Wait! Before you beat me for erasing the second chapter! *Curls up into fetal position* Okay, go ahead.
Most days, Lovino would put on a brave face, or scowl, and sulk through the day. But he still had those moments where his chest just hurt too much, and he barricaded himself in his room, wallowing in his pain and tears. That, or he would disappear completely for days on end, without so much as a single warning. Those days were frequent.
Today was one such day. He had locked himself in his room, curled up in a corner, crying his eyes until the tears refused to come out. Multiple times, Feliciano attempted to make his brother come out, all in vain. Then, Antonio gave it a shot, which resulted in Lovino crying harder into his knees. He screamed and screamed until they left him alone.
It was their fault anyway. They should be concerned. They deserved it, the torture of not knowing what he was doing. Of course he wasn't going to do anything drastic though, that would be idiotic.
Then the knocks came. Feliciano was most likely trying again. Lovino didn't bother to tell him to go away anymore, his voice was already hoarse from yelling and crying. He didn't want to take the risk of straining it any more, so he stayed silent.
"Lovino." Came the deep voice through the door. Ludwig. It was Ludwig. He had been the one knocking. It wasn't Feliciano. Wait. Why was Ludwig here?
Lovino struggled to get to his feet and ran to the door. Placing his shaking palms against the cool wood of the door, Lovino spoke. "W-what do you want?" he asked, his voice quiet and frightened.
"Lovino, will you talk to me? I know why your upset, but you do not just expect me to forget about what happened that day. So, open up." Ludwig sounded somewhat anxious. "I know you're not willing to talk to Antonio, or Feliciano even, but will you talk to me?"
Lovino gulped. "Are you alone?" he asked.
"Yes." Ludwig answered without hesitation.
In an instant, the door was flung open and Lovino scurried onto the bed, bringing his legs up against his chest in protective manor. Ludwig watched the Italian with curious eyes. He looked so vulnerable, so frail. as if one world could shatter the small wall he had put up.
He looked up at Ludwig with dull eyes, eyes that had given up. It upset Ludwig more then he was willing to admit. It bothered him that someone he thought was once so head-strong, could be broken down so easily. Lovino had always stood strong. Granted he was a bit of a coward, but when it cam to things that really mattered to him, he stood his ground.
The Italian's lips were pressed tightly together in a silent message: He wouldn't be the first to speak, that was Ludwig's job. After all, Ludwig was the one who was granted entrance, and he had to have a reason to come in here. The German nervously sat on the edge of the bed, contemplating on how to begin.
"Are you okay?" Ludwig asked, knowing the question was silly. It was the best he could come up with at the moment.
The questions brought up some of Lovino's old flare in his now dull eyes. For a second, they shined with annoyance before going back to their sad void of nothing. "Do I look okay to you?" His legs lowered a bit, making his face completely visible. His eyes were bloodshot and his olive skin was pale and unhealthy, but the real Lovino was somewhere in there, he had to be.
"No, suppose you don't." Ludwig chuckled lightly. "Although do you think you can go out and talk to your brother? He's been worried sick about you. he keeps insisting you're going to kill yourself."
"I'm not going to kill myself, that's fucking stupid." His legs lowered more, and he began to relax, his depression fading with every word exchanged. "What the hell would make him think something so damn stupid? Idiot probably also thinks it's his fault I'm so upset."
"Well, isn't it?" The German quirked a brow at Lovino.
Lovino looked up at Ludwig, he's eyes void of emotion, just a blank abyss."It's my own damn fault for letting myself fall so easily. I don't blame my brother, or Antonio. I just, no matter how fucking hard I try, can't help but feel the anger and jealousy. But hey, I'm just human, right?"
Ludwig managed a nod. Lovino's voice hit him like a ton of bricks, and he couldn't find his voice. Did he really feel like that? Why was he not mad at them for betraying him? It was strange, and it didn't seem like something Lovino would do, or something he was even capable of.
"Get out." Lovino stated, pointing towards the door. "I really just ant to be alone. Tell Feli I won't do anyhing stupid. Just, go away for now.""
"I... I understand, Lovino. I'll be leaving now." Ludwig nodded and stood from his seat on the bed. He stood there, unmoving, for sometime. "I think it would be best if we forget about what happened that day you were at my home. What do you think?"
Lovino nodded, his finger still pointed at the door."Got it, now go and get the hell out of my face. I want to be alone."
Ludwig sighed and walked out, closing the door behind him. As he walked away from the door, he never heard the lock being turned. It was unlocked, perhaps for Feliciano or Antonio to go inside and comfort him, if he allowed it.
Feliciano materialized at the door frame and sniffled, wiping his damp eyes. "Ludwig, d-did he let you in?" The Italian asked slowly, letting out a sigh in relief when Ludwig nodded a yes.
"He was very cold to me, though." Ludwig explained. "Not the cold he usually is, and he was so distant. But I talked with him, and he seemed a bit better. He insulted me a bit if that helps."
"It does!" Feliciano grinned through the sadness. "Can I go see him?"
"He left the door unlocked, though I don't know if he's ready to... deal with it just yet." Ludwig faltered a bit. He wondered, what kind of pain could Lovino be facing? It had to be horrible, if his heart was breaking in front of his own eyes.
"Deal with what?" The innocence in his voice stayed. He really had no clue. "Ludwig, what were you guys talking about? I didn't do something, right? It was me wasn't it?"
"No, it wasn't. Well, not really." Ludwig pursed his lips. "Just give him some space."
"Okay." Feliciano nodded. "But, do you mind dropping by once in a while to talk with him, so he can get better faster? I mean, he was willing to talk to you.. So, do you think you would mind coming back? I-if you want to."
"Sure, Feliciano. I'll drop by tomorrow." Ludwig nodded. "But, for now, I have to get home." Ludwig walked past Feliciano, sending him a wave as he walked out the door.
"Well, if big brother is down, then it's up to me to make him happy." Feliciano was determined. "I have to get Ludwig and Lovi together. I can do this!"
"Do what?" Antonio's head poked through the door.
"Nothing!" Feliciano sang. "Guess what Toni, Lovi is going to get better soon!"
"That's great!" Antonio smiled, pulling his lover closer to him, kissing the Italian's neck lightly. "I can't wait to have the old Lovi back, I really miss him and his rude comments."
"Me too."
A/N - Heh... I love you? I'm so sorry, I just had to get something out, cause lord knows it's been too long. Just so you know, this story is going to get a lot more depressing before it gets all happy and fluffy. Just letting you know...