Chapter Two

The tea warmed her body to the core and made her feel safer than she had done in a time longer than she cared to remember. The humming of the Tardis was like a comforting lullaby soothing away some of her demons, the dim lighting wrapping her into a sense of comfort that made her want to drift off to sleep. A sleep of a thousand years would be nice, she thought. A sleep that would let her mind be still and allow her not to exist, for just a little while. It would never happen, but wasn't it a nice thought? Her mind, that swirled with angry, hateful thoughts in her waking hours became even more alive with vicious thoughts in her limited hours of slumber. Mercifully, Time Lords didn't need too much sleep. If she needed as much sleep as her human counterparts, she'd have all but stopped functioning by now. Talking of mercy, had she been granted some by this old box? The Old Girl had barely hissed in her direction since she arrived, not the usual welcome she received. In fact, her reception had been quite welcoming- could the Tardis sense how pathetic she had become? Did she pity her for getting out of her depth in a such a screwed up situation?

Missy had wanted to come running to the Doctor when all this had started and she had tried to tell him she needed her friend back. But of course he hadn't believed her, who would have believed her after all her tricks and plots when she finally admitted she needed help and was in a hell of a lot of trouble. There's some human story about that, isn't there? The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Well, she was here now and judging by his concerned expression and the length of time he was taking to say anything, maybe now he was going to believe her. Missy could feel him trying to read her mind, but as tired as she was, her mental shields weren't down just yet. She was going to tell him everything. Well everything she could remember anyway. Truth be told she was becoming increasingly concerned at how little she remembered and how jumbled her memories seemed. But whatever she did tell him, was going to be on her terms and not through him entering her memories. It wasn't that she didn't trust him. She trusted the Doctor more than anyone in the entire universe that had ever existed or ever would. No, trust wasn't the issue here. The issue here was that he could be so easily hurt by the pain of others and she didn't want to become responsible for inflicting any of her pain on him.

Exhaling deeply and turning her head to face him without opening her eyes she explained to him softly "you don't need to do that. I'm going to tell you the truth. Everything. Just give me a minute, poppet, I want to finish my cuppa." Pausing for a moment and massaging her forehead she looked as though she was wearily formulating her next words "you can trust me this time. That sounds laughable, I know but I mean it Thete." As the Doctor looked at her, she tried to gauge what he was thinking. He looked concerned, she'd seen this face before, of course, but it had never been directed at her. It had been directed at one of his little girl companions, or maybe at her actions but never actually at her. Maybe he really does care. "Of course I really care. And I've shown you concern a lot in the past, you just weren't well enough to remember it. And I want to trust you, I really do, but you're going to need to be completely honest with me." His voice was laced with compassion and firmness and he moved closer to her, taking her hand in his own. His touch was warm and comforting and when they looked into each others eyes it felt as though she had come home.

That moment of comfort was to fleeting and she had to break their eye contact almost as soon as it started for fear that he would see the full extent of her despair. Pulling her icy blue orbs away from his grey ones, she forced herself to focus on the corner of the Tardis just above his head. It was a dusty, dark corner and she was sure she could see a cobweb starting to form. She found herself wondering if he ever dusted or tidied the old box. That could be one use for all those human pets he was so keen on collecting, she thought. Now her eyes weren't locked on his, she could feel herself starting to drift. The kind of drifting where she criticised his housekeeping skills were fine but the dark ones were emerging now, engulfing her mind in the same way that the cobweb was engulfing that dusty, dark corner. Closing her eyes, it was total darkness. The web of shadows wrapped around her, voices whispered to her to submit to the darkness and memories flashed across her mind. People. A cage. A chain around her neck. Injections. Restraints. Shivering. Starving. All alone. She could have submitted to her memories then, let the madness carry her away to the abyss. And she would have done, had his voice not carried her back to reality. "Missy?" he asked, "Yes, yes. Just thinking" she replied.

She'd obviously been too quiet for too long because before long he spoke again, chuckling he observed "I don't think I've ever seen you so subdued for this length of time. Not even all those times you were literally sedated and restrained." He was trying to lighten the mood. She didn't blame him for that. "I don't know what to say, or where to start. Its all gotten so out of my control" she found the words tumbling out of her mouth. This was it. Time to tell him the truth. She looked down at her blood red finger nails, digging them sharply into her palm, and without looking back up explained "after my regeneration, I was weak, I didn't know where I was. I wasn't even sure of who I was. But there was someone there, or some people, I should say. If I had been my normal strength, I would have been able to fight them off. But you know what it is like after a regeneration" she paused looking up at him, hoping to find something in his eyes that said he believed her, that he understood her. After a moment he ran his hand through his silver curls, offering a soft "you shouldn't have been on your own after a regeneration, but you never have been good at letting others in." She rolled her eyes and continued "well I'm trying to let you in now, but I'm tired and its such a long story and I'm so confused. It's hard to know what to tell you." She paused, inhaling deeply and whispering "I feel like I'm drowning again." She said it with a serious intent, hoping he would know what she was talking about.

One look from him told her he did. His brow was furrowed and his greyish-blue eyes had darkened. "Okay, okay, okay. I get it. Stay with me in the Tardis for a while. I don't want you out there in the big, bad universe for a while. Especially when you're not up to being the thing that makes it big and bad. Not that I'm condoning any of your behaviour, but I worry about you deeply when you're like this." She looked up at him, at some point he'd started talking Galiffreyan and she had only just realised. It was comforting, something only they shared and made her feel like it would all be okay. For the time being. She still needed to explain everything that had happened though and she knew he wasn't going to have forgotten. "You're tired and you're going to stay with me for a while, but first I need to know what kind of trouble you're in. Is it to do with the Time War? the High Council? Daleks? Cybermen?" She sighed and, trying to bring back some humour laughed "oh you know, all of the above and something I can't quite put my finger on yet. There's an off-shoot of your friends UNIT and they are collecting weapons and resources to start a war bigger than the Time Wars. They're building an army. They found out who I was and have been testing on me for I don't know how long. My timeline is screwed- one of their torture methods. Torment a Time Lord by warping their sense of time. Classic! They want information on you, too. But don't worry, dear, I protected my oldest friend." She had said it half in jest, a way of trying to take back some control, but he had known she was deadly serious. "I never doubted that. But, Missy, my Missy, they've hurt you. Again. And I've let them again. And people I thought were on my side." She rolled her eyes, "bloody hell, Doctor, a thank you would have sufficed but you always have to be so sentimental. All those humans, no doubt, rotting that almost-as-marvelous-as-mine brain of yours. Well, I imagine you have more questions than ever but you'll have to wait. For now, take me to bed". He nodded and offered her a hand to help her off the sofa, but just as he did, she said something that startled him "oh, and the final nail in the coffin, dearie, is that that lovely little blonde- kathy, katie...or whatever her name is, she handed me over to them.'