Overexposed

by angellwings

2/3: You Gotta Breathe

Hey you, come over and let me embrace you
I know that I'm causing you pain too
But remember if you need to cry
I'm here to wipe your eyes

Tonight before you fall asleep
I run my thumb across your cheek (across your cheek)
Cry 'cause I'm here to wipe your eyes
I know I made you feel this way
You gotta breathe, we'll be okay (be okay)
Cry 'cause I'm here to wipe your eyes

-Wipe Your Eyes, Maroon 5

He knew he should have tracked her down and apologized but he didn't. He didn't know why, but he couldn't seem to make himself face how much he'd hurt her. The words he'd thrown at her were harsh and everyone who'd glared at him had been right. He collapsed on his couch when he arrived home that night and glared at his phone where it sat on his coffee table. He had to be going insane because the phone seemed to be whispering Ella's name like it was trying to guilt trip him into calling her. He took a deep breath and reached for the phone just as a loud demanding knock sounded on his door.

The knock continued to pound as Nate quickly made his way to the door. He jerked the door open in an attempt to make the offending noise stop and found a very upset Ella on the other side. She was dressed in what he'd come to know as her 'first date' style. Sexy yet casual. She was wearing a pink, polka dotted dress that had the sides and back cut out. It looked modest and tempting all at once. Her hair was half way up and the rest of it fell across her shoulders in soft waves. She was gorgeous. Like always. It made him wonder, though, where was she going before she decided to come yell at him.

"You," She sneered. "Ruined my date."

Nate's eyes briefly narrowed. She had a date she hadn't told him about. Of course. "The date I wasn't aware was happening?" He asked with a huff. "That date?"

"Yes! That date!" Ella yelled. "I was so pissed at you that I had to cancel!"

"Good! He was probably an ass anyway," Nate said with a roll of his eyes. "I saved you the trouble of dumping him."

Why was he talking this way? This wasn't what he wanted. He wantedto apologize, but the news of Ella's cancelled date just completely threw him off. Ella made a noise that was a combination of a scream and a groan before she glared at him and spoke up again.

"You single handedly ruined my whole day!" She yelled as as she stepped closer to him in his front door way. "Do you realize that?"

"Yes, well, you've ruined every day I've had since you started avoiding me," Nate said through gritted teeth. "Do yourealize that?"

Ella's face fell and she blinked at him in shock before she took one small step backwards and looked down at his front step.

"No," She answered softly. "I had no idea."

"Why aren't you talking to me?" Nate asked. "What did I do?"

"I-I don't want to say," Ella stuttered nervously.

"Ella, we're just going to keep arguing. It would be better to get it out in the open don't you think?" Nate said as he pinched the bridge of his nose impatiently.

"No, Nate," Ella said firmly. "I don't want to tell you."

"It has to do with me," Nate said with a huff. "Don't I have a right to know?"

"No!" Ella yelled. "You don't! Because you took it back! You took it all back!"

Her outburst was so loud it made him jump. He heard her voice crack and would have been stupid not to hear the tears she was holding back. He'd clearly hurt her. His expression and tone softened. "Took what back?"

"The words, Nate. You took them all back. You said them and then before I could respond you took them back," Ella said as her voice suddenly went hoarse and she sniffled. "You don't have the right to know anything after that."

"Ella," Nate said quietly as he gingerly reached out and took her hand. She didn't fight him as he led her inside and shut the door behind him but she didn't look at him either. "I-I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," Ella said with a huff and another sniffle. "I don't believe you."

"Ella, look at me," Nate said as he squeezed her hand. She shook her head and pulled her hand from his.

"Maybe it's good you took them back," Ella said softly. "Since you clearly don't support my career."

"No," Nate said with a regretful sigh. "I support your career. I always support your career. You're brilliant at what you do, Ells."

"That's not what it felt like earlier today," Ella said with another sniffle.

The sniffles were becoming more frequent which could only mean one thing. Ella was crying. Nate reached out for her and slowly pulled her against him. She made no move to resist as he circled his arms around her and held her close. She buried her face into his shoulder and wrapped her arms tightly around him. He could feel a wet spot on his shirt and it appeared to be growing. Ella wasn't just crying. She was sobbing. And he'd done that to her. There's was no one to blame but himself.

Her crying became more frantic and her arms desperately wrapped around him and held on tight. Nate turned his head ever so slightly and placed a soft sad kiss on Ella's forehead. She was taking short hiccup like breaths and Nate had to admit that the lack of air she was getting was scaring him. He rubbed her back pressed his lips close to her ear as he whispered, "Ella, breathe. Please, breathe. It's okay. We're going to be okay."

The longer he whispered soothing things the slower her breathing became. She was finally breathing evenly just before Nate pulled back and led her to the couch.

"I'm not sure I want to talk to you right now, Nate," Ella said quietly. "I'm still mad at you."

"I know," Nate said as he cleared his throat uncomfortably. "We don't have to talk."

Nate moved to take his arm off of Ella's shoulders but she quickly reached up and held his arm in place. "Don't. I—I like it. It's comforting."

"Even though you're mad at me?" Nate asked.

Ella bit her bottom lip and blushed. "It's complicated. Just…keep your arm around me, okay?"

Nate nodded and smiled softly. "Whatever you want, Ella."

"I want this, right now, this is what I want."

In his arms, Ella could almost forget why she was mad. Push all of the hurtful words away and forget their argument. Almost. She couldn't ignore the fact that everything felt right, but she couldn't just let things go. That wasn't her way.

"We need to talk about this," She said as she felt Nate stiffen beside of her. "Not right now, I don't want to fight and I don't want to yell anymore. But we do need to talk."

Nate nodded and squeezed Ella's shoulder reassuringly. "I'll be ready whenever you are."

Ella sniffled again and buried her head in Nate's chest before she curled up into his side as they sat on the couch. Her shoulders shook slightly and that's when Nate knew her tears weren't quite finished. He wrapped his other arm around her as well and gulped back his own emotions. He must have really screwed up to have upset her this much. His words had cut her more deeply than he'd originally thought. Why was he such a jackass? Ella was right. He should have been supportive like everyone else. He'd been a petty idiot and caused Ella to suffer.

He sat there for a long time listening to Ella cry before he felt her breathing slow down and her body slump against his. He brushed her bangs out of her face to get a good look at her face and realized she was sound asleep. She'd cried herself to sleep. If that didn't make a guy feel like a jerk then nothing would. He ran a thumb over her right cheek and the tracks of tears that stained them before he placed a slow apologetic kiss on both of her grey mascara stained cheeks. What had he been so afraid of? She wasn't moving away. She'd still be there, he'd still see her. He just wouldn't see her at work.

He wouldn't be able to watch her graceful hands stitch a button back on or flow through a sewing machine faster than humanly possible or watch her figure out someone's measurements in one swift glance. She was an impressive sight to behold while she worked and it was one of the many things that had led him to fall in love with her. For the first time in a long time that Ella would be separate from the Ella he'd seen every day and the fact that a part of her would be taken away from him scared him. He'd felt panic and worried that if one part of her world separated from his then the rest was sure to follow.

But his reaction had almost caused him to lose her anyway. Hell, he still might. She hadn't really given him any real signs he was forgiven. She'd just leaned on him while she cried. He sighed sadly and gently lifted her from the couch. The least he could do was take care of her and attempt to repair the damage he was responsible for. He carefully made his way down the hall toward his bedroom and set Ella down on his bed. He tucked her in and then placed a lingering kiss on her forehead. If she didn't end up forgiving him this might be the last opportunity he had for that kind of contact. He brushed her hair out of her face before he reluctantly pulled away from her and left the room. He shut the door behind him and then fetched extra sheets and blankets for himself while he slept on the couch.

He set the alarm on his phone to get him up early enough to make breakfast in bed for Ella. He was going to do everything he could to make this fight up to her. He wasn't ready to give up yet.

Ella groaned and rubbed her eyes as the sunlight streaked through the blinds and hit her face. Her cheeks felt stiff and her eyes were puffy and slightly swollen. She whimpered when she realized what that meant. She'd been crying. She slowly opened her eyes and nearly panicked when she didn't recognize the room around her. The walls were grey and the bedding and curtains were a dark navy and the floor was littered with crumpled up pieces of paper. This was not her beautiful mint green and white antique filled room that she'd put so much work into decorating. No, this room could only belong to one person.

Nate Gray.

Had she slept over? She was still in her dress from the night before and Nate was no where around so it was safe to assume that she'd fallen asleep while crying and Nate had brought her in here. The side of the bed he would have slept on was undisturbed so Ella knew where she would find him. She stood from the bed and found Nate's bathroom so that she could wash her face. She improvised and borrowed Nate's toothpaste to brush her teeth with her finger. It was better than nothing, she thought. She borrowed a pair of Nate's socks and padded down the hall on the cold tile floor. She was going to have to talk to him about getting carpet or hardwood floors. Something that wasn't so vulnerable to the climate. Not that she and Nate were suddenly best friends again. She didn't know what they were actually.

She made her way to the living room and stopped short when she spotted Nate spread out on his couch. He looked very uncomfortable. His face was smushed against a throw pillow and part of the arm rest and his feet extended just over the edge of the arm rest on the other end of the couch. Nate was not a tall man but the way his feet extended off of the edge of the couch made him look like a giant. She winced at the awkward angle his neck was resting in and had a feeling he was going to be sore later.

She tiptoed past the couch and made her way to the kitchen. She didn't know what time it was but it must have been a while since she'd eaten anything because she was absolutely starving. She opened one of Nate's cabinets and found a box of Cheerios and then she found a banana in a basket on the counter. She sliced up the banana and put it on top of a bowl of cereal. She took herself and the bowl over to the living room and settled into the arm chair next to the couch while she ate.

She watched Nate as he slept and thought back on the night before. She'd come over to tell him off and let him know exactly what she thought about his reaction to her new job. But, instead, she'd ended up a sobbing mess who fell asleep in his arms. And he'd let her. He'd taken care of her. He was the reason she was upset and yet she'd ended up seeking him out for comfort. How did that even make sense?

The big question was, though. Could she forgive him? Was she still mad at him, even? She glanced at his face as it laid squished against the couch and contemplated her answers. Nate suddenly mumbled something in his sleep and Ella's eyes narrowed at him as she attempted to hear him. She couldn't be sure but it sounded like he had said, "Don't leave." She bit her bottom lip and stared down at her soggy cereal. There wasn't any doubt in her mind about who he was speaking to and he only confimed it when a second later he desperately whispered her name. She gulped and felt guilt sneaking into her thoughts. She had sort of sprung the whole thing on him, and she had been avoiding him. In retrospect, those two things probably weren't very nice of her. Her said her name one last time before he rolled over onto his other side and burrowed deeper into the couch.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and came to a decision. Yes, she could forgive him and yes she was still mad at him. Forgiving him, by no means, meant that he was going to get off easy though. He would have to work for it. He'd been cruel, and he knew it. The blanket that had covered Nate all night long fell off of him and Ella quickly picked it up and covered him back up. She sighed softly and sat back down in the arm chair. What was she going to do with him?

That was just the first of many questions plaguing her this morning. Did he love her or not? Did he want her the way she wanted him? Did her opinion mean as much to him as his did to her? There were too many of them to think about for too long and she desperately needed answers.

Nate rolled over again and stretched as he sat up. His eyes landed on the mostly empty cereal bowl she'd set on the coffee table and then up her body until his eyes connected with hers. He winced and then cursed under his breath before he spoke. "You've already eaten."

"Is that a problem?" Ella asked in confusion.

"No, not really. I just-nevermind," Nate said with a sigh. "What are you doing up so early? I expected you to sleep in."

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just woke up, that's all. Why does it matter if I've eaten, Nate?"

He wasn't changing the subject so easily. She could tell he didn't want to answer but with her still mad at him how could he refuse?

He sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. "Because I wanted to make you breakfast in bed. But that's okay, do you want anything else? Coffee, tea, bacon or sausage? Toast, maybe? I'd be happy to fix it for you."

As he continued to ramble through his nerves Ella couldn't resist smiling softly at him. The idea of Nate cooking for her was so...sweet. Even if she was still mad at him.

"-I mean, I'm not really an idiot. No matter how often I act like one. I know things between us won't be repaired in one night, but it will be repaired, Ella. I'm going to make this up to you."

She blinked at him as she focused on his words again. He'd been ranting for a while and she'd tuned out the beginning but she definitely heard the end. "Is that a threat or a promise?"

He dared to grin at her very slightly before he answered. "A mix of both. It would depend on whether or not you still want to talk to me."

Ella looked down at her hands as she spoke. "I still want to talk to you."

"You do?" Nate asked hopefully.

"I'm angry and hurt, Nate, but I'm not going anywhere. You're not going to lose me over this," Ella promised. "But you are going to have to grovel." Ella grinned teasingly at him and was surprised to see how guilty his expression appeared. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"That won't be a problem, Ella. Trust me on that," Nate said honestly.

He'd been the one that hurt her so she really shouldn't be worried about him, but she couldn't help it. "Are you okay?"

"Me?" Nate asked. "You're asking about me?"

"Yes, I am. Are you going to answer the question?" Ella asked expectantly.

"No, Ella, I'm not okay," Nate said with a gulp as he buried his head in his hands. He rubbed his hands over his face and then took a deep breath. "I'm not supposed to be the one that hurts you. I'm supposed to be the one that protects you and comforts you. And I'm just pissed at myself for hurting you. Honestly, if you never spoke to me again I wouldn't blame you one bit. And have you noticed that I always seemed to be standing in your way? I mean I don't intend to but...our opinions differ so much and I feel like I'm holding you back. You shouldn't be held back. You can do anything. I've seen it. I feel like such a...monster."

Ella blinked at him for a moment as she allowed his words to sink in and then she stood up from her chair and sat down beside of him on the couch. "You're not always standing in my way. And you certainly don't hold me back. You have a lot of flaws, Nate, but holding me back isn't one of them. Most of the time, you 'standing in my way' is a good thing. I'm impulsive and you make me think things through. In that way it's good. Most of the time. Besides, who ever said it was your job to protect me and comfort me?"

Nate froze and gulped. It was clear to Ella he had an answer, and she knew what it was. It was those same three words he took back a week and a half ago. The words that started all of this to begin with. Ella decided that this was his last chance to admit them. If he didn't she would have no choice but to move on and find someone who could say those words. She held her breath and crossed her fingers as she watched Nate struggle to find an answer. She had to bite her bottom lip to keep from saying anything about it. Come on, Nate. Say it already.

"It's my job because—because…"

"Yes?"

"Because…Iloveyou."

"What was that?" Ella asked with a quirked eyebrow. She'd heard it. But just barely.

Nate took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He gulped and briefly met her eyes. "I love you."

She flipped her hair over her shoulder and looked down at her watch for a long moment.

Nate's brow furrowed when she didn't respond. "Ella? What are you doing?"

"Counting how long it takes for you to take it back this time," Ella said honestly with a slight glare.

Nate covered her watch with his hand and met her eyes. "I'm not gonna take it back, Ella."

"You're sure?" She asked skeptically. "You're not gonna lie to me in a few seconds and tell me what you 'really' meant?"

"That is what I really mean," Nate said hopefully.

Ella bit her bottom lip and gulped. "I think- I know that I would have said the same thing back in the hotel room when you first admitted how you felt. But Nate, you really hurt me and I don't want you to think that saying pretty words and telling me that you love me is going to fix our problems. I want to say it, but…I can't right now. Not just yet."

Nate held her gaze and it never wavered as he spoke up once again. "I know, I know. I don't want you to feel that way. I just want you."

Ella gasped softly at his words and took a deep breath. "You just had to go there, didn't you? You're making it very hard for me to resist you."

Nate grinned and adjusted his hold on her wrist so that he could hold her hand instead and lace their fingers together. "Good, that's what I was hoping for."

"Nate," Ella said with a soft whine. "I'm trying to be mad at you."

"And?"

"You're not helping."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Nate asked with a quirked brow.

"Normally, but I'm trying to make a point here," Ella told him. "A point that will be totally contradicted by me kissing you senseless."

"Well, if it helps you feel like you're showing integrity…then you certainly don't have to kiss me," Nate said as he reached over and took her other hand. "I would be more than happy to settle for being forgiven."

Ella bit her bottom lip and nodded slightly. "I…I think I can do that as long as you promise to try and be supportive about this job. I know it's not what you had in mind but…I am excited for it. I want this, Nate. I really do."

"Do you promise to tell me if it's too much?" Nate asked. "Because I'm mostly worried TJ's going to expect you to handle more than you can realistically take on. So, if you promise to tell us when you're feeling overwhelmed I'll promise to be supportive."

Ella smiled faintly at him and squeezed his hands. "I promise I'll let you know if I need help. Feel better?"

He nodded. "Much, and I promise to be supportive because you do deserve it."

"Thank you," Ella said softly as she met his eyes once again. "I appreciate that."

"So," Nate said with a small smirk. "Can I take TJ Tyler's new stylist to lunch? I hear she's pretty cute."

Ella blushed and chuckled before she shoved his shoulder playfully. "Shut up. Flattery will get you no where."

Nate laughed and shook his head at her. "Right, we both know that's not true."