Title: A Long Weekend at Camp
Author: rooster dawn
Pairing: Harm/Mac
Disclaimer: JAG is property of Belisarius productions, no copyright infringement intended.
Summary: The Admiral invites the staff to Camp Maplewood for a weekend of bonding. Harm and Mac have fun with their friends movements.
Feedback is greatly appreciated and welcomed.
Author's note: My teen years were spent camping for several weeks on a large lake each the summer. We used to go swimming, canoeing to an island with blueberries, and just having fun.
This story will reflect that time. We slept in a tent, but we had what is called a bunk house kitchen with electricity, a frig, and a propane gas stove. It was a place to eat meals, play cards, and get out of the rain.
part two Food good enough to stick to your bones
1940 hours
Camp Maplewood
It took a little more than three hours to make the trek to the camp. They stopped a couple of times for five minute breaks. AJ was pleased to see his people were in better shape than he expected. No one had trouble staying with the program.
AJ smiled that he had a twist that he didn't believe most of his people would see coming. They were all adults and professional so it shouldn't be a problem although by military code of conduct standards it might not be kosher.
"Listen up people!" bellowed AJ. "I'm going to read off the sleeping arrangements for each tent. In tent one will be Bud and Harriet Roberts. In tent two will be Rabb and MacKenzie, In tent three will be Keeter and Hawkes. In tent four will be Tiner and Coates.
Don't make me regret that decision Tiner. I don't want to hear any funny noises coming from your tent. That goes double for you too Roberts. You're not in your bedroom." smirked AJ to a chorus of snickering.
"In tent five will be Galindez and Imes. In tent six will be Brumby and Pike. You're with me Austin. In the last tent will be Turner and Singer." smiled AJ as he saw the disappointed look on Sturgis's face.
"Sir." began Sturgis to the sound of "Uh ... oh!"
"Mr. Tiner, it seems you will be having company after all cleaning the pots and pans." smiled AJ.
"Mr. Turner, each of the females were given a choice of whom they wanted to share a tent with. It's kind of obvious who Harriet, Mac, and Jen wanted to share their tent with. Meg wanted someone taller than she is.
Hawkes wanted someone she knew. Carolyn thought Victor was cute. Caitlin likes Mic's dry sense of humor. As for Loren, she was in court this morning, she got what was left over. Don't take it personally Mr. Turner, we all can't be Mr. Personality." chuckled AJ.
It didn't take Harm and Mac long to have their tent up and their gear stored away as Mac utilized her marine efficiency. Harm grabbed a beer out of the ice chest and Mac grabbed a ginger ale before heading to the cooking area which was quite nice considering.
It was well stocked with the proper cooking utensils. There was a six burner stove to cook on and a reasonable sized refrigerator to store the meats, eggs, and dairy products.
Mac decided that the first meal of the holiday should be her world famous Marine Chili Stew. It was made up of several types of meats and beans, lots and lots of beans. She felt it was fitting to replenish the burned calories utilized during their long three hour trek.
"Harm, why don't you brown up the hamburger and sausage links. Don't forget to dice up the links. I'll dice up the dogs and let them simmer with the beans." ordered Mac.
"You got enough meat here Mac? You might want to save some for another meal. This looks like a heart attack waiting to happen." teased Harm as he gave her a kiss.
There was three pounds of hamburger, three pounds of hot dogs, and two pounds of sausage links. She had a seven pound can of bake beans, a two pound can of chili beans, and a thirty two ounce jar of Ragu.
Author's note: I grew up in a large family, nine kids. Saturday meals were beans and franks. We ate a seven pound can of beans and three pounds or thirty franks. Here we have sixteen adults. I think they can handle it.
"Harm, didn't you see all those soft bellied squids straining to complete the trek? They need to replenish their energy stores. The Admiral said he planned on physically challenging everyone very hard this weekend. The best way to accommodate him is to feed everyone high caloric meals." replied Mac seriously.
Author's note: I worked in the Food Engineering Lab developing MRE (Meals Ready to Eat) and other food items while I was in the Army. The main purpose was for the soldiers to be able to carry enough food to sustain him for seven days.
The daily caloric requirement was 3600 calories per day. That's approximately 900 grams per day, 6300 grams for the week. 453 grams per pound. That's fourteen pounds of food. To reduce the weight more fat is added to the meals.
That meant feeding them high caloric density foods (meaning high fat content since fat has more than twice the caloric content per gram as proteins and carbohydrates).
"Still Mac, there's enough fat here to clog up the arteries of a horse." questioned Harm.
"All the more to create togetherness and laughter for everyone. Can you imagine the look on Singer's face when we put this stuff in front of her and the Admiral tells her to eat all of it. Besides it will abet our overall plans for this weekend." laughed Mac.
"Remind me again what your devious plan is all about." sighed Harm feigning ignorance.
He really liked how Mac's devious mind was working this week. It was payback time for her since the admiral had spoiled their weekend plans and she couldn't be alone with Harm.
"We're going to cause half the group to be constipated for a few days. The other half we will give them laxatives at the appropriate time of the day to cause them major bowel movements at an inappropriate times." smiled Mac.
"I like the idea of Loren, Gunny, and Jason being constipated." laughed Harm. "Loren will freak out to be eating so much and not being able to alleviate herself of any of it. As for Gunny he is a marine who's by the book.
If he's unable to dump a load it will mess with his head. As for Jason he wouldn't want to be outdone by Gunny. I can hear it now, Jason bragging to Gunny that he has gone longer without dumping than Gunny."
"Amusing flyboy. Lets add the Admiral to the mix. I think he would be bothered the most by not being regular. Besides that's an affliction of someone who's getting old. Mention it in front of Bud and he will say something stupid to the Admiral. What about Kate or Meg?" smiled Mac.
"Meg would be the better choice. I think she would be bothered more by it. I think we should add Harriet. I think that should be enough candidates." smiled Harm.
"Why Harriet and not Bud? Harriet is too nice of a person Harm." replied Mac.
"Because I think it's more natural to give the laxative to Bud than to Harriet. It's more part of his personality where as Harriet is more prim and proper. She isn't likely to let anyone know she not able to have a movement.
Besides it will give her something to bond with Singer about which is after all part of the Admiral's plan for this weekend." smiled Harm.
"Okay Harm, I think you're right about that. I think I would rather have her being a little constipated than having her being embarrassed because she can't control her movements and goes in her shorts.
So we should give Bud, Jack, Sturgis, Mic, Caitlin, Jen, Skates, and Carolyn the laxatives." offered Mac.
"I think we should focus mainly on the guys. I think Bud and Mic are naturals for this game. I think they would come by this naturally anyway. Jack is a jokester, I think he could appreciate it. Sturgis is a prude. I think it would bother him that he couldn't control his movements." laughed Harm.
"That sounds good Harm. I would like to see them lose control at an inopportune time." laughed Mac. "But why not any of the ladies?"
"They are all good people except for maybe Kate. We can get her later this weekend. Also I think we can't be the only ones that aren't constipated or have the runs. This will cover us. Otherwise they might think we're behind all this somehow." chuckled Harm.
"I like the way you think flyboy." smiled Mac.
"I like the way you look marine." replied Harm as he gave her a kiss.
Meanwhile everyone else had finished putting up their tents and had stowed away their gear. Gunny got a fire started and AJ had Jason and Jack bring out the ice chest that was filled with a case of beer and soft drinks.
"Job well done people. Have a drink on me. Don't drink all the beer Jack." ordered AJ.
Everyone grabbed a drink and relaxed by the fire. It wasn't long before Harm let everyone know that dinner was ready. Everyone went into their tent and retrieved their mess kit, utensils, and went to the dining area.
Since Harm and Mac did all the cooking AJ offered to served everyone. He started with Loren. He had a sixteen ounce ladle to use in serving the meal. Loren was shocked to see how much food was put onto her plate. She didn't exactly like what she saw there either.
"AJ, I can't possibly eat all this. What is this?" Loren told AJ as her nose turn upward with disgust.
"It's Marine Chili Stew Loren and I'm sure Mac would be offended if you didn't eat it all." smiled AJ. It wasn't an order, just a strong suggestion that left no room for debate.
The other ladies looked on with concern. That was a large portion to consume. They didn't have long lean bodies because they over indulged. Besides they weren't particularly pleased with the idea of eating anything containing beans in it.
On the other hand Jack, Gunny, Jason, Bud, and Mic were excited by the meal. They were starving. They hadn't eaten anything in seven hours. There was nothing better than meat and beans to fill oneself up after a long day outdoors.
"What's in here?" asked Jen. She had a look of apprehension. It looked a little like dog food to her. There were too many strange looking things mixed in with the beans. She didn't exactly care about eating the beans either.
"Nothing that you haven't eaten before Jen. Just some ground beef, tube steaks, and piglet links." smiled Harm.
"The meat is koshered. We couldn't let Loren eat meat from an unclean animal." smiled Mac.
"I don't eat kosher foods." replied Carolyn. She wasn't too please with the food choice either. Maybe she wouldn't have to eat it.
"We were just kidding. The meat isn't kosher and neither is Loren Jewish. Sturgis converted her to a Southern Baptist." smiled Harm.
"Stop the blathering and eat up. Last one to finish gets to clean the mess kits with Jason and Sturgis." ordered AJ.
It wasn't long before everyone was finished. Mic, Jack, and Gunny even went back for seconds. Jason wanted to also, but Jen told him he would have to find somewhere else to sleep if he did.
Mac served yogurt for desert to the dismay of the men. They had bought several large containers of yogurt. Mac had mixed the binding agent into one of the container. A second container had none.
Harm had thought it would be a sign of good faith to the ladies that there would be healthy food to be eaten on this excursion.
The blueberry yogurt with its special additive was given to the people who were to developed constipation problems for the next several days. The strawberry yogurt were served for those who would be given a laxative in the morning and to everyone else.
"What is this?" asked Jack.
"It's yogurt Jack. It's like ice cream only it's made of protein. You'll like it." answered Mac.
After dinner everyone sat around the fire for awhile talking before hitting their tents for the night. It was a time reserved for story telling.
"Who has a story about Harm and Mac they would like to share?" asked AJ.
"I remember their visit to Afghanistan. They were in search of a terrorist. They were traveling along the road to their next interview when they ran off the road." began Gunny with a smirk.
"Mac was driving and busy talking to me. She observed that I liked it there. She called it 'Man's Country'. She didn't see the herd of goats that were standing in the middle of the road in time to stop.
So instead of running the over she swerved to avoid them and drove us into a field of land mines which blew out the tires. I was thrown from the jeep. Fortunately I didn't land on one." smiled Harm.
"I got you out of there didn't I. It wasn't my fault that you stepped on one of them." replied Mac with a pout.
"How come this is the first I'm hearing about this?" asked AJ.
"Because then we would have had to tell you about how Bud authorized an air strike that almost killed us later that night as Harm and I were getting ready for bed." replied Mac.
"I got more cuts and scrapes from Bud's bombing run than I got from stepping on the mine." added Harm.
"How did you spend the night together old buddy? I know it can get quite cold at night in the dessert." smiled Jack.
"Did he hold you in his arms so you could share body heat?" teased Caitlin.
"Among other things." smiled Mac drawing some hoots from the others.
"The next day they were found by one of the patrols. They met up with Webb and me at another village where we thought the terrorist we were looking for had been killed. Unfortunately he hadn't been killed." continued Gunny.
"I remember, Harm and Mac were reported missing. Loren went around the office notifying everyone. That's when Harriet slugged her." chuckled Jason.
"For which she was severely reprimanded. I won't have officers setting poor examples for the enlisted." bellowed AJ.
"She had latrine duty for a month." grinned Bud.
"We followed a truck across Afghanistan. We traveled all night to catch up to it. Harm didn't wake me up to share in the driving." whined Mac.
"I can't say I blame him Mac. You did drive into a minefield and he was almost killed." replied Jack.
"It's been almost two years since he let me drive." pouted Mac.
"Anyway we found the truck. The driver was dead. He died from radiation poisoning." continued Harm.
"He was Chechnynian. He was part of that group who got the radioactive material from the Russian we investigated Sturgis. We reported back to the ship and to the CNO." informed Mac.
"That's when Loren figured out the sub was missing. Sturgis was sent to the Watertown." added AJ.
"Alec Baldwin!" yelled out everyone to Sturgis's embarrassment.
"Harm got to fly one of the tomcats. It seems that after all these years no one has beaten his score when it comes to shooting down missiles." smiled Mac.
"Oh! I've heard about this. Harm played tag with the missile. It chased his six until it fizzled out." exclaimed Skates.
"That was you Buddy?" asked Jack as he slapped Harm's back.
"Couldn't let it hit the fleet, Mac was there." replied Harm.