Kerry,

I know this is probably not the best way to have done this but I'm not quite sure that I could any other way. These past couple of weeks have been difficult for us both, I understand that and I don't want to make this any harder on you than it already has been. I appreciate your letter and I wish more than anything it could be true but we both know how this is going to play out. You love me, but I can't love you back. This needs to end now for both of our sakes. I'm sorry that there is not much more I can say or do, but I hope you finally find what you are looking for.

Kim

Short and sweet. Kim thought to herself as she left trauma one, her patient now heavily sedated with Abby. Wrapping her arms around herself, Kim shivered at the thought of Kerry opening the note. How would she react? Would she understand? Would she be hurt? Kim tried not to dwell too long on the thoughts, knowing that she had done the right thing by slipping the note into Kerry's locker at lunch, playing the coward.

Is that what she would think? Kim mused, reaching the lounge door and pushing her way in. That I was being a coward? Here I was judging her for not acknowledging our relationship and now I'm ending it in secret, too scared to say it to her face? No… she would have wanted it this way, no fuss, no audience, just to let it take it's course…

Standing in the middle of the room, Kim braced herself to move towards Kerry's locker. Kim knew her shift patterns so she knew she had left for the night and she had to see if the letter had been read. Moving towards it slowly, Kim glanced over her shoulder, not wanting to be caught rooting through the chief of ER's locker. Opening it slowly, Kim glanced in, noticing the small envelope between two books.

Looking over her shoulder once more, Kim pulled the envelope out turning it over in her hand, seeing that the top had been torn open. That was all she needed to know. Exhaling with relief, Kim went to put it back when she heard a knock behind her as the door began to push open. Swiftly Kim pushed the envelope back in between two books and shut the locker, stepping back to glance at a magazine casually on the table.

Dr Luka Kovac walked into the room, a sullen expression on his face as he slung his stethoscope round his neck, not paying attention to Kim who stood a little way back. Pouring himself a coffee, he took a long sip, turning around to see Kim eyeing him slowly.

"I didn't see you there," Luka laughed at his ignorance, "Coffee?"

"No I'm good," Kim declined, smiling at the tall Croatian, "Trust me you don't want to see a psychiatrist on caffeine."

Luka chuckled to himself, taking another sip. "So, how are you doing?"

Kim looked up, gauging the question. There was genuine concern in his eyes and Kim wasn't quite sure what to make of it. "I'm good Dr Kovac, shouldn't I be?" She raised an eyebrow, her gaze questioning.

"No no, I just noticed you've been a little quiet lately, down in the ER." Luka drained the last of his cup and placed it on the side, "I know it's none of my business-"

"No it's not," Kim cut him off, her blue eyes studying Luka, "And to be quite honest, I'm fed up of these rumours."

Stepping forward, his forehead knotted in confusion, he asked, "What rumours? Is it not true what Kerry told me?"

Now it was Kim's turn to look confused. "What did Kerry tell you?"

She had told him everything. Kim thought as she drove home, the window wipers making a rhythmic screeching across her windscreen. All this time she had thought Kerry was ashamed of her and their relationship and Luka had known. But it still didn't change anything. Kerry was proving that point right this moment. She wasn't fighting anymore. No letters, no words, no phone calls. She had been persistent at first to get hold of Kim but lately she was lucky is if she even caught sight of the red head at work.

Not that it bothered her. A quick and clean start is what she had wanted and that was what she was being given right now. She thought about Lauren and how she should be waiting at home for her by now. She was very different to Kerry, a lot more laid back. Out of the closet also which made life a whole lot easier but there was still something Kim couldn't quite put her finger on that was missing. Kerry... Her mind answered but she suppressed the thought, instead indicating to pull over outside of her house, feeling the familiar sense of security she usually felt when coming home from the hospital and especially not to an empty house. Glancing out of her window she noticed a small figure huddled on the steps to her front door, no umbrella, just an oversized coat protecting them from the rain. The lights inside were off also and Kim frowned as she stepped out of the car.

Looking the figure over she called out, "Lauren? I thought I gave you a key?"

"Lauren's not home yet," Kerry replied, standing up awkwardly as she tried to balance on her wet crutch. She had almost made it home on the El when she had detoured to Kim's house, a sudden urge to say her last piece to the woman she loved before she was forced to part ways. "My replacement?"

Kim was taken aback but stood her ground, suddenly forgetting that the rain was pounding down on them both and she was straight on the offensive. "Why didn't you tell me Luka knew?"

"Why didn't you tell me about Lauren?" Kerry shot back calmly, her eyes blinking rapidly to clear the rain.

Folding her arms over her chest, Kim replied, "It's none of your business."

"Not anymore no, but a week ago when I was still fighting for this it damn well was. I'm guessing it took you more than a week to decide to give your new girlfriend a key."

Bowing her head gently, Kim sighed, knowing that this conversation was going to lead no where good. "What do you want from me Kerry?" She asked openly, fed up of playing the games.

Making her way down the steps, Kerry approached the tall blonde who met her gaze with cold blue eyes. "How about you tell me what you want. You want me to fight for us and I don't, I get that, I screwed up and now I'm fighting harder and you don't care."

"I never asked you to fight for us afterwards-"

"But if I hadn't, you would have continued to believe I can't change but here I am trying to prove to you that I am different. You've made me different." Kerry stepped closer, watching as the eyes studying her began to soften. "So please, tell me what you want."

Thinking for a moment, there was plenty of things Kim wanted. To go back the past few months, to never utter a word to Shannon Wallace let alone expose her sexuality to her, to have never met the woman who was breaking her heart in the rain right now.

"I want you to leave. Now. Go home, go back to your life, forget you ever met me Kerry, because I'm trying my hardest to do the same." Kim pushed past the redhead and dashed up her front steps, her hands shaking as she fumbled for the key's in her pocket. She didn't need to turn around to know that Kerry was walking away, she could hear the familiar click of the crutch, the same noise she had relished hearing on her hardwood floors, knowing that it wouldn't be long before she was in the arms of the woman she loved.

Pausing a moment, she listened until the soft noise of Kerry's exit vanished before she began to cry.