You all must be wondering what the chapter has to do with the story. That is going to be explained in the final chapter. I wanted to name this fic 'Cruelties of Life' t first but then I finished the final scene and 'Two Tears' was more fitting. BTW I didnt finish writing this fic yet, I just write the final scene first and then think of the events leading to it.

And the italics are flashbacks.

Sorry for the long Authors Note.

Disclaimer: Yes I bought avengers yesterday and later I have a date Chris Evans (Steve Rogers). Right now I'm texting with Gwyneth Paltrow, Cobie Smulders and Scarlett Johanssen. Tomorrow I will spent my day with Robert Downey Jr and Jeremy Renner. And oh, Santa Claus is my dad.

Yeah right, I wish!

The next day Maria was back at work, she didn't even bother to conceal the dark rings under her eyes or put on make-up, she couldn't care any less. Everybody could feel the aura of misery around her and nobody dared to go near her, not even Tony had the audacity to throw in a witty comment. Everybody, who crossed her received an evil glare- if looks could kill half of the employees of SHIELD would be dead by now.

But it wasn't Marias fault she acted the way she did, Maria did the only thing she knew when it came to feelings- cover them up with coldness and scare everyone away.

It was lunch break. The sickening smell of food was wafting through the air, Maria wanted to gag. She made her way to the roof, in her hands a hot mug of coffee, she would have preferred alcohol, but that was prohibited in SHIELD during workhours- so meanwhile coffee had to do.

Maria liked the roof, no one came up there and she had her peace and quiet. She liked being alone.

The icy winds messed up her hair and she could feel herself shivering violently but she didn't care. The cold winds felt good against her hot skin.

Suddenly Maria wished she could cry. Crying would help her alleviate her pain, make it more bearable, but she was Maria Hill, Agent Hill, and it was beneath her to cry. Why should she waste her tears on the cruel drunk she called dad anyway? Her whole childhood he had been terrible to her, making her end up in hospitals at least once a month. Every viber in her body burned in hatred for the man who had given life to her.

But no matter how sadistic he was, Maria had always yearned for his approval, tried to make him proud, but he was never satisfied with her.

In his eyes she was just a piece of trash sent from hell to torture him, to ruin his life. And as she grew older Maria had slowly started to believe that. She thought herself below everybody else now. She wasn't worthy of friendlyness or love, she didn't deserve those things. He was the reason she was the way she was. She had had a childhood without love and that had affected her whole life: she built up a wall around her and treated everybody with coldness. She didn't let anyone close to her because she was afraid, afraid of getting abused and hurt. Because of him she developed antisocial traits and had an inability to trust, because of him she always seeked out isolation and abused alcohol. Maria felt helpless. "Fuck!" she shouted. She had joined the US army and then became a SHIELD agent to not feel like that anymore. She didn't want to feel helpless and defenseless and weak she wanted to be able to stand up for herself and defend herself.

"Agent Hill?" she heard a soft voice behind her. She spun around "What do you want, Rogers?" her voice was rough and laced with fatique, she hadn't sleet since her father passed, she was awake every night, afraid that she couldn't handle the nightmares. Steve remained composed not even flinching at her tone "I want to check if your okay." "Why do you care" Maria hissed. Steve spoke softly "I know how it is to loose someone very important in your life. I know it isn't easy. It has a way of eating you up, leading you onto a path of self-destruction." "If that's your only concern then I'm okay, thank you very much" Maria said with all the annoyance she could possibly master.

"Ma… Agent Hill" Steve started, gripping her shoulders, "Why are you so persistent on pushing me away. I want to help you, I don't want you to walk the same path I did. Like I said yesterday: You can trust me." "I don't need your help" Maria glared at him, "I am perfectly able to handle myself." "Maria" Steve was slowly loosing his patience, "Just admit it. You are feeling cold and lonely, you are doubting yourself. You have to start let other people help you. You have to talk with other people or else you will have all that frustration boiling inside off you till you cant take it anymore. When you reached that point nobody can help you, nobody can save you from yourself. Trust me I've been there." "Why are you doing this to me" her hands were in fists, "Urging me to deal with my feelings. To this day I have been perfectly fine keeping my feelings to myself." Feelings make you weak.

Steve sighed "I am urging you because I care about you" "Okay. If" Maria emphazied the 'If', "If I ever were in the need to talk to somebody you will the first in mind." She scowled not liking how the conversation was going.

Steve left, leaving Maria with her thoughts alone. He did have a point, it was unhealthy and emotionally scarring to keep all the anger and frustration inside letting it torment you in your sleep. But feelings make you weak. Feelings were best left unresolved. But it wouldn't be to bad to talk to someone about it... Maria quickly neglected that thought. She was Maria Hill, she didn't need anyone, all she needed was alcohol and the believe in herself- even though the believe in herself was slowly fading.

Maria sat down, pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her them, primarily to shield herself from the cold and secondarily to hold herself together, to not let herself fall apart.

Steve meant every word he said. He had been there, the path of self-destruction, the point of boiling over. After waking up after 70 years everyone he loved or cared about was gone. Up to this day a feeling of loneleyness overcame him, the feeling of rejection. Everything he knew was gone, now he lived in a world of enstrangement. Steve could only hold onto his memories, but they too were now getting unclear and vanishing into oblivion. More than once Steve had thought about ending it all but he always decided against it. He was a rolemodel for many people, they all looked up to him, he couldn't dissapoint them.

Suddenly he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket "Hello?" his voice was raspy. "Captain Rogers" he heard Marias unmistakable voice. "Yes?" "about your offer to talk, I'm taking you up on that" Steve couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice "Okay, how about my place" "I'll be there as fast as I can" She hung up. Steve scratched his head.

Maria Hill was coming to his place, she seeked him out. That was strange. The death of her father and her thought that she killed him must be really eating her up if she was willing to come out of her shell and invite someone in.

Maria was going through her old photo albums. Each picture brought out memories in her, most of them bad and traumatic ones. In one picture she was in the hospital, the doctors had just popped her dislocated shoulder back into place. With a shudder Maria recalled how it had happened:

She was eight years and sitting in her room playing with her actionfigures (Maria didn't strike me as a doll type). Her father was out late drinking. Suddenly she heard the door slam close and loud footsteps towards her room. Maria quickly stood up and straightened her clothes. She could feel fear creep up inside of her.

"Maria!" her father roared and stormed into her room. He lifted his hand and hit her hard in the face. Maria saw black dots before her. She fought to stay conscious. Her cheek burned. "What did I do?" she brought out. Her father grabbed her by the shoulders and lifted her off the ground shaking her violently "What did you do" he laughed and Maria could smell the alcohol in his breath, "You exist" with a roar her father threw her back against a wall.

Another picture. Maria saw herself standing next to a man. She felt her throat tighten at this particular memory:

She was 11 at the time. Her dad had invited over a man. Maria went to grab a drink out of the kitchen. The man suddenly grabbed her by the arm and looked at her father as if asking for permission. Her father just shrugged "Do whatever you want with her.", he said cruelly. The man smiled diabolical and dragged her into the kitchen. He lit himself a cigarette, smiled at Maria and asked her if she wanted a cigarette. Maria said no, he asked her two more times and two more times she said no. He got angry and grabbed her and pressed her to his body and forced her to smoke. Then he threw her across the room into the concrete wall on the other side, he came over and kicked her a few times. He picked her up and slammed her into the ground. Then he pinned her against the floor and took her clothes off, during the whole thing Maria didn't cry or flinch, she stayed still silently praying.

Maria had been hurt, hit, and sexually molested a number of times but that was by far the worst.

Then there was another picture of her and a boy. That memory marked her life more than anything else:

She was sixteen and he was seventeen. His name was Jerred and he was her first love. She wanted him to met her dad so one evening she asked her dad "Dad, there is this one boy I love and I would like to invite him over for dinner" He dad laughed "Love and feelings make you weak. Does that boy love you too?" Maria smiled "I think so" Her father started laughing so hard he had to hold his stomach "Love you? That is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Maria, nobody will ever love you. Sooner or later they will see that you are just a filthy piece of trash, you don't deserve love. And if you really like that guy, break-up with him and save him from the biggest mistake he'll ever be able to make." "Mistake?" Marias voice was shaking. "You. He will regret it the rest of his life. You are the biggest mistake your mother and I ever made, I still regret it. Tell the guy he can do so much better than you. He could marry a broke drug addict and he'll still do better. He could marry a psychopath set out to kill him and he'd still do better. Maria, you just have to deal with the fact that you are absolutely worthless and pathetic excuse for a human. You don't deserve to be loved, you deserve to rot in hell. You screwed up so many peoples life, you bring pure misery. If a guy ever wants you, warn him that he's about to make the biggest mistake of his life. Maria you deserve to die alone and be forever alone."

Maria felt how she was on the brink of tears but she quickly stopped them. It was beneath her to cry. Crying was for weaklings and babies. What's in the past is in the past.

Slowly her past caught up to Maria, all the memories flooding her mind, making it play wicked tricks on her. When Maria pushed back the sleeve of her sweater she remembered how her arm looked like back then: a vision of blue, purple and yellow, the colors swirled together into a sick rainbow. Some bruises were fading, but the yellow bruising from age added an extra element of horror, many of the bruised were shaped like hands. On her arm were also many small scars inflicted by glass. Her father had often thrown her into a glass table or tossed plated and cups at her.

Maria couldn't take it anymore, everywhere she looked she saw parts of her terrible childhood, her past. She saw glass splinters everywhere on the floor, shattered mirrors, broken plates. Chairs, tables, mugs flying through the air towards her. The strong smell of alcohol with a faint scent of blood entering her nose. In panic she grabbed her phone and called Steve. She needed to get away, away from the memories, away from her hellwhole that was her past, away from her dad and most importantly away from herself.

So what do ya all think. Is it okay. I didnt have any inspiration so I'm sorry if this chapter is boring and the dialogue stilted. I apologize.

Review, Review, Review. Reviews are like a little ray of sunshine on a rainy day :)