I waited for Dean for what seemed to be hours, trying not to think. Thinking about it was too painful, but I couldn't stop. Thoughts flooded my mind, so I tried to remain indifferent about everything—especially the sacrifice Kiersa had made for me.
The sacrifice that had probably cost her her life.
Certain and now almost ominous memories stood out, not that there were many. After all, I barely knew this girl. But I remembered the strangely calm look she had when we first met, when she, alone, had stumbled upon Dean and me, after we'd broken into her house. She had been the one to catch us raiding her bedroom, like burglars, and while plenty would have freaked in that sort of situation, she just stood there.
It wasn't fear that kept her still. I know that now. In fact, even after Mariah had sprung into action and when she was seconds from calling the police, Kiersa was still completely calm. Unsure, and confused, but calm. Just as she had been calm back in the cave, when she told me she "just knew" that things were going to be ok. Had she known we meant her no harm?
From the very moment I laid eyes on Kiers, I knew she was different. Different from me, different from Dean, even different from her sister. I just could sense it in her and in the energy she had. She just "knew things," so had she known what was going to happen to her?
Words echoed in my mind. "I need to know you'll keep fighting." She had said, and I remembered that desperate look she had that last time I'd talked to her. The real her, before she'd gone dark. Before she'd "lost herself" as Meg had put it. Before she'd given in to the Darkness.
She had looked tired, but determined, and wise beyond her years. She told me that she had a plan, and that I had to trust her. That was all that she ever asked of me. This woman, whose last name I don't even know.
"I need you to promise to fight it."
Foolishly, I swore to her that I would make things right. That I would fix this mess and save her and Dean—only, I was in way over my head. I didn't stand a chance, nor did I know what I was up against. Did she? She couldn't have.
I went over things again and again in my head, and it didn't make sense. None of this made any sense. Why had she done it? She hated Dean, and I couldn't say that I blamed her. He stalked her almost obsessively until she finally agreed to give him a shot to prove his worth. And when she gave him that one shot, he blew it by getting into some sort of drunken brawl. I remembered him coming home that night and his screaming hysterics. Demons! He "had to stop them!" He "had to stop…"
It hit me like a ton of bricks. That whole night, he'd been screaming about Meg.
Kiers' voice again echoed back words I could only wish I had understood before. "He must have had one too many," She laughed. Moonlight gave her eyes a melancholy sparkle, and her distant smile convinced me she was quite uncomfortable with my drunken brother's arm wrapped so chummily around her neck. She supported him nonetheless.
Dean then wobbled into the motel, continuing his crazed babel by screaming about fire. He needed fire! It left both of us feeling an unspoken sense of responsibility: me to go supervise; her to explain what happened. Again, I felt she was holding something back. She couldn't have known, but she must have sensed something was wrong. "He just… changed. All of a sudden; it was weird. Picked a fight with a mop named Meg."
Meg. What was wrong with me? How could I have missed that?
I hated myself for ignoring all the obvious warnings, too. Dean's sudden snippiness with me? And the way he started to change? Obsessing over Mariah, confusing Queen with Elvis, and getting an apartment? A job?
I was finally starting to wonder how much of that was him and how much wasn't. Then again, his running theory had been that he had been himself all along—just a darker more menacing version of himself. I didn't buy it. I couldn't buy it. I couldn't do this anymore. Where the hell was Dean?
I suddenly regret that I did not check my watch when Dean went into the hospital. I have no way of knowing how long he's been in there—could it have already been a half hour? What was taking so long?
I felt the nerves in my arms and stomach start to hum with anticipation, but then curiosity wiped them as it struck my mind. Then they're back again as hope fills my chest. I wonder if Dean is in there right now with a perfectly-well Kiersa, laughing about the whole thing.
Was it possible? I had had that vision—could there be some truth to it? Could she be… My gut says no, but some little piece of me remained naively optimistic. After all, my visions are typically pretty accurate. Maybe, just maybe, she was ok.
I tried waiting a few more minutes for my brother, but a nagging pull draws me from the Impala. I find my heart racing as my body slowly gains speed. I'm at a dash as I reach the main entrance, and I don't stop until I've rested my hands upon the nurse's station.
"I'm here to see Kiersa," I nearly gasp, not out of exhaustion. My heart is racing with fear, and hope, and uncertainty. The nurse who seems to be at the very beginning of her shift, places her purse upon the counter and stares me down suspiciously before sitting down and pulling up the directory.
I take a deep breath, hoping to calm myself as the heavy-set blonde begins to type.
"Last name?" She pries, with a tone that further convinces me of her distrust.
Last name. Shit. My only response is a frustrated sigh, as that is one question I cannot answer. I can't answer any questions, really, I don't even know why I'm here.
I shake my head, and my eyes roll to the exit, but as I turn to leave, I change my direction. I start walking down the hallway, looking from room to room, slowly at first, but gaining momentum as I go. The nurse calls after me, but I don't hear her. All I hear is my heart racing again—blood pumping through my ears. I skim the doorways I pass, searching desperately for some sign of my brother, Mariah, or Kiers, but find none.
The first room is empty, the second has an old man watching football. Third is empty too. Really empty. So much so that I have to slow down.
There isn't even a hospital bed in the third room, but the lights are on just the same—as though someone has been there. Something isn't right, and as I enter the room I recognize Mariah's jean jacket. It sits on the waiting chair in the corner.
Empty.
I'm not sure my heart beats again until I sense someone behind me. I turn to see if it is my brother, but instead find a mid-sized security guard, and the now-angry nurse.
"She.…" I hear my voice, but I don't recognize it; I'm not even sure my lips have moved except for the curious looks on their faces. I try to shake my head, but find that I cannot move. Had they heard me? They just stare. The guard is speaking, but I can't hear what he's saying. My heart is racing again, but my body feels cold. Numb.
The room is empty.
The nurse's eyes turn left, as does the guard's. I peer out the door to see Dean and Mariah approaching with concern on their faces. Dean's face is emotionless; Mariah's stained red from tears.
"You know him?" The nurse asks skeptically. My hearing is, apparently, back, but my heart still races with every ounce of blood in my body.
Mariah nods and thanks "Nancy," as though she knows her personally, and with that confirmation the security guard relaxes and wanders off down the hall, stopping only to chat with an elderly woman. Nancy shakes her head, almost disapprovingly, before returning to her post.
"Sam?" Dean's eyes inquire, and wait patiently for my response. It's the only emotion he emits; curiosity, and I don't know what to say. I don't even know what's happened. My eyes travel back to the empty room.
"She should be back soon." Mariah says, "They say CT scans are actually easier with her…"
Dead. I think, she's dead. But that doesn't make sense. Autopsies are done with dead people, not CT scans. At least, I'd never heard it happening that way—and even still, why would we be waiting on Kiers' body to return? Dead bodies go to morgues. She must be alive.
I let out a sign of relief and close my eyes.
At least she's alive.