Riley's Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, and on the Enterprise,
Not a creature was stirring, all had closed their eyes.
The stockings were hung by the transwarp drive with care,
In the knowledge that Christmas day soon would be there.
Doctor Mccoy was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in his head.
The Captain in his gold shirt, and Spock in his blues,
Had just settled themselves for a long winter's snooze.
When up on the Bridge there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the turbolift I flew like holy heck,
Tore open the doors and yelled "To the top deck!"
The star bright above Alpha Carinae II,
Shone silver and bright and like fresh Irish dew.
Then! What under that silvery light did I see?,
A tiny little shuttlecraft, headed straight for me!
With a little old pilot, so lively and quick,
I thought for a second it must be St Nick!
Right here on the bridge, he swooped through the air,
Dipping and dodging with nary a care.
As Klingons had found, when in Federation Space flew,
When he met with an obstacle: *pew! pew! pew! pew! pew!*
Firing at will, he tumbled and dashed,
'Til with a small puff of smoke, his little ship crashed.
And then, with a twinkling, or so it did seem,
I saw a red, green and gold transporter beam!
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Up onto the Bridge he came with a bound.
He was dressed all in furs, from his toes to his chin,
So much bigger than his ship, how had he fitted in!?
A bundle of gifts had transported in, too,
I rubbed at my eyes, could this really be true?
His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples how sweet,
He had antennae like mushrooms, and five little feet.
A droll little mouth in a wide open grin,
And such a beautiful green was the shade of his skin.
A hefty cigar he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a thin little face and, eyebrows, slightly cross,
When he saw me he said "Alright mate, where's the boss?"
He looked round the Bridge, and let out a low whistle,
Before turning to me and waving a dismissal.
So with hands on my hips, heart filled with chagrin,
I let out a cry: "Who the hell let you in?"
He spoke no reply, but went straight to his task,
What that was I can't say; I did not think to ask.
I crept to the console, into the comms I did blurt,
"Bridge to Security! Intruder alert!"
"Now why d'you do that?" he said with a sigh,
And as he turned to face me, felt certain I'd die,
When through the lift doors with a crash and a shout,
The BAMF Trio sprang - away fled all my doubt!
Mccoy in pajamas of christmassy red,
And a Santa Claus nightcap on top of his head.
Kirk in a plaid two piece, so warm and so chipper,
Poor Spock on his way had lost one fluffy slipper.
But 'gainst Mccoy's hypospray and the Captain's Kirk-Fu,
There was nothing else that the creature could do,
So he lunged for his phaser (he had dropped it in shock),
Only to be met by a nerve pinch from Spock.
As he dropped to his knees, he let out a cry,
"What the hell was that!? You attacked me?! Dudes, why!?"
Mccoy looked to Spock, and Spock looked to Jim,
And then all three turned to look down at him.
Commander Spock raised a single eyebrow,
"You got through our shields. Please explain how."
"State your name and intention", the Captain did growl,
"Got me out of bed…" Mccoy said with a scowl.
Rubbing his neck, the alien glared,
"I admit, for hostility I was unprepared.
My race have observed you, all so full of cheer,
So we brought you some gifts. These gifts, right here!"
The Captain's brow furrowed, he glanced to his friends,
"Not the greatest first contact… We must make amends!"
Turning to the intruder, Kirk turned on his charms,
"To all unmet species, we open our arms!
"We apologise for our hasty assumption,
'Though granted your entry here did take some gumption.
Welcoming new species is part of our mission,
So please do accept our heartfelt contrition.
You took us by surprise, where we're from, we knock!
But Starfleet seeks out different cultures, right Spock?"
"Affirmative, Captain." Spock said, eyes a-glitter,
"Could've just hailed us…" (Mccoy was still bitter).
The alien, still on the floor in a heap,
Held out a hand and was helped to his feet.
He apologised for causing any alarm,
And assured all present he meant them no harm.
Then he handed out gifts to each and every one,
And left more for those sleeping, to join in the fun.
Coordinates to his planet he happily told,
But warned us his homeworld was terribly cold.
Then he beamed to his craft, so tiny and quaint,
And let out a shout, heard 'though 'twas faint,
"Come visit us if you want Christmastime snow!
We wish Merry Christmas to all who Boldly Go!"