As Fred McDoogle flew away on his newfound pony dick, pimples grew on his face and his voice got all squeaky and queer. He slowly evolved into a fat nerd. But he was a free fat nerd, and he galloped through the sky, shitting on strangers below him because horses can't control that.
However, as Fred got fatter and nerdier, he began to sink from his own weight. His once limber wings were worn down by his fat and overall dweebiness. Suddenly, a mountain appeared in the way. He swerved to dodge it, but got pulled in by its gravitational force. As he hit the ground, he realized it wasn't a mountain, it was his worst nightmare. A middle school! He landed on a wheelbarrel and a principle pushed him inside.
"Ok laddy let's register you for some classes!"
"NUUUUUUUUUUU! THis is all a misunderstanding! I am a pony! Not a human! Ponies don't need education, all they need is basements and mom's to live with at 30. STAHHHHP!"
"Ok so I'll put you in gym and sign you up for the football team."
"NEIGHHHH I SAY! I am 15, I am too old for middle school."
"But ur a pony lad and ponies never grow up. Welcome to class laddy boy!"
Fred McDoogle wondered the halls. He was not used to being around normal people. He figured, however, that since he was such an amazing pony, people were just dying to befriend him. He decided to accept this friendship out of pity.
He sat down at a table at lunch. "So, how many of you bronies are into MLP?"
"MLP?" They asked.
"Wow, you humans are dumber than I thought. You need some more caring and sparkles in your lives."
"?"
Fred sighed. Did he have to walk them through this step by step? "Let's all state our favorite ponies. Mine is Dumpy Rainbowshitter. How about you lads?"
They all threw there food at him in disgust.
"FREE FOOD!" He galloped in delight, licking up all the food like a true pony. All of the people ran away.
As he left the cafeteria, some cool kids with funky hair called him a "fat nerd."
"You must be confused, young lads. I am not a fat nerd, I am a fat nerd brony!"
They threw him in a dumpster and kicked him in the chin.
Fred was flabberghasted. They must have missed the episode where they explained that sharing was caring.
Surprised at his inability to meet any fellow ponies, Fred knew he must take a more aggressive stance.
When he went to change into his gym clothes, he knew what he had to do. He crammed into his Poopyface Wangsmuggler costume and threw sparkles at his peers. They just beat him up more.
He realized that there was only one way to distinguish who was a pony and who was a human. By slaughtering each and every one of them until he met a formidable foe.
He ripped their stomaches out and stuck them in their esophaguses. He brutally bashed their corpses and made them taste the rainbow. He drowned them in vats of sparkles, and made them all share one coffin because sharing is caring. He taught them the power of friendship by pummeling their skulls.
The gym teacher emerged and gave him and F. "F FOR FRIENDSHIP," he whinnied. To teach his gym teacher about friendship, he lit him on fire and then froze him in an eternal flame.
He was galloping out of this overrated highschool, when he ran into those bullies again.
"YOU WANNA CALL ME A FAGGOT NOW," he asked, showing off his hat made of human intestines.
"ye" they said.
He charged them with hooves of fury, but right before he mangled their sphincters, they shot hooves out of their pants. THEY WERE PONIES TOOO!
"Hey lad you passed the test!"
"The test?"
"ye. We wanted to make sure you had the guts to kill us before we revealed our pony identities."
"YAY! MORE PONIES! YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?" exclaimed Freddy boy.
"YAH! We can be pony friends for life and now we can be with others of our kind!"
Fred was happy to finally be with other bronies. He felt so accepted, and not hated. Suddenly, he realized that he loved being hated! The fact that he was accepted was sickening. It wasn't cool anymore when he wasn't the weirdest person. That was the reason he became a brony to begin with - to be hated and to have something to accuse people of and expect them to accept. How would he get attention now?
Fred leaped up on his back hooves, flashing lightning down from the sky.
"Fred, friend?" they asked cautiously.
Fred lunged at the nearest pony and clobbered his pony body into two pieces, revealing two ponies in a pony suit. He donkey kicked each one with the might of a thousand suns, splattering them into a million pieces before they even launched off of his mighty hooves. He stormed the next pony, cooking him alive in a pot of lava, dipping his meat in poison, and feeding it to the other pony.
There were only three ponies left now. They combined into SUPER PONY! He shived down the bones of the other ponies and made a pointy suit of armor. Then he made a bone crossbow, and shot eyeballs at them. "Eewwwww" they said, and split back into regular ponies. Seeing the opportunity, he made the other ponies into glue and glued them to the ground. He threw pepper in their faces to make them sneeze.
While they were busy saying "blesh you" to each other, he pounded his hoof to the ground and split the Earth with a mighty wail. They all fell into the eternal abyss. As he was about to close the void, he saw Tanisha climbing out.
In a sudden moment of mercy, he reached down to pull her out. However, his splitting the Earth made quite a bit of wind. He watched from the corner of his eye as a My Little Pony doll edged towards the void. Tanisha reached up to grab his hand, but he kneed her in the face and saved the pony instead. As she fell back into hell, she yelled "you lil queeeeeeeeer!"
Fred held the pony he saved in his arms. "It's ok, Faggyshy, pappy's here."
Suddenly, the pony shot a message out of its mane.
"DEAR FRED," it read. "THOSE GUYS WEREN'T EVEN REAL PONIES THAT U KILLED SO NICE JOB LAD. THOSE WERE UNICORNS! IF U WANNA MEET US REAL PONIES, YA GOTTA KEEP UP WIT UR QUEST 4 PONYLAND. ONLY THEN WILL YOU FIND WHAT IT TRULY MEANS TO BE A BRONY."
"O!" Fred exclaimed. "But where do I begin?"
"WELL LAD, YOU GOTTA DO THE GAYEST MOST OBNOXIOUS THINGS IMAGINABLE. ONLY AFTER YOU SHOVE YOUR SICK OBSESSION WITH CHILDRENS TOYS DOWN THE THROATS OF OTHERS WILL THE MAGICAL PORTAL TO PONYLAND BE REVEALED!"
"THAR NOT CHILDRENS TOYS THEY ARE AIMED AT ADULT AUDIENCE OBVIOUSLY!" Fred wailed. He threw the pony doll into the abyss, but not before getting intimate with it.
He summoned a bolt of lightning, and road it to the next stop on his journey.