AN: I decided to put flashbacks/memories in italics to make it easier to understand. Let me know if you like it more this way in a review!

Punk walked backstage after his match, just giving courteous nods to people who told him good job. He didn't bother waiting behind for Jeff to get back, Jeff wasn't going to want to talk anyways. Punk went straight to the locker room, got dressed, and went straight out to his bus. This was his routine for the past six months. Well, it's technically always been his routine, but normally Jeff would be there with him.

Punk hadn't talked to Jeff in months, not really. They talked for a few minutes before the match because they technically had to plan it. He couldn't believe this damn rivalry was still going. Punk was so fed up with it. The fans still seemed to love it though, so on it went. It hurt him to see the pain in Jeff's eyes every time he tossed an insult at him. He didn't know why he never saw it before. But as much as he hated the storyline, he cherished it, in a way. It's the only time he ever spent with Jeff, and it's the only thing Jeff would ever talk to him about. After this storyline was over, he seriously doubted Jeff would ever talk to him again.

Jeff tried to tell him the promos hurt him, but he never listened. Punk always just brushed him off, he didn't understand. He never got affected by what happened in the ring, he knew to separate in ring from out of ring. Punk pulled out his phone in his bus and looked at his missed calls. Still nothing. He had been calling Jeff non-stop for weeks after they broke up, but got absolutely nothing back. Punk changed his voice mail a month after they called it off, just hoping one day Jeff would call so he could tell him he was sorry. That's all Punk wanted, just to tell him he was sorry. Jeff never gave him the time of day to do it.

For a full month after Jeff left, Punk convinced himself he'd done thing wrong. He refused to say sorry, not that Jeff would let him do it anyways. But one day he walked into the locker room and saw Jeff's journal lying beside his stuff. Jeff was always writing in that thing when they were together, he couldn't help but take a peak.

Punk picked up the book and opened to a random page.

"April 15th, 2015,

It's officially been ten days since me and Phil "broke up." I never thought it'd be this hard. Every time he calls all I want is to answer and beg for him back but I can't. I won't. It hurt too much to be with him. But why is it hurting even more without him? I just want the pain to stop."

Punk's face fell to a frown and he flipped a few pages ahead.

"April 23rd, 2015,

Phil hasn't called in a few days. I thought I'd be happy about it but I'm not. I keep checking my phone expecting to see his number there. It's so hard. I slept in his shirt last night and it didn't smell like him anymore. The cologne has finally faded away. I miss his arms."

Phil kept flipping through pages, getting more and more depressed with every one. 'He never told me he felt this way,' thought Punk, reading about how sad Jeff was they were only "friends." He looked towards the beginning of the journal and got to a page that made his heart drop.

"May 4th, 2014,

I'm so tired. Me and Phil fought so I'm staying in a hotel tonight. I don't even remember what about. We fight so much, I'm so tired of it. But I can't live without it. He's the only person that understands me. He makes me feel like myself. I wouldn't know what to do without him. I can't just be by myself anymore. I felt like nothing before he came around and he changed that. Is being with him stupid at this point? Maybe, but it's the only thing I have left. I feel like I'm just writing in this stupid thing so maybe one day I'll have the guts to say how I feel. But what's even the point? He never listens to me. I've tried everything just to get him to at least consider my side but it never works. I still have hope that one day this will change and we'll be happy together, I just want him to say sorry. He doesn't even know how bad he's hurting me every time he calls me a junkie. I know he doesn't mean it but it still hurts. I just want one true apology and for him to actually listen to what I have to say.

I can't leave him. I'll never leave him. He makes me feel OK with myself. I always feel OK when I'm in his arms. Is there something wrong with me? Does he just not want to commit to someone like me? Does he actually mean those awful things he says to me? But I can't stop myself from going to his bus every night. I just need to be with him so badly, like an addiction. I am a fucking junkie. Will him apologizing even fix anything? I don't know, I doubt it, but it's the only thing that will make me feel better. That's all I want. But no matter what, apology or no apology, I know I'm going to wind up in his bus again because no matter how bad he makes me feel, he also makes me feel complete. Everything that I don't have he does, he's my other half. He's such a good person, I guess I've always envied that about him. I always used to look up to him and want to be him. I wanted to know what it felt like to be straight edge, to feel complete. I wanted to know how not to hate myself for being a drug addict. I was fading, and I just wanted to be OK again, and he gave me that."

He set the book back by Jeff's bag and got changed, exiting the room as quickly as possible before Jeff got out of the showers. As soon as Punk got back to his bus he tossed his bag at the wall and plopped down on the bed, resting his face in his hands. He couldn't believe what he'd just read. Punk never saw any instance of Jeff missing him even the slightest bit. 'I hurt him,' thought Punk. 'I really hurt him. I destroyed him.' He grabbed his phone and checked his calls, no surprise, nothing from Jeff. Punk went to his voicemail and changed it, having the slightest hope one day Jeff would call.

It'd been five months since Punk changed his voicemail and Jeff still hadn't called. Punk had all but given up on it. He hadn't changed his voicemail since that day, still hanging on to the tiniest strand of hope Jeff would call him one day. Punk still called Jeff every now and then, getting the same result every time, absolutely nothing. He never realized how much his life revolved around Jeff until he was gone. It was the little things that got to him, like accidentally grabbing two plates instead of one, leaving the TV on while he slept because Jeff could never sleep without it, sleeping on only one side of the bed because Jeff liked the other side. He didn't think it'd be this hard to let go.

Punk doubted Jeff would believe him, but he hadn't been with anyone since they broke it off. He'd had plenty of offers, but he couldn't stop thinking about Jeff. Every time he'd turn a girl down he always wondered if he was missing something great, but he couldn't bring himself to move on. Punk was never a relationship kind of guy, he just didn't see the point in titles. But if there was anyone he came that close to in his life, it would be Jeff. He never bought up their anniversary because he didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but he remembered, he always did. Punk knew the date of their first kiss, their first time going all the way, their anniversary, even the time Jeff first laughed at one of his stupid jokes. But more recently, the date of their breakup. He remembered the first time he made Jeff cry, their first argument, the first time Jeff decided to stay in a hotel instead of on his bus, everything.

Seeing Jeff cry absolutely breaks his heart. Punk has never been good with crying, he just didn't really know what to say to someone when they were like that, and it always worked. Maybe if he had just paid more attention, if he had just taken two seconds to really think about why Jeff was crying, maybe Jeff would still be here. Punk wrestled with these what ifs every day. What if he had gotten Jeff flowers just once? What if he had just held Jeff when he was crying instead of hooking up with him?

Punk sighed. "I can't keep doing this to myself, He's gone." He wondered if Jeff still had the heart pin he gave him. Punk noticed he hadn't been wearing it on his armbands anymore. Jeff probably just tossed it. He didn't really have a reason to keep it anymore. Punk had lied to him when he gave it to him, he said he had just found it a while back, but really he went out and bought it right after their argument. He gave it to him with a snarky line and said he just found it so it didn't seem like a big deal. Whether that was actually for Jeff or for him, he didn't know anymore. Seeing Jeff wearing it always gave him a smile.

He had convinced himself he didn't have feelings for Jeff for a while, up until their last day even. But now, Punk knew he was just lying to himself all along. He wanted Jeff, he NEEDED Jeff. What Jeff wrote in his journal, Jeff really was his other half. He couldn't believe Jeff envied him, he used to envy Jeff. Jeff was so cool, and loved, and popular. He seemed so whole, but looking back at it now, Jeff was just as broken as he was. They really were each other's missing puzzle pieces.

About halfway through his shower he heard his phone start going off. He sighed, it was probably telemarketers again. Punk was just going to let the voice mail get it. He hardly ever actually answered his phone, mostly because he was too disappointed to after seeing it wasn't Jeff. 'Hey, maybe it's actually Jeff this time,' thought Punk. He scoffed. 'Wishful thinking much?' Punk finished up and walked out in his towel to look at his phone. His eyes widened when he saw the number and accidentally dropped his phone. "Shit!" said Punk. He quickly called Jeff back and held the phone to his ear. 'Please tell me I didn't just miss my chance,' thought Punk. He heard the ringing stop and felt himself hold his breath. Punk heard a soft voice say "Phil?" and immediately got a small smile.

AN: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a review!

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