a drifting u-turn. It would have worked and for the most part it did, until it rolled over and landed on the wheels and kept going with a new low top roof.
He caught up to the van, seeing as it was a VW-van from the 1950's (I have no clue when those things were used.) with ease and signaled for them to pull over. Once they did the occupants piled out.
"Who the hell said pull over carlson?" said a very angry man holding a wolf. (For all those who remember Henricks, I changed his tree obsession to wolfs, I though it would be cooler.)
"Yeah I was just about to beat Halo 3 on Legendary…again." Said an equally pissed off guy with a wireless Halo 3 mic. on his left ear.
"I don't know this guy looked like he was ready to ram us onto the side of the road if I didn't, do you have any idea how much it would coast me to have this thing fixed?" said the driver.
"Well if you need money you can take out a loan at my bank!" Rubens would be happy to give them a huge interest loan. This caused all of them to look at the people that got of the car behind them.
"OH MY GOD!!" screamed Henricks in a girly fashion.
"JEEWWW!!!" yelled Harger while pointing at said Jew.
"What?" asked Rubens
During all of this Abt realized something: he didn't know where they were going to go now that he found everyone. Oh crap now what, where are we going to meet Raci. His phone started to ring. He grabbed it and saw on the caller id. 'Saci Raci' "thank you Jebus." Abt said as he answered the call. "Hell..."
"I TOLD YOU TO WAIT SO I COULD TELL YOU WHERE TO MEET US, BUT NO YOU HAD TO HANG UP!!!" Racicot yelled at Abt.
"Damn you know you yell real loud, it sounds like you're right above me." Abt pointed out.
"That's because I am you tard!" at this Abt looked up and noticed that there was an overpass above them. Had they inspected any further they would have noticed that it had no road connecting to it on either side.
He could see two people looking down at them, they both jumped down and landed: Racicot with his legs bent to cushion the landing, Mae however did more of a belly flop and when he landed the ground began to shake violently, any seismograph would of picked up a point two on the rector scale.
After the trampoline affect wore off everyone looked at each other until haberkamp pointed something out. "Where's Klein?"
"He should be here any…" his voice was downed out by a very familiarly yet unmanly scream.
"AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone looked up to see what appeared to be a falling star. It in fact was Klein, and he was getting closer to them.
"AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He landed causing another earthquake and a large crater.
(Seismology center)
Bill had been having a very slow day at work that was a good thing until, just a few seconds ago; there was a .2, then not long after a .5. What in the hell was happening out there? His office had become complete pandemonium people screaming 'it's the end of the world as we know it!!'
(At ground negative zero)
"Well that answers that, now what did you want us here for Raci?" McCall asked having just arrived, seeing that the author forgot to show off McCall and the Franks with a dynamic entry.
"Oh yeah well first lets get Klein out of that hole then we'll talk." Said the stout leader as he walked over to the smoking crater.
(Somewhere in a dark room)
There a lone man sat at a table with a chess set in front of him. He sat on the side of white, with his hands folded in front of his face. He pushed up his glasses as he said "Now that all the pieces are set up, its time to make the first move of the game." He then moved a pawn forward two squares and began to laugh manically
"HA HA HA AH HA HA Hck Hck…" he began to choke on a piece of dust that flew into his mouth.
Will Klein be alright?
Who is this mysterious chess player?
Will Mae get to eat his pizza?
why am i asking you these questions? i'm the one who has to answer them next chapter.
I hope you enjoyed the second chapter, it may not be as crazy as the last one but it will be soon, until then here are more character stats.
Signed:
The Fanfreak -
Krazy Kleinlike Thing:
Physical Conditioning: A4 [Above Above Average Average
Magic:
Special Abilities
MP: 100 (Charge Based)
Special Ability:
ADHD overdrive: Five Minute Berserker (Friendly fire possible)
Stupidity pulse: Everyone in range succumbs to mental retardation
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King JubEnnZ:
Physical Conditioning: Low
Magic: Find a penny; pick it up (Summon coins)
MP: 50 (Charge Based)
Special Ability:
Lo0se Change; Controls pennies in any way he can think of. (Range: 50m)
Computerhead:
Physical Conditioning: Average
Defense Magic:
7 pHroxyz [Quote: "You can't catch me! I'm behind seven proxies!"
Firewallz [Quote: "Ohhh! Wall 'O Fire!"
Special Ability:
Chan-Memes [Quote: "I don't know what this means, but I know it causes facefaults!"
Moderator: Minor level reality amendment privileges
PA-Frank:
Physical Conditioning: Fit Like a Five Year Old
Magic:
n00ne
Special Ability: Unknown, presumed accessible upon level up to Teen Frank