RIOT!

Graffiti 2: Two Minus One

I hate him.

I hate him for many reasons actually. And it's not about the petty things either. My hatred for Toushirou Hitsugaya extends deep into the depths of my soul. Seriously.

It wasn't always like this. We use to be friends, well almost like friends. It was more than that actually. Way more. Even though saying this is going to kill me(painfully might I add), he was someone I could truly call my best friend. I met him back in elementary school. I had a gang that consisted of me and my soccer peers. Back then Toushirou hung out with only one person: no one. He was…a total loner, I guess. He never talked to anyone; not even the teacher. He would just sit and stare off quietly into space by himself. I didn't want to talk to him or even be near him. You'll never hear me say this again. NEVER EVER again, but…

He scared me.

Royally.

He just seemed so….icy. Like nothing could ever get to him. He was too cold, too distant. Just so not there. How could you be there, but not at the same time was confusing to me. He was like a statue, motionless, unapproachable. With him it was like I didn't even existed or no one for that matter. One day I was dared to kick him off the monkey bars and because I never refused a dare I accepted the challenge. The little prick never saw it coming. The way his mouth opened and the way he flailed his arms around was way beyond funny. Everyone, and I mean everyone, laughed as I walked to stand in front of him. He was covered in dirt and he had a bruise on his leg. He looked absolutely pathetic!

…However, despite the satisfaction I got from seeing him miserable I couldn't help the guilty feeling that immediately invaded me when I looked at his face. Dirt was smudged all over his face and it was even in his hair.

But his eyes froze me to the ground. It was like looking through half-frozen ice. His eyes were clear. It was like nothing could reach the water behind the ice. His emotions swirled around each other behind the surface. Kind of like water. I could see everything: anguish, loneliness, longing, desire, anger, rejection, every negative emotion possible. Those emotions cowered behind deep, impenetrable emerald green.

I'll never forget that look he gave me. Not even now. Because of that look I apologized(for the first time in my life). Because of those unshed tears I began sitting next to him. Because of those eyes I began talking to him. Because of those gorgeous green eyes I began to like him.

And because of that I fell into his trap. Now that I look back on it all I realize that I had set myself up for failure.

XxX~XxX

Fuck the past, and fuck the future. I look towards my mirror to stare at my brand new accessories. Seven studs adorned each of my ears. Three were located at the corner of my ear and four rested on the skin of my lobe. I needed a change. Another one. I'm quite proud of myself for piercing my ears without trouble. Of course they hurt like hell. Being stoned doesn't help either. Painful pulses from the holes vibrate through my entire body.

Oh well, fuck it. Pain is just another emotion after all. It can be controlled. With more Mary Jane!

As I search through my drawer for my sack and papers, I can't help but notice that several rocks were hitting my window. What the hell? Nobody ever threw anything at my window. They knew better. If someone wanted to see me they could just call. What do people think cell phone are for? So anyways, I open the window and stuck my torso out to get a good luck around. I didn't see shit at first until I looked down below my window.

It was him.

He was looking back up at me with a cocky grin on his face. He was shirtless with black khakis, a white skully, and Converse. He had something clutched in his hand. But I can't see it nor do I give a fuck! Why is he here?

"What the hell do you want? I hope you know that I hate you!" I scowled as he laughed at me. What was so damn funny? I am so ready to hit him with my Ipod speaker when he opened his hand.

He had a blunt with him.

"I wanted to talk, but I know you won't come out unless I bait you." He waved the blunt at me and sadly I can't keep my eyes from following his every move.

"C'mon. You know you want to. It's not everyday you get to smoke Purp." Dammit! He has me. Japan was such an asshole when it came to marijuana and getting high quality green like Purple was rare.

God, I hate him!

But I love green!(I support the environment!). He had me, but I wasn't going to admit it.

…..Not verbally anyways. He was still staring at me as I bit my lip as I struggled with the internal debate on whether to go or not. I was going. Definitely. I don't know why I'm wasting time contemplating. I grab my cigarettes before I walk out of my room. I met him at the edge of my house where the windows to my room and Ichigo's were located. He was still grinning.

I fucking hate him. He's such a cocky bastard. I lean against the wall quietly as he fires up. I can't help but sneak a glance at him. The light from the fire gave his tan skin a soft orange glow that sparkled in his eyes. He was looking down as he rotated the blunt in the flame. His lips were parted and they just looked….so inviting.

NO! Get a grip, Karin! Don't fall into the trap. You know better! I look away and cross my arms over my chest. Smoke is in the air and he suddenly stands beside me. I can feel his eyes on me, but I refuse to look at him. If I stare at his eyes I know I would lose this battle. The battle of old emotions. The battle of painful reality.

He passes the blunt off to me which I take quietly(surprisingly). I smoke in silence as I wait for him to say something. Anything.

"What do I have to do to get you back?"

…He just blew my mind with that question. Back? Hahahaha! Seriously? Does he really think we're going to have this conversation? The same conversation we have almost every time were alone. The same exchange of words we spoke almost a few months ago. Ha, yeah right.

I pass him the blunt before blowing smoke through my mouth and nostrils. I know he's waiting on an answer. He smokes in silence but his gaze is once again on me. Waiting. Expecting. Possibly hoping. Hoping for a good answer. One he's not going to get. Not in this lifetime.

"Nothing, because you-"

"Have no chance whatsoever." He finishes for me. I narrow my eyes at him. He matches the intensity of my gaze tenfold. He passes the blunt back which I take while still glaring at him. Why did he even bother to ask this dumbass question if he already knows the answer?

"You've said that like a million times already and you should stop because we both know it's not true." Wow! He's grown a pair in only a few hours! Since when did he think he could command me? Me of all people? I pass the blunt back as I unfold my arms to place them on my hips as I stare at him.

"Maybe you think it's not true, but I know that it is. Be real Toushirou! Do you think that you can change everything back to the way it was?" He blows smoke as a response. I don't even know why I'm trying. It's not even worth it. But like I said earlier. Whenever he's around I'll always be on full blast. Especially when I'm baked. When I'm high it seems like I can't stop my real feelings from showing. Like right now. I just want to ruin him! I really do, but….I honestly don't know how to do that without ruining myself first.

Fuck it! He has to know. He has to know how I really feel!

"You know, I use to be so so sooooo so so in love with you. Those six months we're best of my life. You use to make me so happy. You made me feel so alive. But damn, if I knew you were an actual ice prince I probably would've stayed away. Save myself the heartache. I mean do you even know what you've turned me into after that night?" He nods his head no and I take the blunt as he passes it off. I'm no where near finish yet. I smoke in between my rant.

"No? Well let me tell you. I stayed up for the entire day after that wondering in the woods just to find some sort of stability. But you know it's not possible. It just wasn't. Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought was real turned out to be false. Wrong. Nowhere near being true. I really thought that…I knew you, but wow I was wrong! So fucking wrong!"

"You're not! I swear I didn't do anything! Nothing at all! I-" He sighs and looks up towards the sky for a second before starting again, " I know you can change your boyfriends easily, but you can change your friends too! She is lying to you! Still is. I would never even think about me and her in that kind of way. Why would I when I have you?"

"Had." Damn right. He was going to know that what we had is over. For good. He takes the blunt back.

"No, have." He takes one more puff before tossing the roach over the neighbor's fence. He then looks towards me before stepping forward and placing his arms on either side of my head. He leans down and I can tell he plans to descend onto my lips. I push his arms away, but before I could move away he grabs both of my arms and grips both of them together in one of his hands.

I struggled. Trust me. I tried, but he's too got damn strong(you didn't hear this from me)! He pins me to the wall and I look up at him. Honestly, I just feel like crying. I won't. I can't. Crying is a sign of weakness, vulnerability. I can't bare myself to him by crying right before his eyes. If I did that then he would've win this round.

"Fuck you! You're an asshole! A cold, heartless asshole! I hate you!" I stop struggling as I use all my strength to stop my tears that were ready to fall over. I just….can't do this. His scent is all around me, hugging me. Caressing me. Filling me. The touch of his skin is like fire against me(amazingly for someone so cold, literally). The short breaths that escape from his parted lips brush against my neck. Each warm breath sends my heart in a frenzy, a familiar frenzy. Each pulse makes me want to cry, but at the same time get closer to him.

"I hate you! I fucking hate you! I-" Our eyes meet. Bitter ebony against a cooling green.

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. So laugh it up everyone because I officially admit defeat. There's just no way I can win against him. Not when I'm still confused about my feelings.

He leans in and…..I also lean forward. His lips are soft against mine. Like they always been. He blows smoke into my mouth which I suck down into my lungs. We part as I blow the smoke out. The cloud goes into his face and mines as it exits up into the air.

Then we're back at it. I open my mouth for him, and he slides his tongue inside. His tongue is soft and wet. It touches the tip of my tongue before swimming underneath to bring my tongue up to dance. And dance we did. I swirl around him. He massages me before going even deeper.

It was like it was six months ago all over again. I fight him, he fights me, we stop to take a breath before going back for round two. We part and we both let out jagged pants as we stare at each other.

I can see it. I've always seen it.

The love, adoration, respect, friendship.

It was still there.

He kisses my bottom lip softly and slowly before releasing his grip on my hands. I couldn't think properly nor could I find the strength to speak. I could only…..cooperate. He hoisted me up on the wall by my waist where my legs were on either side of him. I wrapped my arms around his neck before meeting his lips halfway.

This kiss was deeper. Wetter. Fiercer.

His hands traveled along my curves before dipping underneath the fabric of my red tank. I sighed happily as he felt around my stomach and sides. His touch was an addiction. The way his warm hands brushed against some of my sensitive spots in exploration was enough to make me go crazy.

While he caresses me, our kiss continues. As he gently bites my lower lip I slip my hands into his soft snow white hair. His hair was silk against my fingers and I gripped his hair as his hand goes up against my chest.

Honestly guys, he was making me rain. I couldn't help it! He knew my body like the back of his hand. I can feel him against my thigh. Prodding against me to alert me about his excitement. This in turn excites me more. I wrap my legs around him to bring him closer.

I wanted him. Oh, I wanted him so fucking badly. I always did. I've just been lying to myself this entire time.

'Dude, check out Toushirou's status! Rin posted something I thought you might want to see.'

Right? I've just been lying to myself.

'Last night was fun. Let's do it again sometime. J'

Right?

'We didn't.'

Right?

'You're not the only one in his life.'

…..Right?

…..No, I'm wrong. Feelings aside, I can't just forget his betrayal. He's lying! He's been lying the whole time!

I break the kiss slowly before unwrapping my legs from around him and putting my feet back to the ground. Back to reality. I break away from him and stumble backwards a few steps.

I probably look like a mess. Strands of black hair fall into my face, my eyes are glassy with desire, my lips are kiss swollen and bright pink, and my body is shivering from the absence of his touch. He looks at me with concern and takes a step forward. I shake my head. I can't. I don't want him near me. Not now, not ever! Obviously he's not going to leave so I'm going to.

I flip him off before running back into my house and slamming the door behind. I can't even hold myself up anymore. I do nothing as I slide down my front door with my face buried in my hands.

How can he put me together then tear me down over and over again? How can I just fall back into…..no fuck it. Just don't think about it. But how can I not think about it when his touch still lingers on me. It just wasn't possible. I look up to stare at nothing when I finally decide to go to my room. I close my bedroom door behind me before glancing at myself in my mirror.

I was right. I looked like a hot mess(I love that song by Cobra Starship!). And boy did I look so high! My eyes were as red as Renji's hair. Seriously. Right now all I wanted to do was sleep, munch, and smoke some more. I shiver before I laid down on my bed with my back to the mirror and window. I didn't want to see myself. I didn't want to be reminded of the biggest mistake I just made. I didn't want to face my own self.

God I hate being a teenager. It's so difficult not to get emotionally attached to everything.

I look at my cell phone before deciding to text Hinamori. Everything that happened today just reminded me that I only had one shot of revenge. I was going to destroy Toushirou. I was going to destroy him for destroying me.

Tomorrow after school is a party. A party everyone is going to. Even Toushirou. I'll go, but not alone. Oh no, Hinamori's coming with me and phase one of my operation will commence.

I promised I would explain the plan to you guys, but honestly my mind is obviously not in the right place. That's how powerful he is. He can put my mind through turmoil. So anyways, I'll catch up to you guys later. I just need…a break right now.

I mean I deserve one right?

God, I hate him!

If you haven't noticed by now then I would have to say you're pretty slow, but I'll explain it anyways.

I use to be in a relationship with Toushirou Hitsugaya for six months.

I'm in….no I use to be in love with Toushirou Hitsugaya.

And I hate myself for it.