AN: Thank you for your reviews, it's very much appreciated and I love reading your comments. It's because of them that I have written this much sooner than I thought I'd be writing it. I wasn't sure people would like it!

Just a heads up - I will be alternating between Lucas' and other characters' POV. It's so that it gives me much more freedom about what to write. Nevertheless, it will remain primarily a story about Lucas discovering things about Ste and Brendan's relationship.

Warning: Hard M

Ste's POV

You're walking at a quickened pace towards The Dog in the Pond because you've left fifteen minutes later than you should have. You take a quick look at your watch as you walk through the village and you find yourself slowing down, giving up your attempt to make it to the pub on time. You've always felt like an outsider when you've been in the same company as Collin and his friends so it's probably for the best that the time you'll spend with them will be lessened by at least ten minutes.

Collin had been a breath of fresh air when you'd met him. Doug had introduced you to him two years ago when you'd finally been back on your own two feet for at least a year and a half. He was John-Paul's friend, someone he'd met at university when they were both studying to be educators. You were reluctant at first, especially when you'd known that John-Paul had studied in Dublin, making it possible that the man that the couple had had in mind for you would be Irish. You didn't want a replacement, because as far as you'd been concerned, no one could ever replace him. Knowing that meant that the possibility of another Irishman in your life was not an avenue you wished to explore. You'd only felt comfortable enough to accept the offer of a blind date once Doug had assured you that he was actually born and raised in Manchester t like yourself.

It was the first relationship you'd had for a long time but you had worked well together. You'd thought that any onlooker would surely have envied your life but you knew that what seemed to be the perfect life to the public eye, was a reality far from the truth. It's not that you were unhappy in his company, you had learnt to trust him and he had loved you. But you knew that underneath all the pretence, you were denying him what he wanted the most. Your heart.

You knew that it would always belong to someone else but he wasn't to know so you'd hidden it all, just like you had hidden everything else. Like you'd hidden your feelings of incompetence, that your lack of intellect was not enough to keep him interested in you. How it was worse when you were around his friends and you'd felt like a fool in their presence as they talked politics or something of the sort. You'd hidden your guilt when he'd told you that he loved you for the first time and you'd told him the same out of fear of losing the one thing that made you feel safe and above everything else, normal.

You did love him. It just wasn't the same kind of love you'd experienced before. You weren't in love with him. He was good with your kids and that's what you loved the most about him. Despite usually working with younger kids, Collin was an immediate favourite with your two teenagers and that's probably why you hadn't felt the need to look back since.

You arrive at the Dog knowing that you're at least fifteen minutes late. You walk through the door and search the room for Collin and his friend. You spot them both, drinks in hand and chatting away. You paint on a smile and approach the seat opposite Collin, seeing his eyes light up in the process. You acknowledge his friend and settle down as Collin hands you the pint he'd bought you.

You'd met this friend before. When Collin had introduced this friend of his as 'Stephen', you'd zoned out, your mouth dry as you struggled to form words while both men stared at you with confusion evident in their eyes. You'd quickly apologised and blamed it on the lack of food in your system. Despite the difference in spelling, it was essentially the same name. The same name he had called you. You were his Steven, so it had felt more than strange hearing it sprout from Collin's mouth. You were still not used to it, even months after you'd first heard it.

You realise that you've finished your pint. You find yourself uninterested in Collin and Stephen's conversation so you think it's probably the best time to excuse yourself, planning to top up your glass and linger around the bar longer than you needed to just to avoid hearing any more about what was wrong with the fucking government.

You lift your empty glass as a signal to Collin before you head towards the bar. You turn back half way as you realise it's probably rude that you've not offered to refill the drinks of your partner and his friend. You definitely don't need any more reason for Stephen to think that you're not good enough for his friend.

You're about to open your mouth but you stop before you make a sound as a sudden hush descends on the whole pub. Your eyes are still on Collin and he looks just as confused as you. You see Darren in the corner of your eye and you turn towards his focus.

It takes a moment for you to realise that the sound of smashing glass isn't coming from within your head.

-x-

You're stuck to the floor. Bound to the carpet with the fibres pulling you in, eating you up as you stand there helpless. Or are you? No, you're not. You feel a sudden rush of adrenaline flash through you. You need to get out of there. So you run. The sound of crunching glass below your feet and your thoughts filled with memories you'd thought you'd locked away forever but you're forced to stop. You haven't even reached the second set of railings outside the pub so you cling on to them, your knuckles white and your breathing heavy.

You hear footsteps behind you and you already know who they belong to. But you don't turn to face him because if you do, you have to face him. You have to tell him things you don't want him to hear. You'll have to let go of the pretence that is your life. More than anything you're scared. Scared that he won't want you back. Scared that if he does, that he might leave you again.

You're angry now. You needed to be prepared for this. What right did he have walking back in to your life without any warning after he'd been the one to tell you to 'live your life'?

"Steven"

"NO!" you're screaming. Your eyes stinging, tears threatening to fall but you don't let them. You turn but you don't dare to look him in the eye. "NO! NO NO NO." You're hitting him now. Fists curled and the edge of your hands meeting his chest one after the other. You're getting weak now and those tears you'd wanted to hold back are freefalling down your face, making your vision blurry. You tire out and now you're resting your head against his chest. You feel the weight of his head rest against your own as his arms wrap around your waist as if to stop you from falling.

"I missed you, so much" you whisper as your head lay buried in his chest.

"I know" he says, matching your tone.

You draw back and meet his eyes for the first time. "No! No, you don't Brendan. You don't because you never let me tell you. You pushed me out of your life. You pushed me out, like you always do!"

"Please, don't do this."

"Do what, Brendan? Tell you all the shit you put me through. Because don't worry Brendan, there's not enough time in the world for me to explain how broken I am because of you."

You hear him sigh and you know you don't have any more energy to fight. You know that all the pain you've suffered isn't all to do with Brendan. You couldn't blame for most of it, you realise. You release the railing and try to get your body to relax. "Brendan, I know why you did it. I just want to know how. Because I couldn't. I tried to live my life but I couldn't. Tell me, how did you live yours?"

He shuffles towards the railings and places both of his arms against them, head buried between them. "I wouldn't classify the last twelve years of my life as living, Steven".

He gives his head a shake before he lifts it, his gaze settling on your own, now soft eyes. You love him so much.

His eyes pull you in and you feel yourself give in. You close your eyes and place your forehead against his. "Don't leave me", you whisper and you're certain you hear him say "Never again" before you're too lost in the moment to care. You place your lips on his but you feel a slight hesitation on his part, so you push harder, move your lips against his, reacquainting yourself with the taste of his mouth. You feel him relent, his hands are snaking through your hair and you cling on to his neck deepening the kiss in the process. Your tongues are dancing to a delicious rhythm and you can't believe that you've been deprived of the taste that is so undeniably Brendan Brady for so long. You eventually pull away and you're both breathless. You're still holding each other in the same way and his eyes bore in to yours.

You need to tell him things though. You need to tell him that you're not the same person you were the twelve years ago. You need to tell him all the things that have happened in those twelve years that have made you the person you are now. But you can't, you don't want to say it all now, so you settle for a promise of telling him later.

"There's so much you need to know."

"I know, but just not today. Please."

"Okay."

"So, what now?" You can tell he's nervous. He's shuffling his feet and his hands withdraw from you and push in to his pocket, tell-tell signs that hard man Brendan Brady was nervous. You smile. It's tight, but it's a genuine one.

"Ste!"

Oh shit. You'd forgotten about Collin. You don't know how you're going to explain it all and you start to panic.

"Ste, what's going on?!" He's angry. That must mean that he's just witnessed the kiss.

"Erm…" you look at Brendan, searching for answers but you know he has none.

"Who the hell are you?" He turns to Brendan but Brendan's still looking at you, not responding to Collin's aggression. Collin pounces then but you're quick to intervene.

"STOP IT, COLLIN!" you scream, hoping to get through to him.

"Ste, what the hell?" he looks at you in defeat and you're crippled with guilt.

"I can explain. Please just calm down."

"No, you know what? I'm done. This relationship has been dead for a long time and you've given me a perfect opportunity to end it." He takes one more look at Brendan and shakes his head in disgust.

You realise that you're relieved. It's not that Collin's words didn't hurt you, because they did. It was more that it was going to be hard to try and explain what just happened. Truthfully, you didn't know how to explain it to yourself. You felt weak having given in but at the same time you're feeling stronger than you have in years. He gave you that strength and you can't afford to let go.

You take a hold of the railing again and your drop you head between your shoulders and sigh. Brendan's there beside you but he doesn't speak a word. You stand there in a comfortable silence for a while and you can't help but feel relaxed knowing that Brendan is there with you. "We should go home" you say, wanting to put an end to this day. You want to wake up with Brendan by your side tomorrow. You want him there to give you strength for what you know was coming. Because you still had to tell him about the mess of a life you had been 'living' for the last twelve years.

"We?"

"Yes, we" you smile and you pull him in to a hug. His arms are wrapped around you so tightly that you're forced pull away sooner than you'd wanted. You immediately feel the absence of his warmth so you kiss him again, hard but chaste.

He pulls out of it and looks at you and you wonder what he's thinking. "I love you", he finally chokes out.

"I love you".

-x-

You grab him by the hand as you make your way through the village. He doesn't seem to mind so you go one further and thread his fingers around yours. You know it's too much, you know that you've not really discussed enough to be holding his hands like you're some loved up, smitten couple, but you're scared that you won't have the opportunity once Brendan has found out your recent history.

You feel him slow down as you walk past 'The Loft'. "They changed it back?" you see sadness in his eyes.

"Yeah", you say not knowing what else to follow with but he looks away eventually and you feel his fingers tighten around yours.

"Where are we going?" he asks. Obviously not knowing that you'd moved since the last time you saw him.

"It's a surprise. Just follow me, will ya?" He nods and allows himself to be dragged up the familiar stairs. You see his face light up as you stop outside your door and reach for your keys.

"You bought this place?"

"Yeah. I've been living here for eight years now" you smile as you open the door and lead Brendan in.

"Huh"

"What?"

"Looks exactly the same"

"Does it? Well, I never did care about décor. It was fine the way it was, so why change it?"

"Yeah, why change."

He sits down, takes his jacket off and sit down on the sofa while you search for that good whiskey you've been saving 'for a special occasion'. You don't let yourself admit that it was exactly this occasion you'd been hoping to open it for. You sit next to him, knees touching while you pour the whiskey in to your best glasses. You think about the first time you'd done this. It was almost entirely identical. The same flat. The same sofa. The same whiskey. Only this time, you'd already had a taste of that thing you crave and have craved ever since that night.

You sit and drink for a while. You talk too. You're talking about your children. You tell him how Leah will be off to university soon and that Lucas will be at college next year and that he's dead brainy. You can't help grin from ear to ear, you're so proud of them. "Jesus" he replies. You think about the last time that he saw them and you realise how unreal it must be to hear such things. He tells you that he can't wait to see them both and you believe him. You tell him how he should get back in contact with his own. He considers it and then just nods. You don't know whether he'll accept your advice but at least he's not shying away from it all. He says he knows that he'll have to speak to them eventually, he just doesn't know how. You're not sure either but you'll figure out with him eventually, if he lets you.

You've been talking for a couple of hours now and it's almost one in the morning. You'd wished this night over just a few hours ago and now you don't want it to end. You don't want to break the spell. You don't want to face tomorrow. You just want to sit here, even if it's nothing but just sitting in silence. As long as you've got him.

Your head's lying on his shoulder now and you know that you haven't felt this content in year. Brendan pulls his own head away from yours and you sit up, thinking that you've overstepped the boundaries. He doesn't move far though. He keeps his gaze on your own and his eyes are burning with desire. He moves his mouth towards yours but you stop him just before they touch yours.

"Not here" your voice is hoarse and you want him so much. "Upstairs" and then you grab him by the hands and pulls him up those spiral stairs you both know so well.

You lead him in to your bedroom and you wait for him to come to you. He walks towards you slowly and you can't help but meet him half way. You've wanted him for way too long and you were getting impatient. He reaches for your face, cups it gently before lightly planting his lips on yours. Your kiss is gentle but it's full of passion. You open your mouth further, willing him to plunge his tongue deeper and he does. You do nothing but stand and kiss like this for minutes with his arms around your waist and your hands around his neck. You're dazed, intoxicated, in bliss and you don't want it to end.

His hands move down your back of your body, stopping to tug your polo shirt out of it confines so that he could feel the warm skin underneath the material. You push your body close, needing to get closer as you back Brendan towards your bed. You hear him grunt at the contact and suddenly the pace has upped. Your mouths crash together as you unbutton his shirt. You moan in frustration as Brendan releases your lips to fling your t-shirt over your shoulder but you're back to moving your lips in unison again.

He turns so that you're the one that has got their back to the bed and then he's pushing on towards it. Your legs collide with the edge of your bed and it's not long before you're sitting on it, legs unashamedly parted and palms splayed backwards against the covers. Brendan lowers himself, one knee on the bed, his other foot on the floor and he's still kissing you, touching you.

He moves his lips down your body. First teasing you, dragging them across your neck before licking and then sucking along your collar bone up to your jaw line. He takes off the shirt you've already unbuttoned and tosses it out of sight and you look at him, eyes darkened, body still as broad and toned as you've always known it and it's making your cock throb within its confines.

He's kissing you again, both his knees between your legs now and his hands wandering down to your jeans. His hands are eager and suddenly you're on your back and it's not long before your jeans have been abandoned.

You move up the bed and he follows you, not relinquishing any contact. He moves down your body, places light kisses on your chest. Then he's on your nipples. First the left, taking it in his mouth, sucking, licking, biting and you let out a moan. He groans in response, as if acknowledging your approval before teasing the other in the same way.

He makes his way further down, kissing his way towards your hips and you feel your already hardened cock strain against the material of your boxers. He peels the waistband ever so slightly and licks across your hip bone and you jolt in response. "Bren" you let out, you want him to touch you and he's agonisingly close.

He takes your boxers off then and suddenly his lips are snug around the head of your cock. He circles his tongue around it, sucks until you're arching off of the bed and then licks the precome gathering around the slit. He lets your cock fall out of his lips and climbs back up towards you, before drawing you in to another tongue-filled kiss. "I love you" he says, breathless and it sends shivers down you spine.

"I love you, too" you say as your hands trail towards his trousers. You unbutton them and slide your hands beneath his boxers, wrapping your hands around the base of his cock. He moans at the contact of your bare skin against his and you start to pump slowly. "Fuck." You keep the same pace as you kiss him again but soon you're wanting friction so you let go and he seems to get the message because he shuffles out of his trousers and boxers and returns his attention to you.

You feel him against your stomach, he's hard and you yearn for him to be inside of you but you want this to last longer so you don't push for it. You're pressed together tightly, you feel him start to roll his hips, rubbing your cock against his own. He drags it slowly up and down yours and you let out a high pitched moan against his mouth. He quickens the pace and you're lost in the sensation of both of you moving your hips, your cocks sliding together, both slick with precome. Your movements are hurried and careless now and you know he's close like you but you need more, you need to feel close to him, you need to come with him inside of you.

You think he wants the same because he slows down then, sits up and takes a hold of your thighs. He looks up at you and you know what he wants so you signal to the bedside cupboard. He takes the condom and rolls it on with two fingers and you can't help but stare. You've waiting too long for this and the thought of his cock inside your hole excites you beyond belief. Brendan reaches for the lube and then you're distracted by a powerful kiss but you can feel his arm preparing himself with the lube.

You're surprised when feel his hand between your crack. It's wet and cold and your body jolts at the contact but Brendan's still kissing you, relaxing you. He finds your hole and gently rubbed around it with one finger, as a whimper escapes from your lips. You spread your legs, willing Brendan's finger to go in, pushing in to it. He pushes in slightly and you rock against it slowly, inching closer to the bottom of his finger until you've swallowed it. You're fucking yourself against his fingers and the waves of pleasure go through like you've never experienced before. He adds another finger and then another, fucking you back as you rock against his fingers, until you crying out, clinging on to him, your breathing harsh. "Brendan, please."

He removes his fingers and you allow yourself your regain your breath as you watch him pump his cock a few times before aligning himself against your hole. He goes in slowly, and you know that you're tight. You've never let anyone else enter you, ever.

"Fuck, you're so tight", he says letting out a groan in the process. He pushes in a little more and you're dizzy with the sensation. "More. Please" you say. You want all of him tonight. He pushes in slowly again and soon he's in you full and rock hard. He slides out tentatively and moves back in. He does the same a few times and then he quicken the pace but it's still gentle. He places a thumb on your cheek as he kisses you through it.

You're trembling now. The pleasure is burning through you and you want more, you can't get enough. You wrap you legs around Brendan and you rock your hips and he responds by moving in to you, harder and faster. Your soles are digging in to his back and he's pounding in to you, angling his cocks to hit your prostate every time, both of you groaning, skin flushed, sweat making it harder for you to keep your feet in place. You're both so close. You reach for your own cock as it becomes too much but you're batted away by Brendan who takes a hold of your rock hard member and pumps it as hard as he's thrusting in to you. Up and down. Up and down. In and out. In and out.

Brendan's grunting, not relenting as he pushes in to you and pumps quickly. You're moaning, you're crying, you're arching off the bed. Brendan pulls out completely, fist still pumping and then suddenly he's pummelling back in. Each thrust deeper than the other and then you're crying with it, white hot liquid spurting out of your cock, slip sliding between your bodies as Brendan continues to thrust. You catch Brendan by the mouth as you feel him come within you, feeling the last of your own orgasm run through you. He parts his mouth as he lets out and final moan and collapses between your shoulder and head. "Fuck" he says.

"Fuck" you say.