We Wilt Like Violets
Rank 96

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Final Fantasy 12, or any of its characters or places. I also do not own Thursday, or their song "Counting 5-4-3-2-1."

All his life he lived in the same house

Same white fence surrounding him, he swore he would get out.

But he can't cause his foot got caught in between the rails

"I'm going to be a sky pirate," he said, over and over again. To himself, to Penelo, to Migelo, to everyone. And he believed it… for a while.

He just wanted to get out of stupid, stupid Rabanastre. Away from the Imperials, away from the Kingdom, the wars. Everything.

He wanted to be in the skies, where he could be flying free among the birds and such.

He knew it wasn't going to happen, that he was just saying this to get away from the confusion.

He was just trying to get away again. Yet as much as he wanted to, he just couldn't and he didn't know why. There was something always holding him back. A string tied around his wrist that wouldn't let go.

And he was still in Rabanastre, still with Penelo doing random chores for Migelo, still wishing he could fly with her instead of work with her. And he was so afraid that maybe he would be stuck in Rabanastre, forever attached to the ground by that damnable string.

As much as he pulled against the string, no matter how many times he tired to cut it with his prayers, he was still there, stuck in the city that he hated and that hated him.

And yet he was able to be so happy around his friends. Penelo and Kytes and Migelo were probably everything, since his before everything was taken away from him. Well, almost all of it. He still had Penelo, and probably always would. He didn't mind this, he knew she had a string too, and it was intertwined with his.

This town is full of sympathies; we're drowning in it all

"We're so sorry, Vaan..."

"I know how much she meant to you…"

"I wish I could do something…"

"I'm so sorry."

'Yeah? Well, me too.'

Their strings had been cut, yet now, a year later, he knew there was a price to pay to be free.

Now his everything, everything that ever meant anything to him, was gone. Sure, he still had Balthier, Ashe, Fran, and Basch. Sure, Migelo and Kytes were still waiting for him to see them at their shop.

But now she was gone.

And it was all so stupid really. How it happened, that is. It was also his fault.

The two were running around Bhujerba, in a back road, when an ordinary Bangaa walked up to them, selling sweets. He offered a new kind to both of them, and Penelo (he knew she had a sweet tooth) accepted quickly.

It was just a chocolate, right?

He paid for Penelo. He knew he owed it to her.

Well, later that night, she ended up falling sick, and by the next morning she was gone.

And it was all his fault.

He knew he was drowning. Who would save him now? Who would be his guide? Who was left to love?

No one

Penelo was all he had left, and now her string, her lifeline, was cut too. It was cut off of him, off of the world, off of everything.

She was gone. There was no need to question it. It was fact.

It didn't take him a while for it to sink in, like it should have according to the books.

As soon as he kissed her cold, lifeless hands, he knew she was gone, and not coming back. His grief was overwhelming, but he wasn't going to cry in public. He'd already cried enough when his parents died, when Reks died. Penelo… He wanted to shed a tear for her. But he couldn't.

Not when he was already drowning in them.

But it's under the skin, so we wilt like violets.

Can't get up, to put the petals in their place

She wouldn't want him to be like this.

But he was so helpless without her these days. Even more so around this time.

It was spring. Her birthday was in spring. He was off in the Salika Wood (she loved it there), battling off fiends ruthlessly, trying to keep his mind off of her.

He stopped, panting, after he defeated another Marlboro. The usually easy task seemed difficult now, like back when he first started his journey.

He hated feeling like this, so hopeless. Like there was nothing to wake up for in the morning anymore. It was his own fault that he was so… lifeless these days. Not hers, never hers.

With a grunt, he jogged towards one of the empty bungalows, hoping the Moogles wouldn't mind him resting for a while.

After setting down his sword, he took a swig of a potion and sat down in a corner, leaning against the wall for support.

"Where are you?" he heard himself ask, and then he had a weird, binding instinct to look down to his left.

So he did.

It was a lone violet, peeking out of a crack in the wall. He crawled to it and stroked its petals carefully, like a precious artifact.

And then, before he knew it, he was crying. He wouldn't cry half a year ago, when it happened. But he cried, gasping, over this one, beautiful flower.

Before he fell asleep in the empty (almost empty) bungalow, he heard one thing.

"Vaan."

A/N: I killed Penelo!
-holds up shield- Don't kill me!
I totally piled on the angst for this. Sorry. I wrote this a while back, really, and I like it a lot (despite the fact that I killed Penelo).
I hope the Vaanelo-ness was still there, ya know?
I'll update as soon as I get struck for a lovely VxP one shot.

-A