The Bear, the Caucasian, and in the Closet
a.k.a. - How the East Asian Brothers Ended Up in 'Narnia'
...
(Full) Summary: (Please ignore how many eras they are in at the same time) A screwed up Narnia Hetalia crossover. Young South Korea finds a wardrobe England put in China's house. Read as he and his brothers venture into the mystical land of Soviet Russia. Did I say Russia? I meant Narnia. There they meet other countries, er, magical creatures, and fight against the evil forces of the Caucasian Witch.
Includes: Racist thoughts, bad language, and insulting stereotypes. But if you didn't like this kind of stuff already, you wouldn't be reading this fanfiction, now would you?
I think this is mostly book–verse. But I do have some movie references, and sometimes use the movie plot–line.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything here but what the not-owned-by-me characters say. And not even all of that. If I did, would it be on fanfiction? I don't think so.
...
As told by: Professor Arthur Kirkland
To a certain 'darling' child. In hope you will finally learn the importance of a family sticking together. And finally pay me back that money you owe me, bloody wanker!
...
Chapter 2: What Yong Soo Found There
While he was in the wardrobe, South Korea did indeed find a magical land full of wonderful surprises. He had pushed passed a few coats to see how far 'in the closet' he could go, and was stunned by how 'deep' it was. You wouldn't have guessed this from the outside. As he went 'farther in', he noticed it was getting much colder - to the point where he could see his own breath. By this time, Korea was obviously starting to worry. As the 'curious' lad he was he pressed on, even after he stepped in what seemed to be a wet patch of snow. He pushed aside the last coat to see he was no longer surrounded by the 'walls' of the wardrobe, but by trees and snow.
"Mansae! Snow!" South Korea shouted, jumping up and down, and then started to roll around in it. But after a few seconds of flamboyant and spontaneous fun, Korea began to think (even if he's Korean, he's still Asian). How is it possible to end up in a land of winter and snow through a wardrobe of summer and sun? He sat up, when he saw an out of place lamppost. Why would there be a lamppost in the middle of a forest where there were no houses or streets? Walking towards it, he noticed someone, who despite the snow and cold, had decided to go about shirtless. In fact, he was only wearing a red scarf. 'What is only wearing that scarf supposed to do?' he thought inquisitively. As he got even closer, he noticed something else very particular. The man had hooves for feet, and furry brown legs. And it was definitely not just leg hair.
"Aaaaaah!" shouted South Korea.
The sudden noise caused the strange creature to also scream, and drop the packages and umbrella he was holding. While Yong Soo hid badly behind the lamppost, the young what-cha-ma-call-it picked up and hid behind his open umbrella. Slowly, the two looked up at each other.
"What are you?" they asked in unison.
"Why, I'm a country," said Korea. "South Korea, where all has originated."
"A country? And you are not yet part of the Soviet Union?"
"No, I'm Asian!"
"Asian?"
"Can't you see my eyes?"
"True. Well I am Toris, a faun from the land of Lithu - no, Russ - uh…Narnia. Yes, Narnia."
"Narnia?"
"Yeah, which means you should-" Toris said, and pulled out a piece of paper, 'You should come over to my place. W-we have, uh, candy, and cakes, and tea, and-'"
"Did you know that tea originated in Korea?"
"I had not-"
"But the Japanese invented lying. I will give him credit for that."
"But I wasn't lying! There really is candy, cake, and tea!"
"I wasn't accusing you. My brother just denies that tea was my creation. He said something about China making it for him when he was little. But how does that work out when I'm so much older than them both?"
…
"Wait, so you didn't invent tea England?"
"No France, but I made it my own."
"I think I made it my own during the Boston Tea Party."
"Dressing up like a Native American and then flushing my tea down the toilet does not make it your own, you coffee drinker!"
"Did you just say coffee's name in vain? Big brother, watch your language."
"Maybe you should give him less, it seems to make him hyper active. Perrier should do the trick."
"The day I let my little brother touch your French crap is the day I let you give him a giant statue of a woman."
"What about Canada Dry, eh?"
"Shut up! Not onl-"
"England, who were you talking to?"
"…I don't know…"
"You know talking to your ima-"
"I've had it with these bloody interruptions! You two shut up or I'll go Britannica angel on you."
"I'd love that, mon amour."
"…"
"…"
"Wow, you guys are acting a lot like me right now. Is there something wrong, eh?"
…
After picking up the dropped parcels, Yong Soo and Toris trudged through the snow to the faun's place. Sharing an umbrella, young Korea fell in love with Narnia. As he gazed upon the sparkling snow, the stiff and upright trees and the gorgeous landscape, he forgot how cold and wet he was and did not notice he was hugging a naked (though his lower half was covered by fur) man-faun-goat for warmth. Toris, however, did but was too shy to point this out to the Korean. He needed to focus on the task at hand. And he was kind of cold. He wasn't wearing a shirt after all.
The half kid, half kid ("Ha. Ha. Ha. Not funny,") led the other into his cavern of his home. There, they chatted over cups of tea and cake (Toris did lie about the candy). South Korea, for once, listened as the faun told him the stories of his land. How he and his brothers would dance and frolic, and how they would try to catch the white 'stag' to be granted a wish, and how the forest would look when it wasn't sparkling with snow but was a luscious green and full of life. Then, he played a pretty tune on his stabulé*. But after hours had passed, Yong Soo had finally realized it was getting late.
"I'm so sorry, Mr. Toris, but I have to leave now. I must be missed by my brothers."
"It's too late now, isn't it?" a now sobbing faun chocked out.
"Don't cry, Mister! Crying didn't originate in Korea. Or Narnia."
But the young faun kept weeping and weeping until South Korea finally asked what was wrong.
"I am such a bad faun! Why must I do such terrible things to such kind people?"
"You aren't a bad faun, Mr. Toris. You're the best faun I've ever met!"
"I bet I'm the only faun you've ever met."
"That's true, but I bet after I meet other faun's you'll still be the nicest. Besides, you're much nicer than some countries I know."
"But you are yet to know what horrid things I have done. I have fallen under the service of the Caucasian Witch."
"The…Caucasian…Witch?"
"The Caucasian Witch is a horrid creature who keeps this land for in an eternal winter, while never reaching the hopes of Christmas."
"No Christmas? But that's basically all of the Hetalia specials. How do you survive?"
"Barely, with very little screen time. But that's not the point. The witch has orders that if someone is to find a country not yet one with the Soviet Union, they are to hand him or her over. There, they would take you a…gulag …and…" he trailed off.
"The horrid Caucasian and her minions took over my brothers and me. But I am much worse of a country then them. They have only pledged their ways to the witch. I have kidnapped a country and am to turn him over."
"Wow," an amazingly speechless Korea said. Slowly, he replied, "Though what you have done is pretty bad, I am sure-"
"No, it is not what I have done. I am taking a country as we speak. I am taking you."
"No one can take me over. Winning originated in Korea, not from Charlie Sheen."
"Of course I won't take you over. I must bring you back to your land. But as we go back we must be careful and quite. Spies are everywhere – even including some of the trees!"
The two dashed back as quietly as they could. The whole way there, Yong Soo chattered excitedly about how ninjas originated from Korea. The poor Lithuanian faun was awfully nervous and kept looking over his shoulder, because 'shhing' the other country just made him talk even louder. But suddenly, he got an idea.
"Did you know silence originated from Korea?"
And from that point on until they had once again reached the lamppost, Yong Soo stayed uncharacteristically quiet.
"This is where I'll leave you. Do you know how to get back from here?"
"Yep! I can see the closet from here."
"Do be careful. And please forgive me for my wrongdoings."
"Of course. Everyone will forget this incident in a few chapters. They'll be more focused on my little brother's screw ups."
"Good-bye, South Korea. I bid you farewell, and I hope you return to your family safely."
"Farewell to you too, Lithuania. You are truly the country where honesty originates from."
….
*A stabulé is a Lithuanian (and Latvian) instrument.
Aaaaaw! SO sweeeet!
Chapter 2 is done! Yay for me! This is probably the most I've ever written about anything. I usually get bored before I even get this far (note how long it took to upload this). Maybe I WILL finally finish something. But I am sad. None of Japan's side comments in this chapter (Though they are more like my side comments coming from Japan's mouth. And I like my side comments). There was not a single aru, either. Do you know how much fun it is to type aru, aru? Don't worry though, that's coming up in the next chapter. Thanks for reading my bull crap.
~Xandra