This chapter makes fun of the obvious miss-characterizations and discrepancies of fanfiction. No actual stories are quoted.

Once again, it is a quiet evening at the Burrow. Molly and Arthur are gone to visit Charlie in Romania. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny have the house to themselves.

At the moment, though, the living room is only occupied by Harry and the two youngest Weasleys. Harry and Ron are engaged in a game of chess, and Ginny is sitting cross-legged on the rug, staring unceasingly at the screen of a laptop.

Hermione pops her head through the door leading to the kitchen. Her face is dusted with flour, and her hair is pulled back into a messy bun.

Hermione: The cookies are almost done. Are you sure Molly won't mind my using her kitchen?

Ron looks up from the game he's obviously winning, judging from the grimace on Harry's face.

Ron: For the last time, she doesn'tcare!

Hermione looks unconvinced. She wrings her hands.

Hermione: I mean, I didn't ask her for permission…I feel bad…

Ron: Shut up, 'Mione! You practically live here, after all.

Hermione: Don't let my parents hear that. They're rather possessive of me now that Voldemort is gone.

Ron: I'm just glad we were able to connect your house to the Floo Network. Now Harry here…

Harry is scowling at the chessboard.

Harry: Shut up. I'm trying to win here.

Ron: Hopeless cause, mate. Anyway, Hermione, you're not the one who's wearing out their welcome…

Harry: Hey! Your mum wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. I got the feeling she would've bodily forced me to move in here if I'd refused. I didn't really want to live at Grimmauld Place all by myself, and it's not like I could move back in with the Dursleys.

Ron: Where'd they go again?

Harry shrugs.

Harry: Last I heard, they'd moved to the US.

Hermione: Good riddance. I'm glad you're staying here, Harry. Don't pay any attention to Ron. I'm going to go check on the cookies.

Ron: Check.

Harry: Arg!!!!

A few minutes later, Hermione reenters, carrying a steaming plate of cookies. She holds out the plate to Harry and Ron, then slaps Ron's hand when he tries to take a whole handful.

Harry: Thanks, Hermione.

Hermione moves on to Ginny, who absentmindedly reaches for a cookie and takes a bite, not breaking her gaze at the laptop screen.

Ginny: This is good…You're a much better cook than most people think, Hermione.

Hermione: Huh?

Ginny suddenly realises what she's said and blushes.

Ginny: Sorry, that did sound bad, didn't it? I'm just reading some fanfiction and everyone seems to automatically assume that since you're so smart, you're an awful cook.

Hermione crosses her arms and plops down into the armchair.

Hermione: Why?

Ginny: I don't know. It's just one of the common false beliefs of fanfiction writers… You know, kind of like the general opinion that Ron's never lost a game of chess.

Ron: Really?

Harry: Checkmate.

Ron: WHAT?!

Harry begins to laugh.

Harry: Just kidding…

Ron: That's not funny!

Hermione and Ginny sigh and roll their eyes.

Ginny: My point exactly.

Hermione: You know, when I was reading the stories, I noticed quite a few of those false assumptions too.

Ginny: Aren't they hilarious?

Hermione: Especially the Yule Balls… Have you read of those stories yet?

Ginny: No…what are they like?

Hermione: Well, you know that the Yule Ball only takes place every fifty years or so… You know, whenever the Triwizard Tournament comes to Hogwarts.

Ginny nods.

Hermione: But in the fanfiction stories, especially the romance stories, there's a Yule Ball every Christmas!

Ginny: Are you serious? Hey, that'd be fun.

Hermione: Yeah, fun, but definitely not realistic. I mean, what would the parents say if their kids stayed at Hogwarts every year for Christmas just so they could attend the ball?

Ginny: I guess you're right.

Hermione: But that's not all. The authors just feel like they can add another ball whenever they need a big scene involving the couple the story's about. I've read about an October Ball, a Halloween ball, a Winter Ball, a Spring Ball, an Easter Ball… and the list goes on and on…

Ginny laughs.

Ginny: That's ridiculous.

Hermione: I know. So what are you reading about?

Ginny blushes.

Ginny: Oh, nothing…

Ron's head perks up.

Ron: Oy, Ginny, what are you reading…

Ginny: Nothing!

Harry looks up as well.

Harry: Oh, come on, Ginny, tell us!

Ginny: Fine. You may not like it though…

Harry: It's OK… Hang on, you're not reading Slash, are you?

Ginny: NO! No, no, no!

Hermione: Then what is it?

Ginny: It's one of the Smartass!Hermione Attitude!Ginny stories. Oh, and Punk!Draco.

Harry and Ron: Huh?

Hermione rolls her eyes.

Hermione: I know what you're talking about.

Ginny looks relieved.

Ron: So, let's have it.

Ginny: Fine. It's one of the stories where Hermione wears leather miniskirts all the time and I've got a major attitude and Malfoy acts like a punk rock star all the time.

Harry looks horrified. Ron, on the other hand, looks like he'd enjoy seeing Hermione in a leather miniskirt. Hermione catches the look.

Hermione: Oh, no you don't, Ronald…I am certainly not ever going to wear a leather miniskirt so you can just get that disturbing image out of your perverted mind.

Ron looks disappointed. Ginny sighs.

Ginny: Anyway… it's humorous, but definitely not my favourite type of story. I mean, the thirteen-year-olds completely have our characters wrong! Hermione certainly isn't like that…and neither am I, and neither is Malfoy.

Harry: So, what is your favourite type of story?

Ginny exchanges a mischievous look with Hermione.

Ginny: Oh, probably the Super!Harry fics…

Harry: What?!

Ginny: Oh, you know, the fics where you receive all the powers of Merlin, or Dumbledore, or you're really good with wandless magic… The super-Harry fics.

Ron: Super-Harry? Don't they ever write any super-Ron fics?

Ginny: Sorry, but no… I did read a story where you were bitten by Lupin and became a werewolf…

Ron looks horrified now. Harry is curious.

Harry: So, um… what do I do with these super powers?

Ginny: Oh, I dunno…make life miserable for the Dursleys, defeat Voldemort, become Minister of Magic, defeat Dumbledore…

Harry: Defeat Dumbledore? Whatever for?

Ginny: Most people think he was manipulative and used you for his own purposes. I mean, he did leave you at the Dursleys for all those years.

Harry: I can see why they'd think that…but they really don't know what he was really like.

Ginny: I agree.

There are a few more minutes of silence as Ron and Harry go back to their game, Hermione munches on another cookie, and Ginny returns to her computer. Suddenly Ginny bursts into laughter.

The others: What?

Ginny: Oh…it's this story, it's just funny….

Hermione: Read the funny part.

Ginny: Uh…maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea.

Ron: Just read it, Ginny.

Harry: It can't be too bad, can it?

Ginny: Well, you have been warned.

Ginny scrolls up a bit and finds the place.

Ginny: "The doors to the Great Hall burst open. Hermione and Ginny strode in, late for breakfast. Silence fell over the hall as every male head in the room turned towards the door. All the girls turned green with jealousy. Hermione and Ginny were outlined by the rising sun. Hermione was wearing a black leather miniskirt that left little more to be imagined. Her leather boots rose to her knees and hugged her perfectly formed legs. Her skin-tight shirt rode up around her hips and left a strip of skin all the way around her midriff. The front of the shirt dipped low and gave the boys a clear view of cleavage. Ginny, on the other hand, was wearing a pair of skin-tight jeans and tank top that revealed every one of her curves. Her long red locks slid over her shoulders and the red lipstick accented her mouth. Even Professor Snape was craning his neck to get a good view of the sexy girls."

As she finishes, Ron and Harry are gaping at her. Hermione, however, simply grins and slaps Ron's arm.

Hermione: Stop the mental pictures, Ron… It's not going to happen… I've read that story before. Isn't that the one where I go through Ron, Terry Boot, Ernie MacMillian and Snape before finally realized that Draco and I are a match made in heaven?

Ginny: Ooooooh, Hermione, you told me the ending!

Hermione suddenly gets a look in her eye…

Hermione: Ginny, isn't it funny how in the stories everyone always assumes that I'm quite voluptuous when in reality you wear a larger bra than I do?

Ginny turns very, very red.

Ginny: Hermione!

Ron looks like he's going to be sick. Harry, on the other hand, is looking appreciatively at Ginny. Hermione notices.

Hermione: Oh, you didn't know that, did you, Harry?

Harry: I already knew that!

Ron glares at Harry.

Ron: How'd you know that?! Oy, what have you been doing with my sister?

Hermione puts a restraining hand on Ron's arm.

Hermione: Probably no more than you and I have done, Ronald. So unless you'd like me to relate that information to Harry and Ginny, I'd advise you to shut your mouth. Permanently.

Ron turns red, but he shuts his mouth. Ginny clears her throat.

Ginny: Um, pass the cookies, please.

Hermione hands her the plate and Ginny takes a couple.

Ron: Checkmate.

Harry: What?! No!

Ron looks smug.

Ron: Who says I've ever lost a game of Chess?

Ginny: I remember one time…

Ron hastily changes the subject.

Ron: So… what else have you been reading, Ginny?

Ginny exchanges another glance with Hermione.

Ginny: Oh, just that story Hermione told me about…that one with you and Pansy Parkinson. It all started when she kind of attacked you in a broom closet…

Ron spits out his cookie.