A/N: let's see if THIS fic can get into TvTropes…
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Before…
The boy who'd been calling himself Ranma, and indeed thought of himself as Ranma, scowled at the mirror. The person reflected there could not, by any stretch of the imagination, be called a boy. "I hate this curse…" she growled. "Why do I have to be enrolled as a girl?" she demanded.
"Now, now, it'll be all right Ran– er, Asuna," Genma said, trying to calm her down. "Sorry, but there was some misunderstanding with the papers, and since this way both you and Ranma get to go…"
She glared at the aforesaid boy, who cringed back. "This had better be damned temporary…" she growled.
...
Akane looked at the plush doll her neighbor Sakura had sent her. "EH?-!" she cried. "It's alive?-!"
"Hey, I'm not an 'it'!" the plushy declared. "I'm a Messenger of the Moderators! I'm Kyosei Panda! And you've been chosen as a Kampfer!"
Akane sweatdropped. "I wonder if Kinomoto knew this would happen…"
...
"Yes," Rin said. "You and Saber have not only a spiritually connected path, but also a physical path. So there's no need to use difficult magic to give her magical energy. All you have to do is to give her energy."
"Eh?" Negi said. "But I don't know how to do any of that! I'm a Mage, not a Magus!"
Rin gave him a look. It was very creepy.
"It's simple. Sleep with her. Saber's a girl fortunately, so it should be easy, right?" she said lightly…
Negi snapped awake in terror, staring at the ceiling of the room Shiro had lent him.
A sleepy Saber held him tighter, muttering something unclear, while Rin held her from behind. Vapor wear abounded.
Negi deliberately kept staring at the ceiling, not looking at the two, as his near-constant blush began to rebuild itself. "That's it," he whispered. "I'm never sleeping next to Nekane again…"
"Hmm…?" Rin said, eyes opening slightly. "Oh, Negi's awake now… good, we can get back to business…"
Shotacon ensued.
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Thirty Xanatos Pile-Up
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Chapter 2: TvTropes Will Ruin Your Life
Disclaimer: I own none of these series. All of them belong to their respective owners. Some have probably been mutated beyond recognition. Please don't sue me.
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Sakurazaki Setsuna tried not to yawn as she left her room, schoolbag and Yuunagi in hand. As was her habit, she knocked loudly on the door to Kaede and the twins' room, reminding them it was time to go. "Stupid Miroku ninja training too hard to hear the alarm clock," she muttered, before heading to stalk– er, guard– Konoka.
Yesterday had certainly been interesting. Their new teacher seemed awfully young, and Setsuna suspected Mage influence. She tried not to think about how she'd heard one of the twins whispering how he reeked of women.
In the welcome party afterwards, she'd heard about how he'd saved Nodoka when her wheelchair had fallen down some stairs, something that had apparently enamored him to the girl, and had earned him the fervent thanks of her guardians. Though he'd been incredibly disturbed by Ayaka's attentions. Asuna had, of course, found this reprehensible, and Akane hadn't been able to divert them in time before an Anything Goes versus Yukihiro Aikijutsu battle erupted. It hadn't been pretty. She really couldn't tell which one was holding back.
In any case, it was a new day. Konoka stalking ahoy!
Er, guarding! Konoka guarding ahoy! REALLY!
...
So, these Jewel Seeds will cause trouble if I don't catch them? Nanoha thought to Yuuno as she sat in class.
Yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it, he said. I understand how you wouldn't want to, but…
How likely are tentacle monsters to appear? Nanoha interrupted.
Um, I don't foresee tentacle monsters…
Then I'm in!
...
Akane, Asuna, and Konoka were heading to meet Ranma when a little girl walked up to them. She had corpse-ishly pale skin, vivid blue eyes, dead-white hair, and was wearing a slightly altered cut of the regulation elementary school uniform. "Pardon me, honorable elder sisterly personage, but might I have a brief moment to examine that rather fetching bracelet that adorns thy wrist? I attracted my attention and I am most curious as to it, as I am speculating as to the viability of purchasing a similar bracelet for myself."
They all blinked. "Wha?" Asuna said.
Akane, having more sophisticated interpreting software, managed to get the gist. "Um, sure little girl," she said, showing the blue bracelet to the girl.
The girl examined it. "Quite a remarkable specimen. Sure this means thou art a Kampfer, one of the chosen of the Moderators. This is quite a fortuitous meeting."
Asuna and Konoka blinked in confusion. Akane paled. "What…?"
The girl took a step backward and held out her hand. "Have at thee, and perish!"
A ball of some kind of slightly greenish liquid appeared, causing a sharp smell to rise. It launched forward, and the girls were barely able to duck, Asuna tackling Konoka out of the way. They fell to the ground ,and the green liquid splashed against a wall. It immediately began to eat through it.
Akane's bracelet began to shine. "Asuna, Konoka, get out of here!" she cried. "I'll handle this!"
"Like hell!" Asuna cried, as soon as she managed to pull her face out of Konoka's cleavage where she had fallen into during the dive, wiping the stream of blood from her nose. "That crazy girl's some kind of magical type who shoots acid! What could you do?"
Akane's bracelet burst in a flash of light. When it resolved, a rather slim, wiry boy in the school's standard boy's uniform, with fiery red hair stood in her place. "Shut up and move your ass, bitch!" he cried. "If you don't get outta here, then it's going to be bitch-rapin' time!"
"Hey!" Asuna cried. "What the hell is–?"
"Right, Zauber-tan," 'Akane' said, holding out his hands. "Say hello to my little friend!"
An M61 Vulcan appeared in them.
The pale girl's eyes narrowed. "A Gewehr-type. Such a ridiculously large weapon you wield, honorable elder sister turned honorable elder brother. Mayhaps a psychological representation of something?"
Machine-gun fire was the only answer.
"What the hell!" Asuna cried as she grabbed Konoka and ran.
Somewhere, Setsuna was twitching. "She put her face in… she put her face in… THE WORLD IS SO UNFAIR!"
Then she recovered herself and realized she had to follow Konoka. A stalker's– er, protector's!– work is never done…
...
"I have found the true Holy Grail," Saber declared.
Rin rolled her eyes. "She never says that about my cooking," she complained to Satsuki, who was serving the blonde her 7th serving of meat buns.
Satsuki shrugged. Sorry. So, you're Negi-sensei's guardians…?
...
It was another average day for Emiya Shiro. When Negi had first come over, who'd have thought that he would become a Master in the Holy Grail War? Or that Shiro would have inside him an artifact that would summon King Artur? It had been pretty much touch and go there, but in the end, they'd rallied, defeating Shinji and reuniting Rider with her Master Sakura, defeating Berserker, and having Illya, who turned out to be his long-lost step-sister, stay with them, negotiating peace with Caster, defeating Gilgamesh such that he acknowledged that humanity as it was wasn't so bad and having him and Lancer turn on Kirei, and using the Grail's power to help that Irish woman they'd found in the basement of the church, as well as helping that poor Servant Avenger. Zouken had also been conveniently taken care of.
Sighing happily and shaking the convenient dump of exposition from his thoughts, Shiro went off to make dinner for himself, Sakura and Rider, who were both living with him…
...
Archer, in the Throne of Heroes, sweatdropped. "How the HELL did I turn out the way I did from that kind of ridiculously contrived Good Ending?"
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"Negi-kun!" Illya cried as she ran, tackling the boy who had opened the apartment door. "Fix me!"
"Ah!" Negi cried, falling over in surprise.
Behind Illya, Sella glared in disapproval. "Boy, how dare you devise a method for saving my mistress from dissolution via consumption of magically charged genetic material and then leaving suddenly like that! What if this had a negative impact on her treatment?"
"It was just one day…" Negi tried to say.
"Irrelevant!" Sella declared. "You cannot just run off like that! Illya needs your sperm!"
"Treatment! I need treatment!" Illya cried, reaching for Negi's pants.
Some time later, Rin and Saber finally walked into the apartment. "Hello Sella, Leysritt," Rin greeted. "Illya finally here?"
They pointed.
"Great! We'll join them! Saber needs to work off all the weight she ate…"
...
- To be continued...
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A/N: If you don't know what Kampfer is, look up the manga and anime. You'll be glad you did.
Please review, C&C welcome.
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.