Monday,April 30th

8am

Up bright and early. Shopping spree day!

8:05am

But how am I going to do it? All I have is the moped and I am baby-sitting Johnathon today.HRRRRMMMM...

8:07am

John can take me! No,wait, he works today...who do I know that has a car...?

8:30am

Of course! Susan! I've not seen her in forever (well,3 days).

Susan lives an hour north of here. We've known each other for literally forever--Our dads went to school together, and Susan and I convinced her dad to pay extra money so she could come down and go to school with me.

She's,like, an uber-hippy but she knows LOTS of recipes for homemade face masks and stuff like that, so she's good to have around.

9am

She said yes ! She's really excited. But she just got her car (her dad does detailing for really rich snobby people so he gets alot of cool, free cars) and dad's road is quite literally an old creek bed. Back in the early 1900s or whatever, famers used to water their cows in it. The creek, not the farmers.

Anyways, she can't get down the road so we agreed to meet in town.So now I have to come up with a plan to convince John to drive me to town...

10am

Called John, all snuffly and sneezy. I told him I had to go in town for some cold medicene. For a hint of extra realnosity I (faked) sneezed into the phone.

He agreed to take me to town, but then he said "Don't buy too much clothes. You don't have a big closet. I'll be there at noon." and hung up. Damn! He knows me too well!

Ah well, lalalala ! I'm going shopping !!!!!!!!!!!!

10:30am

As usual Dad left me a HUGE list of chores, taped where he'd know I'd see it...on the refridgerator door.And I only have an hour-and-a-half to get ready !

We probably won't be gone that long. I'll do it when I get back.

Noon

John's here! He's dressed all in black and is skipping, singing the theme from "Mame", twirling a pink umbrella over his head.

When he got to the door I told him the Loonmeister is already gone. He said "Thank god" and handed me the umbrella.

He's so cute. In a BFF way.

12:05pm on the way to town

Dad won't mind me riding with John.Dad hates me being with boys,especially riding in cars with them. But John is an exception.

I mean, come on ! John is my bff and we've known each other forever!

And...I sorta lied and told Dad he's gay. So now my dad trusts us together, because he doesn't think John will "get fresh". Dad is SOO old.

And whenever John is over to eat, I always seat him next to Dad. And whenever my dad is around snooping like the Ancients do, John needs only ask him "Do these pants make me look fat?" and Dad will leave us alone for the rest of the evening.

It makes my dad SOOOO paranoid!

Dad'll come sidling up to me and sort of whisper "Do you think I am leading him on by saying such-and-such or doing such-and-such or bending down to pick up my fork in front of him?".

It's hilarious and we always have great fun planning how to DE-Dadify my room for the next time he's over.

12:09pm The Landing

Susan pulled up blasting that weird fluted Indian music she likes . She turned it down when I got in her car,though, because she knows it gives me migraines. And is just generally crappy.

We're going to the Landing first. It was an old boat landing for fisherpeople ,hence the name The Landing, but now it's a HUGE mall along the lake. There's, let me see, 3 department stores, 40 clothes stores, 5 shoe stores, 10 jewelry stores, like 5 stores for like candles, body lotion, and bath beads and stuff like that, 2 high-end perfume stores,a couple of toy stores, 25 restraunts, 2 ice cream parlors, a Fudgery, 2 salons,a place JUST for pedicures and manicures, and then there's places for kids like Build-A-Bear, a Discovery Channel store, 2 Disney stores, a bass pro store, where they sell stuff for camping and hiking and boats and stuff, and oh yeah, a really fancy coffee shop.

I think.

Anyways, I'm sure I'll find something.

12:30pm in Old Navy

Now I remember why I never go shopping. Nothing fits me ! I am tall, skinny, and boobless. And my bum is as flat as a ...flat thing. Anyways, my nub is...I can not find a thing that fits me. I tried women's size 4 but the chesty bits poofed out so much you can see down the front...and see that there's nothing there.

Susan said "Well, if your boobies are that small, why don't try something from the childrens' section?" REALLY loud. In front of a bunch of really fit Brazilian boys. Who play SOCCER. I knew because they all had green soccer jerseys on. That said "Brasilia!" in big yellow letters.

My head almost dropped off from redness.

I said "Susan shut up,as a punch often offends. Besides, you have nothing to speak of, you cheeky chipmunk." And I pinched her cheek.

She's gained a little weight,becuase her mom ,who is a nurse, thought she was too skinny, is now making her eat all these nasty protein bars and protein shakes.

12:45pm Sunglasses Hut

Susan is twittering about. Appearently, there's supposed to be a pair of sunglasses that makes your face look thinner.

Me and my fat mouth...

12:55pm still in Sunglasses Hut

Susan found them and is now pouting at herself in the mirror. She think she looks like Paris Hilton.

She looks more like Paris' dog, but I didn't say it, because I still haven't asked her to give me a ride home.

1:20pm Ye Ole Dime Store (yes, it's REALLY called that)

Susan wanted to go in here as there is a chocolate in here that only they sell. Told Susan in a concerning way, because I was concerned:

"If you eat one more chocolate,your cheeks may implode."

But she just ignored me and still went in.

I only follwed her in because she's my friend. And my ride home.

1:30pm still in Ye Ole Dime Store,Pranks Department

They have everything in here ! Even a pranks and jokes department !

I found a squirting tie for John and Marco Grouch sunglasses for Susan . I wonder if they have exploding cigarettes? I've been trying to convince Dad to quit smoking for forever.

Where's annoying salespersons when you need them?

2pm public bathroom, never to leave again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to KILL Susan !!!!!!

I saw someone in a red sales-type-person uniform, but their back was to me so I tapped him on the shoulder. And he tunrned around...and was freaking HOT !!! He was tall, had black spiky hair, wide shoulders, and big blue eyes.

He said

"Can I help you ?"

and I said

"Mooooooooo".

We stared at each other for a minute then I realized my mouth was hanging open. And I mooed at him. Like a cow.

I grabbed something off of the shelf

"How much does this ...spider vein vanishing creme (damn!) cost?"

"$3 plus tax"

I smiled and nodded.

We stared at each other a little more. I was still nodding away like one of those nodding dogs people like to put on the dashboard of their car.

He raised his eyebrow at me ...yummmmmmmmmmmm,sexy !

"Is your neck okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I just love this song"

Crap. Why did I say that? Elvis was playing.Stop the dang nodding !

"oh".

There was an awkard silence. I was making a fool of myself ! I had to say something.

I leaned casually against the shelf he was stocking.

"Come here often?"

Oh god, now I sounded like a prostitute. And I was wearing a halter top, short SHORT skirt, and thigh-high boots. And lots of lip gloss. I could feel my face turn bright red.

Thankfully, he chuckled.

"That's funny. My name is Jackson."
"I'm Susan"

Wow, that was at least one sensible sentence.Too bad that's not really my name.

"So you from around here?"

"oh, yeah, you know, near."

"You want..well, I know this is a little soon, but you seem like a nice girl. Do you want to maybe go out sometime?"

"sure,yeah, whatever"

God I hope that sounded more cool than it came out.

He flashed that big smile of his .

He gave me his number and I gave him mine.

"cool, so I'll call you."

"sure, yeah,whatever" nod nod nod

SHUTUPSHUTUP NODDING !!!!!!!!!!!

I was standing there figuring out what to do next, whether I should say "later" and walk away, or stay and chat till Susan finds me, when Susan runs up .

"Ellen! Where did you dissapear to? I found a collection of John Denver music and you're not going to believe the price!"

OH. GOD.

I smiled at Jackson, who gave me a funny look. Then I realized he was trying not to laugh.

So I RAN for it.

But not before Jackson called out "I'll call you ..Ellen".

OH GOD.

And I just realized I only have an hour to get home, hide what I bought today, AND do my chores.

3:30pm my room

Susan drove like 80mph the whole way home, but it didn't matter because Dad came in early,and the house wasn't done.

And he saw the shopping bags on the floor because I didn't have enough room in my closet to put everything away.

So I'm grounded for a week...

3:31pm

But I met a Certified Hottie today and his name is Jackson and he's going to call me.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!