Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything associated with Final Fantasy.

Chapter One

Soon, several months passed by and there was no sign of the infamous general. Cloud and Zack would regularly speak about him, but it was all repetitive, giving me no new information to fill in the blanks in my head. Why was this man so special? Vaguely, I remember my father mentioning his name somewhere along my lectures of how to become a good SOLDIER and to never let anyone know my actual gender. The memories were hazed and unrecognizable at the moment, so I decided to dismiss my thoughts until I could properly gather them into something more coherent. At the moment, it is better to concentrate on the training program Hasten has organized for us.

″Run faster! Even a girl can do better than that!″ Hasten shouted. Not until now did I realize my instructor is sexist, bias, homophobic, and prejudice. He seemed to think I fit under homosexual because of my feminine traits. My bounded chest has been trying to break free from its bonds, but I only retrained them further. ″If you don′t finish in the next five minutes, you will be running another fifty laps!″ This challenge would've been easy, if it wasn't for the fact that we had already ran forty- five laps around the entire Shinra field.

The next five laps had been extremely difficult with an extensive amount of time. No one had finished the rest of the run in the time given. It meant that we all had to skip dinner for the additional fifty laps. By the time I finished, it was already late at night, many cadets were still running- some were walking leisurely and had already given up. When I entered the small room I had been given, I could not get my legs to climb the ladder, so I collapsed on Cloud′s bed. He was currently not present, so I assumed he was at another one of Zack′s evening parties. Slowly, my eyes drooped and I let the sandman gain control.

Early the next morning, I sat up and felt the full effects from the running take over. I let myself fall back on to the pillow, The scent that filled my nose was foreign to me, which made me realize I was not on my own bed. It took me a few seconds to remember I had slept on Cloud′s bed, but where was he?

I slid off the bed and saw that Cloud was sleeping peacefully on my bed with his face buried into my pillow. My lips gave a small upward tug before settling back to its neutral position. ″Cloud...?″ I climbed halfway up the steps and shook him. ″Cloud, wake up. Your instructor will not be happy if you are late.″ It took me several tries before he began to stir from his slumber. He slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes, and looked at me.

″Nnn?″ Cloud grunted. He looked at me and let out a small yawn. The young cadet looked at the clock and froze. There was a mere half hour before training. He jumped out of bed and hurried off into the bathroom. I watch as he rushed around the dorm, trying to look presentable. My own presentation was horrible, but I made no effort into getting to Hasten on time. Only when Cloud departed did I begin to wash up and change. By the time I arrived to my instructor, I was late and he was absolutely furious.

Hasten did not speak a word to me at first, but silently advanced. ″I see you would like to volunteer yourself again. Is that it?″ A sadistic grin slowly made its way to his lips. ″Now, stand in front of me.″ With apparent nervousness, I complied. ″Now, class. I would like you to see what happens to people who are never on time and have no talent what so ever.″ Fear showed in my eyes. I could not predict what he was going to do, other than cause me pain. ″Don′t take your eyes off us, now!″

By the end of the class, it felt like I was punched and kicked around more than a punching bag would be. Bruises painted me black and blue. Several cuts were visible from when he used his sword. Besides the physical pain, emotional pain was also present. People around me would always point and mutter. I tried to ignore them, not wanting it to bring me down, but the more they spoke, the more it hurt. The rumours spread like fire among the Shinra grounds. By the time spring came, almost every cadet knew my name, along with several SOLDIERS. Hasten did not lessen his torturous actions. Every time I came back from training, Cloud would stare until it was not longer news to him. Zack was severely concerned about my health. The bruises and cuts would heal, but new ones always take its place.

I walked along the shoreline of the lake that resided near Shinra grounds. I had decided to skip training for today and let my wounds heal. The physical pain was only a portion of the reason for my procrastination. The worst rumour I have heard now was how Hasten used me as a sex toy and how the only reason I was getting beaten was because I was not obedient. Of course, I knew this was not true and Zack and Cloud knew it was not true, but the rest of the facility contained no knowledge of the truth. This brought my nonexistent reputation down a whirlpool of lies.

Thoughts continued to swim around in my mind as I wandered off into a trail that led into a forest. I have never been there before and curiosity slowly smothered my thoughts. What could possibly be in there? Were there monsters? As the trees came closer, I stopped right before it, peeking into the darkness. I could not see anything, but there was a small tug at my chest. I did not know whether it was fear, excitement, curiosity, or something completely different. All I understood was the fact that something was calling me to go in there.

My boots crunched against the pebbles and dry dirt. I heard nothing as I walked further and further into the unknown. There were no birds singing, no rodents squeaking, and no four- legged creatures galloping- absolute silence. Subconsciously, I continued on. My feet seemed to know where they wanted to go, whereas the rest of me was following in a trance. The darkness grew and the trees thickened within every step I took.

Suddenly, a faint whisper reached my ears. It was not coherent, but there seemed to be something entrancing about it. The tug on my chest seemed to grow stronger and I allowed it to be in control, not caring whether it was leading me to danger or not.

The trail finally ended in front of a beautiful clearing. The sunlight broke through the tall trees and the animals all bunched up in this magnificent area. They stiffened and stared at me as I emerged from the darkness. My eyes raked across them, wondering why they seemed so afraid.

"Mother… Please… Leave me alone…" A voice pierced through the silence. I looked around me, trying to identify the origin. "I can′t do this…" It was apparent the owner of this velvet voice was a male. I could not find a definite place where it was coming from, but I walked toward its general direction. "Mother… Don′t make me do this…" A frown marred my features when I heard this. Mother? I did not understand anything that was going on. Was this the person who is frightening all these animals? Was it someone else- something else? I could not get any closer when a hand came down on my shoulder. My throat swallowed down a scream and I looked behind me to see familiar blue eyes. I sighed and glared at him.

Just as I was about to say something to him, he placed a gloved- finger in front of his lips. I knew he was curious on what was happening as well. We slowly resumed our quiet steps into the darkness where the man spoke. "There is someone here, mother? Who are they?" My heart froze. How did his mother know we were here? "Eliminate them?" My heart dropped this time. "I will kill them if you like. Yes… I will." Zack grabbed my hand and we ran out through the clearing and out of the forest. Fear still invaded my mind.

I looked at Zack, wondering how he was dealing with this. The dark- haired man had an unreadable expression on his face. "Why did you go in there?" he inquired. I gave him a surprised look and shrugged. "Why aren′t you are training?"

"I got tired of being the punching bag he never had a chance to break," I casually answered. He looked at me and closed his eyes. "Zack… what is going on? Who was that?" He did not answer. Perhaps unable to. "Zack…?"

Finally, he looked at me straight in the eyes. I was never one to hold eye contract, so I turned away, but he placed his hand on my chin and stabled it in front of him. "That was the general. No one knows why he is here all the time. The last person who came in here was rumoured to have gotten kill." Zack's thumb rubbed my cheek lightly. "I don′t want you to get hurt, so please stay away from this place. I highly doubt the general will show any mercy." I bit my lower lips and nodded. Zack grinned at me and let go. He walked away, but motioned for me to follow. "Come on. If you wanna ditch, I′ll show you where you can go!" I complied. He brought me in front of a building. There was nothing particularly special about it, but as I stepped inside, I knew why he brought my here. The lobby was filled with arcade games and a pool table. "This is where I go when I′m bored." He pushed my back lightly, urging me to go on and try out the machines. I did as he wanted and found that it was indeed very entertaining.

The day passed away quickly with Zack by my side. He showed me how to play everything I did not know, which were actually all but the shooting ones. I have never been to such a place in my life. Father was too strict to allow me to go. "Here." He handed me a bag of chips and pop. It seemed to be what he eat as a stable diet. "Cloud is probably gonna flip if he doesn′t see us, soon." I nodded and we made our way into the dormitory building. We went into my room and saw Cloud writing rapidly on a piece of paper. "Hey, Spike. What are you doing?" The teenager did not seem to acknowledge him until finally, his hand stopped moving and his clear blue eyes looked up with utmost innocence.

"I was just writing a letter to my mom," he replied, before looking at his words- filled sheet and signed it. "Where were you?" Cloud looked at me. "Your instructor didn′t look too happy when you weren′t there." I shrugged. Hasten was never happy when it comes to me. Cloud frowned and ignored me, once more.

I wordlessly went into the bathroom and came back out several minutes later. Not until now did I feel fatigue. It brought my entire body down. I barely found enough energy to climb up the steps and lay down on my bed. Quietly, I heard Zack and Cloud conversing. There was not much to hear, so sleep came quite quickly.

The next morning, I woke up to the face of Cloud who let out a yelp, fell, and landed painfully on the floor. He rubbed where he landed and slowly stood up. ″S-sorry,″ he stuttered. ″Zack called and told me to check on you...″ I tilted my head and waited for him to resume. ″He... didn′t really tell me why, but you seem okay to me...″ A smile made its way to my lips and I nodded. ″Did something happen yesterday?″ I shook my head, unwilling to tarnish the general that was in his mind with what Zack told me. Cloud gave me a curious look, not believing what I told him, but decided against questioning.

After our conversation one- sided conversation, I got ready to face Hasten for the day. He looked just as I thought he would when I arrived. The instructor increased his usage of me as his punching bag as rumours flew. No one understood why he did what he did. Perhaps he was abused as a child and saw me in him..Perhaps he just hated me with a passion. Perhaps he knew I was a girl pretending to be a male to join SOLDIER. Who knows?

I walked away from all the chattering people when lesson was over. There was never anything for me to linger for. No friends. No companions. Nothing. The only partner I had for this was Hasten and he was as brutal as ever. He simply enjoys my pain.

Soundlessly, I wandered the grounds of Shinra, unwilling to enter my dorm. The time with myself is what I treasured the most, even though it does get lonely at times. When I am with myself, time stops and it feels as if I was free and not forced to be who I do not wish to be. Having time for myself gives me a sense of control, something I never have in reality. I cannot help but sometimes hate how cheerful Zack is, but... there are times when I envy him. He can get along with anyone and everyone without trying. Friends and companions swarm him like bees to honey. Then there is Cloud. He is quiet, but people are attracted to him in some way. It is as if everyone is clad in armour and Cloud was an enormous magnet. Only people who have decided to take off their guards can resist.

″Angel!″ My thoughts shattered at the sound of my name. I turned around and was greeted with the hateful and well- envied man. ″Wanna spend the evening with me and my friends again? Cloud will be there!″ As hard as I tried to decline, it never came out. All I could do was nod my head and allow him to drag me. Why was I so weak?

When we reached our destination, Zack opened the door and I was greeted by familiar faces. The only male I remember the name to was Reno. He was the one with red hair and wanted to be a Turk. I was quickly reintroduced and the names Rude and Elena came up. They were also aiming to become a Turk and were Reno′s two best friends. Suddenly, I became envious again. I wish to have best friends- people who I can communicate with. Someone for me to tell my feelings and secrets to.

″Hey, wanna play strip poker with us?″ I looked at them and shook my head. There was no way I would take off my clothes. They would immediately know I am a girl. ″Come on! It′s gonna be fun!″ I declined. Reno looked at me with a bottle of alcohol in hand. ″How old are you anyway? You′re kinda small.″

My lips formed a thin line. ″Fifteen.″

Reno nodded thoughtfully and said, ″Cloud is pretty young, too, sixteen, I think...″ Cloud did not say anything to reassure him, but Reno did not seem to care. He shrugged and went to play cards, ignoring me.

By the end of the night, I was bored. I had decided not to join any of the activities. Cloud and I walked to our room and nothing was said between us. He went into the bathroom first, then I went. When I came back out, he was already asleep. There was not much I could do, so I followed his example and drifted away.