Author's Note: Here goes the second one. I hope you guys like it, because even though it's not very happy theme, I must say I enjoy writing this.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments or any character in this fic, they all belong to Cassandra Clare.
Dear Magnus,
I don't know what to say, because I've never imagined myself dying so early. Deep inside I expected to die young, but all the time we wasted wondering what will it be like when I grow old and you won't… It seems ridiculous now. I have no idea where I am. If that's heaven – I can't feel it.
Of course I read over your shoulder. I always loved watching you work. But it really sucks, that you can't read what I write, there are so many things I'd love to say to you…
See, I'm always by your side, even if you don't realise that. I try to wipe away your tears when you cry for me. I try to comfort you when you scream because of the nightmare you have. But I can't ever reach you, and it kills me. It's killing me. Ironic, huh? That's a weird feeling – dying inside when you're already dead.
I hate to see you like this, Magnus. Don't do this. Move on, live, be happy. That's all I want for you. You can't mourn forever.
I spend a lot of time with Max, I was surprised when I got rewarded with his presence. He told me that he is not sad and that I shouldn't be too. When I was thinking about death, I thought I would land in some dark pit of misery, without anyone and anything I can hold on. There would be nothing… nothingness. Now I'm grateful that I can still see you, even though I can never touch you or talk with you. But I speak to you, Magnus. I lay beside you, and since I can't sleep, I'm just watching you and say everything that I couldn't say when I was alive. Everything that I was afraid to say. Everything that I wanted to say and never did.
You know, the worst part of it is that we only had like five years together. I remember all the mistakes I've done and I want to apologize, but it's too late… I will never apologize to you for all these stupid fights that I started. That I didn't have it in me to just trust you, when you said you don't wanna talk about your past. But it's frustrating, that I will never really know anything about you.
I know how you were with me – kind, caring, selfless, loving… You were – are – amazing, Magnus. Don't you dare to think another way. You are tough, you will survive. There were many deaths in your life and you always survived. This little death of mine won't be the nail to your coffin, I'm sure of that. Just wait a couple of years, darling… Please, stay strong. For me.
Now I see that I was wrong when I told you that all the people in your life were trivial. I thought that you should be with one person and if that person dies, you should never be with anyone again, because it's like cheating. No. I changed my mind when I saw how you hurt now. I don't want you to spend eternity alone.
God, it's so hard. So hard to say goodbye, that's why I won't say it. But I am dead. I know you're afraid of this word, but sooner or later you're gonna have to learn how to live with it. Realize, that I won't come back. That I'm dead.
Great, I was crying so much that the paper got wet and letters are barely visible now. I wish you could read it, I really do. I miss you so much. I miss the way you used to laugh, why aren't you laughing anymore…? I even miss the sight of glitter on your body! It was so… you. You, you, you… the only thing I can think about here.
I love you. I always did, and I always will.
Yours,
Alec
PS. Chairman Meow, I thought you hated me, even though it was me who always gave you your favorite food(Magnus thought you prefer tuna, but we both know chicken is your thing). Anyway, please, don't be sad. Magnus needs you. Take care of him, since I can't do it anymore.
I hope you guys like it, and please please please review :) Thank you for your support 3