Chapter 2: The Toughest Choice

Edward POV

I was forcing myself to press the gas peddle, to speed away my love's home at 90 miles an hour. Every instinct screamed at me to race back to her and assure that I loved her, to smooth out that worried furrow in between her eyes. But I couldn't. For her own good, I had to leave her. She would be safe in Forks, so safe. The only reason that she wasn't now was because of me.

A monster. A lowlife selfish monster. That was exactly what I was. Allowing my own selfish desires to come before the safety of my Bella.

She didn't blame me of course. She brushed it off as if it was no big deal. No big deal? How could she think that, the evidence was right there. Marring her beautiful body were bruises. Not just the type someone would get my bumping your knee on the coffee table, but deep purple, painful splotches. Not only that but she had 3 cracked ribs. How could I have let this happen? I was supposed to be her protector, her vampire guardian angel. Yet she was hurt because of me. Again.

That magnificent, no no no, regretful night was constantly playing in my mind, over and over again. This was one time in my existence where I both treasured and loathed my vampire memory. It let me relive every moment, every touch and the words passed between us as lovers. But it was also the constant reminder of the things that pained my already dead heart; that I was no good for Bella, that in the end I would always hurt her.

After a weekend hunting with my brothers I didn't even bother to get my car from my house before returning to Bella. I ran to her as fast I my legs would carry me. As I reached her home her scent hit me like a wrecking ball, knocking me breathless, despite me not needing to breath. But it was that same irresistible fragrance that came off of her skin that signified the one person that had changed my world. The being that gave me light and warmth in my damned existence. My entire mood lifted knowing that I would be seeing her in just a moment.

I climbed the side of her home in less that a second and gazed in at her through her window. Bella was just sitting on her bed reading a Jane Austin book, wearing a pair of soft grey sweats and a simple t-shirt. But in my opinion she looked like most beautiful, sexy woman that has ever graced this earth. Her mahogany hair cascaded down her back in silky waves. The deep blue of her shirt perfectly off-setting her porcelain skin while her pants hung dangerously low on the soft curves of her hips.

Pure desire for her washed through me, her scent just enhancing the feeling.

Her whole face lit up as I climbed through her always unlocked window. Human vicinity just wasn't fast enough for me. I needed to have her lips on mine.

There really was no way to describe to anyone how kissing Bella was: warm, soft, loving, passionate, tempting. None of those adjectives even came close.

"I missed you." I murmured against her skin as I moved to the sensitive skin of her neck. Her sigh blew warm air onto my hair and her arms moved to pull me closer. I took a deep breath.

Ahhh. Her blood made my throat light on fire. Not just the pain of thirst but a deep smoldering lust. My self-control needed to be close to perfect in this particular area, but no matter how hard I fought, it was noticeably weakening.

I was barely able to notice with her so close but I realized that Charlie wasn't here. Both his scent and his snores form the room next door were absent.

"Where's Charlie?"

"He got called out to Seattle to help train some new police men; going over traffic laws and basic things. He won't be back until late tomorrow."

This news made me mush more excited than it should have. I had Bella with me, in an empty house, free from an over protective father and a family of super hearing vampires. May as well take advantage of it, I thought.

I gave her a wicked smile and though she protested I began to tickle her. Moving my fingers where knew she was most sensitive. I smiled as I listened to her musical laughter. She had lain down on her bed and I swung my leg over her, straddling her lap.

She began to beg me to stop. She was practically gasping for breath now. I placed my hands on the bed on either side of her head, leaning over and gazing into the chocolate depths of her eyes. They widened slightly as she looked at how I was positioned over her.

My need for her, not her blood but her, was growing by the second. To be with her without boundaries or worries. What if we tried? My fantasies began: pulling off her shirt, marveling in the creaminess of her skin, letting my fingers run down her body, over her breasts, trailing my hands to the waistband of her sweats…

No! Stop it Edward. You'll hurt her. You have to be cautious not to break her spine when you just give her a hug! You won't ever be able to have her like that.

The very thought of abstaining from Bella her whole life was practically torture in the state of mind that I was in.

And why can't I? My less noble side argued. I'd be careful, monitor my every move. When it comes to Bella, my family says that my self control can rival Carlisle's.

But what if you slip? What happens when you're caught up in the moment of passion? It would be so easy to bruise her, or break a bone, or bite her.

That won't happen. Think of everything we've faced together. I love her too much for any thing like that to happen. I will stay in control. My mind was made up by then.

It was times like this when I was glad I was a vampire. If I hadn't memorized the road then I would surely drive into a tree or something. My mind was far away, it was back with Bella on that night.

I shook my head trying to banish the memories. It was useless. The memories and thoughts of that night continued to flood my mind. Our intimacy had been sweet and awkward at first but so filled with love that neither of us cared in the slightest. But I continued to hold her tighter, gripping her closer to me. Pressed fully against her but wanting to be closer still. Moving and experimenting and loving together. I was the best night of my existence.

I couldn't believe it. It seemed that everything in the world was perfect. Nothing could ruin the high that I was riding.

The ecstasy of that night ended exactly 48 seconds after we had stopped and she had fallen asleep in my arm. I gazed adoringly down at her and gapped in shock. Large bruises were already coving her practically everywhere I could see. She was laying on top of me chest down, so I had a clear view to the prominent hand prints that were spread around her back. Gingerly, I laid my hand over one of them. A perfect match.

Although she slept with a tiny smile on her lips, her breathing seemed fractionally more labored. My medical degrees kicked in as I felt the sides of her torso.

My eyes were wide with horror and my conscience weighed down with guilt. I could feel that I had either broken or cracked several of her ribs.

She couldn't keep living like this, constantly in danger because of me. I wouldn't let her. I would leave her and let her be safe and live a normal life.

Even if it killed me.