Padmé stood in the crowd of dignitaries on the platform. The mid-morning wind billowed her dark cloak around her. There was no reason, officially, that she should be any more upset over Anakin's death than that of a distant friend. Those who knew her knew better than that.
She stood there, in hood and coif so that she was barely recognizable. Just standing there took everything she had. She felt so unsteady. She was certain that the breeze might just cut her down.
Padmé didn't have time to feel.
She couldn't afford to feel.
Too much was riding on her, she couldn't let her feelings get in the way of her responsibilities. Because, if she felt she would feel like dying. Feeling would make her just give up. Feeling would cause her to be undone. That was not acceptable.
Her grief was building up in her, she could tell that it was. But, she couldn't afford to feel it. Every so often a sensation would stir through her adding to her grief. Every time her baby moved she thought of how Anakin had died without knowing. It was almost more than she could bear.
Her bitterness welled within her, but she pressed it back into place. She only had to last a little longer, and then she could go home. Go back to Naboo. Run away from everything.
Padmé glanced at the contingent of Jedi across the platform. Obi-Wan was there, stark and pale, hiding under a hood of his own. A part of her wanted to talk to him and mourn with him and cling to him because Anakin was gone. Another part of her never wanted to see him again.
She was angry at Obi-Wan. How could he do such a thing! How could he have mistaken Anakin for an enemy! Jedi were supposed to be better than that. Padmé had known Obi-Wan since she was fourteen years old. Even when they disagreed they had remained friends. Well, as far as a friendship could go with Jedi who swear themselves to non-attachment.
As she gazed on him she wished that he would scream, or cry, or rage, or anything! She wished he would mirror the pain she wanted to give reign to. She wanted to know that she had an ally in her suffering. But, she didn't want that ally to be Obi-Wan! She could never trust him again. He had shown that he had no control over himself anymore. She could not trust him.
She had to suffer alone.
There was no one else.
She felt the baby move again. The sensation overwhelmed her. She struggled to keep her despair in check as she briefly considered what kind of life her child would have. With Anakin everything seemed possible. No matter how bad things were Anakin could always make it right. Anakin never gave up until he had fixed it, made it better. Now he was gone, there was no future, nothing was possible. She took a deep breath and braced herself for just a little longer.
Padmé passed a hand over her belly and murmured to her unborn baby. "What's going to happen now?"