Fili and Kili decide to play a prank on Thorin. It does not end quite like they anticipated...
Accidens Happen
A series of miniature battles had raged on that day, groups of Orcs and Goblins were banding together and falling upon the 13 Dwarves, a Wizard and a Hobbit, and the group decided that it would be better returning to the edge of the woods, the journey would take longer, but the Orcs enjoyed being in the heart of the woods and living off the critters for meat. Seeing such a wondrous wandering meal accompanied with their 'Horse raddish', which was the blood of a Horse ground up with bones, would have made a banquet for a king... or just one equally as fat as Bombur sized Orc, and in that woods they were plentiful.
Fili and Kili decided together that they would scare dear Thorin and co!
They dragged off 2 rather large Orcs, and wandered off hushing their voices as they grew further and further out of sight.
It was just going to be a bit of harmless fun! There wouldn't be any consequences and everyone would laugh... Surely.
They carved out the Orcs insides like two short, sadistic Shamans.
After a while the costumes began to take perfect shape, adorned with fur bracers and collars that they had found previously around a very fat Orc from their battle which presumably belonged to many Hares.
They sniggered, looking at themselves.
"You're almost as ugly as Thorin in the morning!" Shouted Fili
"Voice down you fool, if he hears you, you'll be carved anew!" Kili grunted. "Let's go!"
The two plodded off, foolishly.
The dwarves had come to a halt, listening to their surroundings, Thorin feeling uneasy, the scent lingering under his nose, it was faint; they were far away, the scent of Orc! He ushered everyone on quietly. Bilbo had become tense and uneasy, not wanting another ambush, poking his head behind Thorin slightly, using him has a shield, eyes darting around the trees like a rabbit who had injected too many mushrooms of the odd sort...
It happened so quick.
A flash of fireworks, stolen from Gandalf's Hores' saddlebag rocketed off into the forest, whizzing and cracking into the air surrounding the Dwarves.
There were two screams like battle cries. The clank of metal. A thud. Another scream. A grunt and then two idiots scampering away, hands in their air, defiant of Thorin's deadly sword leering at their throats.
"It's us!" the double trouble cried in unison, pulling off the Orc skin masks they had fashioned. Their faces dirty with black blood and a fresh slash weeping crimson from Kili's cheek, Fili clutching on to a dislocated shoulder.
The two were backed against a tree. Thorin advancing on them, his face a essence of doom.
"You... you moronic imbeciles!" He cried. "I could have killed you!"
"Why stop now?" whined Bofur trying to make light of the situation.
Thorin wasn't joking. And neither were Fili and Kili anymore...
"It was a joke!" Fili shouted
"We meant no harm!" Kili added.
"We wanted to let some fireworks off and be merry!" Fili protested.
"I have a better idea..." Dwalin leaned in towards Thorin and uttered something.
Their hands were bound. Being dragged along by a pony. Bilbo's pony to be precise! And they were definitely a sight for sore eyes. The rest of the Dwarf company thought it best that Fili and Kili walk in shame through the woods, wearing their undergarments. Every now and then Bilbo would 'accidentally' stop his pony so the pair would bump into its wonderfully smelly tail, often it would kick them, and sometimes... sometimes It would do something unpleasant.
Fili and Kili learned a valuable lesson that day.
Dress like an Orc and you shall be treated as one.
And never... EVER get on Thorin's bad side, else you'll be greeting a ponies backside.