Chapter 2: The Princess Ideal

I've loved Riley Matthews since the day I met her. She was wearing a princess costume and drowning while bobbing for apples. I guess I fancied myself her prince charming or her knight in shining armor. Maya was there telling Riley to lift her head, but I was the one to save her.

Most people think it's ridiculous to cling to relationships or attachments you form at such a young age. Riley has always been my sun though, the force I spend my life revolving around.

Of course, I told Riley and Maya that I love them the same I had to. The most important thing in the world to Riley is friendship. I didn't want Maya to feel left out of Riley's and my friendship. Maya needs Riley more than I do. I thought that the only way I could keep Riley as my best friend was having Maya as my best friend too.

I wasn't lying when I said it. I love Maya too. I truly do. It's just that I've always been IN love with Riley.

To be honest, I don't think I ever knew I was in love with Riles until last night. I mean, I knew I cared deeply about her. I knew that her happiness was the most important thing in the world to me. I just didn't make the logical jump from knowing those things to realizing I have romantic feelings for her.

Some genius I am, huh?

I'm not an idiot though. I've watched Riley pine over Lucas for more than two years. Riley made it abundantly clear that Lucas is her hero, her prince, her knight. Hell, he even put a princess hat on her and took her on a ride on a horse when we were in the seventh grade. How could I possibly compete with that?

Riley has never looked at me the way she looks at Lucas. I'm Farkle. I'm her nerdy friend, her geek companion. I'm lucky though. Riley (and Maya) don't take me for granted anymore. Like I said, friendship is the most important thing in the world to Riley. She's always been there as my friend and she always will be.

At least that's what I believed until last night.

Look, I've spent the last year picking up the broken pieces of Riley's heart. I watched her realize that Maya has feelings for Lucas. I watched her intentionally step back and lie to everyone, saying she doesn't have feelings for Lucas.

I want Riley to be happy so I told everyone that Riley still has feelings for Lucas. Yea, that may have been a mistake. It pretty much plunged our friend group into this awkward triangle.

Meanwhile, I gave Riley and Maya up and fell for my Smackle. She's wonderful. She's my intellectual equal and she wants me to be there for her. She lets me take care of her. It's all I've ever wanted.

Lucas chose Riley, have I mentioned that yet? Maya and Riley's Uncle Josh pledged their love and loyalty to each other and Lucas ended up with Riley. My princess finally got her prince.

Then we almost kissed. I don't know how it happened. We were studying for science. Everyone else had left Topanga's. Even Katy Hart had left and given us the keys to lock up when we leave.

Riley and I had been arguing over the results of our experiment. It had to do with magnetism and like forces and repellent forces. Our results hadn't quite coincided with our hypothesis and we were arguing about what our next move should be.

I wasn't thinking and I moved the textbook from its resting spot between us so I could scoot closer to Riley and show her something I had found online. My arm found its way around her shoulders and she looked at me with surprise.

Suddenly our faces were so close together I could taste the kiwi gloss on Riley's lips. Her lips were so moist and plump looking. When she realized how close we were she bit her lower lip and the tip of her tongue protruded out of her mouth ever so slightly. It was the first time I had ever dared to let myself look at Riley's mouth.

I should have kept looking at her lips because when I looked in her big, beautiful brown eyes I saw something I've been yearning to see there, every time she looks at me. I saw yearning and longing and even lust.

I leaned in to her and I'm not sure how it happened but she leaned back so that she was lying against the couch and I was on top of her. Her hands found my back and she moved them up until she was cradling my neck with one hand and running her other hand through my hair.

A few strands of Riley's hair had fallen into her face and I leaned down and brushed them out of her eyes as gently as I could.

"Farkle…." Riley's whisper was breathless and full of affection.

Panic overtook me in that moment. Here she was, the girl of my dreams. She was looking at me and her eyes were begging me to kiss her. You have no idea how much I wanted to.

I couldn't let it happen like that though. I couldn't let Riley cheat on Lucas. If I did, Riley would end up resenting me, hating me even.

I did the only thing I could. I ran from her. I didn't stop until I was home.

At least I'll always have the memory of her looking at me like I was her everything.

A knock pulls me out of the reverie of my daydream. I had asked my Mom to get me when dinner was ready so I open the door on autopilot.

For the second time in twenty-four hours my breath is knocked out of me by the girl with the long brown hair, the girl I would do anything for, the girl I walked away from to preserve her relationship with her prince and her happiness.

I usually live in a world filled with equations, logic, science and certainty. When it comes to Riley Matthews, however, I lose all of the sense I was born with and can only think with my heart.

"Farkle, we need to talk," the tear stained girl with the long brown hair chokes out.

"Yea, we do," I nod my head at her.

I step aside and let her into my room. I use the moment without eye contact to collect my thoughts but there's one that keeps screaming inside my head, getting louder and louder until I acknowledge it.

I can't be the cause of Riley's tears.

Sighing, I close the door and turn towards Riley, bracing myself for the barrage of heartache coming my way.