Author's Note: Okay, so, here is chapter one. I hope you like it, and I look forward to your feedback. Have a nice day
Chapter One: Validation
Two Weeks Later
Strength is a significant aspect of validity. To be valid, an argument must be strong. Without strength, an argument has no value, and if an argument has no value, nobody will believe it. But just as an argument must be strong to be valid, so must a person. Only the strong can validate themselves, while the weak need others to validate them, to make them feel valued and important.
As a child, like many children, I sought validity through the love I received. If I knew I was loved, I knew I was valued, and once I no longer believed I was loved, I started to doubt the value in myself. I have since learned that I alone have the power to validate myself, and the second that I give that power away, I will revert back to that scared little girl who allowed herself to be defined by the love, or lack thereof, that others showed her.
Declan is dead. She had been repeating the same phrase in her head for the past two weeks now, but she still couldn't seem to wrap her head around it. It just didn't seem real. How could he be gone? How was it possible?
Charlotte lurched forward, heaving again. Morning sickness. She had been spending so much time in the bathroom lately. She even slept in there sometimes, but never when her mom was home. The Great Victoria Grayson would never allow it. She liked it though. Sure, throwing up wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but it was comfortable in its own way. When she threw up, it was a reminder of what was growing inside her, and that was a reminder of Declan. The little, helpless being was all she had left of him. She wanted it to be safe, and loved. More than that, she wanted it to know how special it's father had been. And, she wanted it as far away from her family as possible.
After cleaning her mouth, Charlotte stood and dug her brochures out from under the bathroom sink. Pennsylvania. She had been thinking about it for a while. Once the baby was born, she was going. A small-town up north, far, far away from all this crazy. Charlie Clarke Porter, as she intended to go by, would start a life there. She would move to a small Amish community. It would take some adjusting to learn to live without technology, but it was the only way she could think to escape the Grayson name. She did not want anybody to recognize her. What she wanted was a fresh start. There was still a lot to figure out, a lot of planning, but she had time. She wasn't due for another six or seven months, as far as she could tell.
Jack thanked the Grayson employee and made his way into the monstrous home. Upon hearing Daniel's voice, he paused, curious.
"- do everything in my power to help."
"You keep saying that, but -"
"Emily, do you have any clue what kind of case they have against Nolan?" Daniel asked, trying to reason with his fiancé.
"You know he's innocent." Emily said angrily.
"Of course he is, but the legal system is more complicated than-"
"Don't talk to me about the legal system. I was there for every second of your incarceration; I know how complicated the legal system is. And don't forget, I never asked you to help Nolan, that was something you offered, insisted on, in fact, so I'm sorry if I'm getting frustrated that my best friend is still behind bars, after my fiancé promised me that he would do everything in his power to get him out."
"I am! I am doing everything in my power, just like you are, and your results are no better than mine. And yes, you didn't ask, but I could tell how important it was to you, and I love you, so of course I was going to try and help." There was a pause, "Besides, we both know that isn't what this is really about." Another pause. Jack was tempted to step out and see what was going on, but he didn't think he should reveal his presence just yet. "He's still not letting you come visit him is he?" Again, silence, "I'm sure there's a reason." More silence, "Emily, listen to me. I don't know what is going on with you and Nolan, but whatever it is, he would have to be a complete moron to not want you around, okay?"
"I just wish he would let me visit him." Jack could hear the defeat in her tone. He tried to decipher what was real, and what was part of her act. It was hard to tell. She had always seemed so transparent, so honest, but now he knew better. He wondered if he even knew her at all.
Slowly, he stepped forward. Emily was in Daniel's arms, looking the part of the distraught girl seeking comfort in the dotting fiancé. It made him sick, but he knew enough to keep his mouth shut.
Still, he was here for a reason. He told himself that was why he chose that moment to clear his throat and make his presence known. It wasn't jealousy, just timing.
Two Weeks Earlier
"We have to get out of here." Jack heard Amanda say. Amanda. The name reverberated in his brain. How was this possible? He knew Amanda Clarke. He had married Amanda Clarke. And now…
"Jack, listen to me. I know you must have so many questions, and I promise I will answer them all, but right now, we need to get you out of here." he didn't move. He couldn't. She tried again, "If somebody sees you here with that gun, even if you don't pull the trigger, security will take you away before you can blink. Best-case scenario, you end up in jail for the rest of your life. Right now, as far as Conrad knows, you may have died in that collapse. You still have a chance to get out of here. You need to get out of here."
He heard her talking, and he knew she was right, but he was in shock. Seemingly realizing Jack was too stunned to move of his own volition, Emily grabbed his hand and led him back the way she had come as delicately and steadily as one would lead a scared, confused child.
"Jack." Emily said. Her tone implied nothing but surprise.
Daniel turned, his face less pleasant and welcoming than Emily's, "We're a little busy here, Jack."
Jack couldn't help the sense of pleasure that rose inside him at the jealousy in Daniel's eyes.
"I'm sorry to interrupt. I was just hoping I could talk to -"
"My fiancé and I are busy." Daniel repeated with subtle venom.
"Actually," Jack said, stepping forward, as welcome as your fiancé's company always is, I was wondering if I could talk to Charlotte."
"Why?" Daniel asked, surprised.
"Well," Jack said, holding up the plastic bag he brought, "I brought some books for her. They were books my wife read when she was pregnant with Carl. I …" jack stopped, something suddenly occurring to him, "I hope I'm not saying anything I shouldn't. I assumed, I mean, Declan told me that, that is, if charlotte hasn't-"
"I know." Daniel said, cutting him off, "So does Emily, and mom. Dad doesn't. Not yet, but, no, you aren't, um, outing her, for lack of a better term."
Jack sighed in relief, "Well, anyway, I thought maybe she could use these."
Daniel nodded, "I'll get them to her."
"Actually, I was hoping I could, if that's all right." Daniel looked at Jack skeptically. Jack knew that, in his eyes every move Jack made was just to get between him and Emily. "Can I talk to you alone for a minute?" he asked. Daniel turned to Emily.
"Actually, I have a phone call to make anyway. It was good seeing you Jack." She offered him a friendly, yet distant nod, which he returned.
Both men watched her leave, and once she was gone, Jack dove right in, "Look, I know I'm not your favorite person. I know you think I'm trying to get between you and Emily, and I know that what happened between her and me over a year ago was why you two called off your engagement in the first place, so I want to clarify a few things. First, yes, I did have feelings for Emily, but, first, that was a long time ago. I have since married and been widowed, and I loved my wife. I would never dishonor her memory, or the love I have for her by moving on from her so soon with an old crush that I got over a long time ago. Second, Emily never returned my feelings. The night we kissed, we were both very emotional. My dog had just died, and both Emily and I loved that dog very much. I was dealing with Amanda's disappearance, and Emily was having doubts. We were two friends who took comfort in each other, but that was all. Emily has never seen me that way, and while I did see once see her like that, I have not for a long time."
"Then why are you so obsessed with my family?" Daniel asked defensively. "If it's not Emily -"
"In case you've forgotten, my brother just died. But a small part of him is still alive, and growing inside your sister. Not to mention, Charlotte and I are the only two people who can understand what the other is going through." Jack closed his eyes to stop them from watering and took a deep breath, "She's the only other person who loved him."
Daniel's face softened, "Go on up. She hasn't really been letting a lot of people in but …" Jack nodded a thank you, and started to head up, but Daniel grabbed his arm, "Listen, Jack. I never got to say it but I'm sorry. For what happened to your brother. I love Charlotte more than anything, and if anything ever happened to her, I can't even imagine what I would … it must be very hard for you, losing your brother like that, and especially after everything you've been through." Jack just nodded, "And I know I haven't been the most sensitive either. It's just, I love Emily so much, and I know that I don't deserve her. I guess I just keep expecting somebody or something to take her away from me again."
Emily hadn't expected Jack to show up, but it as good to see him, even if they couldn't talk here. They hadn't gotten to talk much actually. She always thought that once it all came out, they would spend hours just talking, but it had all happened so fast.
Two Weeks Earlier
Emily pushed open the door to the beach house. Jack had been silent the entire car ride. She was worried, of course, but she understood. It was a lot to take in. Soon, he would wake up from the shock, and then they could talk. After all this time, she thought she would be more prepared for this conversation, but she wasn't. She had been leaving Nolan messages at every stoplights, but she hadn't heard back yet. She really needed him right now.
"So, you're Amanda?" She heard him say behind her.
Turning, she felt the tears well up in her eyes. She tried to respond, but she couldn't. Hearing him refer to her as Amanda … it wasn't something she ever thought would happen. Trying to gulp down the tears, she just nodded.
"How?" again, she tried to speak, but couldn't. She started swiping at her eyes, but Jack stepped closer to her and grabbed her arms, shaking his head, "Don't. Please." She looked at him curiously, "You don't have to pretend anymore. Not with me." She smiled at him through the tears.
"I …" He was cut off by the ringing of Emily's phone. She looked at the caller I.D. Daniel.
"I have to." He nodded, stepping away from her. "Hello?"
"Emily. Where are you?"
"I'm sorry. I wasn't feeling very well, so I headed back to the beach house, but tell your father congratulations for me."
"The Beach House? I figured you'd be on your way to see Nolan by now."
"Nolan? Why?"
"You haven't heard? Em, he was arrested. They're saying he was a terrorist."
"What? That's ridiculous."
"He didn't call you?"
"No. I haven't heard from him in hours."
"Well, I was going to head over there, because I figured you would be, but if you aren't feeling well, I'll just-"
"No, I'll … I'll meet you there. Missing a victory party is one thing, bailing on a friend who has been wrongfully arrested is another. I'll see you in a few minutes."
"Okay. I love you."
Emily glanced at Jack, "You too. By." She closed her phone, then turned to Jack. All traces of tears were gone now. "That was Daniel. He said Nolan was arrested for acts of terrorism. If you ask me, this has Grayson written all over it." He just looked at her, "I'm sorry Jack. I have to go. I promise, I will answer all of your questions, but Nolan-"
Jack nodded, "I understand. Go on."
She grabbed a piece of paper and wrote an address on it. "You should hide out here for now." She said, handing him a house key, which he took, confused.
It was the key to Aiden's place. Now that Aiden had left, the place would serve as a perfect safe house. She was fairly certain he left the country; if Nolan was on the hook for everything, they would have let Aiden go, and after how they left things, she could hardly expect him to stick around. Aiden's place had been there haven; a tiny piece of paradise nobody knew about where she could just be Amanda Clarke without fear of exposure. It was the perfect hideout, but it had also been there place, and she felt a twinge of guilt offering it up to Jack as his hideout. After all, her feelings for Jack were a part of why Aiden had left.
But she couldn't worry about that now, not with Nolan becoming the next David Clarke and the Graysons after Jack. Mentally shaking herself, she continued to instruct Jack, using the same calm determination she had when instructing Nolan every time they (she) had planned something. She was wearing the persona of Emily Thorne, cold and calculating mistress of revenge. Jack had never seen that side of her, but it was what he needed right now, and she sure as hell was not going to lose anybody else.
"The Grayson's not knowing if you're alive or dead is your greatest advantage right now. There are only three people who know about this place, one is me, one is apparently in jail, and one just left the country. I'll come and join you as soon as I can. I promise. Take my car." She handed him the keys, and her eyes met his. He was a mess right now, but he was still Jack. She couldn't lose him. "Be careful Jack."
"Hi." She turned at his voice.
"Jack." She said, the tenderness plain in her voice. Then she shook herself. "How's Charlotte." He looked at her curiously, so she elaborated, "She won't really see anybody but I figured she would see you. You're his brother, after all."
"You're her-"
"She doesn't know that." Emily said quickly.
"No?" She shook her head, "Oh, well, that's good to know."
"So, did you two have a good talk?"
"We didn't really talk. Mostly, we just comforted each other. Tears, and hugging."
"I'm so sorry Jack."
He offered her a small smile, "Listen, I know you've got a lot going on, with Nolan and Daniel, but, like you said, I know where to find you, and, if you maybe have any upcoming openings in you're schedule," Emily held her breath. She had a feeling she knew where he was going, but she needed to be sure. She needed him to say it. "I'm ready. To talk. When you are."
She nodded. "Meet me at the safe house in two hours." Jack nodded.
Two Weeks Earlier
Once Emily left, Jack headed to her car, and put the address into her GPS. He was still trying to wrap his mind around all of this. Forget the huge elephant in the room, there was everything that had just happened in there. How vulnerable she had been, how hard she had been crying, and how the second Daniel had called, she had just hid it all away. The tears were gone. She sounded fine, just like a typical girl talking to her beloved fiancé. And once she hung up, there were no more tears, and she wasn't the happy, in love girl nest door. She was cold and calculating, her mind on nothing but the task before her. She said the word Grayson with venom in her voice, and there had been no love in the way she had said Daniel either. She had so many faces, so many fronts, and Jack honestly did not know which one was the real Emily. Well, not Emily, apparently, but he wasn't ready to deal with that right now. And Nolan was in prison? How did this all happen?
A part of him, a very large part actually, had wanted nothing more than to rage at her, to let her have it for lying to him, pretending to be somebody she wasn't, for letting him walk down the aisle with somebody who he apparently didn't even know. And who was she, his late wife, if not Amanda Clarke? Who was this woman he had sworn to love, this woman who had borne his child. How could Emily let him believe she was Amanda when she clearly couldn't be? And how had she known everything? How had she known about the sea glass, and about their times on the beach? There were so many questions, so many lies, and Emily had been a part of them all. How could he forgive her that? And how could he trust her now? And what she had said about how if she had just left him alone from the beginning, was she responsible for what had happened to Amanda, to Declan? No, he couldn't believe that. Regardless of everything else, all the lies and the secrets, she wasn't capable of that. She would never have let anything happen to Amanda, or Declan, not if she had the power to stop it.
There was so much he felt he wasn't ready to know, and so much he felt he needed to know. And he was angry, and confused, but he also knew she was right. Deep down, he had always known, on some level. How could he be angry with her for hiding a truth that he should have seen from the beginning? After all, Sammy had known. The thought made him chuckle, despite the complete lack of humor in the situation.
He was tempted to follow her. If Nolan was arrested, he should be there. Nolan was one of the only people he had left. But, as she had pointed out, the fact that he might be dead was his only defense right now. Victoria knew he was alive, but she may not have told her husband yet. If nothing else, her guilt might keep her quiet, however briefly. If there was one thing Jack knew about Nolan, it was that he put his friends first; it was no doubt for that reason that he had not called Emily after he got arrested. He would want Jack to go into hiding. So, for now, he would. It would be brief, but he needed to regroup, to process, to mourn. He needed time.
When Emily had come back, after Nolan refused to see her, Jack had told her that he appreciated what she had done, and he had a lot of questions, but right now, he needed some time to process. She had agreed, said he should have time to process, and that when he was ready, he could find her, and they would talk. He promised to keep her secret, and inquired after Nolan, and then he had left started to leave. She advised him to stay in hiding for a little bit, even after he told her Victoria knew he was alive, and he had agreed to hide out, but no longer than a week. It was probably better actually, that he didn't disappear. With Victoria knowing, it was only a matter of time; her conscience, or whatever similar creature resided in Victoria Grayson, would only keep her silent for so long.
Emily had left the safe house, the one she had to keep reminding herself was no longer Aiden's house, and she hadn't seen Jack since, until today. And now he was here, talking to her sister about his brother and future nephew or niece. A part of her wanted to run to him the second she had seen him, but she knew she couldn't. Daniel was there. And besides, Jack needed space, and she needed to give it to him. He deserved that much.
Jack took a deep breath. Here goes nothing, he thought, trying to keep himself calm as he stopped the engine and got out of the car. It was such a bizarre phrase, 'here goes nothing.' Whenever people said it, they pretty much always meant the opposite. This may prove to one of the most important, and the most difficult, conversations of Jack's entire life.
He had so many questions, but even though he had been going over it in his mind for the past two weeks, he still knew that he would have no clue how or where to begin.
He took out the key she had given him, opened, and unlocked the door.
When he came in, she was already standing there. She seemed a little nervous. Jack wasn't sure he had ever seen Emily nervous. But then, Jack wasn't sure he had ever seen Emily be anything, or at least, anything genuine.
"Jack." She said in that way only she could. It always gave him goose bumps. When she said his name like that, it felt like he was the only other person in the room with her, or at least, the only one she really wanted there. It felt like she saw him, somehow, really saw him when she looked at him.
He supposed that made more sense now. After all, she had known him longer than he had thought. Still, you could know a person your whole life and never, never truly know them. But it felt like she did, like she could see the real him when she looked at him.
He cleared his throat to speak, but nothing came out. He tried again, "Um, I don't really know what to call you." He said awkwardly.
She nodded, "Emily. You should call me Emily."
"Why?"
"Because, if you get in the habit of calling me anything else in private, you could slip up in public. Even when we're sure no one else is around, Nolan always calls me Emily. So did …" she trailed off.
"Who was she?" Jack asked.
"Do you really want to know?"
"Do I really want to know?" he asked, surprising himself with his volume, but not caring. They both knew anger would be a part of this conversation. Best probably to get it out of the way now, "Do I want to know who the woman I married, had a child with, and buried was? Yes Emily, I really want to know."
Emily sighed, "You know who you married Jack. You may not have known her real name, but you knew who she was. Her past was a lie, but her life with you, the person she was when she was with you? That was all her. You need to know how much she loved you Jack. Yes, she was dishonest, but sometimes, to protect the people we love, we have to be."
"Are you still talking about her?" Jack questioned, frustrated.
"Yes, and no. I'm talking about all of us. We're all connected Jack, her, you, me, the Graysons, Nolan, all of us. I know how important honesty is to you, but she loved you so much Jack. Whatever else happened, that was never a lie. She would have given up anything for you-"
"She did!" Jack yelled. Emily nodded, calmly. It was eerie, how calm she was able to be, "You still haven't told me who she was."
Emily nodded again, "She was my cellmate in Juvie; her name was Emily Thorne." Jack nodded, "You read the letters I wrote Jack, you know how close we were. When I needed a new identity, who better to go to?"
"But … but she knew things. The sea glass, and the … how?"
"She had to be believable; I couldn't risk anybody ever finding out. I gave her diaries, worked with her with flashcards to memorize facts." Emily sighed and looked down, "She was never supposed to come to the Hamptons Jack, but once she did, once she told you that she was Amanda Clarke … there was no going back on that."
"When she first showed up, she said she had repressed a lot of things, that she was having trouble remembering, and then, she started to…"
Emily nodded, avoiding his gaze. She was ashamed he realized. Good. "Flashcards and facts would be enough to fool a reporter or a detective who went digging, but you, Jack, there were so many little details. That's when I gave her the diaries."
"You helped her lie to me. You orchestrated this elaborate ruse. You let me believe she was, that both of you were somebody else. I married that girl Emily, and you just stood back and watched it happen, knowing that our entire relationship was based on a lie-"
"No, Jack, that's what I was trying to say." Emotion, true emotion was creeping into her voice, leaving the calm behind. Jack had to admit, he liked it a lot better, "She loved you. She loved you so much. And I know you loved her, and not just because you thought she was me. Jack, you married a woman you loved who loved you back. You married the mother of your child-"
"If I had known she never would have even gotten pregnant! I never would have slept with her."
"I don't believe that." Emily replied. Jack noticed the tear streaming down her cheek. She swiped at it, "And I don't think you do either. That's not who you are Jack. You wouldn't just jump into bed with a girl, not unless you felt something, something real."
"I don't even know what is real anymore." Jack said, spreading his arms out in frustration, then collapsed back onto the sofa. Emily was quiet; she was waiting for him, "How could you never tell me?" his tone wasn't angry, or accusatory. It was sad and held a hint of surrender. "All those years, waiting for you to come back, looking after Sammy, praying I would see you again … I deserved to know."
She sat on the other end of the couch, trying not to crowd him, "I was trying to protect you."
Jack shook his head, "Don't use that as an excuse. You could have told me. You told Nolan, and I know you care about his safety."
"I never told Nolan." Emily said, looking down at her lap, "He figured I out. And besides, Nolan isn't like you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Emily stood, "You're smart Jack. You must have figured out why I came back, and why I kept who I was a secret. You know what they did." She flinched slightly. Jack watched her. He could see so much pain in her eyes. He had seen that look before, and not just in the mirror. He had seen it in Amanda's eyes on that old videotape, and broken, abandoned girl desperately trying to somehow pick up the pieces of her shattered life. His instinct was to go to her, but he stopped himself. Things were far from okay with them, and his strong desire to comfort her, to protect her, to wash away all the pain, it didn't change that. "Jack, what do you think I mean when I say I was protecting you?"
"From the Graysons."
She nodded, sitting again, "That's true. They are dangerous people Jack; you really have no idea. You may know more now than you did when we met, but you're coming to bat at the sixth or seventh inning, and you barely even know how to play. There's still so much -"
"It's not a game. It's my life. Our lives. People we've loved-"
"I know." She said, trying to calm him, "Believe me Jack, I know. I didn't mean it like that. This is so, so far from a game. And you are in more danger than you can imagine. The power these people have, the lengths they are willing to go to, it's twisted. But, that wasn't the only thing I was trying to protect you from."
"Then what?"
"You cannot take on twisted people without becoming twisted yourself. I don't regret that things I've done, though I do wish some had turned out differently, obviously. But that doesn't mean I don't know that what I've done…" she looked away again, "Jack, if you knew some of the things I've done, the lines I crossed to hurt them." She swiped at her face again. Jack wasn't sure exactly when she had started crying. "I'd do them all again, in a heartbeat. The people I hurt deserved it. They deserved to pay for what they did. But I'm not naïve; I know that in order to become the person who could do those things, I've had to leave pieces of myself behind. Pieces … pieces I will never, ever get back." She looked at him, holding his gaze for the first time. He fought the urge to reach out and wipe the tears from her cheeks, as he had once before, when Sammy died. God, that felt like a millions years ago now.
"I don't trust easy. After the life I've lived, I've learned that most people are in this life for themselves, and they will throw anybody under a bus to get what they want. But you, you're not like that. I may have lied to you Jack, but that doesn't mean I didn't trust you. I probably trust you more than I trust anyone. You are a good man Jack Porter, and you have no clue how rare that is. You put others first … I always wondered how you would react when you found out the truth, and I thought of two scenarios. In one, you wouldn't accept me, what I had done, that the Graysons deserve this, and in another, you would. And honestly, I don't know which one scared me more. I didn't want you to lose yourself. When I told you that you would be throwing your life away by pulling that trigger, I wasn't just talking about the police. Taking a life, a person can't come back from that. The Graysons are slippery, and you cannot get close to them without becoming something … darker. They have destroyed so many lives; I could not let them destroy yours." She found herself chuckling slightly through her tears, "So much for that. Some protector I was." She shook her head, "I should never have let you in."
"What do you mean, 'let me in?' Let me in where?"
She shook her head again, "Into my life. I should have kept you at a distance. I tried, in the beginning but, I guess, when it came down to it, I just wasn't strong enough to push you away."
Jack shook his head, "I don't know you well. So much of it was lies, I don't know what is fact what is fiction, but if there is one thing I do know about you, it is that you are strong."
"I really wish I could believe that. But right now…" she let the sentence hang there.
After a minute, Jack spoke, "I understand why you lied to me, but it wasn't your job to protect me. I could have handled it."
She shook her head, "Maybe now, after all you've been through. But, but that's not even the point. I didn't want you to have to handle it." She sat up straighter, "I'm not claiming my motives were entirely selfless and noble. I needed to protect my identity, and that more people knew, the greater risk of it getting out. And, I didn't want you to have to lie for me. I didn't want you compromising your morals-"
"But that should have been my choice. And you say you think I'm moral, but if you really believed that, you would have trusted that I would make the right decision."
"Jack, there is no right decision in this point. There are two paths, and both require you to give up a piece of your sole. Either you're the person who does nothing after finding out about a huge injustice, the person who turns a blind eye, or you're the person who seeks justice, and has to compromise certain morals to do it."
Jack nodded, staring at the rug. Finally, he got up and headed for the door. Emily stood as well, surprised, "Where are you going?"
"This is … a lot. I have a feeling I'm not going to be able to find everything out in one conversation, there's too much to process. I think that's enough for now. We'll talk more later."
"Of course." Emily said, even though it wasn't a question. "Jack," Emily said, stopping him at the door, "Are things between us every going to be okay?"
Jack took a deep breath, and then blew it out, "I don't know."
She nodded as she watched him walk out. Once he was gone, she reached for the phone to call Nolan, but then remembered she couldn't. She threw it against the wall as she dried her tears.
Nolan sat there, waiting. He had left a message, asking her to come see him, but he had no clue whether she would or not. It was a risky bet.
Emily had tried to see him again today. He hated that he had to say no when they asked him to come and talk to her. He hated pushing her away like this. He was doing the same with Jack, who, while he hadn't tried as many times, had also attempted to pay Nolan a visit.
He missed them, both of them, so very much. He missed Emily, her cold stares and bright smiles. He missed how she always had the answers. He could use that right about now.
She came in, sat down a across from him and picked up the phone, "Nolan Ross."
He smiled wryly at her. "In the orange clad flesh."
"I was rather surprised when you called me." She said, pushing her long brown hair back, "I heard you haven't even let Jack see you, and suddenly, you're calling me down here."
"Where did you hear that?" Nolan asked.
"The source."
"That's still going on?"
"What is?" He didn't say anything, examining the British socialite that Jack, for some reason, seemed to trust.
Squirming slightly under his scrutiny, Ashley cleared her throat, bringing him back to their conversation, "I know Jack is one of your best friends, and you and I have never exactly been that close."
Nolan nodded, leaning forward, "And that, is exactly why I called you down here." She looked at him, confused, "Are you still working for The Evil Empire?"
She sat back, surprised, "Of course."
"Well, excuse me for being curious, but considering how many times you've been fired, and your recent alliance with the aforementioned Jack, it wouldn't be the most bizarre thing if you were once again sent to the streets."
"Well, I haven't been, and, as I said, we aren't friends. The only reason I came down here was curiosity, but that might not be enough to keep me down here much longer, so please just get to the point."
"As you wish. I want you to deliver a message for me, to your employers, and to certain blondes associated with them."
"You mean Emily?" she clarified, making Nolan cringe.
"I want you to tell them that I can handle my own legal matters, and I'd prefer if they would just back off."
"You want me to tell them to drop off of your case?"
Nolan shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, "I have a lawyer, and he is more than capable. I'm taking care of it, and I don't need help. Not from anybody."
Ashley shook her head, confused, "There seems to be a very strong case against you. If I were you, I would take all the help I can get."
Nolan scoffed at her suggestion. As if there was any helping him now. He was a little baby trout caught in a fisherman's net, doomed to live in fear until the deed was done and he was dinner. All he could do now was hope the other fish would stop trying to save him and start swimming in a different direction.
"I have it covered, Ashley. And I didn't ask for advice. All I want is for members of those two soon to be merged families to stop offering their services on any legal, or other matters."
Ashley nodded, "Well, I'll pass on the message, but I can hardly control what they'll do."
Nolan nodded, "That's all I ask."
Ashley hung up the phone and walked out. Nolan watched her go, wanting to call after her. There were so many things he wished h could say. He wanted to ask how Jack was doing, and if she'd seen much of Emily. He wanted her to tell them how much he missed them, and how much they meant to him. But he couldn't. He knew that. Once, on the other side of a window not unlike this one, he had promised a very special man that he would look after his daughter. And he had promised himself that he would look after her, and Jack. Right now, there was no other way. He just wished he could have said goodbye.
Daniel was waiting for Emily when she got home. He had covered her beach house with rose petals and candles.
"What's all this?"
He turned to her, smiling, "I know you've been having a rough time lately. Everything with Nolan, having to postpone Paris, dealing with your idiot of a fiancé who you are clearly way to good for," she chuckled, "I thought you could use a night to just relax."
She smiled, "That sounds nice."
"I made dinner. I'll be right back. You just relax. Watch some TV."
Taking Daniel's advice, Emily plopped down on the couch and turned on the news.
"In other news, the body of business man and former terrorist suspect, Aiden Mathis, was discovered by -"
Emily's face went white.
"Okay, well, the chicken will take a few more minutes, but I have two flutes of champagne," Daniel said, carrying said to flutes out. He handed her one and settled in next to her, "What are we watching?"
Before she could answer, Daniel saw the screen, and his face grew white as well, though for completely different reasons.
"-currently no suspects, doctors have determined that Mr. Mathis was killed roughly two weeks-"
"Oh my god." Daniel said, turning to Emily.
"Do you think it was that group?" Emily asked, "The one that was threatening you?"
Daniel nodded, "Probably." She nodded. Then, he stood, "I am such an idiot. I totally forgot. I was supposed to go in to Grayson Global. Something involving the rebuilding."
"At eight o'clock at night?" Daniel shrugged, "Can't it wait until morning."
"I'm so sorry. I promise I'll make this up to you." He said, kissing her on the cheek. She grabbed his arm, turning him around, and kissed him. It was a good, long, hard kiss. More importantly, it was a distracting kiss.
"Wow. Uh, what was that for?"
She shrugged, smiling, "Just because."
"We're closed." Jack said as he heard somebody push the door of the Stowaway open.
"Should probably lock up then, else you'll start getting unwelcome company." Ashley said humorously.
Jack looked up at her and smiled, "You're always welcome, Ash."
"Could have fooled me," she said as she made her way over to the bar. She dropped her purse on the counter as Jack started on her usual. "You've been incredibly distant lately."
He placed her drink in front of her and shot her an apologetic smile, "I know. But, that wasn't about you. I've just been … kind of dealing with something." He said
Ashley snorted, "Well, obviously. Isn't that how this all started?"
Jack nodded, "It's not that. I mean, of course that, Amanda, Declan, the Graysons, that's all still weighing on me but this is … something else."
"Would you like to talk about it?" she asked, taking a sip of her drink. Jack seemed to retreat a little. "I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but, if you do need to talk to somebody, I'm here."
Jack studied Ashley for a moment. Obviously, he couldn't talk to her about what was really bothering him. He trusted Ashley, but even if he felt he could trust her with this, which he wasn't even sure he could, it wasn't his secret to tell. Still, he had been needing somebody to talk to. Desperately. Now that he'd talked to Emily, he wasn't sure if he was less confused, or more. He couldn't talk to Nolan, because Nolan wouldn't see him, and even if he did, Jack venting about this when Nolan was incarcerated probably wasn't the most sensitive thing in the world. After everything Nolan had done for him, he had to just be a friend. When Nolan was ready to see him, assuming that day came, he needed to be there for Nolan, not the other way around. As far as he could tell, nobody else knew about Emily. Besides, he didn't have any other confidants. With Emily, Nolan, and Declan by his side, he had never really felt he needed anyone else. He had three people who truly cared for him, and who would listen and give advice if he asked. Now, that was all gone. Declan was gone, Nolan was in jail, and he didn't even know how to classify Emily anymore.
Ashley, however, was here, and in spite of all he knew about her, or maybe because of it, he trusted her. She was like him, born to middle-class circumstances, but she had risen above. Still, she never forgot her roots, and she never felt like others did either. She wanted to be a part of that world, but as much as she wanted their life, she didn't really like the people. She knew they had no real respect for her and she knew that they never would. The feeling was mutual. She first priority was survival, but, just like anybody else in the world, she really just wanted to feel special, and to be loved. She wasn't perfect. She had done her fair share of backstabbing, and Jack did not doubt that she would do it again, but he also knew he could trust her. They respected each other, treated each other as equals, and for Ashley, that made all the difference. She had so much to offer, but they would never see it. He did though, which was why she liked him.
Still, much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn't tell her the truth. At least, not right now.
He let out a sigh, "I know Ash, and I appreciate it, but honestly, right now, I think I just need a good old fashioned distraction."
Ashley smiled, "Well, you've come to the right person then. Have you ever played Shut-The-Box?" Jack shook his head, chuckling.
Emily fiddled with the device. It was so strange, listening to a bugged conversation without Nolan by her side. She tried not to think about it. Right now, she needed to know two things. One, was Aiden really dead; was it truly his body they had found? And two, if Daniel's reaction to the broadcast meant what she thought it did. She thought she knew the answer, but she needed to be sure. Despite being a Grayson, that was one line Daniel still hadn't crossed, and a part of her had hoped he wouldn't. She had cared for him once. He had been innocent, and she had seen the good in him. Those feelings were long gone now, as was much of the good in him, but while she would never feel for Daniel the way she once had, Emily still hoped he might someday find his way back to that goodness. It would never undo what he'd done; nothing could do that, which was exactly why she no longer cared for him, but he had been a good man once, and sometimes she thought he could be again.
There was nothing for a while, just crackling and background noise. Then doors opening, and then his voice, "Dad." She could hear it all in the way he spoke; the fear, the guilt. She didn't need to hear anything else. She knew. Still, she kept listening, if only to find calm in the guilt in his voice, "I think I'm in trouble."
Often, the search for validation is spawned from doubt. Validation erases doubt. The truth about an event can be validated with data or proof, but when it comes to people, validation must come from within. The absence of fact makes it difficult for one individual to define the value of a human being. We seek validation for the scars that we assume others would deem ugly, things we've done, things we've become. It is not a question of whether the validation is deserved, but of whether it is necessary. Without validation, we have little reason to go on with our lives. Even the most twisted still wish to feel validated, justified in their actions, validated in there own eyes. Value is an immeasurable illusion in the case of people, but if we stop believing in it, the self-deprecation will swallow us whole.
Author's Note: Hi.
So, first off, credit where credit is due. Shut-The-Box is a board game that I found on Britishgamesdotcom/index. I was going to just leave it with her saying he came to the right person, but I was worried it would come off sexual, and I didn't want that.
I have not decided yet if Aiden should be really dead or not (thought obviously Daniel has to believe he killed him either way). I like Aiden, and it is a little hard to believe Daniel could take him with all his training, unless he was really out of it, or wanted to die. He's not trying to avenge his sister and more, and he lost Emily/Amanda. His reasons for going on are kind of gone now. He doesn't strike me as the suicidal type, but he might not have any real fight left in him. Plus, if he dies, he won't come become Emily and Jack and, more importantly, won't get his heart broken when she ends up with Jack, as she obviously will. Jack and Emily have a million obstacles, and they will probably get more. They don't need Aiden too. Emily would never want to hurt him or break his heart, and she shouldn't have to. But, again, I like Aiden, and he is useful plot wise. Plus, do I really want to make Daniel a murderer? Bottom line, should Aiden Live or Die in this story? Any opinion?
Anyway, I hope you liked it. Please let me know what you thought. Have a good day.