Sarah was motionless in his arms. For the longest time he just held her and cried, not noticing when she started breathing again. She lay in his arms, too weak to move or speak, but she could hear him crying over her. He sounded so far away. Did she die? She couldn't feel pain anymore. In fact, she couldn't feel anything at all. What was happening to her? She tried again to speak. She thought she managed to get some sort of sound out but she wasn't sure. She tried to open her eyes, but even that was a struggle.
Did he ... hear something? He held his breath for a moment, and stared at Sarah. She was ... breathing? "Sarah! Sarah, can you hear me?"
Sarah could hear him, but was still unable to speak. She decided to try and think hard, hoping he could somehow read her mind. 'Doctor,' she thought as hard as she could.
He was sure he'd heard her call his name. "Yes, Sarah, I hear you. It's all right." He tried to keep his voice even, reassuring, but he wasn't sure he succeeded. "Everything's going to be all right." He wasn't sure of anything.
'I'm too weak to talk or move,' she thought to him.
He realized she was thinking to him. "It's all right," he said. "Just ... just rest. It's all right." She was so weak. Was he still going to lose her? No, he wouldn't. He couldn't. He scooped her up in his arms and started toward the infirmary.
'Maybe if I just stay here in the Zero room, I'll absorb some of the TARDIS energy,' she thought trying to sound positive.
"I think you've absorbed quite enough energy already, thank you," he said, continuing down the hall. As he moved, he got stronger, and he picked up the pace until he arrived and placed her gently on the diagnostic bed.
'So you know what happened to me, then? What's wrong with me?' She tried not to sound too worried as she continued to try to blink, talk, to do just anything. 'Dear heavens, what if I end up like this for the rest of my life? What will happen to me? I thought it was bad enough when I was blinded on Karn. That was nothing compared to this. I can't even move or speak,' she thought as the seriousness of what had happened to her began to sink in.
"You're not ... you're not going to stay like this," he said.
'Sorry, I didn't mean for you to hear that last part. Don't mind me, you know what a baby I am about everything. I'm sure I'll be fine in no time at all,' she tried to sound as cheerful as possible. 'I'd still like to know what happened to me, though.'
"You've ..." How could he explain this to her? "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come back until after I was finished regenerating. I cut it too close, and you ... you were basically hit by a nuclear blast."
'Am I going to be all right?'
He forced a smile, glad she couldn't read his thoughts. "Of course you will." He looked at the readouts. That wasn't right. "Hm." He adjusted a few settings. "It looks as though you're ... you're basically in some sort of stasis." He pulled over a chair. "I ... er ... I'd originally come here to tell you something. I suppose I should go ahead and do that."
'Of course, you never come to visit without a reason, so what is it?' she thought, remembering to guard her feelings this time.
'Ouch,' he thought. "I ... I wanted to tell you that ... I wanted to tell you that I've always loved you and I'm sorry that I was so thick."
Sarah Jane stiffened mentally. She knew he just told her she was going to fine, but he wouldn't say something like that unless he was really worried about her. 'Am I that badly off?' she thought with fear.
"Um ... no," he lied. "But that's what I came here to tell you, and I thought you might ... want to hear it."
'You don't sound too happy about it and you only apologize when something's gone terribly wrong,' she thought. 'So if it's not me, though I suspect it is, what's the matter?'
He thought about that. "I've munged up this life pretty well," he said. "Done things... things I shouldn't have." And this is the worst of it, he thought. "And I was trying, at the end, to ... to make it right before I started over again. Some great job I did, eh?" He sighed.
Sarah Jane knew him far too well. She could always pick up what was really going on, the things that he didn't want to say. 'Forget about me for a moment. Just what do mean by at the end, and before you started again?'
"That explosion of energy ... I've regenerated. I'm so sorry, I'd been hit with 500,000 rads of radiation, and when I expelled it you took the brunt of it."
'Is that what this is? Radiation poisoning?' she tried not to let him hear her fear. 'Tell me the truth, am I dying?'
He didn't answer for a few moments. How could he say it out loud? Instead he held her, held her as though he would never let her go.
Suddenly, her body grew taut, then began to move uncontrollably. She could feel again but now she wished more than anything she couldn't. The pain was beyond her endurance. She begged to die. Tears rolled down her cheeks and all she could hear was him crying out to her and gurgling sounds coming from her lips. Then she collapsed and her body went limp.
The Doctor stared at her limp body, breathing heavy. For long seconds she'd been enveloped in a golden aura that burned him like a thousand suns; he could only imagine what she'd felt, then, at the end. Again he took her in his arms and held her, too spent even to cry over her. Instead he just held her and rocked gently back and forth.
He held her that way for what seemed like an eternity. He closed his eyes and tried to block out the reality of losing her. He was a Time Lord, but time had no meaning for him at that moment. Time had become his enemy. After a while her body seem to grow heavier in his arms. It didn't make sense; his arms didn't feel tired from holding her. Was he losing his mind? He forced himself to open his eyes and stare at her. She was still limp, but there seemed to be a glow in her cheeks, and her face looked calm and serene. He placed his hand on her forehead. She didn't feel cold. Was that part of the radiation's effect on her? As he stared, her body moved slightly. Rigor mortis is setting in he thought. He knew he would have to make some sort of plans for her. He'd have to say goodbye for the last time. His throat felt like it was swelling shut at the thought. He closed his eyes again. He didn't want to face that final goodbye, not just yet.
Sarah Jane's eyes fluttered and then she opened them and saw the Doctor. He looked miserable. She tried to touch him but she still couldn't move. She tried harder and managed to move her fingers. Finally, she was able to wrap her hand around his arm. She gasped softly with the effort.
He gasped much more loudly with shock. He'd seen rigor mortis before, many times. But you never get over that shock, he thought.
She tried to talk, but the effort was still too much for her. Could she still reach out for him with her thoughts? She closed her eyes and willed him to look at her. 'Doctor,' her mind called out to him.
He heard her. He knew he heard her. Was she haunting him? He looked at her, still in his arms. "Yes," he said, holding her closer. "Stay with me."
She drew on every ounce of strength she had. She ignored the pain and forced herself to close her hand around his arm once more. She opened her eyes and sought his.
He saw her eyes open. "Sarah ...?"
End of Chapter 2
Just what is happening to Sarah? If she does survive, how can a human body cope with being exposed to so much radiation?
Reviews joyfully accepted...