CHAPTER ONE - MEMORIES.

~ ~ ~ In my hands ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ A legacy of memories ~ ~ ~

The tears started accumulating in his eyes as soon as he saw the things he had collected in the box.

There were letters, love-letters to be more precise, there were little notes, little knick-knacks, some dried flowers, his diary, a few movie-tickets, a few drawings he had drawn and a few other things.

The tears slowly prickled down his cheeks as his fingers stroked over his memories, everything flushing back into his head, after he had tried so hard to shove it away.

~ ~ ~ I can hear you say my name ~ ~ ~

He sniffled as he picked up one of the notes he had gotten.

"Hey, Kitten. I'm out to get a few things to help you get rid of this cold of yours.
I'll be back soon.
Love you.
Your Kai."

It probably didn't look as much, but to Rei, every note Kai had left him, no matter what the note was about, to Rei they were important and cherished.

~ ~ ~ I can almost see your smile ~ ~ ~

Rei picked up his diary.

Yes, he knew it was kind of girlish to have a diary, but for him, it didn't matter what others thought.

He had gotten the diary to write down all the things he never dared to speak out loud about, his frustrations and his dreams, his aspirations and hopes, his feelings and experiences.

He wrote in it to be able of looking back on this time when he got older, and remember everything as is if had happened yesterday.

He turned the pages to one that was dated five years ago.

"Dear Diary - October 2003.
Today Kai came up to me with a serious expression on his face and said we needed to talk.

I knew it was going to be about how I had been spacing out when I bladed, and on every other occasion as well.

I've been spacing out a lot the past few weeks, I admit that, but I didn't think it was THAT obvious.

He pulled me inside Tyson's dojo, away from the others who was busy training.

"You're not focusing when blading, and constantly spaces out at the most random moments. Are you getting ill? Do you have something on your mind?"

I couldn't answer him at first; I didn't know what to say.

He looked at me, his crimson eyes penetrating mine as if he was trying to read my mind.

Under the intense stare from my captain, I felt my knees buckle, but I somehow managed to stay upright, my back close to the wall.

I couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth.
"I've been spacing out because of you, Kai."

He stumbled and took a few steps back.

"I've developed feelings for you. Feelings beyond those of friendship.
Feelings of love."

I walked off, afraid of what he might say and not wanting to see the rejection in his eyes.

... oOo …

After having dinner, sitting next to a very quiet Kai, I went up to my room and proceeded to clean up Drigger.

Suddenly, I heard someone knocking on the door and I let them in.

It was Kai. "I want to talk to you about what happened today."

"There is nothing to say. I know you don't feel how I feel..."

I was interrupted by Kai, his voice being soft, yet with a hint of sternness and a little hurt in it.

"What makes you think that I don't feel what you feel?"

~ ~ ~ Feel the warmth of your embrace ~ ~ ~

Rei smiled as he invisioned how Kai then walked over to his bed and sat down next to him, before embracing him carefully from the side, as if he thought Rei was a fragile porcelain doll.
He remembered how warm Kai's skin was against his own, how the intoxicating mix between his natural scent and his perfume made Rei's head spin and his heart skip a beat.

Rei felt a small tingle in his abdomen as he slowly closed his eyes to completely submerge himself in his memories.

Kai's scent filled his nose once again, and he felt his skin grow hot as he continued to feel Kai's skin on him.

He could feel how his pulse quickened and his breathing hitched.

He could clearly envision how Kai then pulled back and looked into his eyes, the crimson meeting golden, showing the Tiger how much the Phoenix cared about him.

Then he slowly leaned onto Kai's awaiting lips, taking the first step in making their relationship to turn from friendship to boyfriends and lovers…

... oOo …

The roll of a thunder made Rei jump out of his dream world and back into reality.

He looked outside and saw that the rainstorm had picked up and evolved into a thunderstorm.

He sighed slowly, still feeling the feeling of a kiss lingering on his lips.

~ ~ ~ But there is nothing but silence now ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ Around the one I loved ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ Is this our farewell? ~ ~ ~

What Rei didn't know, was that someone was watching him.
Not through the keyhole of his door.
Not through the window belonging to his room.

But from inside his own room.

Kai stood beside the bed and watched as Rei continued to look through his memory-box, shining tears dripping down his cheeks, small sulking noises somehow managing to escape his lips.

It hurt Kai to see Rei in this state; he never meant to hurt him.

He never meant to hurt the one person who actually broke down his emotional barriers.

He never meant to hurt the one who taught him to allow himself to love while he still had the chance and how to love someone, and to allow someone to love him back.

He never meant to leave Rei behind like this.

~ ~ ~ Sweet darling you worry too much, my child ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ See the sadness in your eyes ~ ~ ~

He clutched his heart in a futile attempt of making the pain he felt go away.

Oh, how he missed holding Rei in his arms, feel his warmth and his scent.

If he could only turn back time…

"Why am I here, Lord?" He whispered hoarsely, a tear falling from his jawbone.

"You're here to take care of him. " A soft voice answered.

"Why?"

Kai didn't seem to be able of stopping his voice from shivering.

"When you departed, Rei lost a big part of his life. You only got a little over five years together as lovers, a dream you both wanted to come true for many years before that. I've sent you down here to become his guardian angel." The voice continued.

"How can I possibly take care of him? I don't exist anymore." Kai mumbled as he wiped his face.

"As long as Rei holds you in his heart, which I believe will be the rest of his life; you can always touch him, embrace him, kiss him and protect him. I can make it so that he can see you, if you choose to expose yourself for him."

Kai smiled slightly.

"Thank you."

~ ~ ~ You are not alone in life ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ Although you might think that you are ~ ~ ~

A rather short chapter I guess, but the next one will be longer, or split in two parts, as I see fit.

Remember:
This is my first longer try with a tragic kind of fanfic, so I accept any contructive critisism I can get, but flamers will be taken down by my armies of man-eating kittens.

So don't even try flaming me, I most likely won't respond to them, but I will respond to those who comes with constructive critisism so that I can become a better writer!

Please, Enjoy the Read and Please Review.