WE'RE FATED TO PRETEND CHAPTER 2: BITTERSWEET AND STRANGE

The morning after the hazing was met with groans and grumbles that sort of resembled a hangover. Tiffany lay half in her bed, half on her floor, half asleep. What time was it? She glanced up at her clock for a second and much to her surprise and shame it was actually early afternoon. Two thirty. She could barely remember what happened the night before. Something having to do with a shower, she was fairly sure. Oh…right. They'd left that one shower stanky all summer thanks to a spell, and they'd all had to get onto their hands and knees and clean it with their own toothbrushes while singing 'Be A Man' from Mulan verbatim. And every time they messed up it got dirtier. Then they had to climb to the very top of the tower military style under a net of some strange gelatinous material that made you reappear at the bottom of the stairs. It was not a fun night. And then when they got to the top of the tower they were done, and allowed to go to bed, but found that once they got into bed there was a spell that made them feel like they were naked regardless of how much they put on, and that included blankets. Eventually Tiffany had fallen asleep. But she had never known life in the Ingraea dorm to be quite so cruel.

Needless to say most of the older kids found it hilarious. They'd followed the fifth years around, drinking and poking fun. Hell, even some of the more abrasive, quiet, and otherwise antisocial kids got in a good laugh. Tiffany was definitely going to have to compare notes with the rest of her friends later. Or did she? Se felt sort of better about just pretending the whole thing didn't happen. And so as she dressed herself haphazardly and trudged to the foyer to go down the stairs she cursed inwardly at the arrival of Benji Harris. He slung an arm around her shoulder with a broad childish grin that typically accompanied his presence. "Get much sleep last night?" he said with a chuckle. Tiffany wrinkled her nose and he mussed up her hair. "Oh don't be too mad, you get to do it to other kids next year." Tiffany yelped and covered her hair quickly. It didn't look horrible, she wanted to keep it that way. In a strange form of revenge she attempted to screw with the long brown locks sprouting from Benji's head. The seventh year just grabbed her by the head and held her at arms' length.

And then from behind she was promptly picked up by one of Benji's partners in crime. Thom Presley, a Citomis. Timon. "Don't be a spoil sport Tiffany. Come on, hazing is fuuun. And now you're part of the older kid family." he said excitedly. God dammit, it was hard for anybody to stay mad at Thom. He only used his powers of being Thom to annoy, and yet still there was something weirdly endearing about him. Tiffany yanked the strings of Thom's hoodie and he found himself blinded, so he tossed her at a nearby couch. He had not realized that the heap of blankets said couch had a person in it. Someone who had not quite made it to their bed the night before.

"Urrghhhh.." Tiffany was abruptly punted off the couch with a yelp. Benji and Thom's eyes bulged with a sort of 'oops' look.

"OH SHIT, GERMAN WOLFBEAR! CHEESE IT!" cried Thom, dragging Benji out of the dorm. What emerged from under the covers was a girl with long wavy brown hair, distinctive muscle definition and a sour look on her face.

"What the fuck is going on, don't they know a hang over when they see one?" she hissed. Tiffany swore they screwed up when they stuck Heidi LePrince in Ingraea. There was NO way that she was Belle. NO way. Heidi tended to be…well, unpleasant wasn't the word. Badass. There were rumours that she carried knives and also that she was involved with Kirill Raminov from Elithos, otherwise known as Shere Khan. Tiffany supposed the regular Beast wasn't enough beast for her.

"I…I guess not." Tiffany stated, her voice catching in her throat in uncertainty. Heidi sighed and cast her a look as she sat up properly and ran a hand through her hair. She cast her tired eyes on Tiffany for a moment who shrunk just a little in her presence. Heidi was intimidating, maybe not to people her own age, but Tiffany was young enough to be afraid of her. Or at the very least made uneasy. Tiffany had met almost all of the main princesses, and they were all sort of weird.

Tiff liked Spencer Readding, or Ariel, naturally. Probably because Spencer was very similar to her character. She was bubbly, adventurous, didn't take things too seriously. Easy going. Tiff felt alright around that. That being said, she was surprised to know that a lot of the other people from their story didn't much like her. She knew that Carrie and Jasper Vahn, the twins who happened to be Arista and Attina didn't have much of an opinion of her. Tiff couldn't understand why, Spencer was great. Tiff didn't know what Leo thought of her. She'd have to ask him some time, but Leo was often gruff and standoffish to just about everyone, so she wasn't sure if she'd even get an answer.

Like Heidi, Roxanne Rose or Cinderella unsettled Tiff. Tiff had only really met her once or twice, but she'd come off as like SUPER brash and always seemed to be off in her own little world. So Tiff avoided associating with her as best she could.

Tiff had more or less decided that most people who weren't outright nasty to her counted as friends. And so she had a friend in Leila McKinney or Princess Aurora. Unless Tiff brought up Spencer. Leila didn't much like Spencer. Leila also knew a lot about Leo, because they were really close or something. Tiff had thought Leila was his girlfriend, this wasn't the case, they were just friends. But Tiff had always wanted to know what was up with the other characters in her story, so she'd asked about him somewhat. Apparently Leila wasn't about to spill. That was frustrating. Tiff wanted to be friends with just about everyone in her story. Except Ursula. But Tiff had never met her, and didn't intend to. She'd heard stories though, pretty vague. But she knew Ursula was at the school.

"You guess not." Heidi muttered getting up. Tiffany jumped back. Heidi gave her a look and folded her arms. "Oh relax, will you? Do I look like a wolf bear?" It was then that Tiffany had to question what the hell a wolf bear actually was. She had to assume it was some sort of roidridden east German she beast. And Heidi didn't look like she was roidridden, but Tiffany had heard that she'd bare knuckle boxed her way through an alleged fight club going on in the dungeons. And had celebrated by having sex with Kirill on Daphne's bed, then flipped off the dragon woman as she left. Tiffany kind of hoped that was just a rumour. But it was acknowledged that Heidi was one of the manliest men in Ingraea, terrifyingly enough.

"No, no you don't look like a wolf bear." she said meekly. Heidi raised an eyebrow and shook her head, walking over to the hallway where the seventh year girl's dorms were. Then she turned.

"Grow some lady balls by the time I come back, OR ELSE." Tiffany couldn't tell if that was a joke or not. So she just ran.

…

"So I ran."

"Pfft. Wuss." Ray Starkey. Jetsam. Who had been talking to Brick. He'd been mentoring Brick in how to be a successful henchman. It wasn't going too well, because none of Ray's little gems of malevolent wisdom seemed to be rubbing off on Brick. Now, Ray had gone into this knowing that Brick was none too bright, but that hadn't meant he wasn't suggestible. Apparently Brick wasn't suggestible either. A bit of a headache for somebody who was known for his ability to manipulate people. Tiff, Will, and Lyle weren't exactly pleased at his presence. Ray Starkey was a sketchy guy. They were currently sitting around having their breakfast and Ray had joined them sort of out of nowhere.

"I am not a wuss! You spend ten minutes with Heidi sometime." Tiff retorted with narrowed eyes. Ray shook his head.

"I have. She's not that bad. You're a wuss." he said decidedly. Will grimaced a bit and threw an arm around Tiff's shoulder in what she imagined was support. Ummm…nope. She gave her a casual squeeze.

"Much as I hate to ever agree with the slimey green wonder over here." Earned a look from Ray for that one. "That was a touch wussy, maybe we need to help you grow some resolve."

"I can help with that." Ray said with a shrug. Brick nodded encouragingly.

"No." said Tiff and Will in union. Lyle shook his head and made a shooing gesture. Ray's brow furrowed and he glanced at Brick who shrugged. Nobody in their right mind would accept Ray's help, though he seemed to be an excellent manipulator regardless. He was a wirey little scene kid, and a seventh year though he didn't look it next to Brick's over active pituitary gland addled body that made him tower over him at 6'3. So naturally there was just a little excitement added to Brick's general mood that an older kid was taking interest in him. They grades all seemed to mingle more once they got into the older end of things.

"I'd have accepted your help." he said honestly. And really, that was because Brick was an idiot. An idiot with a good heart, but nonetheless a complete idiot. Ray pat him on the head and shot the rest of them a disaffected smirk.

"Well, you know where to find me." he said. Will raised an eyebrow.

"No we don't."

"Right…right….I should really think twice before accepting anything Mort says is awesome. Druggie dick…" Ray muttered. This confused them all but Brick ironically enough, and before Ray could explain he was up and walking off. Nobody could really say whether they wanted him back around or not. Lot of sketchy characters at Grimm's.

"Mort?"

"Seventh year, friend of Ray's. He's been in the Ingraea dorm a couple times, you've probably seen him. Bout six feet tall, black hair…ringing any bells?" Brick clarified. The rest of them shook their heads. "Eh, I'll introduce you sometime."

None of them had any interest in meeting an associate of Ray's, but none of them were going to say it. So they let Brick sit there and think it.

Will thought it best she change the subject so she drummed her hands in her pockets. "Okay…sooo…how'd the hazing go for you guys? I got turned into a rabbit by Jezebel Feverwick and then me and all of the other third years got rounded up in a sack and driven out to the city limits and dropped at the side of a highway. We had to find our way back by morning otherwise we'd change back naked wherever we were when the sun came up." Wow…The Vesperiums were sort of hardcore.

"Pfft. That's nothing." said Tiff. And she relayed her experience. The other kids nodded respectfully. Lyle shrugged.

"Mine wasn't so bad because none of us have magic at our disposal. But we did have to sit in a dark room and listen to Celine Dion for six hours while the other kids threw fruit at us." he mused dully as he poked at his scrambled eggs. The other kids shuddered. Will pat him on the shoulder. "What about you, Brick?"

"It's the funniest thing, but I don't remember." It wasn't the funniest thing. Brick forgot shit all the time. "Well, I gotta get to class. Today we're learning the best way to dispose of a body."

"Disney villains don't kill people." said Tiffany, affronted. Brick shook his head. "And even if they did, they wouldn't teach kids how to do that stuff.

"Yeah well they also wouldn't teach kids how to hold out for a man to run their lives but they do in your classes." Will muttered. Tiffany slapped her arm. There were some classes on royalty that Tiffany took that didn't agree with modern enlightened female leanings. But Tiffany didn't much like to think about that.

"I don't know why we're learning it either, but it happens." he said with a shrug. And Brick was off.

Lyle's brow furrowed. "Grimm's is sort of dumb when it comes to curriculum isn't it?" he mused. The two girls nodded. They were silent for a moment or two. It wasn't fun to learn that their real life Hogwarts taught a lot of what was most certainly hogwash. But hell, they got to be privy to all sorts of awesome things. Like they got to know that magic was real. They got to live in a castle. They got to meet some ridiculously interesting people. So that was sort of a trade off. And hell, graduating from Grimm's meant that if they did well in the bird courses they'd have wicked high averages and that meant that they could get it into whatever schools they wanted. And that was sort of amazing.

Will conjured herself up some more eggs Benedict and chomped away at it, looking around at the rest of the kids in the cafeteria. "So I start the mentor program today…y'know, to learn magic." she mused as she glanced over to where a bunch of older Vesperium were sitting and eating. Oh and one Ingraea. Orenda Slater was Angus' girlfriend. She was a tall thin pretty young British girl with dark skin and eyes who looked very much contrasted against Angus' Scottish paleness. Currently sitting in his lap they were across the table from Jezebel Feverwick. Never had a fight broken out between Madam Mim and Pocahantas, but eh, anyone could see it coming. Wow that was a weird sentence. Either way, Angus looked visibly perturbed about it and that made the three of them feel pretty bad for the hulk of a man. Jazzy and Angus were just about best friends, and well, Ren was sort of being a Yoko in Jezebel's very obvious opinion.

"You have to step into that vortex of awkward?" asked Lyle with eyes wide. Will shrugged with a small smile.

"In Jazz and Angus' words they're gonna teach me how to be awesome. And they're eighth years, they've gotta know what they're talking about." she reasoned casually. Lyle and Tiff exchanged looks. So Ray was going to be Brick's mentor, Jazz and Angus were Will's. Were they part of that program? Tiff whipped out her phone to check her email. Oh, there it was. Who was Noelle Williams? She'd have to go find out. Lyle tapped her shoulder.

"Can I log into mine? I didn't even know that this was going on." he said. Tiff handed him her phone and while feeling particularly emasculated by holding onto the pink monstrosity he logged out of her student email account and pulled up his. He nodded vaguely and shrugged. "Oh, I know him. Barty Dalton? He's Zazu. Spends a lot of time in the library." Should be fine, Lyle felt himself relax entirely. Last thing he needed was to spend however long this was going on chasing after someone like Thomas Presley or Bethann Parkman. Timon and Pumbaa, buh, that'd be fun.

"Why do you get two, Will?" asked Tiffany. Will shrugged.

"Because I'm magic. And things could go very wrong very fast. Seems like it's going to be a lot of good cop bad cop though." And by that she meant hiding behind Angus while Jezebel hurled fireballs at her for screwing up. It was a legitimate fear. Lyle and Tiffany caught that.

They didn't catch, however, that they had been snuck up on. "TRAINING BEGINS AT ELEVEN HUNDRED HOURS, PRIVATE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?" a loud feminine voice shrieked behind them. There was a yelp in union and the three of them turned around. Jezebel Feverwick, standing there in her black tube top and electric blue skinny jeans with a lime green beaded necklace and 80s sunglasses with bright pink rims. She looked like Lady Gaga's protégé.

"It's…10:45, Jazz." said Will, looking at her phone. Jazz snatched her phone and stuck it in her back pocket. "HEY!"

"NO PRIVATE, IT'S KICKASS O'CLOCK. AND ONCE CAPTAIN PLANET OVER THERE GETS OFF ZEUSY WE'LL BE GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS!" she roared, looking over at Angus with narrowed eyes. Angus murmured something to Ren and she nodded, and she was off to go meet up with some other Ingraea.

The giant walked over and ruffled Will's hair while the other two sat there and tried not to get into Jazzy's malicious line of fire. It was commonly wondered why the girl wasn't in Elithos. There were plenty of magic users in Elithos. But apparently Mim was more silly than out and out evil so they'd stuck her in Vesperium. "Ye best be getting ready, quine. We got a whole day planned, don we Jazz." said Angus. Jezebel folded her arms and smirked.

She hoisted Will up by her shoulder. "Come on, cupcake, let's go." she said with a smirk. Angus shook his head and followed as they headed out. "STAY FEARFUL, DUCKLINGS!" A shudder ran through the two of them.

"Well, we should probably go find our mentors before we run into anything worse than that." Tiffany could think of a lot of things.

"Yeah, totally."

"See you later, Lyle."