The Cullen's And Jacob's Private Chatroom

by Keira Higurashi

It's another IM chatroom It's my second fanfic. Plz give it a chance! What happens when someone hacks into the Cullen's and Jacob's chatroom? Chaos of course! R&R! WARNING THIS IS A PARODY Plz don't read if ur not goin 2 enjoy it.

2. Jasper is a Dipstick

As promised, the second chapter. Thanks to the only person who reviewed this! I LOVE EVERYBODY WHO READS MY STORIES!!!

The next day……

TEAMxEDWARD123 is signing on.

Crazy4twilight is signing on.

Crazy4twilight: Dang that math test was a whopper!

TEAMxEDWARD123: You mean the hamburger?

Crazy4twilight: *slaps hand to forehead* No. I meant: it was very hard.

TEAMxEDWARD123: Oh. *cell-phone rings* *she picks it up* NO FREAKING WAY! *more talking from the other line* NO FREAKING WAY!

Crazy4twilight: What?

TEAMxEDWARD123: Robert Pattinson is doing the soulja boy dance!

Crazy4twilight: How could you stand watching that!?

Mountainlion3 is signing on.

Mountainlion3: Bella won't talk to me, Alice is gone, Jasper and Emmett are going to Canada, Carlisle and Esme are on their hundredth honeymoon, and Rosalie is in Paris shopping! WHY DID EVERYONE WANT TO LEAVE ME!!!

Crazy4twilight: Calm down Edward. Go watch your *giggles* Hello Kitty videos. *laughs really hard*

Mountainlion3: Bella used to tell me that. *cries without tears*

Crazy4twilight: Speaking of Alice, she's at my house.

TEAMxEDWARD123: Hey! How come you didn't tell me Alice was at your house? I thought you were my friend!

TEAMxEDWARD123 and Mountainlion3: *sob* *cry* *sob*

TEAMxEDWARD123: It's okay Edward. I'm here for you.

Mountainlion3: Are you Bella? *sniffle*

TEAMxEDWARD123: Well…… technically no. But I'm still here for you!

Mountainlion3: Who exactly is this girl Kayla?

Crazy4twilight: She is a fellow twilighter, just like me!

Mountainlion3: Somehow, I don't find that very pleasing……

Hale23 is signing on.

Hale23: Hello Edward. Hello what's-your-names.

Crazy4twilight: Its Kayla and Lucy you dipstick.

TEAMxEDWARD123: Get it right!

Hale23: Well excuse me girlfriends! I just happen to be older and more mature.

Mountainlion3, Crazy4twilight, and TEAMxEDWARD123: Oh really?

Hale23: Yeah. Plus, you can't prove that you're more mature than me. Besides, how could you prove it?

Crazy4twilight: By doing this: OOH! The ice cream man! The ice cream man!

Hale23: Must. Refuse. Ice cream! NEVER MIND! Gimme, gimme, gimme!

TEAMxEDWARD123: Who knew Jasper liked ice cream.

Mountainlion3: HEY JASPER! Why do you like something you can't even eat?!

Hale23: It's skin renewal! See! *rubs ice cream on his belly*

Crazy4twilight: Aw! That is so wrong! Who knew Alice married a total dipstick! Aw, stop it Jasper! You're making me sick, sick to the core! *rushes to the bathroom*

Mountainlion3: I've seen you do crazy things, Jasper, but this has crossed the line! *rushes over to Canada to beat up Jasper*

Mountainlion3 is signing off.

Crazy4twilight: You need a therapist! AW! SICK! JUST! CRUD!

Crazy4twilight is signing off.

TEAMxEDWARD123: Jasper, I have five reasons why that was wrong.

Ice cream on the belly, WHAT THE HECK!!

I thought you were better than that!

Alice does not deserve a chump like you.

EDWARD'S HOTTER THAN YOU!

And did I mention……EDWARD'S HOTTER THAN YOU!

I am sick to be in the same room as you virtually. *deletes all pictures of Jasper* I'm outta here! SUCKA!!

TEAMxEDWARD123 is signing out.

Hale23: Dear Diary,

Today, everybody hates me. I made a poem about it too:

I love ice cream

But these girl's are on Edward's team

I rubbed the stuff on my belly

But the girl's think it's jelly

Life is so cruel

That's why I have my friend, MULE.

The world knows nothing.

Something, something, something, something, something!

It's pretty awesome isn't it diary?......What was that?.......You hate it?!.......You think I'm a dipstick too!.......Well fine diary! I've always hated you. I'm sorry, but……I'm breaking up with you! *diary rushes out of the front door happy* *Jasper hits his head on the wall several times*

Beautifullyblond2 is signing on.

Beautifullyblond2: Jasper, you need to re-think your life. Everybody hates you, including me.

Iloveedward12 is changing their name to IloveRobPatz31.

IloveRobPatz31: Do you like my new name?

Hale23: Can I have ice cream?

IloveRobPatz31: You can't eat that you know.

Hale23: I use it for skin renewal DUH! *rubs it on his belly, again*

Beautifullyblond2: I didn't know you could stoop that low! I'm getting Alice!!

Totallyshopping9 is signing on.

Totallyshopping9: Jasper! I've missed you so much!

Hale23: I missed you too! Do you think ice cream is cool?

Totallyshopping9: Yeah……why?

Hale23: Cause I use it for skin renewal!!! *rubs it on his face*

Totallyshopping9: JASPER WHITLOCK HALE!!!! How could you? I married a freak show!! I'm going to date Nahuel!!

Totallyshopping9 is signing off.

Beautifullyblond2: See. Even your wife thinks you're a dipstick.

IloveRobPatz31: I feel the same way about Edward. He already has his fans. I'm dating Robert Pattinson! He looks like Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter!!

Beautifullyblond2: I wouldn't give Emmett away for the world.

Hale23: OOH! A stuffed bunny for me!!

Beautifullyblond2: GIVE IT TO ME!!!

Hale23: Fine……you have to give up something worthless to me.

Beautifullyblond2: Okay, you can have Emmett! GIVE ME THE BUNNY!!!

Hale23: *throws the stuffed bunny at Rosalie*

Beautifullyblond2: YES! SO SOFT AND PLUSHY!

IloveRobPatz31: I'm going to glue a mirror to the bottom of the pool for no apparent reason!!

Hale23: Hey! Wait for me!

IloveRobPatz31: *glues the mirror to the bottom of the pool* YAY! WE DID IT!

Beautifullyblond2: MIRROR!! Must……look….at…..self!!!!!!! *rushes to the pool*

Beautifullyblond2 is signing off.

LoveWolves6 is signing on.

LoveWolves6: Well, Jacob's ears are better. He'll be deaf for the rest of the week though.

Born2bwild is signing on.

Hale23: Jacob stinks like a dog!!!

LoveWolves6: I said he was deaf not blind!

Hale23: …..

Born2bwild: I heard that Jasper!

Hale23: I thought you were deaf!

Born2bwild: Well, yeah. I am deaf, but my eye sight is fine!

IloveRobPatz31: Jasper, go sing Rihanna's new song Disturbia. It explains you so well.

Hale23: Fine. I really don't see why it relates to me.

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

What's wrong with me?

Why do I feel like this?

I'm going crazy now

LoveWolves6: Mom, you are right. This song explains Uncle Jasper so much.

Hale23: Shh!

No more gas in the rig, (can't even get it started)

Nothing heard, nothing said, (can't even wanna speak about it)

I'm alive in my head, (don't wanna think about it)

Feels like I'm going insane yeah

It's a thief in the night to come and grab you

It can creep up inside you and consume you

A disease of the mind, it can control you

It's too close for comfort

Put on your brake lights

We're in the city of wonder

Ain't gonna play nice

Watch out you might just go under

Better think twice

Your train of thought will be altered

So if you must faulter be wise

Your mind is in disturbia

It's like the darkness is the light

(Disturbia) Am I scaring you tonight

(Disturbia) Ain't used to what you like

(Disturbia, disturbia)

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

Faded pictures on the wall (it's like they're talking to me)

Disconnection all your calls (your phone don't even ring)

I gotta get out or figure this….. this……thing out!

It's too close for comfort

It's a thief in the night to come and grab you

It can creep up inside you and consume you

A disease of the mind, it can control you

I feel like a monster

Put on your brake lights

We're in the city of wonder

Ain't gonna play nice

Watch out you just might go under

Better think twice

Your train of thought will be altered

So if you must faulter be wise

Your mind is in disturbia

It's like the darkness is the light

(Disturbia) Am I scaring you tonight

(Disturbia) Ain't used to what you like

(Disturbia, disturbia)

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

Release me from this curse I'm in

Try to maintain, but I'm strapping in

If you can't go, uh, uh, uh, uh-oh

Think I'm gonna uh, uh, uh, uh-oh

Put on your brake lights

We're in the city of wonder

Ain't gonna play nice

Watch out you just might go under

Better think twice

Your train of thought will be altered

So if you must faulter be wise

Your mind is in disturbia

It's like the darkness is the light

(Disturbia) Am I scaring you tonight

(Disturbia) Ain't used to what you like

(Disturbia, disturbia)

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

Bum, bum, be-dum, bum, bum, be-dum, dum

Born2bwild: That was beautiful.

LoveWolves6: Jacob?

Born2bwild: Yes?

LoveWolves6: Shut up. You're deaf remember?

Born2bwild is signing off.

IloveRobPatz31: I used to love that song! Now……I HATE IT!!!

IloveRobPatz31 is signing off.

LoveWolves6: Jasper, Jasper, Jasper! Kayla told me everything that happened. I WANT NAHUEL TO BE MY UNCLE!!!!

LoveWolves6 is signing off.

Hale23: Hey! Emmett still likes me!

Bigandbad09: I'm not your friend anymore Jasper. Rosalie told me everything. GOOD BYE!

Bigandbad09 is signing off.

Hale23: DADDY!!! *whines to Carlisle* *gets a slap from Carlisle* I hate my life.

Hale23 is signing off.

A/N Review please.