'~/Akatsuki's Arachnophobia\~'[02]

III

The infestation

Hidan had woken up from his lovely dream of slaying millions of virgins and finally sacrificing his partner to his holy God, Jashin. He was then requested to sit on the right side of his death God. The pious man tiredly rubbed crust out from his eyes, before standing up from his bed and stretching his arms. His purple eyes glanced over at his partners' neatly made bed and smiled, knowing that breakfast was mostly likely on the verge of being made.

Hidan walked into his bathroom, whipping off his pyjamas and hopping in the shower. He had sung to one of his favourite hymns as he cleansed his delicate skin with rose scented body wash. When he was finished he stared admiringly into his mirror and complimented his face, before picking up his toothbrush. He was about to slob on some mint toothpaste, but in the corner of his eye he spotting a yellow tinted sac spider resting on his toothbrush. Hidan dropped the tool and watched the object fall to the floor. The little creature jumped of his toothbrush and scurried around the bathrooms tiles. Hidan squeaked and ran out of the room.

Hopefully the bastard would find some way back outdoors before Hidan had come back with his partner, who would take away its miserable life.

III

Kakuzu looked up from over his newspaper to see Hidan's face ashen. The man was known for his pale skin due to his constant self torturing religious traditions. The man was constantly draining himself of blood for his God. But strangly enough, Hidan didn't look as though he had punctured his body with any metal object this morning. Instead he looked rather freaked out then anaemic. Kakuzu completely ignore it and went on with his readings. Hidan probably lost his conditioner or something. It was no big deal.

Hidan approached his partner, a pleading look on his face, "Kakuzu? Can you do me a small favour please…?"

"What do I get in return?" Kakuzu didn't take his eyes off the paper.

"My respect and love." Kakuzu lowered the paper and glared at him, "I'm joking, I'll give you half my pay check."

Kakuzu smiled under his mask and stood up from the leathered love seat, "Fine. What do you want Hidan?"

"Come up stairs in our room. I need you to kill the spider." Kakuzu stared at the man's back confused. Hidan wanted him to kill a bug? Couldn't he do it himself? It was just a tiny thing. But Kakuzu, being Kakuzu didn't complain. He was getting paid.

Cha ching!

The two of them had finally made it to their shared bathroom and Hidan had stared anxiously down at the yellow sacs' new hiding space. It had perched itself in-between the white door frame. Kakuzu sighed and grabbed a piece of toilet paper. Hidan couldn't take his eyes off the bastard and then slowly his partner squished the spider, "Haha, take that you stupid shit!"

Kakuzu shook his head and flushed the now deceased spider down the toilet, "Happy?"

Hidan innocently nodded his head and handed the masked man half of his pay check, just like he promised. Now the both of them had something to be content with.

III

After the spider drama Hidan and Kakuzu had found themselves munching on Tobi's specialty, Pancakes drenched in maple syrup and a tall glass of chocolate milk. Deidara had taken a seat beside the pious man; his plate was staked with five blueberry waffles topped with strawberries and banana slices squirted with whip cream. He had pointed out to Hidan on jumpy Itachi was that morning. It was strange considering how lifeless he usually was.

Kisame, his shark like partner, had made it his secret mission to torment the Uchiha. He had kept a white feather in his hand and had tickled it across the exposed part of his neck every few seconds. In return Itachi had jumped out of his skin. Deidara laughed to himself and even participated in the torment. Hidan felt the Uchiha's Pain.

Soon enough, Pein had come out from the kitchen with Konan and sat down at the table. Everyone was almost done eating their breakfast (except for Itachi, who was too paranoid). Pein lifted up his hand, as a sign that he was about to speak, "I have an announcement. Unfortunately, someone," His eyes wandered over to the group of members who were bothering Itachi. They all seemed to stop and the Uchiha gave him a smile that read 'Thank you for that, these people were driving me crazy and because of you they will stop. Thank you so so so very much…' Pein continued, "had forgotten to close Orochimaru's door to his room last weekend and now there is an infestation of some sort. A few of you have already encountered the infestation. And I would like to say the problem is being worked on. I am well aware that a few of you have arachnophobia-."

"What the hell is an a-rack-no-phobia? We have an infestation of no coat racks or something. C'mon, get real here leader sama." Hidan snorted. Pein looked un-amused as so did the rest of the Akatsuki, sans Tobi-for he was just as stupid as the zealous man.

"Not 'A-rack-no-phobia' 'arachnophobia'. It's a phobia of spiders, you dumbass." Kakuzu retorted.

"Oh." Hidan paled, "I hate spiders."

"Thank you for your explanation, Kakuzu. I highly doubt Hidan would have been able to figure that out on his own" Pein gave Hidan a sly smile and then continued to talk about the infestation, "Anyways. Tobi is trying to reason with them-."

Deidara snorted, "Reasoning does nothing un. It's not like they can understand him or something?" His blue orbs spotted his masked partner cooing his wooden spatula and stating that it had done an excellent job in helping him with breakfast, 'Sometimes I can't even understand him.'

"I say let's bomb them and get it over with un!" The blonde terrorist stood up from his seat, "Give me a second. I'll go and get my clay and mould C3 chakra into it and then BAM, all of them will designate un. It will be the most artistic way to deal with this problem hm."

Pein gestured to the blonde to sit back down, "I believe that it would be somewhat 'artistic' Deidara, but there is a flaw to your plan. You seem to be suggesting that we should blow up the Arachnids along with the base? Are you willing to do that, Deidara?"

"Heck yes." Pein narrowed his ringed eyes at the explosion master, "Wait…I wasn't suppose to answer that question, right un?"

Pein nodded his head slowly and Deidara murmured a 'sorry'.

"Maybe we can intoxicate them with poisonous gas." Konan had suggested.

"The only problem with that is that the fumes would have us out of the base for a good week, and currently all our other hide outs have either been destroyed or found by Konoha's black ops. This is the only safe place for us right now."

"So, what if Tobi's 'reasoning' doesn't work out?" Itachi asked, afraid of the answer.

"Then we are to destroy them ourselves, locate their nests and burn them." A smile began to spread across the blondes face. Pein took notice and made sure to get the 'bombing of the spiders is strictly forbidden.' Point spread across.

"What about small explosions, un?"

"No explosions."

"Smaller then my pinkie nail, un?" Pein looked at him hard and then Deidara pouted his bottom lip and started moaning.

"Fine, but nothing bigger then that." Deidara's smile had returned and before anyone could blink, the youngest of the Akatsuki had leapt from his seat, raced through the living room, up the spiralled wooden stair case and slammed his bedroom door shut. He had a lot of work to do.

Pein stared at the empty seat, "It seems as though someone's very enthusiastic today…"

Pein was just about to leave the room when Hidan had called after him, "Wait, what about those' with arachnophobia?"

"I guess they will have to face their fears." And with that Pein had disappeared along with his blue haired partner, Konan.

Face…their…fears…

Hidan suddenly felt faint.

III

A/N: Poor Poor Hidan…and Itachi…too

Deidara's seems pretty serious about blowing up the spiders. Spiders, I have one piece of advice, Hide….Hide far away from the explosion loving maniac…He will mess you up, seriously.