Aria's POV:
All I know is that I'm being held in Ezra's arms while crying into his shoulder. I don't know where I am or what happened, or even why I'm crying. I search my thoughts and memories for the answer. The last thing I remember is being in that stupid courtroom.
I step down from the stand and see Ezra's horrified face. He's disgusted with me, and he has a right to be. Considering what they did to me, I'm a lost cause. I'm so dirty and broken that Goodwill wouldn't even accept me.
I briskly walk out of the courtroom with tears stinging my eyes, and I push open the bathroom door. I hear Ezra shout my name and I hear the clacking of his dress shoes across the marble floor, but I just cry harder and let the door close. Is he coming to tell me it's over? Surely that must be what he's doing.
I lean over the sink and stare at myself in the mirror. I see is a girl with dark circles under her eyes, and I can't tell if it's from her mascara or stress and lack of sleep. Her hair looks like it's matted and tangled, her lips are chapped, her body is pudgy, and her eyes look glassy, like she's given up. This can't be me.
I blink a few times and I look at my reflection. Now I see what I saw earlier this morning. My face covered with concealer, and my blue dress that I chose the night before. My hair is brushed and it rests at chin level and my waterproof mascara is still intact on my eyelashes.
I turn my head when I hear the door swing open as Ezra bursts in.
"You can't be in here." I mutter, still leaning over the sink, looking for an excuse for him to leave me alone. I just want to be his girlfriend for five more minutes. I'm not ready to be single, or to be alone. I can't be alone.
"You don't want to talk to me?" His worried expression turns to a saddened one.
"It's the women's bathroom. You have to wait outside." I whisper shakily.
"I want to make sure you're alright sweetheart. I-I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I hate myself for not protecting you. I was this close to jumping over and killing him." My eyes widen as I hold his hand. He wanted to make sure I was alright, so he doesn't hate me?
"Wait..s-so you're not dumping me?" I stutter, looking at him hopefully.
"Of course not Aria! I could never, especially after hearing what happened. I wish you would've told me…" He trails off, looking a little hurt. Oh God, what have I done?
"I...I didn't tell anyone until today Ezra, I swear! I couldn't even tell the lawyers what happened, I had to write it down."
"Don't worry Aria, you don't need to explain yourself. That's completely valid." He reaches for my hand and I anxiously grab it. I sigh in contentment feeling stress leave my body. "It was brutal in there, do you need water, or chips or something? I could drive you home if you'd like." He offers, squeezing my hand. I can't imagine what he's thinking right now. I'm a terrible girlfriend for putting him through this.
"Could I have a hug?" I ask hesitantly, not wanting to sound stupid. Instead, he grins and stands up from his kneeling position and envelopes me in a warm hug, which I'll admit, is the best thing I've felt years. I couldn't get enough of this euphoric feeling if I tried. I wrap my arms around his torso, and breathe in and out through his sweater. I love the smell of his cologne, I forgot how much I missed it. After a few minutes, I look up at him.
"Whether I like it or not, I need to go back in there. The girls sat through my testimony, I should sit through theirs.
"Ok.." He sighs nervously. "Just hold my hand and tell me if it becomes too much for you." I nod and follow him back into the courtroom and we sit next to each other, and I look over at the girls and smile and wave silently. I suddenly gasp when they all glare furiously, and I can't see the smallest amount of pity or any other emotion besides anger. My bottom lip quivers, my eyes tear up, and I tug on Ezra's sleeve.
"I want to leave. Now."
As my memories slowly fade back into my consciousness, I cry even harder. I realize we're sitting on the couch in our apartment, and Ezra wraps his arms around me tighter. What happened? Why were my best friends mad at me? I can see myself in the TV's black reflection. I look like I had been through hell, and I feel like it too.
"W-why are they mad?" I ask softly, clinging to his shirt.
"I'm not sure baby. We can call them once you calm down." He tells me, and I feel a little less crazy.
"Are you sure you're not upset with me? How they-"
"Shh." He tilts my head to look up at him, and I notice how sad he looks. "I couldn't be upset with you. You're too innocent." He reassures me.
"I'm anything but innocent Ezra. You know that. After what I did, I'm the furthest from that."
"Aria, that wasn't your choice. They forced you."
"Don't you get it? I did have a choice! I tried to help and I chose to have that happen to me!" I scream, and I throw my coffee mug to the floor as my cries melt into sobs. Ezra gasps as he springs up from the couch, and holds me close in his arms.
"Let's get you in bed, it's been a long day honey." He whispers into my ear and I nod. He takes me up to the bathroom and helps me into pajamas, but I don't move. My tears have long subsided, and I just blankly stare at the floor. He takes off my makeup off for me and braids up my hair, and then tucks me into bed. I feel terrible, while I act like a lifeless bitch, he takes care of me no matter what I say to him. He kisses my head as I lie there, and I watch him make his way to the doorway out of the corner of my eye.
"Wait," I call out, and I shudder when I hear the rasp in my voice. "will you sleep in here?" I ask, and I finally look at him. I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to sleep by himself.
"I-I was going t-" he begins, and I squint my eyes.
"We both know you were going to sleep on the couch Ezra. Now I...I don't blame you if you want to sleep alone, but if you do, I'd rather you take the bed and I would go downstairs." I tell him.
"I thought you didn't want me near you…" He sighs as he scratches his nape. "I'd never leave you alone if you didn't want me to."
"Then sleep with me." I retort and he comes closer. "I mean..you..you know what I mean." I stutter as my cheeks flush.
"Relax, I wasn't even thinking that." Ezra reassures as he puts on pajama pants and climbs into bed next to me, and it feels nice, his body heat warming me up. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer, and I instantly feel at ease. I turn my body so I'm facing him, and I wrap my arms around his torso instead. My forehead is pressed against his chest, and I finally sigh softly with contentment.
Just for a few seconds, I forget about everyone and everything but him, it's like im 16 again, except I love him so much more. 'I hope he asks me to marry him' is the first thing that pops into my head, which surprises myself, when it really shouldn't. I've always wanted to, but should I really?
If he did ask me, I hope he'd be alright with eloping. I don't think I could handle the stress of a wedding, along with the wondering if the guilty verdict will be brought down upon Wren, CeCe, and Melissa. I wonder where he'd do it, and how? Ezra's always been traditional, but nothing about this relationship is orthodox. Would he just kneel on a beautiful spring day and pop the question or would it be like those elaborate promposals? I fantasize about everything, even what the ring would look like, and then suddenly, the little nagging voice in my head pushes me back into the real world.
What if Ezra didn't want to marry me? My meltdowns today probably turned him off to the idea even more than he already was. Who wants a girl who was abused in a bunker for two years? My eyes glass over as I think about it, and I realize I shouldn't get my hopes up. For all I know he's sleeping next to me out of pity. Who knows? Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, I am exhausted, and it feels like I haven't slept in weeks. I close my eyes, and just drift off feeling his arms around me.
