WE STILL OWN NOTHING, AND IT MAKES US VERY SAD.

NOW THAT THE DISCLAIMER %^*% IS OVER, LETS START THE STORY.

AGAIN.

SS

Naruto fell.

In case you weren't here for the last chapter, our hero fell through a random fluctuation in not only the Time-Space Continuum, but also the Multiverse itself, as cowardly Wiz(z)ards have often done. (In another time, a cowardly Wiz(z)ard sneezed while running, causing the guards chasing him to catch him and drag him into a new period of untold horror and pain.) However, this is not a story about THEM. This is a story about Naruto (Believe it!).

As he fell, he saw many strange sights pass by him. He saw a glowing eye on top of a tower, a giant turtle with a disc above its back held by four giant elephants, a cowardly boy running with monsters chasing him, a moon-like object firin' its lazor at planets, a small dingy in the middle of an ocean (containing a drunk man making obscene hand gestures, his sensible-looking friend, a goat, a trumpet, and a crossbow), someone making an Epic Objection, and many other odd and unusual events. In fact, there were so many it is impossible to list them all.

To pass the time, Naruto tried to keep himself amused. First, he tried playing solitaire, but the cards kept flying away. Then he tried whistling, but he couldn't hear himself. Finally, he tried to sleep. However, that proved to be impossible. As soon as he closed his eyes, he slammed into a rather hard piece of what we refer to as ground.

Naruto, after getting over the initial shock of hitting the ground HARD, rubbed the back of his head and looked around at his surroundings. The sight he saw confounded the little six year old. It was a village not that different than Konoha with a few minor differences.

Firstly it had a strange architecture, not that he noticed this for his attention was more drawn to the flaming, dismembered, or decapitated bodies littered around it. In the middle of this carnage was a pale man with glowing yellow eyes veiled in a black cloak with red trim happily humming something to himself that eerily sounded like something he had heard in the orphanage before he was kicked out.

"You've nowhere to hide,

You've nowhere to run!

Your village will burn

Like the heart of the Sun!

With infinite glee,

It's going to be me,

That Slaughters the World!"

The figure continued as thus for a few minutes, killing everything he saw as he sang. Finally, when everyone was dead, the figure turned to leave and saw Naruto, who was standing with an expression of shock.

The man who as mentioned before was slaughtering peasants with infinite glee finally turned around and saw a very scared, and awe-struck blond six year old. Normally he would like to kill innocent and unprotected things but he saw something in the boy. This something was "Potential." What this potential was the man himself didn't quite know. Maybe it was the presence of something strong and demonic him which greatly fascinated him, or that he was just severely bored now that he had nothing to kill. Nonetheless he went over to the boy and decided NOT to kill him. For now.

Naruto at seeing the stranger approach huddled to the ground out of fear as he has done so many times when the villagers attacked him.

The figure paused at his movements. In a deep voice, the black-wearing man said, "Come here, boy."

For some reason, Naruto began walking, slowly closing the distance to between him and the figure. Upon reaching him, the figure guided him to a clearing a short distance away from what WAS a village.

"Now then, lets introduce ourselves. I'll go first. I am RICHARD! Chief Warlock of the Brothers of Darkness, Lord of the 13 Hells, Master of the Bones, Emperor of the Black, Lord of the Undead!" (All of this was said while striking an epic pose with lightning mysteriously appearing in the background, despite the fact it was a bright day with no cloud cover whatsoever.)

In a more normal tone of voice, he said, "And the Mayor of a little village up the coast. It is very scenic during springtime, you really should visit." He handed Naruto a brochure.

Naruto was shocked and slightly confused at his long list of titles. Upon voicing his confusion, Richard simply said, "You earn them based on kills. Now your turn."

Taking a deep breath, Naruto said, "My name is Naruto Uzumaki! Remember that name, 'cause I'm the next Hokage! Believe it!" He then launched into an hour-long explanation of what he was talking about when Richard inquired as to what he meant. Naruto told him about the Old Man, the village, and the ramen he got the other day.

Under his hood, Richard raised what probably was an eyebrow. The boy certainly wasn't afraid to speak his mind, it seemed. He would have to work on his yelling, however. It hurt his ears.

"I have an offer for you, kid." Upon seeing that he had Naruto's full attention, Richard continued. "For the next few years, you shall remain with me and I shall train you in my ways. What say you, boy?"

SS

Deep within Naruto's mind, the Nine-Tailed Fox, aka Kurama, was salivating at the mixture of power and evil that was practically radiating off of Richard. His container simply HAD to accept this offer!

"Do it, boy! Accept his offer and receive true power!" Kurama shouted, pushing his chakra into the message so Naruto could hear it. Privately, the demon began to think of the possibilities. "With both my power and that of this 'Richard,' my container will be strong enough to beat that Masked Man and allow me to have my revenge!"

SS

Back outside, Naruto was thinking hard when he head an almost demonic voice in his head scream, "Do it, boy! Accept his offer and receive true power!" He wasn't sure what the voice was, but he had to admit that it had a point. With the power that this man offered, it would be easy for him to become Hokage!

Right?

"I accept, Richard-sensei."

Even though his face was covered, Naruto saw that an evil grin had spread across Richard's face. Suddenly, Naruto became aware that he had just jumped head-first into a crap heap of trouble.

SS

YEAR 1

"Let's lay down some ground rules, boy:

1: No making fun of my name, or else I will burn you into a pile of ash.

2: You do what I say, or else I will gut you like a fish and set your innards on fire.

3: You will not question my methods, or I shall melt your face off.

Any questions?"

"No, Richard-sensei."

SS

YEAR 2

"Do we have any ketchup, Richard-sensei?"

"No, now shut up and eat your baby."

"Yes, Richard-sensei."

SS

YEAR 4

"Today, I shall teach you how to melt faces. To practice, I have gone out and slaughtered an entire village. You will practice on the survivors that I managed to round up. You may use either to techniques I have graciously taught you, or those pitiful excuses that Kurama taught you."

"LET ME OUT, BOY! I'LL RIP HIM A NEW ONE!"

"Kurama wants to rip you a new one, Richard-sensei."

"Tell him to get in line. Now get to work!"

"Yes, Richard-sensei!"

SS

"Well, I haven't taught you everything I know for safety reasons, but I think your ready for anything." said Richard as he looked upon his apprentice.

Naruto had ditched the orange jumpsuit he had been wearing and replaced it with a version of Richard's robes. He would look like a mini-me of Richard if only for one thing. Upon receiving his robes, Naruto had customized them slightly. The trim around the edges was no longer red. Instead it was orange. In place of a red crystal on the front of his robes, he had placed an orange gem. Naruto's skin was now white. The veil hid his infamous whisker marks, which had grown thicker darker. His fingers were more claw-like. His hair had been slicked back so the hood would fit properly. His eyes were now a solid blue that glowed slightly.

What was most disturbing (To others. To Richard it was perfectly normal.) was that Naruto had inherited Richard's personality, which included a love of killing things and a love of singing while killing things. This probably came from having Richard's curse placed on him, which made him undead, and receiving guidance from Kurama, who was known for being a bloodthirsty demon.

The end result was an unstoppable killing machine that enjoyed singing. The 11 year old Naruto was ready to take on the world.

While training Naruto, Richard had searched across the land for information on traveling through the Space-Time Continuum and the Multiverse. He did not do so because he wanted to help Naruto return home. He did so because he wanted Naruto to go home and slaughter everyone that pissed him off.

Having found the information he requested (After leaving a trail of destruction from ancient archive to ancient archive until someone found what he desired), Richard was ready to send Naruto to the inevitable slaughter-fest that he called home.

"Thank you for training me, Richard-sensei." said Naruto, bowing low (But remembering to not bow too low. If he did, Richard would take that as an invitation to procure an ax out of nowhere (Also know as Hammerspace) and decapitate him.).

Using his considerable powers, Richard broke through the walls of time and space. Naruto calmly walked through the portal. As he was sucked through the abyss between worlds, he began to hum.

"La-di-da homicide,

La-di-da genocide.

Let the killing begin!"

SS

In the night sky above the Hokage Monument, a rift opened. It was invisible to the naked eye, only appearing to those who were practitioners of the magical arts. A figure fell through, landing on top of the head of the Fourth Hokage. Straightening itself, the figure dusted its robes off. With glowing blue eyes, it looked out over the village of Konoha.

Naruto Uzumaki, the Second Coming of Richard, Demon Boy of Konoha, Container of the Nine-Tailed Demon, the Next Hokage, and Co-Owner of a Little Village up the Coast in Another Dimension, was back with a vengeance. Believe it!

AN: I, Z of the Conquerors, proudly present you, the reader, with the Second chapter of The Second Coming of Dick. We have made numerous references in this chapter. The Conquerors hereby challenge you to identify them all.