*** I don't own anything, everything goes to Dick wolf***

Amanda didn't know how to start the conversation. Her brain couldn't function as it should right now. There was a piece missing to the puzzle. A piece that would explain how the right and clear-headed man that she had always respected could seem so close to explode. Amanda didn't recognise him anymore. The young mother couldn't see what could possibly have caused all this. She was brought back from her thought when Declan spoke. "How have you been?"

"Good, I guess," she simply stated. The detective didn't how much alcohol the older man had drank, but it must have been a good amount since he a hard time to talk. "Do you want some coffee?"

"Yes, thank you."

She slowly got up from her chair and went to make some coffee for him. She was expecting to go to sleep early tonight so she didn't take one. Not even five minutes later, she was back in the living room, giving the coffee and hoping it would sober him up a little. She didn't like the idea of him being drunk when Jesse was in the apartment.

He gave her a simple nod when he received the coffee and waited for her to take a seat again. "So, why didn't you called me? When you were going to give birth I mean"

"Well, it was a little hard to call. There was some complication before I gave birth. But I have a healthy little girl now. That's what matters," she left it at that not wanting to go into details.

"You mean we have a little girl," He didn't sound angry but Amanda could see that he wasn't happy either. She should have chosen her words better. But she couldn't help it. Whenever she would talk about Jesse to others, it was always only her daughter, not their daughter.

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm just used to telling other people that she's mine. I mean no one knows that you're the father so I kind of took the habitude."

Her guts were telling her that this, whatever it was, was a bad idea. But it was Declan. The man that had saved her multiple times before and had cared about her when she was at her lowest point. She couldn't just kick him out.

"Yeah, right," his tone told her that he didn't really care about her excuse. "Why haven't you called me afterwards instead? How old is she anyway?"

" She's almost two months old," she had intentionally avoided his first question knowing it wouldn't lead them anywhere.

"Two months and you never called me. I'm the damn father Amanda."

His voice had raised a little and she was afraid he was going to wake up the baby. "I'm sorry, it's just that after our last discussion I didn't know if it was a good idea to tell you. I didn't want to bother you and most of all I didn't know if it was safe for all of us. You were still undercover back then."

Ater that, Declan didn't say anything. She took has if he understood her point of view, but the truth was that he boiling inside. He wanted to keep his cool but he was mad at her. Declan knew Amanda had good reasons not to call him but still he was pissed.

Once the silence was too much for her, she got up and went to pick the photo album that she had started of Jesse. When she came back, she saw how red he was and hoped that some pictures of the baby would calm him down enough for him to leave.

Amanda sat beside Declan and gave the album. He started to look through it. It was mostly photos of Jesse sleeping since it was the only thing she had done during her days; when she wasn't crying, of course.

"She's so beautiful, Amanda, just like you," she smiled at his compliment. She could hear in his voice that the alcohol had started to leave his system because he was taking a lot better now.

Declan gave her the book back. He wasn't feeling well at all at the moment. While looking at the picture, he had drifted to a very dark place where no one could stop him. He got up from the couch suddenly and it mad Amanda jump.

While he headed for Jesse's bedroom, the mother wasn't far behind him, calling his name. "Declan, stop. She's sleeping."

He turned around abruptly and it made her bump into his chest. She could feel he had gained some muscle since the last time she had seen him.

"I just want to see her Amanda!" he yelled at her, clenching his fists.

For a moment, Amanda really thought he was going to hit her and she froze. She couldn't let him be close to her child right now. He was losing it.

When she recovered he was standing in front of Jesse's door that was slightly open. The young mother was glad the baby girl hadn't wake up when the man had yelled. But now, she wouldn't be asleep for much longer if she didn't stop him from going inside and she jumped in front of him.

She ended up between him and the door. Soon after, she reached behind her and grabbed the door handle and slowly closed the door.

"Amanda," he warned looking her straight in the eyes, "get out of my way."

"I can't do that. You're drunk and I don't want you around her in that state."

Declan couldn't control himself. He didn't even know himself what he wanted to do once he was going to be in the room and that scared him to no end. He was really angry at Amanda right now. She couldn't keep his daughter away from him.

"I'm sorry Declan"

At that, he snapped and hit the door with his right hand right beside Amanda's head. She froze again and heard Jesse's whimpers on the other side of the door but it quickly quieted down. God, that baby could sleep trough anything when she wanted.

Amanda was scared as hell right now. She was scared for her little girl's safety. The blond woman had to find a way to make him leave or at least get away from her daughter's room.

Declan was standing really close to her which made it hard for her to think straight. After he had hit the door, he had listened to the baby that had been disturbed in the other room. Once it had quieted down, he had just stared at Amanda, hoping she would just step away from the door. That darkness that had grown inside him was starting to get the better of him and he was hoping it wasn't going to make him hurt them. He wasn't himself right now and the remaining of liquor in his body was making it even worse.

Amanda thought of every possible way that she could get him away from where he was standing. Only one seemed to fit. It was the only one where the chance of him getting even madder was low. So, she chose that option.

She slightly wrapped her arms around his waist and spoke, "come let's just get to bed and you'll see her later."

"I'm not tired," he said stubbornly. She was scared of him now and deep down she had hoped that it wouldn't have come to this, but her luck seemed to be bad today.

"Me either," she simply said. She got up on her toes kissed him slightly on the mouth, trying not to cringe doing it. It wasn't only the fact that Amanda was afraid of him right now that was making her cringe, but also the fact that she felt like she was cheating on Carisi. They weren't together but they had really started to build a relationship during the past few months.

After a few second, she backed off, he had responded to the kiss so she took his hand and led him towards her bedroom.

She was going to make anything if it meant that her little girl would be safe.

*** Thanks for reading. Again, if there any mistakes just let me know and I try to correct them. If you have any idea just let me know, I have an idea for the next chapter but after that, i'm not sure. Please review I would really like to know if you guys like it :).***