CHAPTER 2: R.S.V.P.
Bella Swan gazed at me like she saw water burn. Like no one had ever spoken to her before. Maybe she was tired of people introducing themselves to her and expect her to do the same in exchange. Maybe she just did not like talking. Either way, she refrained from speaking...
Instead, like this happened almost naturally when I either looked at her or spoke to her, her translucent skin coloured a soft pink, the heat from her blush caressing my face. Somewhere deep down inside me, I felt something pushing afront, warming my body to the core. It crept up to the place where I used to have a heart beat. I could have sworn I could hear it echoing now, like a long forgotten memory. What was this girl doing to me?
She remained silent and just stared at me, her eyes slightly unfocussed.
What was she thinking?, I wondered
Of course, I could not hear anything but silence from her and so I had to try and get her to speak.
"You're Isabella Swan right?", I pressed
"I...uh...yes. Bella. ", she stuttered.
Alright, not very articulate so far. Perhaps she really wasn't a communicative person.
"You prefer Bella over Isabella", I pretended to guess, even though I already knew this.
She gave me a small smile and nodded.
Then, Mr. Banner felt the need to start class, so I had to halt my interrogation momentarily. Luckily for me though, we were doing lab-work today, so I could continue to press the girl for information.
It felt strange to be so desperate to want to hear her speak, to want to talk to her. I usually shielded myself from anything human and hated Alice for being so casual about it. But now, I was doing the same thing she did: making contact. It was unnerving. I tried to convince myself it had everything to do with the fact I could not hear her thoughts. The only way to get some insight into her mind was to get her to talk to me.
But that was simply a flimsy excuse. Yes, letting her talk would decipher some of her hidden thoughts but the truth was, I just wanted to hear her voice.
While we worked on our lab; discovering and dissecting the layers of the eye of a cow - I kind of liked this lab, because it horrified most of my fellow students and I was perverted enough to like them to be scared - I couldn't help my need to speak again. It was like an unstoppable force.
"Sorry about my sister", I smiled apologetically, "She is quite the enthusiast. Like a one-woman pep-rally", I added
"She seemed very nice", Bella said.
Yes, Alice was very nice. Too nice.
"So, how do you like Forks so far?", I asked politely
"It's cold. And wet. Cannot say I am a fan entirely", she grimaced.
I knew she moved here from Phoenix. A larger contrast than dreary Forks versus sunny Arizona didn't seem possible.
"Why'd you move here then?", I wondered
"Well, it's complicated.", she retorted, slightly frustrated.
Ah, a sore subject. She didn't want to be here and yet she was.
"Try me", I encouraged, desperately wanting to know what was in fact so complicated.
"Well, my mother remarried.", she explained.
Her answer sort of disappointed me. This did not sound very complicated. For some reason I had expected more from the girl. But before I could probe for more, Bella continued.
"Her new husband is OK, good for her, I suppose. But he travels alot; he plays baseball for a living. And my mother likes to join him on his trips and having a daughter at home doesn't really mix", she explained, sadness lingering in her voice.
Hmm, this still did not sound too complicated, but I could understand that maybe this was complicated for Bella. She probably felt forced to move to Forks because she didn't want to stand in the way of her mother's happiness.
"So she send you here, then?", I asked
Bella sighed. "I guess I sort of send myself. But it doesn't really matter, I'll survive"
"Well, perhaps you ought to give it some time. I mean, the weather won't change but maybe you'll find some positives about this town", I suggested smilingly
Me, for instance, I mused, You could find ME a positive aspect of living in Forks.
"So far, can't say the pros outweigh the cons", she told me wryly.
"Are you sure you can make that assumption, after only being here a few days...", I pointed out.
Did I really want her to like Forks? I could totally understand why she wouldn't like it here. It was the opposite of the weather she was used to. She probably fared better with her mother and yet she was stuck in this town now because she did not want to be in her mother's way. How on earth was this girl going to like Forks.
"What do you know, anyway?", she retorted slightly irritated, "You don't know me, so maybe you should not advice me on what I should and should not assume"
What did I know...not much. Would be far easier if I could read your mind, like I can with everybody else around me in a five miles radius.. But since I cannot, all I can do is guess...
"I am sorry. I did not mean to offend you. I am just trying to understand", I said softly.
Bella's irritation seemed to fade and she flashed me a small smile. "I am the one who should apologize", she murmured, "I didn't mean sound harsh like that. It's just...I don't like all these questions, all this attention. All day long people are poking at me for information and I am really not that interesting..."
I had to wholeheartedly disagree with that. She was interesting. Not just because of what her scent did to me or the fact her mind was locked away from my gift and I wanted so badly to unlock it. There was so much more about her; like that little pucker between her eyes when she was thinking or seemed frustrated about something - I had noticed it a few times now - or how she occasionally bit her lower lip - it was hard not to get distracted by her lips anyway - another strange realization.
But I didn't want to make her feel bad nor be like all the humans that had bothered her today.
"Well, then I'll stop drilling you.", I promised and I winked.
What was that? I winked? Not only was that incredibly cheesy but also very inappropriate.
I shuddered at the idea what Bella must think of me now when I heard something...
As I had winked, the pulsing of Bella's heart fastened. I could hear the thudding booming through the room, knowing no one else would notice the difference. And naturally, her cheeks flushed a beautiful pink.
She liked my winking?, I mused...
Mr. Banner called for order then, ready to discuss the many layers of a cow's eye. I realized that Bella had done most of the work, neatly cutting the eye in small slices without as much as making a face.
"I should have done that..", I muttered
"Why?," Bella whispered
"It's your first day and you're already chopping up cow eyes. That's certainly not going to help you change your mind to a more positive outlook on Forks", I smiled.
Bella returned my smile. "I have done this class before, back in Phoenix. Not the most pleasant, I admit but morbidly fun just the same"
I must have made a face, because Bella's eyes instantly wided and she smiled in apology.
"I am sorry, you must think I am crazy. Confessing I like slicing up animal eyes", she said.
I laughed aloud now and Mr. Banner gave me a strict glance. I knew he wasn't going to discipline me - also too afraid to cross the odd Cullen clan, it seemed - but I tried to hide the echo of it in a cough.
"That's OK. I won't tell anybody you're a secret Wednesday Addams", I assured her.
Now this? Using pop culture references to joke with the girl. What was happening to me. This was getting out of hand. I was acting way too human...
And it was about to get worse...
I wanted to bite my tongue off knowing what I was about to do was so wrong, but her delicious fragrance swam around me, almost forcing me to phrase a question I had never asked any one before...
"So, listen...I don't like to brag - although I kind of do, I thought arrogantly - but if you need help with catching up on assignments and such, I could help.", I offered
It sounded like a nice friendly offer; a study date, but I really just wanted more time with her. A few hours ago I had dreaded to have her walk around my house freely, now I almost welcomed it. I almost wanted Alice to be friends with her, because it would be the perfect excuse to see her too.
Surely it was ridiculous to let it get to this. It was one thing Alice was so willing to be friends with a human, but an entirely different thing to be so eager myself.
I hadn't at all forgotten what I wanted and that was this girl. I wanted to get to know her; her thoughts and dreams. I wanted to be around her because her smile and blushes did strange things to my inner core. I was fairly sure that eventually, at an appropriate time I'd actually drive myself to wanting to touch her, because I could already feel that longing growing inside me.
I wanted this girl, I thought, still amazed by this impossible fact. I barely knew her and yet I wanted her. Wanted to be with her.
It was an insanity, for sure. My nature and hers opposites at every spectrum, it would be impossible to be with her. And yet I felt anxious - like a human boy asking a girl out on a date - waiting for her answer to my offer.
I wasn't sure what it was I had expected, but her answer brought on a round of entirely unfamiliar feelings
"Thank you, that's very friendly, but I think I can manage", she thanked me politely
Bella gazed at me, perhaps expecting me to say something but I couldn't find the words. Her answer had actually upset me.
Why did I even care. It had merely been an offer, a friendly gesture. Nothing big.
And yet it felt like a slap in the face.
I glanced back at her, easily drowning in her chocolate brown eyes. This seemed to have the same reaction as my winking had earlier because her heart immediatedly sped up again, drumming an almost encouraging rhythm.
I must have some effect on her, I concluded because her cheeks and her heart altered when I spoke to and stared at her.
I knew this was partially a vampire thing, we were rather good at seducing humans with our stare, part of the nature of luring our prey and their warm sweet blood towards us, ready to go in for the kill.
Eventually, I spoke again, knowing I could not leave her reply unanswered.
"Very well then..", I said quietly
Bella still glanced at me and I saw something burning in her eyes. It looked like she saw right to the core and realized her rejection had pained me
"I wouldn't want you to waste your own personal time on me", she explained, "I think I'll catch up soon enough anyway, most of the classes here are similar to the ones in Phoenix. If only my mother wasn't so much against cheating that she'd actually send my old assignment folder here", she smiled.
Ok, so she hadn't really rejected me. Yet. She just didn't want to waste my time. That was like how she hated attention. She was afraid to take away from others, to be in the spotlight herself. Well, right now; she was certainly all I saw...
And that kind of projection made me do things that continued to puzzle me.
Like going in for a double whammy by recklessly trying to get her to accept an invitation from me.
"Well, since your mother might be unaccomodating in helping you with the assignment fraud, my offer still stands. And, if you want to feel more guilty about me wasting my own time on you, you could ask me to pull out all stops and promote Forks, show you some hot-spots. Make sure you add some reasons to your pros-list", I smiled.
OK, clearly my 'asking out' techniques needed some work. I grimaced at the idea of having to ask my brothers for advice, knowing Emmett would get nasty and Jasper too mushy. But I feared I'd be forced to ask them for tips anyway.
Bella didn't answer at first. She just stared at me. Not as wide-eyed as before and her heart remained steady too. It more looked like she was comtemplating something. Pondering. Debating...
"Well, thank you again but there's no need. I kind of already know Forks well enough. I have been here every summer since I was a child, visiting my dad and stuff.", she said
Oh, sweet rejection, how thy stingeth, I thought dramatically.
Another round of "what is happening to me", swirled through my mind.
There had been girls at this school who had tried to draw my attention. Both Jessica and Lauren had swarmed around me when my family and I had just moved to Forks. I had never given them the light of day and eventually they had just stopped pursuing me, much to my relief.
I sort of understood now how that might have made them feel. I had rejected them without even using words and although I suspected them to have wanted me out of hormonal teenage lust, I felt a small portion of remorse about it.
But wasn't this actually a good thing, I wondered. Wasn't it utterly foolish to ask Bella out, whether it was to help her study or to show her around town - a town she knew all too well and detested so very much -
The harsh truth was that I knew I could pursue her until the end of eternity but that would not change the fact I was a vampire. Nor the fact she was a human.
And never in both of our histories had a human and a vampire been together.
This was a fact. So all my longings, my wishes, my needs were uncalled for, impossible.
So whether she said yes or no to me, it did not matter. How would she ever react to the knowledge of what I was. Why was I even considering her reaction. She would never know. She would never find out.
The bell rang then and class was over.
In a few measely hours I had gone from an indifferent vampire to being an immortal almost human boy, who desperately wanted a girl to like him. To want him. And since she didn't - or at least it did not seem like she did - his world came crashing down.
I never felt more weak. Or more repulsed with myself. This was sick.
So I was attracted to a girl, I had a crush, big deal. It would pass, I told myself.
But would it, I wondered as I watched Bella walk out of the room.
I knew the answer, before she turned around at the door to give me a final look
She softly smiled and then walked away.
No. It was set in stone. I wanted this girl and it did not matter if she wanted me too. It was an impossible love. My enduring fate.
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Thanks for all your reviews!! This is a story that will develop itself as it goes along. I need a few chapters to really get it on track :) I'll try to update as much as I can.